The Single Dad’s New-Year Bride

by Amy Andrews

  Callum felt his hackles rise. ‘Well, that’s very magnanimous of him.’

  He’d tried to cut Paul some slack. He knew intimately how upside down and inside out things could become. But making Hailey feel bad about something that hadn’t been her fault was wrong. Letting her continue to beat herself up about it was worse. Making a big deal of absolving her for it was just plain screwed up.

  ‘Hey. His son died, Callum,’ she said sharply. ‘Eric died.’

  Callum rose and leaned over the desk. ‘Yes, he did. And that wasn’t your fault.’

  ‘I was employed to care for him.’ She glared at him.

  ‘Oh, God.’ He shook his head and sat down again. ‘You do still blame yourself for this.’

  The crazy thing was that she didn’t, not any more. Or at least she hadn’t. But seeing Paul again, reliving all those memories, hearing him talk about forgiveness and absolution, she’d been sucked back into the doubt and insecurities of that time.

  ‘You think going back to England with him, being with him, will absolve you? You want to be part of a couple where you’re going to be apportioned the role of blame? Where your place in the relationship rests on your guilt and his sick way of punishing you?’

  Hailey shut her eyes and wished she could shut her ears to his criticism. ‘Eric was six, Callum. Tom’s age.’

  ‘And he contracted meningitis and he died. And it was rapid and virulent and it sucked. It wasn’t fair. It was just some random, screwed-up, life’s-a-bitch occurrence. Like my wife dying. Like Tom getting leukaemia. Like today, with Sarah. How quickly did her sepsis develop?’

  Hailey blinked, her brain sluggishly searching back for the information. ‘She deteriorated over about fifteen minutes.’

  ‘Right. So from sick but stable to crashing in a heap in a quarter of an hour. Why’s that, do you think?’ he fired at her.

  ‘She compensated until she couldn’t any more.’

  ‘Right.’ He nodded with a satisfied bob of his head. ‘Compensation—kids do it really well. I bet Eric’s body did it really well too. Just like Sarah.’

  ‘But we got to Sarah in time, didn’t we?’

  ‘Sarah was already in hospital. Eric wasn’t. He had a very aggressive form of meningitis, Hailey. No one could have saved him.’

  ‘If I’d got him to hospital sooner…’

  ‘No, Hailey. No. There’s absolutely nothing to forgive and no blame to apportion. It wasn’t your fault and I’ll be damned if I’ll let him dump this on you.’

  Hailey felt tears prick her eyes at Callum’s vehement defence of her. She shrugged. ‘He was grieving.’

  ‘And what about you, Hailey? Didn’t you love Eric too? You sure looked like you did in that photograph.’

  She blinked her tears away. ‘He was Eric’s father, Callum. I think that’s a little different.’

  ‘So because you weren’t a blood relation, because you didn’t give birth to him, your feelings didn’t matter? Didn’t you need his reassurance, his support?’

  ‘His son had just died. I guess he wasn’t thinking about anyone else,’ she said wearily.

  ‘Doesn’t look like much has changed.’

  ‘Callum,’ she said reproachfully.

  ‘He’s not a priest, Hailey. And you didn’t commit any sins. He can’t give you the absolution you seek. No one but you can do that.’

  Hailey rubbed her temples. Callum was being less than tolerant of Paul. Surely he of all people should understand? ‘Is it so wrong to want to live the rest of my life knowing he doesn’t blame me?’

  ‘No, it’s just human. But until you stop blaming yourself, is it going to matter what he or anybody else thinks?’

  ‘He says he loves me.’

  Callum rubbed his hand over his head, this conversation too, too much for him to comprehend. ‘He’s got a funny way of showing it.’

  ‘Callum.’

  ‘What? First he drops you like a hot cake when his ex-wife came back on the scene and then it took him over a year to figure things out?’

  She ignored his barb about the ex. ‘I think he’s had a bit on his plate,’ she said derisively.

  ‘What happens when his ex comes back again?’

  Hailey felt suddenly chilled, thinking about the disruption Donna had caused the first time around. She brushed her hands up and down her arms. ‘Donna’s remarried,’ she said quietly.

  He noticed the stiltedness of her voice and realised this tack wasn’t getting him anywhere. He sighed. ‘Do you love him?’ She opened her mouth to answer but he was so afraid she’d say yes he continued, qualifying his question further. ‘I mean, truly love him, not out of some sense of guilt or blame or some warped way of apologising for imagined wrongs.’

  Callum braced himself for her answer. Had she been holding a candle for Paul the whole time they’d been attracted to each other? What if her guilt led her to make the ultimate sacrifice?

  Well, damn it all, he was used to fighting, wasn’t he? He’d fought for Annie and for Tom and if she thought he’d stand aside and let her go to Paul out of some weird sense of duty, that he wouldn’t fight like hell for her, she was wrong. He had already lost one woman he loved, he wasn’t going to sit back and lose another.

  She looked at him. ‘I don’t think I know what love is any more.’

  ‘Yeah? Well, I know what its not. It’s not reproachful or condescending or unforgiving. It doesn’t hold to ransom or indulge in subtle bribery. It doesn’t punish and it’s certainly not aloof.’

  Hailey’s heart thudded in her chest and pounded in her ears. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her. ‘You seem to know an awful lot about it.’

  ‘Of course I do, Hailey. I’m looking at it. I’m in love with you.’ He stood, waiting for her to say something. She stared at him for what seemed an age and he shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘I realised the other night, after we’d made love. But I think I knew even before that. Do you remember taking Tom’s hand at the ball? Protecting him from my wrath?’

  Hailey smiled and nodded, remembering the night Tom had scared the life out of her, drawn to her stockings like a moth to a flame.

  ‘Then. That was the moment.’

  ‘Oh, Callum…’

  ‘No, it’s OK. You don’t have to say anything. I know you’re dealing with a lot at the moment and I don’t want some knee-jerk reaction in either direction. But I needed you to know. Wanted you to know.’

  Hailey hadn’t expected this. She knew there was an attraction between them that she’d never experienced in her life before. Not with any of a string of pretty boys pre-London and certainly not with Paul. But love? She hadn’t expected that. She stood. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  Callum felt a crushing sense of loss and disappointment. ‘I love you too’ is customary. ‘I think if you don’t know the answer then that’s pretty telling.’

  ‘No, Callum,’ she said hastily. ‘This is a lot to take in with everything else…My head is spinning.’

  He nodded, jamming his hands further into his pockets. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her. Hold her tight until the frown line between her brows vanished and the confusion in her eyes disappeared. ‘You should go.’

  She took a step towards him. ‘Callum—’

  He held up his hand. ‘It’s OK, Hailey. I’m a big boy and you have a lot to think about.’

  Hailey nodded absently, and searched in her bag for her keys locating them after a few moments. ‘Say hi to Tom for me.’

  ‘I will.’

  Callum watched her leave. He sat as the door shut after her. He placed his head on the desk.

  That went well.

  And think she did. All the way to her apartment, mulling over the things Callum had said. About being a slave to her guilt, being chained by it, unable to move forward. And about his stunning confession.

  He loved her? It seemed crazy but she believed him. She’d seen the sincerity oozing from him. He loved her. Since the moment she’d taken T
om’s hand.

  Paul was waiting for her at the door when she arrived home. ‘I missed you today.’

  She looked into his face, searching his gaze. She hadn’t missed him. She’d thought about Callum and been absorbed in her work and, yes, she’d thought about Paul and him wanting her to go back to the UK. But she hadn’t missed him. Not like she’d missed Callum this past two days. There’d been none of the anticipation inside her as she’d driven home to Paul that had been there that morning going to work, knowing she would be seeing Callum.

  She smiled at Paul, averting her face so his lips landed somewhere near her ear.

  ‘Everything OK?’ Paul frowned.

  ‘Sure,’ she dismissed. She headed towards the kitchen, turning back to ask, ‘When did you realise you loved me?’

  She watched the puzzled look on Paul’s face. Eric had looked at her like that when she’d asked him to do something and he had been trying to fathom why.

  ‘A few weeks ago.’ He shrugged. ‘The counsellor I was telling you about, she was urging me to look around my life, to evaluate it, and it’s been so…empty. And we used to have such good times, do you remember, you, me and Eric? And I want that back. I want to laugh again. We always laughed when we were with you.’

  Hailey nodded her head slowly. They had laughed a lot. With Eric. In fact, all their happy memories were bundled up with Eric. But looking at Paul now, standing before her, it was obvious that Eric had been their glue. Had she stayed and they’d somehow managed to weather the storm of grief, they would have had nothing keeping them together. ‘Yes, we did. We laughed a lot. But that’s not love, Paul.’

  ‘We did love each other. Before Donna came back and complicated things. Before Eric…before he…’

  ‘Before Eric died. He died, Paul. You can’t even say the word.’

  ‘It’s hard, damn it!’ Paul yelled.

  Hailey’s nerves jumped at the reprimand in his voice. She swallowed a lump and felt tears come to her eyes. ‘It wasn’t my fault.’ She looked straight at him.

  ‘Please, Hailey, you don’t have to worry about that any more. I’ve moved on. It happened and I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it any longer.’

  She’d been waiting for him to agree. To say, yes, he knew it wasn’t her fault. But suddenly she realised she was never going to hear it. Callum had been right. She’d let him blame her. Subconsciously allowed him to heap guilt on her. Eric’s death had been sudden and tragic. But just as with Sarah’s rapid deterioration, it hadn’t been her fault.

  ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she repeated. ‘And I’m not going to beat myself up about it any more.’

  ‘Good.’

  She looked at him for a long moment. They’d shared something special for a while that may have grown into something lasting had a hand grenade not been thrown into their happy suburban existence. But all she felt for him now was a residual sense of loss. She couldn’t give him what he needed and he certainly couldn’t give her what she needed. Unconditional love.

  ‘Sit down, Paul, we need to talk.’

  Tom and his grandparents were waiting for him when Callum got home from work and he was grateful for the distraction. Tom’s chatter filled up all the aching places in his heart and it felt so good to hold his squirming little body on his lap again.

  Callum was relieved, though, when Tom went to bed a couple of hours later without complaint. Tom had been so wound up that Callum had been prepared for him to bounce off the walls until late in the evening, but days of sun and surf had obviously worn him out. He tucked Tom in, brushing the hair off his son’s face as he dropped a kiss on his forehead.

  ‘Daddy, when can I see Hailey?’

  Callum stilled. Where had that come from? He wished he could say tomorrow. Or, better still, tell Tom to go in and say goodnight to Hailey right now. But he didn’t want to promise Tom anything he couldn’t deliver. Which was one of the reasons he shouldn’t have let himself or his son get too close in the first place. If Hailey rejected his love, took off to England with Paul, he wouldn’t be the only one who suffered.

  ‘I’m not sure, Tom.’ He smiled. ‘I think maybe Hailey needs some time to herself and we need to—’

  A pounding at the front door interrupted his careful speech. He looked at his watch. ‘Who could that be?’ he asked Tom.

  ‘Can I go?’ Tom pleaded. Callum looked down into his beseeching gaze. ‘OK, but then it’s straight to bed,’ he agreed, swinging his son up into his arms.

  Hailey banged for a second time on Callum’s front door. Her heart pounded and her hands shook and she was so nervous she wanted to throw up. But there’d been no thought of putting this off. Waiting till the morning.

  Callum was balancing Tom on his shoulders when he opened the door to her. ‘Hailey,’ Tom shouted enthusiastically, bouncing up and down on his father’s shoulders.

  To say Callum was stunned to see her was an understatement. He hadn’t expected to see or hear from her so soon. She looked awful. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her nose was red, her face was blotchy and she was still in her uniform. ‘Hell, are you OK?’ he asked as he wrestled Tom off his shoulders.

  ‘Why are you crying, Hailey?’ Tom asked.

  ‘Oh, dear, sorry, it’s nothing,’ Hailey dismissed, sniffling. She must look a state. She’d cried on and off for the last couple of hours. Her talk with Paul had been heart-wrenching and they’d both shed tears. Closing that chapter of her life had been hard, turning her back on Paul when he needed her very difficult. But she couldn’t be his emotional scapegoat any longer. And he needed to start his life afresh.

  All three of them stood in the doorway, staring at each other. Callum felt a slow rise of dread. She was on his doorstep and had obviously been crying. Was she leaving with Paul? Was that what she’d come to tell him?

  ‘Do you think I could come in?’ she asked after a few moments.

  ‘Oh, of course, yes, I’m sorry, come in,’ Callum said, standing aside. ‘I was just about to put Tom to bed.’

  ‘Yay! Hailey can read me a story!’ Tom jumped up and down excitedly.

  ‘Oh, no, Tom, I don’t think Hailey—’

  ‘Nonsense,’ Hailey interrupted, grinning down at Tom. ‘I’d love to. Lead the way, young man.’ She held out her hand and let Tom tug her along to his room.

  Callum hovered outside the door as Hailey read two books to Tom. He paced a lot as well. What was she doing here? Surely if it had been as the bearer of bad news she wouldn’t be wasting time reading to Tom?

  ‘Da-a-ady-y-y.’

  That was his cue. He walked into Tom’s room and felt his heart flip in his chest at the sight before him. Hailey on her back, her arm around Tom, her shoes off. Tom was snuggled into her side, his faithful torch pressed to her chest. This was what he wanted. For him and for Tom. Every night.

  He grinned at his son. ‘You yelled?’

  ‘You didn’t kiss me goodnight,’ Tom said.

  ‘Ah, very remiss of me.’

  He leaned down, excruciatingly conscious of the fact his body had to lean over Hailey’s to get to Tom’s. He could smell her, see her lips in his peripheral vision.

  Tom puckered up and Callum laughed as he pressed a brief kiss to Tom’s exaggerated lips and then one on his forehead. Tom threw his arms enthusiastically around his father’s neck and pulled him down for a great big squeeze, bringing Callum’s chest into intimate contact with Hailey’s. Callum held his breath, waiting for her to push him away or shrink from his touch.

  Hailey shut her eyes as Callum’s aftershave enveloped her. She didn’t even feel the press of the hard torch into her rib cage so caught up was she in the divine smell of Callum’s skin.

  Tom released his father and Callum moved away. Hailey didn’t want him to pull back. She wanted him to stay close. It had been so intimate and further cemented the feeling that this was where she belonged. ‘What about me?’

  Callum paused. ‘I’m sorry?’

  ‘Don’t I get a k
iss?’

  ‘Yeah, Daddy, Hailey wants one too.’

  Callum’s heart pounded. ‘Ah…sure?’

  Hailey smiled at the confusion in his gaze and nodded at him. His face moved closer to hers and she shut her eyes as his lips descended. And landed on her forehead. She opened them again to protest as he was moving back. ‘Hey, how come I only get one?’

  ‘Hailey…’ It really wasn’t fair for her to tease like this if she was going off to the other side of the world. Unless…

  ‘On the mouth, like Tom,’ she said, looking at him innocently and puckering up.

  ‘Hailey.’

  She heard the strangled warning note in his voice and blinked up at him with mock coyness. She also heard his sigh but didn’t dare shut her eyes this time. When his lips touched hers she softened hers and held on tight around his neck so he couldn’t drop a quick peck, like he had with Tom.

  Callum jerked back, his chest heaving, his eyes trying to read the message in hers. They didn’t look like eyes that had bad news to impart. He backed away and grabbed Hailey by the arm, pulling her upright. ‘Say goodnight to Hailey, Tom. We have to go talk now.’

  Hailey kissed Tom on the forehead, conscious of Callum’s hand in hers tugging at her gently, ‘Goodnight, Tom. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.’

  ‘Or get in my ears.’ He giggled.

  ‘Especially that.’ She laughed back, ruffling his hair.

  Hailey had walked two paces out of the room when Callum jerked her into his arms and kissed her full on the mouth. She groaned against his lips, snaking her arms up around his neck and rubbing her hands over his velvety hair.

  ‘Please, tell me this is what I think it is and not your warped way of saying goodbye,’ he gasped, pulling away.

  She smiled and nodded at him, her finger flattening the frown crinkling his forehead. ‘I love you, Callum. I’m so sorry it took me a while to get it.’

  Callum laughed, not quite believing what was happening. ‘Well, it was definitely worth the wait.’ He swooped his head down to kiss her again.

  ‘No, wait.’ She laughed, pressing her fingers to his mouth. ‘I think we need to talk a little first.’