His hands stilled on her zipper as his eyes rose to meet hers. “Don’t you want to have kids with your husband?”
“I’d need a husband.”
“Yeah.”
A ball of dread growing in her gut, Kenzie propped herself up on her elbows. “You said you were ready for a wife and kids.”
He blinked before his eyes filled with guilt. “I can’t give you that, Kenzie. It wouldn’t be right.”
“So, you’ll just take my body with no regard whatsoever for my heart?” She’d turned away other men because she couldn’t give them her heart, but she wasn’t about to give it to a man who didn’t want it either.
Kenzie slid out from under him and shoved him back as she stood from the bed. “Sorry, cowboy, but you can’t have one without the other.”
Chance let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair as he sat back on the bed. “You’re young, Kenzie, and you’re beautiful and smart. You can have any man you want.”
“I want you.” She folded her arms to ward off the cold shiver creeping along her body. “I’ve always wanted you.”
“You don’t know me. You think you do, but you don’t. Not the real me.”
“Then show me you.”
He looked away, swallowed hard. “I can’t.”
“You disappoint me, Chance.” With her heart in her throat, Kenzie crossed the room to the door and paused just inside it to turn around. “I’ve always wanted you, Chance, but I didn’t sit around here for ten years waiting on you. I’ve dated and their have been offers. I’m twenty-eight years old and these are my best child-bearing years. If you let me walk out of here tonight, I’m not waiting for you to get over your issues. I’m going for what I want.” She couldn’t do this any longer. She couldn’t pass up opportunities for a family of her own due to waiting for a man who would never change.
Chance lowered his head into his hands and said nothing.
Kenzie took a deep breath to keep the sobbing at bay, but couldn’t stop the traitorous tears that spilled from her eyes. “You really, really disappoint me, Chance. Come down for breakfast in the morning and we’ll look over the records together. I’m sure we can find a salary to agree on since breakfast will be the last meal I cook for you. Or you can just leave again. You’re good at that, and everyone around here has learned how to manage without you.”
She turned and left, walking as fast as she could out of the bunkhouse while the man she loved just sat there. She’d waited for him for ten years, knowing somewhere deep down inside that she would see him again and have a second chance, but her heart couldn’t take the torture anymore. There was no longer an age issue between them. He wanted a wife and kids. She wanted a husband and a family of her own. There was no reason she should have to wait for him. They hadn’t just met. She knew him better than she knew any other man she’d dated, yet she’d received offers from them. That hadn’t been a lie. Why couldn’t Chance get past whatever it was holding him back to move forward with her?
Kenzie wiped her eyes and sniffed as she closed the back door behind her and crossed through the kitchen to pick up the phone in the den. She glanced into the living room to make sure Lucky was fine. He lay on the couch in the dark, his chest rising and falling at a normal speed. She couldn’t see his eyes with his arm resting over them, but he was in the same position she’d left him, passed out and at peace.
Her fingers shook as she held them over the buttons on the phone, and her gut twisted. She couldn’t put off her life any longer. She did want kids, and more than anything, she wanted to be happy. Her life had been spent waiting for a man who had no intention of giving her what she needed. She couldn’t settle for being a fling to him. She had to have it all, and if not with him, well, she wouldn’t be the only woman who’d settled. It happened all the time.
Will was a decent man. He didn’t make her heart sing or her skin warm at his touch, but he made a good living and treated her well. And he wouldn’t make her wait. She dialed the number before she lost her nerve.
“Hello?”
She jumped at the sound of his voice and started to hang the phone up, but she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. It was time to move forward and finally leave Chance behind. If she didn’t take Will’s offer now, she’d spend the best years of her life waiting on Chance. She’d never have children.
“Will? It’s Mackenzie.”
“Mac?”
She heard the surprise in his voice, and a touch of grogginess. It was only eight o’clock, time most farmers and ranchers hit the sheets, but Will was neither of those things and tended to stay up late. “I’m sorry. Were you settled in for the night?”
“No, no. I just…dozed off watching a movie. What are you calling me for, Mac? Last we spoke, you were turning down my offer of marriage.”
She licked her lips. “I…uh…I know you were really upset with me for that, but I’ve been thinking…”
“Yeah?”
Do it, Kenzie. Do it before you lose your nerve. You’ll never have kids if you wait on Chance. You’ll be an old maid while he’s giving some other woman children. “Is the offer still on the table?”
There was a pause. “I haven’t heard from you in weeks, Mac. Does this have to do with the gossip around town that Chance Masters is back?”
“This has nothing to do with Chance.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.
“I heard he was your foreman. The man just got back in town and already he’s your foreman.” Contempt heavily laced Will’s tone. Like the rest of Cook County’s inhabitants, he knew about Kenzie’s crush on Chance.
“That’s true. He’s helping me get this ranch back in order like it was when my dad ran it.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all.” Not that I haven’t tried.
“Why the turn around all of a sudden? Why do you want to marry me now?”
Kenzie closed her eyes and let out a calming breath. “I was scared, Will. I was unsure, but I’ve thought about it and…you’re a great guy. We make sense. I want kids though. That’s the clincher. I want kids right away. What do you say?”
“Yeah, kids are great. I…you’re sure?”
“Yes.” No. But I won’t waste my opportunity to have a family while Chance is out shopping for his own.
“All right then. It’s settled. We’ll pick out a ring tomorrow. Breakfast at your place?”
“Sure.” That will go over well. “You know I serve breakfast early.”
“Yeah. I’ll work on that once we’re married. I’m glad you called, Mac. I’ll see you in the morning, babe.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.” She lowered the phone back to its base and wiped her clammy palm on her shorts.
“What the hell did you just do, Kenzie?”
She gasped and turned around to see Lucky staring straight at her from the couch. “I thought you were asleep.”
“You thought I was passed out, but you were wrong either way. What did I just overhear?”
She straightened her shoulders and met his gaze dead on, determined not to feel as if she’d just been caught doing something bad. “You heard me accepting a marriage proposal.”
“If that was a marriage proposal, why did it sound like you were discussing a business deal? Where was the talk about love?”
Kenzie shrugged as she stepped into the living room. “I don’t have a man’s luxury of waiting forever to start a family. I want children and I need to start having them now while I’m still young enough. If that means marrying a man who doesn’t curl my toes, then…” She shrugged again, her stomach queasy. “That’s what I’ll do.”
“Does Chance know?”
She laughed at that, the action causing fresh tears to burn the backs of her eyes. “The correct question would be does Chance care?”
“He cares.” Lucky attempted to sit up, but groaned and settled back down halfway into the couch. “He’s always had a soft spot for you, even when you were just a kid. Trust me, growing up to be a beaut
iful woman hasn’t changed that.”
“It hasn’t strengthened anything either.” She smiled, as much as she could, considering the pain in her heart. “Thanks for the compliment though.”
Lucky angled his head sideways, studying her. “You look like you’re about to cry. Is that the way a woman who just accepted a marriage proposal should look?”
“Probably not.” Tears slipped free with the confession and she wiped them away with the back of her hand.
“Come here.” Lucky managed to sit up and patted the cushion next to him.
Kenzie crossed over the living room and settled beside him, letting out a shaky breath. “What?”
He smiled softly and brushed her hair away from her face. “I won’t pretend to know what the two of you are going through because I’ve never been in love, but I know my brother. He cares about you something fierce. One look at you looking at him, and the world can see you really care about him too.”
“So?” She sniffed. “It’s not enough.”
“He needs time.”
“He’s had a decade.”
“But he only got back in town yesterday.”
Kenzie laughed, causing more tears to fall free. “You probably think I’m crazy and impatient, but these past ten years have been hell for me. I couldn’t even fully give myself to anyone else because deep inside I’ve always waited for him. It’s not like we’ve just met. He’s had plenty of time, and…and I just can’t keep putting my life on hold waiting on a man who doesn’t believe in himself.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy, and I guess given the circumstances you’re not impatient either. Just fed up. I’m sorry.”
Kenzie nodded, unsure what to say.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“What is it about Chance that you love?”
Kenzie blinked, surprised by the question, and wiped the tears from her face before answering. “I love…him.” She shrugged, trying to think of how to describe what she felt for the man. “My mama told me that when I saw the man I would give my heart to I would know it immediately, and I did. I saw him when I was ten years old and knew he was the one. He was so big and brave and strong…but he was still sweet, at least to me. He put up with me when I was just a spoiled little girl, and though he could have…” She blushed, realizing what she was about to admit to.
“He could have taken advantage of you?”
Kenzie nodded. “I was besotted with him and he knew it. I imagine a lot of men would have used that against me, but he always treated me with respect, not because of the law or what my daddy said, but because he was just a really good guy.” She wiped at her eyes again. “Even now, I know he’s attracted to me, but he keeps saying things…he thinks he’s not good enough for me like I’m special or something.”
“To him, you are.” Lucky steepled his fingers together and leaned forward. “Look, I may have said some things to him to fuel his insecurity…” He shook his head. “I admit I thought you were a pampered little princess who saw my brother as some hot cowboy stud and would tire of him once you’d finally taken him for a spin.”
Kenzie’s mouth dropped open, her heart aching. “Why?”
“I didn’t know you.” He shrugged apologetically. “Chance and I don’t come from much, and we’ve never had anyone really care about us. The type of women we attract aren’t really the kind who give their hearts away. We both thought you were just a little girl with a crush that you would grow out of. But you didn’t, did you?”
Kenzie shook her head. “It never was just a crush.”
“Yeah.” Lucky nodded and let out a heartfelt sigh. “I’d hate to see you marry a man for the wrong reasons.”
“And I’d rather marry a man for the wrong reasons than spend my life waiting on a man who’ll never marry me. He wants a wife, but he doesn’t want me. I can’t wait for him, only to be destroyed when he walks down the aisle with another woman.” She sniffed. “Why does he keep saying I don’t know him? What is it that he thinks is so horrible about himself?”
Lucky frowned as he stared at the carpet beneath his feet. “I can’t answer that for him. I just know he hasn’t had it easy. I certainly haven’t made his life any easier.” He rubbed a hand down his face.
“You’re a good guy, Lucky.” Kenzie reached over and squeezed his shoulder, not as big as his brother’s but still full of strength. “You can’t hold yourself at blame because some woman chose to kill herself. You couldn’t have known.”
He closed his eyes and leaned back against the back of the couch. “My head understands, but my heart keeps telling me I should have known. Maybe if I hadn’t picked her up that night…”
“A woman isn’t going to kill herself over a one-night stand. If you hadn’t slept with her that night, another man probably would have, and most likely, she’d have still made the same decision.”
“Yeah.” He patted her knee before cracking his eyes open to peer at her. “I’ll be all right with time, but if you marry some guy you don’t really love, you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
“Will’s a decent guy. He’ll be a good provider and he’s willing to make a life with me.” Kenzie nodded her head, needing the physical action to make her words seem truer. “I’m done hoping and wishing on a dream I should have given up on a long time ago.”
Lucky blew out a breath and gripped the couch, preparing to push himself off of it.
“Stay. You can sleep here and have breakfast in the morning.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
His gaze roamed over her face. “You’re a sweet girl, Kenzie. I hope that guy knows what a great prize he’s getting.”
Smiling, Kenzie kissed his forehead and stood from the couch. “Good night, Lucky.”
“Good night, darlin’. I hope everything’s clearer for you in the morning.”
“You too,” she said over her shoulder as she reached the stairs. She received a grin and nod of agreement in return.
Lucky would have made a wonderful brother-in-law. Sadly, it wouldn’t ever happen.
Chapter Eight
Chance frowned as he reached the main house and saw Lucky’s truck still parked in the driveway. His morning was going to be bad enough, but with Lucky still hanging around, it would make it difficult for him to have a good heart-to-heart with Kenzie. Once again, he’d hurt her and was going to have to apologize. One of these days the woman was going to wise up and slap the stupidity right out of him. He more than deserved it.
“Hey.” Lucky stepped out of the house and skipped down the porch steps before he could reach them. “We need to talk, bro.”
Chance glanced at the house and nodded. Apologizing could wait a few minutes. He still didn’t have any idea how to even begin. “You stayed here all night?”
“Yeah. Kenzie’s a sweet girl, let me crash on her couch.” Lucky grabbed his arm and led him to the picnic table by the barn. He waited until they were both perched on top of it to start. “I know something must have happened with you two last night because she came in awfully upset.”
His stomach twisted. He already felt bad for hurting her, but knowing there was a witness made it even worse. “She talked to you?”
“Yeah, after I overheard a phone conversation…with a guy.”
Kenzie’s parting words repeated in Chance’s mind and his mouth went dry. “Yeah?”
“Chance, she called up some guy who apparently had asked her to marry him—and she told him yes.”
“What?” Chance looked at his brother in disbelief, desperately hoping he’d start laughing and tell him it was a joke. But Lucky looked back at him with sincere regret in his eyes, his mouth slightly curved down at the corners. “Who?”
“Some guy named Will. I think it’s probably Will Clark. I’d heard of her dating him a few months back. Pretty boy, probably hasn’t done an hour’s worth of real work in his life.”
“Young?”
“About Kenzie’s age.” Lucky sighed. “She doesn’t love him, bro. She’s settling for a man who’ll give her a name and some babies. Take your head out of your ass and that man could be you. I happen to know for a fact that she’d prefer it to be you.”
So did he. But she didn’t really know him. “Lucky, it’s not that easy. She’s going off this childhood fantasy of me. Am I supposed to lie to her?”
“What would you have to lie about?”
“We’re white trash, Lucky. She’s…she had parents who loved her. She went to the best schools and was treated like a princess. How do I explain us to a woman like that?”
Lucky grinned. “We’re idiots, man. Our mother treated us as expendables and we played right along. Screw that. We’re the same as anyone else. Hell, we might even be better. We’ve worked our asses off for everything we’ve gotten in this life. Especially you.” He shook his head. “I’m a pain in the ass and I always depended on you to take care of me, and I’m sorry. You stayed around here longer than you should have, and I actually had the nerve to get mad when you left, without me. I’m not your responsibility.”
Chance patted his brother on the back. “You’re my baby brother. You’re always going to be my responsibility. I’ve never minded taking care of you. I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t think you’d be fine on your own.”
“Yeah, I know. I was twenty-four and making a name for myself on the circuit, too. I guess I was just mad because you were brave enough to leave Mom. I wanted to, but I always came back home. I guess no matter how bad she was, part of me wanted to take care of her.”
“I know.” Chance sighed. He’d wanted to take care of her too, until it just got too hard. “Bravery had nothing to do with me leaving. I chickened out. I chickened out on Mom and I chickened out on Kenzie. I felt like I couldn’t be good enough to anyone. Rather than stick around and try, I just ran away.”
“Are you going to stay now?”
He looked at the house, imagining Kenzie inside cooking. He couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her pregnant with another man’s child, but he couldn’t see her carrying his either. Not once she knew more about him and looked at him with regret in her pretty green eyes. “I have nothing to give her once I help her get this ranch back in order. The money I’ve put back for a ranch of my own won’t get a spread anywhere near as great as this one, and all I can do is ranch work. I can’t even get on a bull anymore.” He took a deep breath. “I’m through, Lucky. Just the thought of getting back in the arena makes me nauseas. I’m all washed up.”
Cook County Cowboys Page 7
