Gods and Frogs, Oh My!

by Crymsyn Hart

  “Right. Sorry I was thinking.” Kalliope took a few steps forward with her eye on the guards. She kept her mind focused on the archway in front of her. The energy of the circle gathered around her. She still held the orange and lobbed it through the doorway. She kept her fingers crossed mentally that it would not hit the fence on the other side. She sighed when it disappeared. In the blink of an eye, something orange landed at her feet.

  “What is that?” Theresa asked. She tried to see what it was over her stomach.

  “Hey! You there! Come out of there at once!” The park rangers had the gate open. They had to hurry.

  Kalliope scooped up the thing at her feet, quickly noting it was a penis shaped orange. Morgaine had gotten the message. The guards were coming into Stonehenge. She grabbed Theresa’s hand.

  “Come on.” She dragged her friend behind her. Morgaine was waiting on the other side. The guards were on the other side of the arch. Kalliope smiled at them. Her foot crossed over the space. Theresa was right behind her. She was inches from the park ranger’s nose. The ranger tried to step out of the way so they could not run him over, but Kalliope and Theresa ran through the doorway and disappeared.

  She stopped short, nearly losing her footing when her friend’s belly almost pushed her over. They had ended up in Avalon, but not where Kalliope figured. She wasn’t in Morgaine’s house. They were on the tor, where the other priestess did their circles. When she looked outside the circle, she was amazed at the sight. The priestesses were dressed in battle garb and all carried swords. Morgaine had hers raised. Kalliope noted it was not Excalibur. All the priestess had blue crescents tattooed on their foreheads. Leather armor and short skirts adorned the women. The sorceress seemed taller than normal.

  She wore a short leather skirt, leather corset, and her hair was woven back in braids. It reminded her of an Amazon movie or that Warrior Princess television show.

  “Whoa. Ease down. Morgaine, it’s me.” Kalliope called from the middle of the circle.

  The energy of it surrounded them, keeping them locked in. The warrior priestesses stood on the edge, waiting to make their move.

  “How do I know that?” Morgaine asked. She didn’t loosen her grip on the sword.

  Something had definitely happened to make the sorceress go to arms. Kalliope didn’t realize the other women on Avalon knew how to fight. She assumed all they did was study magick. She learned something new every day. How come Morgaine wasn’t letting her onto the island? There was a reason she had closed off the doorway from her apartment.

  “Morgaine, how else did I know about the oranges? You think the orange appeared out of nowhere?”

  “The other one knew that to!” The sorceress gritted her teeth.

  Kalliope’s brow furrowed. Someone must have impersonated her. Oh god, what happened? “Morgaine, where’s Flidais?” Kaliope asked. Her heart sped up. Theresa might have been safe, but her other friends were not. It must have been one of the Furies.

  Theresa threw down her bags and strolled over to the armed sorceress. Kalliope tried to grab her, but she didn’t dare move in case something was wrong. She couldn’t move out of the circle because it kept in magickal beings. Her best friend stood nose to nose with the sorceress. She reached up, touched her fingers to the top of the sword, and moved it out of the way. The tip sliced her flesh and a drop of blood trolled down the blade. The two of them stared one another down. She figured Theresa had finally come to her wits end and was not about to take any shit from anyone. You go girl!

  “Morgaine, I like you. I have since the first time you came into my shop in disguise. I liked you when you blew up all of Kalliope’s candles and scared the piss out of me. I even dealt with the fact you lived in an alternate dimension on a mythical island. I’ve invited you into my home, had you eat my food, and told you some of my most sacred recipes that outside our little group here, no one knows. Now, I’m seriously tired. I found out my husband is gay and fucking another man in my bed. I had snake haired goddesses try to steal my babies. I’ve had a really bad day. And if I don’t pee sometime soon, I’m going to cook the head of the first person I see. I don’t care how old, powerful, or what kind of creature they are. Got it?”

  She pushed past the sorceress and the other priestess marching toward the stone houses. The women said nothing, but watched her go and then turned their attention back to Kalliope and Humphrey. Morgaine looked at Theresa with a mixture of disbelief and shock.

  “Don’t look at me. I’m not the one who’s pregnant.” She walked to the barrier of the circle and touched it with one finger. A large arch moved between her and the circle. She put her finger in her mouth to suck on the wound. “Look, Morgaine. I don’t know what happened here. I went to your apartment and found it looking like a biker gang trashed it. I tried all the doors to get here and nothing. So I went to Stonehenge and almost got hauled out by a couple of park rangers who are probably wondering how we disappeared into thin air under their noses, literary. I’ll probably make their local tabloids. The headline will probably read ‘Aliens appear in Stonehenge: The Exclusive Encounter’ or something. Let me in, please?”

  The sorceress was unwavering. “Prove you’re really my friend, new witch of the realm, and lover of Lugh. Where is the stone he gave you?”

  Kalliope’s heart sank at the thought of Lugh. Now was not the time for her to get all mushy and start crying again. Her friend was getting on her nerves now. “Last time I saw you. I walked in on you having sex in some sultry paradise and I knocked Excalibur into the stones of your hearth. You can’t teach me anything about astrology because my brain doesn’t understand it, and your cat has an uptight British accent. Do you want me to continue?”

  The sorceress eased back and waved her hand. Kalliope let out a breath she did not know she was holding. All the other priestess relaxed too. Then the sorceress cracked a large smile and sheathed her sword.

  “No, you’re good. I believed you when Theresa walked out of the circle. She wouldn’t be with you unless you were the real thing. I just wanted to see you blush.”

  “Great, just great! Scare me half to death. What’s with the get up anyway? I didn’t know the girls were Amazons in disguise. Are you hiding Xena anywhere?”

  Kalliope walked out of the circle. The other priestesses went back to their duties. While she watched the women disperse, it seemed there were less than normal. She took in the surroundings. Little things were off about Avalon. One of the worn stones was scorched and another toppled. There was a burnt patch of grass ahead of them. Morgaine seemed tired and more aged. The sorceress had once told her, since she had come to Avalon, the aging process had reversed for her. Now that did not seem the case. The blue crescent on her forehead was new. When they got closer to the buildings, Kalliope saw several of the famed apple trees were split in half. Some were missing limbs. Others were gone completely. The cairn stones where King Arthur was buried had been disturbed. Something terrible had happened here.

  When they stepped inside Morgaine’s dwelling, they were transported to another place. Kalliope could tell by the change in air pressure. Her ears popped whenever she traveled between dimensions. The two women walked into a spacious living room with a couch that could have fit in her whole apartment. It was made of soft suede. Morgaine was back in a T-shirt and jeans and so was she. The sorceress waved her hand. A large, glass coffee table appeared. On it were two steaming mugs of coffee and a several ancient scrolls. Kalliope took the cup of coffee and watched a fire suddenly ignite in the fireplace to her left. When the flames shot out, a sword materialized in the marble hearth. It glowed blue and then went dull. Excalibur. It was still stuck in the stone.

  “Flidais was taken.”

  “The Furies got to her? How?”

  “It wasn’t the Furies. Kalliope—” The sorceress took a sip of her coffee and stared at the dancing flames. She watched Morgaine’s face while she wrestled with the idea of telling her something. Kalliope wished she had figured out how
to read other people’s minds. It would be a whole lot easier to get inside of Morgaine’s head, if she would ever let her. It didn’t bother her anymore. Kalliope wished that she had figured out how to access part of her power. She was learning how to block her own thoughts, but it took a lot of concentration. Morgaine had told her once she got the hang of it, it would become second nature. She was not there yet. She needed to learn more control and with her scattered life, that was hard.

  “Morgaine, what is it?”

  “We were attacked. It wasn’t me or the girls he wanted. It was Excalibur. The sword is a powerful weapon. In the wrong hands, it could sway the balance of the astral realm. The sword can slay kings and gods.”

  The color bleached from her face. Morgaine had once told her the sword was a mystery unto itself. History knew it had played a big role with Arthur and setting Camelot into the tales of legends, but she did not know the true power of it.

  “I was surprised to see him without you. He talked about old times and tried to get me into bed with him. I didn’t because I knew how much you love him. Then he said he needed to borrow Excalibur. He was going to go after the Furies by himself. He said he didn’t want you to get hur—”

  Kalliope was confused. “Why are you saying he? Who he? Don’t you mean that the Furies came here?”

  The sorceress shook her head. She saw tears in her friend’s eyes and the pained expression on her face. “No. It would’ve been easier if it were the bitch gang. I’d have seen them coming. Honey, it was Lugh. I’ve never seen him like he was.”

  A bolt of shock went through Kalliope. Why would Lugh demand Excalibur? He had told her he could not help her with the Furies. From their latest encounter he wanted nothing more to do with her.

  “Morgaine, don’t feel bad about Lugh coming onto you. He and I are over. I threw away his love and—” She stopped her own tears. Humphrey snuggled into her. She patted the frog.

  “What happened?” Morgaine asked.

  “It’s not important. Please continue.”

  Morgaine took a sip of her coffee. “He asked me about Excalibur because it wouldn’t come to him as it did when he fought Cromm. The sword likes Lugh. I wasn’t surprised when he said that he couldn’t summon it. I told him it was on Avalon because you had knocked it off its perch and it was stuck in the hearth. There was no way I was pulling it from the stone. It has a mind of its own as to who it will work with. So, he wanted to come to Avalon. When we got there, he tried to touch Excalibur, but the sword freaked out. A purple flame engulfed it, so he couldn’t even touch it. I thought that was odd because of their history. Then he went ballistic. He ran outside and started going insane. He went after the girls. His power went supernova. I don’t know. He destroyed some of the apple trees. When the girls got wind of it, I told them to suit up. The blade you saw me with is enchanted and can wound a god. It won’t kill, but it can hurt them. The girls came after him and I lost some of them. I told them this was a safe place. Lugh went to Arthur’s grave and accused me of hiding the real sword. I told him no. Once he dislodged a few stones, he just stopped. In a blaze he was gone. But it wasn’t over. For a precaution, I cast an illusion of my place in the stone circle to trap anyone that was magickal or did not know the way out of the circle. I felt someone in my place. I popped back in there to see that it was trashed. I was in the bathroom and saw the Haleys. I assumed they were looking for the sword too. They saw me, but I got them out and drove them here. I had to close the doorways in my apartment. I came back here through Stonehenge. When I got back here, the girls said that you were waiting for me. At least you were safe. I came in here and you were asking me about the sword, which was weird because you’ve never really paid it any mind.

  “I dropped the illusion trapping you in there. You just didn’t feel right. When the illusion dropped, it was Lugh pretending to be you. Kalliope, I don’t know what happened to him, but something did. It doesn’t feel right. He went supernova again. Once I was outside the circle he couldn’t get out. I hate to say it, but I think that the Furies got to him. They can control other gods if they get the chance. There is some small part of him that is mortal whether he lets himself believe that. His father was human, but when he came here Dagda proclaimed him his heir and he was elevated. I don’t know all of it except he is not the man that you fell in love with. Flidais tried to reason with him, but he kidnapped her. He said that he would do an exchange. Her for Excalibur. He can’t give the sword to the Haleys. They would destroy the world with it.”

  Kalliope hardly believed her ears. There was no way that Lugh would willingly go all evil and turn against everything that he believed in and hurt his friends. When he had appeared in her apartment for the first time, he had told her that anyone that hurt a woman deserved to have their innards eaten by ravens. And when Cromm laid hands on her he became her champion. That was what had driven him on, seeing her hurt. He would no more turn on his loved ones than she would turn evil. There was just no way. Something had him under a spell. It just wasn’t right. She knew it. For now, she had to keep plodding forward and think about how she was going to save the world.

  “Morgaine, I don’t know what to tell you except that Lugh and I—well he made it perfectly clear that he did not love me anymore. I thought—well it doesn’t really matter what I thought, but maybe what he said to me and what happened with you is that he is bewitched. It’s the only explanation. Maybe the Furies got a hold of him. I can understand why you were leery to let me into Avalon, but I swear it’s me. Let’s try and make sense of all of this.

  “The Haleys showed up at my house. That was the reason I brought Theresa here. They tried to take her and wanted her babies. I think it was a ruse. It had to be to get my attention away from you or something. I don’t know. I don’t get it. Nas said she overheard Del talking to another god. They wanted to take over the astral plane. She wants Dagda’s throne. The only reason I was called in to get the Haleys was because they’re blackmailing Dagda because he has some secret coffee cache or something. Del said that they wanted me out of the way. Why do they want Excalibur?”

  “Because it can kill gods. Think about it, Kalliope. They don’t just want to take over Dagda’s throne. They want all realms.”

  “They want to go after All Hail. What would that mean in the scheme of things? Has there ever been a god rebellion? Would humans stop being devout?”

  Morgaine shook her head. “I don’t know. All the stories, all the mythologies are true to a point. There have been overthrows in the past, but I don’t know what it would mean to the world today. Hardly anyone believes in the other gods anymore. I don’t know if it would become history or rework humanities’ memories. All I know is Lugh cannot get his hands on this sword. If he does go after All Hail then there will be chaos. You have to stop him, even if it—” the sorceress trailed off.

  Kalliope stared at the sword and then back at her. A sense of dread descended on her. She already knew what her friend would say. But she had to hear it. “Even if it what?”

  Her friend got up and paced around the room. She went to the hearth and put her hand on the hilt of the sword. She tried to pull, but it was not budging. “You have to kill him. One plunge of the sword will do the trick.” Morgaine looked at Kalliope. Her face twisted at the explanation of what she had to do.

  She looked at the sword. The blade began to glow with a soft white light. Kalliope felt a tugging deep inside of her. She tried to ignore it, but the harder she ignored it, the more persistent it became. Kalliope got up from the couch and grasped the handle. The white was so intense it blinded her. A zap ran through her and a strong gust of energy blew her hair back. She pulled on Excalibur. It moved from the marble. When she lifted the sword, it felt light as air.

  “Me thinks you have pulled the sword from the stone.”

  “Shut up.” Kalliope said, gazing at her reflection in the sword. She studied the blade. There were runes etched into the metal. “What do these mean?”

 
The other woman looked at the blade. “Those weren’t there before. Damn sword has a mind of its own. I swear. Not even when Arthur pulled it from the stone did it have writing on it. It says ‘She who pulls the sword from the stone can have the world at her feet, or change the course of the realm. Choose wisely.’”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It’s telling you when the time comes you have a big decision to make. You’re going to have to use Excalibur to kill Lugh. I know you don’t want to think that, but you to have to face the facts. He can’t get the sword. It doesn’t matter how much you care for him.”

  “Morgaine, I know. Thanks for reminding me. Tell me this. If this sword can kill a god, then why didn’t Lugh use it to kill Cromm? Why use it now?”

  “Lugh, didn’t want to kill Cromm then. He could if he had wanted to. Excalibur is a magickal mystery even I don’t know much about. Look at your reflection to see what I’m talking about.” Morgaine waved her hand and a full-length glass appeared.

  Kalliope gasped. The sword had transformed her. Her hair was no longer red, but black. She no longer had freckles smattered on her nose. Her skin was pale and translucent. Her eyes were almost black and ringed with gold. An upturned blue crescent moon tattoo adorned the center of her forehead now. She wasn’t wearing jeans anymore either. She wore a dark red leather corset that fit snuggly to her body, but she could breathe fine in it. Her snake bracelets Morgaine had given her were on her arms. She bore the silver pentacle Flidais has given her around her neck, but it was embedded into a leather collar. On her finger was a silver and gold braided ring. A red leather skirt allowed her to move if she needed and she had dark brown, leather boots. The sword’s scabbard hung from her belt. It was decorated in runes the same as on the sword. Kalliope sheathed the sword, wondering if her appearance would go back to normal. It didn’t. She went to sit down, but the sword poked her in the ribs. This is so not going to work out.