Finn (Kennedy Ink.)

by Jenny Wood

  “Hello?” He answered on the second ring, voice full of emotion and he sounded sad.

  “Hey, everything okay?” I asked, curious what his text might’ve said now.

  “Just a rough day,” Jay took a deep breath in and held it for a second before releasing it, long and loud into the phone.

  “How’s your dad? Did something happen?” I ask, knowing it’s not a topic he likes to discuss, but figuring it had something to do with him or his condition. He was quiet for so long; I didn’t think he was going to answer. “You can talk to me about him, you know. I’m a good listener.” I tried to lighten the mood on my offer. He needed to talk to someone about it, that was for sure.

  “He wasn’t good today.” Jay croaked over the phone. “I’ve been so mad at him. So hurt for so long; and now he wants my forgiveness, and I want to give it to him. I want to so bad, but then I think of every time he hit me or spit on me or made me feel like a piece of shit that he hated, I can’t bring myself to say the words. I can’t even give them to him, meaning them or not. I feel guilty and ashamed because I’m not a vengeful person. I don’t want to cause him pain because I’m bitter, but it’s so hard. I can’t forget, not even on his deathbed; I can’t forget and just forgive him.” He was openly crying now. I wish so badly he was lying here with me, so he wasn’t going through this alone.

  “I’m so sorry you’re going through that,” I tell him honestly. “You should’ve come over; I don’t like you being upset alone.” Ridiculous, since we’d just started dating and usually the heavy stuff didn’t come until later. I didn’t care though; I wanted him with me when he needed someone.

  “I’m sorry to dump all this on you. I tried to call my grandma, she’s who I usually talk to when my mind is a mess, but apparently, she and her friends that they call the “Gainer sisters” are out at sorority row, reading tarot cards for cash. Who wants to know about their love life in college, it’s never good? The Gainer sisters aren’t even sisters; they’re a lesbian couple, I don’t get it.” He spouted, making me snicker at his tangent.

  “You can dump it on me anytime, baby.” I tell him, thinking on it for a split second before rephrasing, “That sounded gross. What I meant was, any time you need to unload, I’m your man.” I tried again and decided that didn’t sound any better. “Okay, that might’ve been worse, you know what I mean.” I finally just say. He rewarded me with the giggle that I loved so much, and I was happy I could at least do that much for him. Take his mind off the bullshit, even if I wished he was here when I did it.

  “Thank you.” He sniffs, and I hear someone’s horn honking from what sounds like both through the phone line and outside my house.

  “Where you at?” I ask him, curious but hopeful.

  “Sitting in your driveway.” He mumbles. “I honestly didn’t know I was even driving here until I was already on your block. I just kind of made my way here and you called.” He confessed. I flung the blanket back and pulled on a pair of sleep pants before half-jogging down the hallway to the door. I opened it up to find him still sitting in his car, darkness around him, staring up at the door.

  “Well get your ass in here,” I say and hang up. He’s here. I watch him slip out of his car and slowly walk up the front walk. His eyes are on my chest and stomach, and I’ve realized belatedly, that I’m not wearing a shirt.

  “I wondered what you’d like without a shirt on, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s much better than I imagined.” He says, walking into me and wrapping his arms around my waist; his face snuggling into the patch of hair between my breast bone. The man’s got a thing for my body hair; he’s mistaken if he thinks I haven’t noticed.

  “I should’ve known you’d have all kinds of sexy tattoo’s.” He murmurs into my chest, not moving his face to speak or even breathe, it seemed.

  “It’s kind of what I do.” I jostled him just slightly to let him know I was teasing. I’m so glad he’s here. I don’t even care how quick it is, and it might be too soon. I’m just glad for it.

  “You smell really good.” He tells me, his breath, tickling the hairs on my chest.

  “Want to come in? Get out of this doorway?” I ask him, pulling him back with me into the house.

  “I shouldn’t. It’s late; you have to work tomorrow. They made me switch with Ellie; I’m maxed out at 55 hours this week. The new pay period starts over on Wednesday, but for this week, I’m off until then.” He says, but I give him no chance to pull away. Arms still around each other, he’s walking with me as I backward stalk to my room.

  “Take your clothes off and get in.” I lift up the blanket and invite him into my bed. Again, too soon or not, I want him close to me tonight.

  “What are we doing?” He whispers, standing back just slightly.

  “We’re going to sleep. You look wrung out; you’ve had an emotional day. You’re going to take off your clothes, whatever you’re comfortable with and get into my bed. I’ll wrap you up, and you can whisper sweet things to me until I fall asleep.” I wink at him, and he shakes his head and scoffs. Still, he takes off his clothes.

  I watch him take off his sweatshirt, and his body is smooth and hairless and pale. Such a different contrast to my dark, tatted up, hairy chest and stomach. He doesn’t have a single hair from what I can see, and his skin is blemish and tattoo free. It’s mouthwatering if I'm honest. I look my fill, yet, so does he. By the time he takes off his pants, he’s sliding into my bed and underneath my sheets.

  I don’t hesitate to climb in after him and pull him close to me; his back to my front. I feel him take a deep breath in before letting it out slowly and letting his body relax.

  “Can I tell you something?” He whispers in the darkness. I grunt my acknowledgment, already content, just lying here with him. “Nobody’s ever held me like this before.”

  “What?” I open my eyes and ask him. I couldn’t have heard that right.

  “Don’t freak out, I’m not a virgin or anything,” He started to explain. I wasn’t freaking out though; I wouldn’t have minded if he was. I didn’t bring him to my bed to fuck him right now, though I wouldn’t turn him down on a normal day, this wasn’t about that, and I hated that he might’ve thought that. “I just mean, nobody’s ever…. I’ve never done this part. I like it. It’s nice, with you.” He whispered that bit at the end. I’m glad he thought so, so I pulled squeezed him closer, still.

  “Thank you.” He whispers again.

  “You don’t have to keep thanking me, baby. This is not a hardship.” I murmur against the skin of his shoulder and drop a light kiss there.

  “Daddy! I wake up!” I hear my morning wake-up call and feel the man that’s laying on my chest with his arm wrapped around my body, jerk in response.

  “Holy shit.” He whispers, turning his head into my side, attempting to hide. “I’m so glad she’s a baby, and this won’t be near as awkward as it could’ve been if she was a few years older.” He looks up at me. He looks sleepy and rumpled and morning breath or not; I need a proper good morning. Okay, not a proper, proper good morning, but a nice one. I lean forward and peck his stunned lips before crawling out of bed and hollering back at my girl.

  “Coming baby girl!” Just like every morning, she claps and squeals until she sees me. I walk with my freshly changed lady back into the bedroom and find Jay hiding under the covers. I dump my girl on the bed and tell her to find Jay while I pull a shirt on. She’d taken to calling him a doctor, since that’s the place where she met him and he was making her all better, but the last time we hung out and once when we were talking on the phone, she finally called him Jay.

  Cackling and crawling all over him, the scowl he rewarded me with was adorable on his sleep-rumpled face.

  “Better stop doing that, it could get stuck that way,” I tell him, walking back to the bed. I scoop up my girl and tell Jay that breakfast is in 20 if he’d care to join us. If looks could kill, in that moment, I’d have died, five times over.

  I made bacon, eggs, a
nd toast for breakfast and my girl was a sucker for scrambled eggs with ketchup. Jay seemed better this morning and not at all like he was carrying the weight of the world on his back like he did when he showed up last night. He spent the morning, doing normal things with us; playing with Lennon and helping me clean up after breakfast. He brushed her hair and put it in the most adorable, black, fluffy pigtails and changed her clothes out of her jammies to a ridiculously girly pair of overalls.

  Somewhere deep in her closet, he also found a pair of pink and yellow, rain boots that made my girl look like the most countrified little hillbilly. He was so proud of himself and the way he beamed at my girl when showing her off; I knew immediately that he was someone I could fall head over heels in love with. I wasn’t’ there yet, I mean, come on; but I wasn’t dismissing the idea either. His age didn’t matter; his living situation didn’t matter; all that mattered was this shit right here. Little things that made things huge.

  “Is she not the cutest thing, you’ve ever in your life seen?” He asked me as I’d come out of the bathroom after getting myself ready for the day. He held his phone out and showed me a picture that she’d posed for, her hand on her hip and her head cocked to one side. “Look at that sass.” He says, tickling my girl on her belly.

  “I hope you don’t mind I took that. I was telling grandma about her after you guys made me dinner and she’d been anxious to see what y’all looked like. Apparently, you come up in conversation more than I’d realized, with her.” He smiled, rolling his eyes at himself. I told him I didn’t and reached for my girl and told him to take a picture of us together; he could send her that one.

  We did silly faces into the camera and we smiled hugely for some too, but when we asked Jay to jump in with us, for a couple of selfies, he admired those pictures quietly for several long minutes when we were done. The way he’d smiled at all of us together, gave me hope for good things to come. I asked him to send them all to me, and throughout the day, my phone dinging with picture after picture, finally coming through. It made the day more bearable.

  We parted ways when I left for work, with the promise of meeting for dinner since Lenny was going to the movie night with the guys. Jase, Joker, Cameron, and Jody also got roped into going by the puppy-dog eyes of their little sisters, pout when she showed up at the shop with Conner earlier that morning. It was going to be a big ol’ family outing, and for a minute I was sorry I was going to miss it. It made me happy that they included Lennon, though. Of course, I was invited, but I’d let it slip that I was going to use my time to try and give Jay a nice evening.

  They offered to keep my little lady overnight, because the jeering and ribbing about me getting laid tonight was all the focus; but I’d never spent the night away from my girl, and as much as I trusted these guys with her safety, I was a sort of a hover-dad; I just wasn’t ready yet. They understood.

  The shop was busy for a Tuesday, being that it was summer break for a lot of folks, we had a lot of college kids trickling in over the last couple weeks and today was no different. I didn’t mind it though, it kept me busy and my eyes from watching the clock.

  “Let’s love on Daddy for a bit before we make our escape,” Morgan said to Lennon after bringing her to see me while he picked up Joker to meet Jase for their night. I was just cleaning up my station after a last minute walk-in and was a little bit behind in cleaning up. Because Joker was here though, she didn’t appreciate my lovin’ on her; she just wanted to get into things at his station.

  “You sure you don’t want us keeping this little pretty, til morning? You know Kady would love it, and you also know she wouldn’t be no trouble.” Morgan asked me once more before they left.

  “I’m sure; I appreciate you taking her though. I know she’ll love it.” I tell him honestly, still a little taken back sometimes at the way they treat her. She’s a lucky girl, that’s for sure.

  “Anytime, you know that.” Morgan nudged me as he went to scoop up my girl who was chasing a very immature Kayson around a chair. He let her catch him easy and the way she squealed, had everyone pretty damn smitten over her.

  Deciding on just picking up takeout, I rushed home with our Chinese, hoping that I got at least something that Jay would like and jumped in the shower to wash the smell of “sterile” off of me. That clinical smell wasn’t at all sexy, and I was hoping to get at least a little close with Jay tonight.

  I hadn’t heard from him for several hours, and I knew he’d been off work today, I hope his visit with his dad went okay, and he was able to let lose a little bit tonight and enjoy the night with me.

  Jay

  “I hate to run out after you’ve just kicked my ass in euchre, Dad, but I made dinner plans with a friend of mine, and he has a babysitter tonight, and I don’t want to be late” I told my dad, who I was relieved to see was doing much better than he was yesterday.

  “A friend, friend or a frieeeeend?” He smiled cheekily at me and made his intention clear with that question. I scoffed my answer and shook my head at his nonchalance about what a “frieeeeend” might be.

  “A date kind of friend,” I tell him honestly, not needing to hide it anymore, the man knew I was gay and seemed to be okay with it. Not that I’d care if he wasn’t, there wasn’t much he could do about it, now.

  “And he has a kid?” Dad asked, surprised.

  “Yep.”

  “How old?” He asks me, teasing aside but genuinely curious.

  “Him, or his daughter?” I asked.

  “Either, both.” He shrugged. I pulled out my phone to show him a couple of pictures of their silly faces and the one selfie that I adored of us all together. We looked like a little family in that picture, and I adored it. It was like looking into what “could be.” I knew it was too soon for that kind of talk, but, seeing it staring at me in my face… made me hopeful that it could one day happen.

  “She’s a doll, ain’t she?” Dad beamed up at me.

  “She just turned 2 a few months ago, and Finn is twenty-five,” I tell him. I knew because one of our many late night phone conversation’s had me revealing my age, hoping it wasn’t a problem for Finn. It wasn’t.

  “Bit older than you, isn’t he?” Dad commented.

  “Just a bit. I’d like to think I’m a mature twenty-one, though. I think I could be good for them.” I tell him, putting my phone back in my pocket and cleaning up the deck of cards and putting them back in their box before I leave. I refill dad’s water cup and make sure he’s got everything he needs.

  “I didn’t mean anything bad by it, Jay. I’m glad you’ve found somebody to spend some time with.” He tells me sincerely. “Despite our past together, I do want you to be happy.” He says, breaking me just a little bit. It’s hard to keep my defenses up when he’s so sincere sounding about how much he’s changed. I do something I don’t think I’ve ever done at that comment, I leaned down beside my dad and gave him a hug.

  “Thank you for saying that,” I whisper, a little choked up at the wet I see behind his eyes. He was just as surprised as I was, but I didn’t regret it. It felt good.

  “Same time tomorrow?” I asked, and he blinded me with his smile. “Need me to bring anything?”

  “Just you. Anytime and every time. You’re more than I could’ve hoped for.” He winked, getting choked up. I’d better make my escape before I’m all out bawling like a baby in this small room.

  I shoot Finn a text to tell them him that I’m on my way, and decide that since today has been such a good day for me, I’ll pick up a case of beer. I’m not much of a wine drinker, though, it would’ve felt like a wine occasion; I still just got beer for the hell of it. I was dressed casually, knowing that we’d be staying in tonight, but I took extra care in getting myself cleaned up earlier, just in case. Better to be prepared if something were to happen, and since waking up in his bed, draped over his naked chest; I’d been hoping for something to happen.

  “Bout time you showed up,” Finn says as he met me at his door, only
twenty minutes later. His grin was infectious, and I was convinced that nothing could make this day better.

  “How was your day?” I asked after a casual kiss hello and followed him inside. It all seemed so normal; I was giddy with anticipation just being with him.

  “It was good, busy. Jody had a girl throw up on him today while getting her nipples pierced and Kayson had a grown man crying over a foot tattoo. I won’t lie, those bitches have to hurt.” He commented, taking the beer and putting it the fridge before grabbing a couple and opening it for me, before handing it over. Tossing our caps in the sink, he pulled me one-armed into his chest and kissed me a proper, hello.

  “How was your day?” He smiled down at me and not for the first time; I watched him search my eyes. It was a little unnerving at first, the way he always seemed so intent at eye-contact, but I think he just really liked my eyes.

  “Really good and even better now.” I smiled up at him, happily. My hands somehow found their way to his beard and we carried on talking like I wasn’t stroking the man’s face the entire time. I’m glad he didn’t seem to mind it because I could live with my fingers in the wild, burly beard.

  “How’s your dad?” He asked, and for the first time, I didn’t shy away from the question.

  “Really good. I feel like something changed today.” I tell him honestly. “We were different; good.” I shrugged it off, not knowing what the change was, but being pleased about it nonetheless.

  “Glad to hear it, baby.” He whispers sincerely, his eyes going as soft as his smile. Gosh, that face.

  “You hungry? I got Chinese.” He asked, pulling back just slightly to sit his beer on the table before dropping a kiss to my lips and reluctantly stepping away. He opened the oven where the food was staying warm and pulled it out to display on the table.

  “Can you grab a couple of plates, there?” He nodded to the cabinet and I grabbed the necessary plates, serving spoons and silverware, as well as some paper towels and the salt and pepper.