Ranch Hand

by Kar, Alla

  I look at Mom and she is grinning, certainly thinking she has done something great. “You look so sad so I called him.” She claps her hands together.

  I smile and step forward. Christopher puts one arm around my back and kisses my cheek. “I’ve missed you, Bridget.” My cheek burns, Levi had just been on top of me…shit…no…don’t think about it!

  I pat his back. “I’ve missed you, too.” My mouth is numbly dry and my eyes feel huge.

  Momma slaps my shoulder. “How rude, this is Levi, our ranch hand and Bridget’s childhood…friend.” Yeah we’ve been really friendly lately. She points toward Levi and it’s the first time I’ve looked at him since Christopher arrived.

  He is blank faced, staring at me, his eyes wide, his jaw set in a hard straight line. “It’s nice to meet you,” Christopher says, placing his hand out.

  Please shake his hand, Levi I want to scream. Levi pushes off the counter and takes Christopher’s hand. “Nice to meet ya, too.”

  Christopher smiles and his hand rests around my waist. I see Levi notice the movement and he looks up at me, as if to say make him stop. I swallow hard and look the other way.

  “What is that smell?” Momma says.

  “Ah shit, the dumplings.”

  “The what?” Christopher asks.

  I run toward the oven where our lunch is scorching. I take it out and place it on the stove.

  Momma shakes her head. “Let me help, why don’t y’all go get situated on the porch. I’ll be right out.”

  Motherfucker.

  Chapter Seven

  Levi is sitting across from us. Neither one of us have said one word since we began eating. Momma has made conversation with Christopher the entire time and he has dominated our lunchtime talk.

  “So, did you get everything settled with the big case you were workin’ on?”

  Christopher sips on a glass of water and nods. “Yes, I hurried the rest along because I wanted to come down here with Bridget.”

  Momma smiles over at me and I dig my fork into the remains of my plate. “Levi, you’re awfully quite, which is not normal.” Momma chuckles and holds her hand over her mouth.

  Levi glances up and his eyes go to Christopher and then me. “Just not feelin’ too well, now. Feel a little sick to my stomach. Maybe it’s the heat.”

  My stomach feels wrong. Bile is on its way up. “So, Levi, what is it you do here? You’re a ranch hand. What does that entail?” Christopher says.

  I roll my eyes and shove a mouthful of dumplings in my mouth. Christopher narrows his eyes at me and then he drags his eyes back to Levi.

  “I take care of the horses,” he snaps. “I feed them, water them and bathe them. I take care of the ranch business, since Mr. Gaines hasn’t been up to it.”

  Christopher nods and smiles. “Must be a pretty relaxing job. It sounds like you enjoy it.”

  “It is a simple life. Not much on city life, myself. All I need is this.” Levi leans back in his chair and lets his arms rest on the back of the chairs beside him. His eyes are on Christopher.

  “Everyone likes different things. It does seem peaceful out here.” Christopher smiles and wraps his arm around me.

  I cringe.

  “It looks like a pretty setting for the wedding, huh, honey?” Christopher looks down at me. He is smiling, his eyes sparkling. I remember why I fell in love with him but I can’t fight the burning sensation in my chest. My mind is racing. I just cheated on my fiancé.

  “What a wonderful idea!” Momma shouts. “You two should get married out here. It is beautiful and you grew up here, Bridget.”

  “I…” I open my mouth but close it. I feel like I might cough up all of my dumplings right then and there.

  Levi is staring at me. Momma is smiling and Christopher is waiting for an answer.

  I stand up. “I think I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a moment.” I stumble through the kitchen to my room and lock the door. I feel light headed, my mind is spinning. I hold my stomach and fall onto my bed. This cannot be happening. I try and close my eyes, get my act together. Christopher is your fiancé. He loves you. You love him. Levi is your past. Levi doesn’t matter. I let out a small helpless cry and I hear a knock on my door.

  I look up and wipe my eyes. “Come in.”

  Christopher opens the door. He is standing in the doorframe, his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans. “Are you alright, honey?”

  I nod and sit up. “Yes, just a little tired I guess.”

  “Did you have a late night? Your mother said you went to the fair…how fun.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

  “It was,” I challenge. “It’s going on next week, maybe you and I can go this time?”

  Christopher smiles and walks toward me, sitting on his knees in front of me. He pushes his black hair back from his face. “Are you okay with the wedding being here, honey? I think it would be great.” He runs his fingers through my hair and I shiver. My heart is pounding so hard against my chest. “It’s your home. You won’t be home much after we marry, and I feel it’s the right thing to do.”

  I won’t be back home. I bite my lip and pretend to smile. “I love it here. I miss it.”

  Christopher smiles and leans toward me. I close my eyes and feel his lips touch my cheek. My cheek. He hasn’t once kissed me on the lips since he’s gotten here. I open my eyes and he is looking at his phone. “I have to make a call. It won’t be long. Why don’t you go outside, and I’ll meet you back there.”

  I nod and walk out of the room and to the patio. Momma is sitting there by herself. I look to Levi’s seat and feel a surge of guilt. “He is out in the barn, baby. He looks a little pale maybe you should bring him some sweet tea.”

  I nod and grab his glass. It’s completely full and I watch the ice cubes slosh around in the cup as I walk toward the barn. Levi is throwing hay into the horses stall when I walk in.

  “Hey, brought you some tea,” I say helplessly.

  He ignores me, baling more hay. “It’s really sweet like you like it.” Levi stops and looks up at me. His eyes are dark and it scares me a little bit.

  I drop the tea down to my side and stand there. I know I look stupid, but I don’t know what else to do.

  “I’m a fuckin’ idiot, you know that?” he says, jumping down off the trailer. “I’m a fuckin’ dumb ass that thought this would actually work out somehow.” I open my mouth and close it. “He is here. He wants to get married, here!” Levi runs his fingers through his hair. “I can’t take this. Was this what you wanted?”

  “Levi, no…”

  “Did you want to come back and get a rise out of me? Fuck me one last time and then go runnin’ back to your prince charming?”

  “No!”

  Levi steps closer to me. “Then tell me. Tell me you’ll stop the wedding, baby girl, and then I’ll believe you. Until then, I just think it was a reunion thing. A blast from the past.” Levi steps forward and plants a hard kiss on my lips. He is breathing hard and gripping the side of my tank top. He pushes me back. “It’s all on you.”

  He walks out and doesn’t look back. My stomach is lurching. I feel like vomiting.“Honey,” Christopher says from behind me. “Are you alright? Oh, neat! Look at all of the horses, it really looks like Texas.”

  I look back and he is smiling, not getting too close to any of the horses but enough to admire them. “It is Texas.” Dumb ass.

  Christopher smiles. “Of course. Now…” he gestures for me to follow him, “...let’s go inside. Your mother wants to talk to us about the wedding.”

  ***

  Holt has joined Momma in the living room. He has his police uniform on and I can tell he thinks he looks hot. I almost smile. Holt stands up and cocks an eyebrow at me. I fake a smile but he knows. He knows something is wrong.

  “You must be Christopher,” Holt says offering his hand.

  “Yes, it’s nice to meet you. You’re Holt, right? Bridget’s brother?”

  “
Yes, sir.”

  Holt has his eyes on me while he sits down. Momma giggles and I hide the urge to roll my eyes. “They have decided to have the wedding here.”

  “Here?” Holt screeches out.

  “Well, we were talking about it,” I hesitate. Levi’s eyes blinding my memory.

  “Why not?” Momma pouts. “You could have it this fall, maybe in September, so Papaw can see it here. He can make a visit to the back yard I’m sure. Hell, maybe even sooner!”

  She is playing the Papaw card. September? That’s only one month away! Sooner! What. The. Hell?

  “Honey,” Christopher coos, draping his arm over my shoulder. “What is the problem? You can tell us.”

  No I can’t.

  “I don’t know…I’m just feeling overwhelmed.” I lie. Holt lifts an eyebrow and holds back a smile. I give him a warning glare.

  “Well, sweetheart. It’s all up to you. We can do this however you want. It is your big day.”

  I sigh, gripping the couch tightly. “I just feel we have time to think about it, that’s all.”

  Christopher nods and his eyes rest on mine. “I think we have plenty of time. But, for now, I need to take a quick nap. The jet lag has me worn.”

  I nod, relieved I don’t have to stay under his glare anymore. “Okay, you can take a nap in the back room.”

  “Bridget, why don’t you go with him,” Momma suggests.

  “No!” I blurt out and everyone looks at me. “No, I’m not really tired. Plus, Holt had something planned for us, right Holt.”

  He half rolls his eyes. “Yep, I wanted to show her my house.”

  “Holt, she has seen it before, plus Christopher is here…,”

  “Oh, Mother! Christopher sees her every day. I want some brother-sister bonding time.” He wraps his arm around me and squeezes me tight. “If that’s alright with you, Chris?”

  He smiles, it’s fake, I know that smile. “Of course, family comes first.” Liar. Christopher doesn’t have anything to do with his family. He hasn’t seen them in years.

  Momma’s brows are furrowed but she smiles. Christopher kisses my cheek and then hers. “I’ll wake you for dinner,” I say.

  “Looking forward to experiencing Southern cooking.”

  Momma smiles. “Well, just you wait.” We all watch Christopher walk down the hallway. “What is the matter with you two? You’re actin’ really strange.” Momma crosses her

  arms and pushes her ponytail off her shoulder. “I raised some damn weirdoes.”

  She walks off shaking her head. Holt pushes me out of his grip and pops my head. “What the hell, Bridge? What’s goin’ on?”

  I close my eyes. “Can we go somewhere to talk, please?”

  “Come on, we’ll go to the pond.”

  ***

  Holt pulls up to the pond by our house and parks. He wouldn’t know that this spot is just as bad as the others. Levi had tried to kiss me here. I close my eyes and shake my head. Holt is half way to the pond before I get out of the truck. When we sit, I don’t care that my ass is getting wet. I don’t care that it’s the yucky pond water, either.

  “So, what’s goin’ on, lil’ sis?” Holt sighs, picks up a rock and chunks it. “Why the sad face, baby girl.”

  “I had sex with Levi,” I blurt out. I almost think Holt might snarl his nose and pretend to barf. This isn’t something I would normally tell my brother. But I have no one to talk to now. I’m not in high school anymore, I’m an adult, I have no friends besides Christopher and it hurts to admit it. It hurts because in Texas, I do. In Texas, I at least have my family.

  “Damn, Levi,” Holt says, shaking his head. His laugh is a big boom like Dad’s and he slaps his knees. “Damn it.”

  I sigh and hide my face in my hands. “This is serious and you’re not taking it seriously!”

  “I am!” he says, wrapping his large arm over me. “Was it as good as the last time?” he barks out.

  “Screw you.” I hit him and smile. “Seriously, though. I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell Christopher. He will leave me.”

  Holt raises an eyebrow. “You don’t seem too upset ‘bout that, though. If ya ask me.”

  Guilt twists deep in my stomach. “Well—I guess I would be hurt. I do love him. I love him a lot. I think. At least I know I should. And plus, Levi has Mary. What about her?”

  “Please, Bridget. You’re just tryin’ to make yourself feel better. That boy doesn’t give a damn ‘bout her. You two fight like a married couple. He asks ‘bout you all the time. He still loves ya, girl.”

  I sigh. “I don’t know what to do. He thinks I was just having sex with him because I wanted to one more time.”

  “Were you?” Holt asks.

  “No! I wanted to so bad…I miss it here. But I miss him sometimes. He makes me think of the past, my past here.”

  Holt leans back on his elbows. “Do you love him enough to give up your life in New York? I don’t know if it’s changed for him. The reason it didn’t work the first time was because you didn’t want to live here. Now that Papaw is goin’, I don’t think Levi would want to leave this place even more. Would you be willin’ to leave your home in New York for this?”

  I hadn’t thought of it. I hadn’t been thinking at all. All I had on my mind was Levi…and him loving me…touching me. “I don’t know,” I admit.

  “Well, that’s somethin’ you need to think ‘bout. Do you want somethin’ like Cindy and me have, just a good time? Or do you want a stable relationship? You never know what you will get if you stay with Levi. You know you’ll have Christopher. He is stable. He is smart with his money.”

  I nod. “Holt?”

  “What?”

  “I miss y’all.”

  He laughs, throws his head back and laughs. “That’s the first time since you’ve been back I’ve heard you use anythin’ country. Welcome back, young-un.”

  “Good to be back.” I smile.

  ***

  Holt’s talk didn’t give me the answers I needed, but it helped me get a grasp of my options. Whatever they were, Holt made it seem it would be okay.

  Christopher was up after Holt and I got back. Holt had thrown me into the pond when we were leaving and took off running. It wasn’t fun, but I had to admit it was a little funny. I jump into the shower and Christopher gets dressed in the bedroom. I bite my lip. I can imagine Christopher undressing. He has a long lean tightness about him. He doesn’t have vast muscles like Levi, he is tight.

  I slip out of the shower in my towel and go to the bedroom. Christopher has his shirt off, black slack pants on. I almost ask why he has those on, but I remember this is how we always dress. But not tonight. Not at home.

  “Honey, why are you standing there? Do you need help getting dressed? You want me to pick out something for you?”

  I shake my head. I could be naked, covered in whipped cream and he wouldn’t notice half the time. “No. Just grabbing my jeans.”

  “Wait, you’re wearing jeans to dinner?

  I grip the fabric and dig my nails into them. “Yes, we do not dress up for dinner here, you’ll see.”

  “So, no slacks?”

  “No—yes, wear the slacks.” He smiles and walks toward the closet. I have never seen Christopher in normal jeans, and thinking about it seems wrong. He isn’t the jeans type. He has dress jeans, but never have I seen him in a pair with a tear or rip. Heaven forbid.

  When we get to supper, Daddy is here. I’ve dreaded the moment when Daddy had to meet Christopher. It’s always nerve racking.

  “Daddy,” I say, taking small steps toward him. “This is…,” I trail off. I see Levi walk into the kitchen with Mary on his arm. My jaw tightens and I struggle with the urge to slam her head into the screen door she is pushing open.

  “Christopher,” Christopher says, finishing my sentence. “I’m Christopher.”

  I shake my head, snapping out of it. “Yes.”

  Daddy nods. “Nice to meet ya, son. You’re one lucky man. My
daughter is a special lil’ lady.” He wraps his big arm around me and squeezes.

  “I agree,” Christopher says. I go straight to my seat at the table and Christopher sits beside me. Mamaw introduces herself but I’m not listening, my mind is drifting, wandering anywhere but at this damned table. I hear Mary squeak and I grab my fork. I want to stab her.

  They sit across from me and Levi’s eyes meet mine. He isn’t smiling, isn’t laughing, isn’t saying anything only staring at us.

  “Wow, Mrs. Gaines, what is the big meal for? This looks like Thanksgiving,” Mary says.

  “Well,” she smiles, pushing her gray hair from her face. “We have a very special guest. Christopher, Bridget’s fiancé, has made it in from New York and I found out today they are havin’ the wedding here!”

  Everyone at the table starts talking, congratulating us.

  “I never said that,” I yell. The table dies down, everyone is looking at me. Daddy has a piece of ham hanging from his mouth and everyone else is pretty much speechless. “I said we were thinking about it.”

  Mamaw clears her throat. “Well I…,”

  “She is right. We are thinking about it. We do not have to do anything Bridget doesn’t want to do. This is just an option.”

  Christopher is tense beside me but his voice is calm, soothing. “Okay, well let’s eat,” Mamaw says, her eyes focused on mine. We pass the food around and Christopher picks at his while telling Mamaw he loves it.

  Levi won’t look at me. He won’t talk to me. He talks to everyone but me.

  “So, where do you two think you will live after the wedding?” Mamaw asks.

  “Definitely New York,” he answers. “That is where our lives are right now. Maybe we can move a few years down the road when everything settles.”