Metaphase

by Vonda N. Mcintyre Неизвестный Автор

  Griffith recoiled and hurried to open the front door.

  "Don't do that!" Kolya said.

  "But-"

  "Someone might smell it."

  Griffith bolted outside and slammed the door behind him.

  Kolya glanced regretfully into the dish. One of the tobacco leaves lay steaming in its own juice.

  "This is not a success," Kolya said.

  He joined Griffith on the front porch.

  "Petrovich, you look positively green."

  "I feel negatively green."

  Kolya chuckled.

  "I tried smoking once," Griffith said. "I didn't like it."

  ,,The leaves need preparation. That green tobacco was not tasty."

  "I know," Griffith said.

  Kolya gave him a questioning glance. Griffith shrugged.

  "I've tried a lot of things . . . at least once. I didn't like chewing tobacco any more than I liked smoking."

  "It smells better when it's cured," Kolya said.

  "You need to dry the stuff. And ferment it."

  "Ferment it? Like beer?"

  Griffith shrugged. "The refs say you ferment it. They don't say how."

  "I was trying to dry it, I thought that would be adequate."

  "You don't cook much, do you?" Griffith asked.

  "Rarely. Why? Do you?"

  "Yeah. Some. A little. I don't think microwaving is a good way to dry something out."

  "Why didn't you say so before?"

  "I didn't want . . . I don't know."

  Kolya smiled wryly. "I'm not always right," he said. "Haven't you learned that yet, Petrovich?"

  "I guess not."

  "What would you suggest we try?"

  Griffith glanced toward Kolya's front door, and his color grayed. "What do you mean, 'we'?"

  "You shouldn't have-" Kolya stopped. If he embarrassed Griffith about finding the tobacco for him, Grif-

  fith would likely decline to get more when Kolya ran out.

  ,,Maybe toasting it would work," Griffith said. "Toasting it gently."

  Stephen Thomas entered the lobby of the guest house.

  None of the people in charge of it remained on board Starfarer. With the cleaning ASes out of commission as well, dust had begun to collect in comers and on the windowpanes.

  Stephen Thomas climbed to the second floor. Since he was the only guest, he supposed he could have any of its dozen rooms.

  He opened the door to the room Feral had been planning to use.

  Stephen Thomas had shown Feral to the guest house-

  Feral had just arrived on the same transport that brought J.D. to

  Starfarer and returned Victoria from her trip to British Columbia.

  Stephen Thomas and Feral had barely met. But Stephen Thomas liked him from the start.

  He and Feral had stood in the doorway. The room was comfortable and attractive. It had better furniture than Merry's room, the unused room, back at the partnership's house. But Stephen Thomas did not want to leave Feral here all alone.

  "You don't have to stay here," Stephen Thomas said. "Come home with me.

  We have a spare room."

  "That would be great." Feral smiled. He had a great smile. "It's tough to get involved in a community when you're staying in a hotel. Thanks." -Stephen Thomas still wondered if, somehow, Feral's association with the alien contact department-or with Stephen Thomas and his family-had contributed to his death.

  Someone had used the room since Stephen Thomas was here last. The bed had not been slept in, but scraps of paper lay on the desk in the bay window. Arachne

  maintained a small display nearby. Bright sunlight washed out the display's colors; Stephen Thomas could not decipher it from here.

  He crossed to the window, sat at the desk, and glanced up at the display.

  It contained a copy of the alien maze that had-they thought-been humanity's welcome into the interstellar civilization.

  Stephen Thomas smiled sadly. Lots of people had kept a copy of that maze around, trying to decipher it. Until Starfarer encountered Europa and Androgeos, and discovered that their welcome had been withdrawn. The maze was just a maze.

  Arachne informed Stephen Thomas that Feral had set the maze image in the window.

  Feral used this room as an office, Stephen Thomas thought.

  That made sense; all the members of the partnership had offices outside the house. A separate office made it easier to concentrate on work, and to get away from work at home.

  Stephen Thomas wished he had known about this place. He had no particular reason to know; Feral had no particular reason to tell him or not to tell him. He just wished he had known.

  Stephen Thomas picked up the scraps of paper. They contained a couple of handwritten scribbles.

  "Family.,,

  "Maze."

  Passwords, Stephen Thomas thought. Feral wrote down passwords till he was sure he had memorized them.

  He asked Arachne for Feral's locked files.

  He tried the word "Maze" as a password.

  It was a public key. Not the key itself, of course, which was too long to remember, but a vector to the key.

  Arachne responded with a message from Feral.

  Please record your observations about the deep space expedition. I'll use your replies in the book I'm writing. I hope everyone will choose to sign their comments, but you can remain anonymous . . .

  . . . but if you want to remain anonymous . . .

  . . . but if you insist on . . .

  Stephen Thomas frowned. This was getting him nowhere. He could send a message, but it would go oneway into Feral's file, encrypted through the public key, and only Feral would be able to get it out. He wondered why he had not known about it.

  You don't know about it because it isn't finished! he thought. What else could those last lines be? Feral was tinkering with his announcement, trying to balance his preference for signed contributions with his willingness to respect privacy. He never had a chance to release his project. He set it up, but he never polished it, never told anyone that it existed, never released the public key.

  "Shit," Stephen Thomas muttered. "Oh, shit, what a goddamned waste. . . ."

  A public key implied a private key. Stephen Thomas fingered the second scrap of paper. "Family."

  He was afraid to try ii. "Maze" had given him a tantalizing glimpse. "Family" might give him Feral's private key. Or it might give him nothing. Stephen Thomas turned the soft ragged scrap of paper over and over in his fingers, afraid to speak the word to Arachne, afraid to encounter the same bleak emptiness that had surrounded him when he first learned of Feral's death.

  He rubbed his eyes; he spread his fingers across his face and looked at the world distorted by his amber swimming webs.

  Closing his eyes again, he spoke to Arachne.

  " 'Family' is the private key," he said.

  Arachne opened a hidden room to him, a room filled with Feral's log files. Stephen Thomas stretched out on the bed, and went exploring.

  Feral kept lists. A list of places he had been. A list of his articles, of course. A list of the pieces he wanted to write, the places he wanted to go, the people he wanted to interview.

  A collection of references he planned to look up: Technical reports on Starfarer, on Arachne. The thesis Stephen Thomas had defended in order to earn his Ph.D.

  Stephen Thomas smiled sadly. No wonder it was on the "to be read" list. It was technical and specialized, tough going for a member of the field, much less a lay person.

  We're even, Stephen Thomas thought. I haven't read much of his stuff and he hadn't read any of mine.

  He moved on through the reference list.

  Professor Thanthavong's acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize for medicine, for creating viral depolymerase. That one was an important, touching historical document, written years before Feral was born. Before Stephen Thomas was born. It was a shame Feral had never gotten to it. Maybe he had heard it, on one of the documentaries made about
the professor. He had known a lot about her; he had admired and respected her.

  J.D.'s first novel. Stephen Thomas felt an embarrassing flash of satisfaction that Feral had not read it. It was neither dry nor technical, but it was hard going: obscure and unbalancing, disturbing. As hard to read in its own way as the Ph.D. thesis. When Stephen Thomas had tackled it, he had given up halfway through.

  He left the list of work Feral would never see, and glanced into the file of work that Feral had read. It extended back to Feral's early teens. It ranged far and wide over subjects and technical level. Right at the top, most recent, was a book on braiding hair. That struck Stephen Thomas as strange. Feral's chestnut hair had been medium length and curly. Not as curly as Victoria's, but tight enough to keep it out of his face.

  He left that file and explored farther, deeper.

  He could hear Feral's voice in every sentence. Stephen Thomas forced himself to listen, to stay calm. He could not manage to remain unmoved.

  Fantasies made him ache with regret and physical pain; observations made him laugh, and wince, in the darkness. He saw himself through Feral's eyes.

  Arrogant and charming, physically compelling, his sexuality insistent and innocent . . .

  Stephen Thomas resisted "innocent." Insistent, maybe, though he hoped he was civilized about his affairs. He thought he was. He was capable of backing off, of taking no for an answer, though hardly anyone ever said no to him.

  Stephen Thomas is vulnerable . . .

  Vulnerable? Stephen Thomas thought. What the fuck did I ever say to Feral, to anybody, that made him think I was vulnerable? Vulnerable about what? Bullshit.

  He saw a couple of files that referred to J.D. He skipped them. He could not bear to look at them right now.

  And then he came upon a picture of himself, a picture altered by Arachne to show his long hair loosely French braided, the light, sun-bleached strands on top crossing the darker blond hair underneath.

  He leaned forward in the dark, staring at the picture of himself. In his imagination, Feral separated strands of his hair, smoothed them, plaited them. Stephen Thomas tried to comb his hair with his fingers, tried to loop the strands together the way they were in the picture, but his hair slipped from his grasp when he held it loosely, or cut against the swimming webs when he held it tight.

  He felt in danger of breaking down. He let his hair fall; he buried his face against his knees and crossed his arms around his head and curled himself up.

  J.D. cuddled with Zev, gazing out across the open field. The river in whose banks Crimson buried her fossils rushed and gurgled in the quiet night.

  Zev sighed and nestled closer. He had begun to breathe constantly while sleeping on land, instead of intermittently as he did in the water. He had begun to sleep soundly instead of napping like an aquatic mammal.

  J.D. wished she could sleep so soundly. But Nerno's long silence troubled her. If Starfarer entered transition before Nemo called her, would she ever see the squidmoth again? If Starfarer left Nemo behind in the star system of Sirius, J.D. would not have to witness Nerno's death. But Nemo would die alone.

  She touched Arachne, looking for messages. Silly; unnecessary. When Nemo called, J.D. would know.

  A breeze sprang up. It flowed past the open French windows, bringing the scent of spring flowers, new grass, even a hint of the sea. Strange: shouldn't the breeze flow toward the sea, this time of night?

  The night grew darker as clouds collected. The breeze, gusting faster, chilled the air.

  J.D. snuggled deeper in the comforter. Zev made a questioning sound in his sleep, and rubbed his cheek against her breast. She stroked his fine pale hair. His body felt hot against her.

  Outside, the breeze evolved into a wind; it rushed across the field and into the house, rattling the windows. It touched her face with icy fingers, ruffling her hair and Zev's.

  I should get up and close the windows, she thought. But she did not want to disturb Zev, and the cold had not yet penetrated the comforter. There was no hint of rain, only the insistent wind. It whistled and hummed; it rattled in a nearby stand of bamboo.

  J.D. thought the first white flakes were flower petals, whipped and scattered from a cherry tree. Some of

  them landed on the comforter at her feet. They disappeared, leaving a dark, wet patch.

  Snow.

  The snow surprised her, but a quick touch to Arachne assured her that it

  did, on occasion, snow on board Starfarer.

  Within a few minutes the snow was falling fast and hard, huge wet flakes driven horizontal by the wind. J.D. slid from beneath Zev's warm arm and went to the windows. The wintry air exhilarated her, roused her, almost as much as diving into the sea. Before she started to shiver, her metabolic enhancer kicked in.

  Zev joined her by the window, sliding his arm around her waist. She hugged his shoulders. They stood together, in silence, watching the late spring blizzard, thinking how beautiful it was.

  A spot of warmth blossomed at the back of J.D.'s mind.

  With a start of excitement, J.D. closed her eyes and accepted the message.

  "J.D.," Nemo said, "it is time to come and witness my metamorphosis." "I'll get my colleagues," J.D. replied. "We'll be there in-"

  "Come in your ship alone," Nemo said,

  "Alone?"

  She did not think of danger, but of disappointment. Victoria and Satoshi and Stephen Thomas-how could she tell them they could not come? And Zev-? He stood beside her, watching her expectantly, made aware by her physical reaction that something was happening,

  "Nemo, please-they'll be so sad.

  "You are frightened."

  "No!"

  "I will transmit instead. You need not come."

  She was sure she heard regret in Nerno's voice, and she knew she had to go. By herself. How could she let Nemo change and die, all alone?

  "I will," J.D. replied. "I'll be there soon."

  Stephen Thomas fell into an exhausted sleep. Maybe the sleep did him some good. Near dawn he woke, moved cautiously, stretched, and discovered that he no longer itched and ached. Tentatively, he slid his hand between his legs. He bolted up, snatching away the bedclothes and dragging down his shorts. His genitals had pulled themselves nearly inside him.

  Though he knew what to expect, he still felt shocked and scared and sick.

  He tried to control the new muscles, the changed muscles, to extend or retract. Nothing happened. He was stuck three quarters of the way between ordinary human and diver. Stephen Thomas shifted uncomfortably. He felt no pain, only a tense discomfort. But he sure looked weird.

  What the hell am I going to do, Stephen Thomas thought, if I can't learn the control?

  The skin of his penis was soft and new and very sensitive, so sensitive that touching it brought back the threat of pain.

  "Fuck it," he muttered. "Or don't." He lay down and flung himself over, twisting himself in the blankets.

  When Arachne signaled an urgent message, he wanted to ignore it, he wanted to refuse it. Instead, he struggled up again and accepted it.

  "What?"

  J.D.'s image appeared in his room.

  "Victoria, Satoshi, Stephen Thomas," she said. Was it only his imagination, or had she hesitated before saying his name?

  As she spoke, holograms of Victoria and Satoshi appeared nearby. Arachne oriented their images as if they were all in the observers' circle. Stephen Thomas could project his image and join them. He remained invisible. "Nerno's called me."

  "We'll be right there!" Victoria said, excited.

  "There's something else," J.D. said.

  "What is it?" Satoshi asked.

  "Nemo asked me ... to come alone. Alone on the Chi, I mean."

  Stephen Thomas flopped back on the bed in disbelief.

  ,,I'm sorry," J.D. said. "I tried to . . . I'm sorry."

  Zev's image appeared, too, in his usual place to J.D.'s left.

  "I can't go, either," he said sadly. "Nerno won't let me.,,


  "How can it stop us?" Stephen Thomas asked angrily.

  J.D. glanced toward the place Stephen Thomas would be if he were sending his image. From her point of view, his voice would emanate from an empty spot in the air. From his point of view, she looked straight at him.

  "I don't know," she said mildly. "But I also don't know that I want to find out."

  Victoria, too, glanced toward Stephen Thomas's invisible presence.

  "It isn't something we're going to test," she said. "It would be . . . bad manners."

  "What the hell difference does it make?" Stephen Thomas said. "No matter what we do, we don't measure up to what Civilization expects of us. We might as well behave badly and get some benefit out of their shitty opinion."

  "No." Victoria turned away from him. "And if you insist on being invisible, you can be invisible." She spoke to J.D. "Get ready. We'll be over to see you off. To help if we can."

  "Oh, Victoria," J.D. said. "Why come all that way in this weather?" "Nonsense. We'll see you in a few minutes."

  "All right." J.D. smiled, gratefully. "Thanks."

  Her image faded out, and so did Victoria's.

  What weather? Stephen Thomas wondered. A storm, like wild side's, on campus? Was I sleeping so hard I didn't even hear it? What the hell is going on?

  Stephen Thomas went to the balcony door and

  cupped his hands around his face to look outside. The night was bright with a layer of shining snow, and flakes drifted from the sky. He cracked the door open. Cold air washed over him. It felt alive, it felt like the bubbles in champagne. The snowflakes landed with a faint, musical, crinkling sound. "Stephen Thomas?"

  Stephen Thomas turned quickly. Satoshi's image remained in the middle of the room. Satoshi gazed into thin air like a blind man.

  "Are you still there? Are you all right? Where are you?"

  "I'm all right."

  "Will you project, dammit?"

  "I don't have any clothes on."

  Satoshi hesitated. "I don't care. I want to see you."

  "What are you so mad about?" Stephen Thomas asked.

  "Mad? Why should I be mad? You withdraw, you disappear-"