The Fiancé He Can't Forget

by Caroline Anderson

  ‘Right. Let’s get these bottles sterilised,’ Liz said. ‘I don’t want you two having any excuses for coming home early.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘WHICH rooms do you want us to have?’

  His mother searched his eyes, and he lifted his shoulders in an almost invisible shrug, but she understood, it seemed, because she just smiled.

  ‘Yours and Ben’s are already made up, and the crib’s in Ben’s already.’

  He nodded. They had a communicating door, which would mean he could help Amy with Josh in the night—and if things went the way he hoped, they’d only need his room.

  He took the luggage up, opened the windows and stood staring out over the familiar countryside and breathing in the glorious fresh air. He loved London, loved his job, but it was good to come home.

  ‘Matt?’

  He turned and smiled at Amy. ‘Hi. I’ve put your things in Ben’s room with Josh’s. There’s a changing mat in there, and the crib, which might make life easier.’

  She looked at the crib, rocking it gently with one finger, memories washing over her. It was one of two that Matt’s father had made for their boys, and Liz had shown them to her when she’d been pregnant with Samuel. ‘The baby will be able to sleep in one when you come and stay,’ she’d said, only Samuel had never needed a crib, and now his brother and his cousin would be sleeping in them.

  She waited for the wave of pain, but there was only a gentle sorrow, a quiet acceptance that this was the way things were, and now she could move on, with Josh—and Matt?

  She felt a tingle of anticipation, and turned to find him standing in the doorway, watching her.

  ‘OK?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes. So—where are we going for dinner?’

  He smiled. ‘A place Ben recommended. It’s—um—it’s quite smart,’ he said, ‘but you’re about the same size as Mum. I wonder if she’s got anything you could borrow?’

  She looked down at her baggy jersey dress and leggings, soft and comfortable and easy to wear, but not exactly smart dining. ‘Let’s hope so or you might be cancelling the reservation!’ she said lightly, and went to find Liz.

  ‘Oh, gosh—right. Um—come and see. I’m sure I’ve got something.’

  She had. A lovely black lace dress, soft and stretchy and elegant, and although her tummy was still a little bigger than she would have liked, the dress fitted beautifully and she wasn’t ashamed in any way of her post-pregnancy figure.

  ‘It’s lovely, Liz. Are you sure?’

  ‘Of course I’m sure. How about a little pashmina? I’ve got one that I wear with it to keep the chill off, and it might get cold later.’

  She borrowed them both, but stuck to her little flat black pumps. They had sparkly gems on the toe and they fitted, more to the point.

  She showered and then tipped out her bag, hunting through the things she’d thrown into it in haste on the way up, and then wailed.

  ‘What’s up?’

  Matt appeared in the doorway, and she pulled the borrowed dressing gown tighter round her. ‘No knickers.’

  ‘Ah.’ He disappeared, and came back a moment later dangling a scrap of cream lace from one finger.

  She frowned and snatched them from his fingertip. ‘They’re mine!’

  ‘Yup. I must have scooped them up with the suit and things the morning after the wedding. I didn’t exactly pack carefully.’

  ‘No.’ He hadn’t. He scooped everything up and shoved it in the bag, and she hadn’t been able to find the tiny lace shorts. ‘So what are they doing here?’

  ‘They were in my case—in the pocket. I found them and washed them—I meant to give them back to you ages ago, but I shoved them in the case and just forgot. You talking about it reminded me.’

  ‘Thanks. They’ll go a treat with the nursing bra.’

  He started to laugh, and then he pulled her into his arms and hugged her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. ‘You’re gorgeous, Amy. You don’t need sexy underwear to turn me on.’

  And just like that, with those few words, her body came alive in his arms. Her breath caught in her throat, her heart speeded up, and she took a shaky step back and met his eyes. ‘Shoo,’ she said, more firmly than she felt. ‘I need to feed Josh and express some more milk before we go, and I don’t need an audience. If you want to do something useful, you can make me a cup of tea.’

  He went, humming softly as he walked away, and she shut the door and put on the little shorts. They looked all right, she thought, even though she’d gained a little weight. She’d been too thin at the wedding—worrying about seeing him again.

  Now, she couldn’t wait to be alone with him, and she put on the borrowed makeup—a touch of concealer over the bags under her eyes from the disturbed nights, a streak of eyeshadow over her lids, a flick of mascara. Nothing more. She’d eat the lipstick off in moments, and anyway Matt didn’t like kissing lipstick, and she really, really hoped he’d end up kissing her goodnight.

  At the very least…

  ‘Mr Walker! Welcome back, sir.’

  Matt smiled. ‘Sorry—wrong Mr Walker. You’re thinking of my twin brother,’ he explained with a grin. ‘I’m not two-timing Daisy.’

  ‘My apologies, sir—I must say I’m relieved to hear it.’ The maitre d’ beamed and showed them to their table, set in a quiet alcove. ‘I’ve put you at their favourite table. He caused quite a stir in here the night he proposed to Mrs Walker. How are they?’

  ‘Very well. They had a boy.’

  ‘Ah. I wondered. Well, please give them our congratulations. May I get you a drink?’

  ‘Yes—thank you. Could we have sparkling water?’

  ‘Of course.’

  He faded away, and Amy smiled. ‘Don’t you ever get sick of that happening?’

  He grinned. ‘No, not really. I’m used to it. It’s a bit more complicated when we’re working together. We used to wear colour-coded scrubs and shirts to give the staff a clue, but the patients found it confusing.’

  ‘I’ve never found it confusing.’

  ‘That’s because you love me,’ he said, and then let his breath out on a sigh and smiled wryly. ‘Sorry. Ignore me.’

  It was on the tip of her tongue to say yes, he was right, but she didn’t, and a waiter appeared with their sparkling water and menus, and they ordered their food. Eventually.

  ‘I can’t decide,’ she’d said, and he grinned.

  ‘Neither can I. Let’s share, then we can have two dishes from each course.’

  So they did, swapping plates halfway through, or a little more than half in Matt’s case because he was bigger than her and it was only fair, but the food was gorgeous and she was reluctant to let it go.

  ‘I want everything,’ she said, and he just laughed and swapped the plates.

  ‘We’ll come again,’ he said, and she felt a little flutter in her chest.

  ‘Yes, let’s.’ She looked away to break the tension, and scanned the room with her eyes. ‘It’s lovely in here, a real find. I can see why Ben and Daisy like it so much.’

  ‘Yes, so can I.’

  She sighed softly, her face thoughtful. ‘It’s so nice being alone with you like this. It seems forever since we did it.’

  ‘It is. The last time we had dinner together was before Samuel.’

  She smiled sadly, twisting his heart. ‘And all I wanted was peanut butter.’

  He nodded. ‘I’ve thought about that. I should have realised at Christmas when you were eating that sandwich.’

  ‘I should have told you. I wanted to, but I was blocking it out, too afraid of what might come out if I let go, and I wanted to protect you, just in case.’

  His hand found hers lying on the table, his thumb tracing circles on the soft skin. ‘I didn’t need protecting, Amy,’ he said softly. ‘I just needed to share it with you, whatever it was. Promise me you’ll never do that again, whatever happens, whatever you’re worried about, whatever you’re afraid of. Tell me the truth. And I’
ll do the same. We need to learn to open up to each other, to talk about the things that really matter. And it won’t always be easy. It never is, but we have to.’

  She nodded. ‘I agree.’ She hesitated for a moment, then took the first step on that road. ‘Can I ask you something about the house?’

  He gave a slightly puzzled frown. ‘Sure. What about it?’

  ‘Why did you do it like that?’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘All of it—the kitchen I’d said I liked, the colours, the granite—you even kept the wisteria, and a lawn. We’d talked about needing a lawn for children to play on, although you’d talked about having a modern low-maintenance garden.’

  ‘It is low maintenance. It’s mostly paved, and I found I wanted a piece of lawn—just a little bit of home, I suppose,’ he said, but then remembered what he’d said about telling the truth, and he smiled wryly. ‘And I suppose I hoped that you’d come back to me, that one day we might have another child to play on the lawn. And yeah, I did the kitchen for you, and painted it all for you in your favourite colours. I told you that.’

  ‘But you didn’t really say why.’

  ‘For you. I did all of it for you. I wanted you back, Amy, and I still do. I’ve told you that.’

  ‘You said you wanted me to come and live with you with Josh. I thought—’

  She broke off, and he prompted her. ‘You thought…?’

  ‘I thought you wanted Josh with you, and it was the easiest way. And the cheapest, if you were talking about paying my rent so I didn’t have to worry about money. It would be cheaper and easier and more convenient to have me with you.’

  ‘And you really thought that was why I wanted you to come back to me?’ he asked, genuinely shocked. His hand tightened on hers. ‘Oh, Amy. I didn’t even give the money a thought. I just—it seemed a way to convince you to come back to me. It was nothing to do with Josh, nothing at all. Of course I want to be near him, but I would have moved, would have found a way like Ben did to be near Florence. But I want you, Amy. I love you, I always have, I always will, and I don’t want to be without you. Josh is amazing, and having him in my life is wonderful, but the thought of my life without you in it is untenable.’

  ‘Really?’ She stared at him for ages, and then her eyes filled. ‘Oh, Matt. I love you, too. I thought you didn’t love me, I thought losing Samuel gave you a way out of a relationship that you hadn’t asked for and came to realise you didn’t want.’

  ‘Of course I wanted it! Why would I want a way out, Amy? I love you. I’ll always love you. I thought four years would be enough to get over you, but I realised at the wedding that I wasn’t over you at all, I’d just been marking time.’

  ‘Me, too.’ Her smile was gentle, her eyes filled with tears, and suddenly he wanted to be alone with her—completely alone, so he could hold her, touch her, love her.

  And lovely though the restaurant was, he’d had enough of it. He glanced up and caught the waiter’s eye, and asked for the bill.

  ‘Is everything all right, sir?’ he asked worriedly, and Matt smiled.

  ‘Everything’s fine. Thank you.’

  ‘Matt?’

  He stroked her wrist with his thumb again, tracing the pulse point, feeling it leap. ‘I just want to be alone with you,’ he said a little gruffly, and her eyes widened slightly. And then she smiled, and ran the tip of her tongue lightly over her lips. He groaned softly and closed his eyes.

  ‘Stop it,’ he murmured, as the waiter came back with the bill and the card machine. He didn’t even glance at the bill, just keyed in his PIN and left a couple of notes on the table as he ushered Amy out.

  They walked to the car in silence, hand in hand, and he drove home as fast as was sensible.

  The house was quiet when they got in, a note on the kitchen table. ‘All well. Josh is in with us. Sleep well.’

  He met her eyes, slid his fingers through hers and led her upstairs to his room. There wasn’t a sound in the house except the ticking of the clock, and he closed the door of his room and turned to Amy in the moonlight.

  ‘Come here,’ he said gruffly, and wrapped her in his arms, his mouth coming down on hers tentatively, searchingly. He hadn’t kissed her since the wedding, not like this, and he wasn’t entirely sure of how she’d react. It was still only weeks since Josh’s birth, and although she seemed well…

  He needn’t have worried. She slid her arms around his neck, leant into him and kissed him back with the pent-up longing of all those years without him, and with a groan of satisfaction he let instinct guide him and plundered her mouth with his.

  She stopped him after a moment, easing away and looking up at him regretfully. ‘Matt, we can’t. What if I get pregnant?’

  He smiled. ‘Don’t worry. My brother’s a good boy scout. I checked his bedside locker. They’ve just been to stay.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And I may have raided it.’

  She smiled back, her lips parting on a soft laugh and her eyes creasing. ‘Well done,’ she said, and went back into his arms.

  ‘So how do you feel about coming back to London to live with me?’

  She was propped up against the headboard feeding Joshua, Matt beside her with his arm around her shoulders, and she turned her head and met his eyes.

  ‘It sounds lovely. I’ll miss being near Ben and Daisy, but it’s not far from them, we can see them often.’

  ‘We can. They’re talking of selling both houses and buying something bigger, so we’ll be able to go and stay, and I’m sure we can squeeze them in here. And if you really want to work, I’m sure we can find room in the department for another midwife for a few shifts a week—especially if her name’s Mrs Walker.’

  She went still and searched his eyes. He was smiling, but his eyes were serious and thoughtful. ‘I might want to keep my maiden name,’ she said, fishing hard because she wasn’t quite sure, and the smile spread to his eyes.

  ‘They’ll all gossip about us.’

  ‘How will they know?’

  ‘Because I can’t keep my hands off you?’ he murmured, and she laughed softly.

  ‘Really, Mr Walker, that’s so unprofessional.’

  ‘I like to keep tabs on my staff.’

  ‘Well, just make sure you’re only keeping those sort of tabs on one member of staff, please,’ she scolded, and he chuckled and hugged her closer.

  ‘Absolutely. So—is that a yes?’

  ‘Was that a proposal?’

  He smiled wryly. ‘I’ve already asked you once. And I haven’t got a ring to give you.’

  ‘I’ve still got the one you gave me. It’s in my jewellery box, with Samuel’s scan photo.’

  His lips parted, and he let his breath out slowly and hugged her. ‘Oh, sweetheart. I thought you would have sold it.’

  ‘Why would I do that?’

  He shrugged. ‘To fund your trip to India?’

  She smiled sadly. ‘I could never have sold it, and I didn’t need much money in India. All I did was walk along beaches and sleep under the stars and think.’

  ‘On your own? That doesn’t sound very safe.’

  ‘I didn’t care about safe, Matt, and it didn’t cost a lot which was good, because I didn’t have much. But I would never have sold your ring. It would be like selling part of myself.’

  He picked up her hand, stroking her ring finger softly, his heart pounding. ‘Will you wear it for me again?’

  ‘You could ask me again, just so I know you mean it.’

  ‘I just did, and you know I mean it, Amy,’ he said, and then gave a rueful laugh and gave up. He wasn’t going to get away with it, obviously, but he wasn’t going down on one knee. That would mean letting her go and he didn’t plan on doing that any time soon, so he shifted so he was facing her, still holding her hand, his eyes locked with hers.

  ‘I love you, my darling, and I want to spend my life with you, and with Josh and any other children that might come along in due course, and I want to grow ol
d with you, so you can trim the hair in my ears and buy me new slippers for Christmas and remind me of where I’ve left my glasses. So will you marry me? Share your life with me? I’ll put your tights on for you when you can’t bend over any more, and I promise I won’t steal your false teeth.’

  She started to laugh, but then her eyes filled with tears and she rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. ‘That sounds lovely. So lovely.’

  ‘Even the false teeth and the hair in my ears?’ he laughed.

  ‘I’ll buy you one of those gadgets. And that’s a yes, by the way. I’d love to marry you, as soon as you like, but—can we have a quiet wedding? Just family and a few friends.’

  ‘Sure. Where?’

  ‘Here? In the church where we were going to get married before? And maybe—if we got married on a Saturday, perhaps we could have Josh christened there on the Sunday, while the others are around?’

  ‘That sounds lovely,’ he said softly. ‘In fact, if you want, maybe the vicar could say a few words before the service, to remember Samuel.’

  Her eyes flooded with tears. ‘Oh, yes. Oh, Matt, that would be—’

  She broke off and he hugged her. ‘Shh. Don’t cry any more, my love. It’s going to be all right.’

  ‘Yes. Yes, it is.’ She looked down at Josh, fast asleep at her breast, and smiled tenderly.

  ‘It’s all going to be all right.’

  The wedding took place in September, on the anniversary weekend of Ben and Daisy’s wedding, in the family’s little parish church outside Harrogate. It was decorated with flowers from the lady who’d sold them the posy they’d taken to the cemetery, and it looked lovely.

  So did Amy.

  She was wearing a simple, elegant cream dress—not a wedding dress, because she’d refused to go down that route, and he hadn’t wanted to argue with her. Not about their wedding. All he was doing this time was listening. And when he saw her as she walked towards him on his father’s arm, carrying a posy of those lovely, natural flowers, Matt thought he’d never seen anyone more beautiful.