The Engagement Game

by Hunter, Talia

  “What do you think of this one?” Treadmill held up a long, sparkly satin gown with lace sleeves. “Too much?”

  “Why not try it on?” Carin tried to smile, but her stomach felt uncomfortably tight. She wasn’t sure whether to pace, or to sit down. It was a horrible feeling when your body wanted to do both things at once.

  Damn you, Jake.

  The last few days had stripped layers of blindness from her eyes. She’d always known her feelings for Jake ran deep. He was the bedrock her whole life had been built on. But on Lantana, she’d discovered a whole new side to him. He’d always been fun and clever and loveable. Now there was so much more to him, and the way he could make her body tingle all over with the most incredible sensations was only a small part of it. When he wasn’t touching her, the world seemed colder and less interesting.

  No wonder he’d broken so many hearts. Had she really thought she’d be different? He’d spent the night with Sally just a few months ago, for heaven’s sake, and now he’d kissed her again. And Carin couldn’t even hate him. She’d gone into this with her eyes open, after all. He’d warned her, and she hadn’t wanted to listen.

  Because she was in love with him.

  The realization came to her as a perfectly clear voice in her head, patiently explaining something that should have been obvious.

  Of course she was in love with Jake. After all, romantic love was only a small step from the deep love of their friendship. The intensifying of her love had happened so easily and naturally, she’d barely noticed.

  “So, what do you think?” asked Treadmill. She’d pulled on the satin dress and was trying to peer past Sally to see her reflection in the mirror. Sally seemed oblivious to her attempts, busy turning this way and that, running her hands over her perfect figure.

  Why was she even looking at Sally? The woman had kissed Jake, a man she’d been told was Carin’s fiancé. Who did that?

  “Carin?” asked Treadmill again. “What do you think?”

  “Sorry.” Carin forced her mind back to the dress. “It suits you.”

  “Now you,” said Treadmill, hauling another dress out of the rack. “I bet this one would look great on you.”

  Carin pulled the dress on, still feeling like she was only half aware of what was going on in the room. Treadmill had barely finished buttoning up the row of tiny buttons at the back of her dress, before there was a knock on the door.

  “Can I come in?” One of the crew asked, a woman who was usually in charge of one of the big sound booms. “We’re going to get some shots of you getting ready for the elimination ceremony, so I’m going to mic you up.”

  “The elimination’s not until tomorrow,” protested Treadmill.

  “Yeah.” The woman lugged in a box of equipment and set it down in the middle of the floor. “But it’ll be a big day of filming tomorrow and we’re trying to get a head start on it.”

  She fixed Carin’s microphone under her neckline and fixed the battery pack to the back of her gown, where it was hidden by its elaborate folds. “Much easier to put these suckers under a dress than when you’re wearing a bikini,” she said with a laugh. “Bev’s going to bring in some makeup and hair brushes.”

  “Girly stuff.” She-Wolf clapped her hands. “That sounds like fun. Don’t suppose you could bring in some sandwiches too? Or anything to eat that isn’t fish?”

  The woman winked. “I’ll see what I can do.” She finished fastening on She-Wolf’s microphone and moved to Sally.

  “What wouldn’t I give for some real food?” Treadmill grabbed the front of her dress theatrically. “You’re not just teasing us are you? Will you really bring us something?”

  “If I can.”

  Carin swallowed. There was a camaraderie in the room, a shared hope that should have made her feel warm toward her fellow competitors. But Sally’s actions had ruined it for her. All she felt was betrayed.

  Carin watched the crew member fasten on Sally’s microphone, and when she was finished and Sally turned back to the mirror, she felt herself step forward as though she wasn’t quite in control of her legs.

  “Sally, please tell me one thing, because I really want to know.” Her voice came out sharper than she’d expected. “Why did you kiss Jake?”

  Sally blinked, surprised, and turned to face her. “He told you?” Then her tone became defensive. “Why do you even care? It’s not like you’re dating him anyway. He said you two were just friends.”

  “He said what?”

  Sally gave her a smug look. “The first night you arrived, he told me you two weren’t really together. He came outside and sat with me on the beach, just the two of us in the darkness. We talked honestly for a long time and really connected, you know?” She tilted her head, her eyes calculating. “In fact, he made a real point of telling me your engagement was fake. He wanted me to know he was available.”

  Carin’s face flushed with heat. That couldn’t be true, could it? All she knew was that she’d never wanted to hit someone as badly as she did right now.

  “Is that true?” demanded Treadmill. “You and Jake aren’t really engaged?”

  The crew member had also turned to her and Carin felt the stares of all five women in the room. Now they all knew the truth, it was bound to get back to Bozier. How angry would he be at her deception? Would he blacklist her from being in any more of his shows?

  “Who else have you told?” she asked Sally.

  “Just Sam. But I heard Jake tell Penelope.”

  “What? He told Penelope too?” Carin’s stomach turned over. Why would Jake tell Bozier’s assistant they weren’t dating? There was only one reason Carin could think of. Penelope had been flirting with Jake since they arrived. Surely it couldn’t be a coincidence that he’d informed the two most beautiful women on the island that he was single?

  No, that couldn’t be the reason he’d told them. Jake wouldn’t do that do her.

  Would he?

  She needed some air. Turning away from the accusing eyes of the others, she stumbled outside. On the grass clearing next to the resort’s restaurant, Bozier was telling some of the camera crew where to set up their cameras.

  Carin’s throat felt tight, like she’d swallowed something hard. Her heart seemed to take up too much room in her chest. But Jake had left her no choice but to tell Bozier the truth. Better than letting someone else do it for her.

  Her feet were bare and the shell path was sharp, but she lifted the skirts of her wedding gown and picked her way toward him. “May I speak to you?”

  “Hmm?” Bozier frowned when he saw her face. “Are you okay?”

  “Not really. Do you mind if we talk in private?”

  “We can go in here.” He led her into the neighboring bure and shut the door. The main living area was filled with camera equipment and lights, but the couches were clear. Carin sunk down on one of them and Bozier took the couch opposite.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  She took a breath, gathering her courage. Like most powerful men, Bozier was intimidating. He was tall, with a beaky nose. His hair was receding, which made his forehead seem long and forbidding. But mostly, it was what he represented that made her nervous. The fact he could either make or kill her career on a whim. Her hand wanted to creep up and touch her scars, but she clasped it firmly in her lap.

  “I want to come clean,” she said. “Jake and I aren’t really engaged.” Bozier’s expression didn’t change, so Carin lifted her chin and went on. “Truth is, I came here to show you what I can do. I think I’d make a great fallen angel. I was hoping you’d consider me for that part in your new show.”

  “Well.” Bozier settled back, putting one arm across the top of the couch and spreading his legs. Carin had studied body language in acting classes, and she recognized a classic male power pose. “I have to say, your honesty is refreshing. Now that you are being honest with me.”

  He paused for a moment, and Carin was conscious of the way his gaze flicked down her body an
d back up to her face. “Now it’s my turn to put my cards on the table. That’s a big role you’ve set your sights on. Giving you a role like that would propel your career to a place most actresses only dream of.”

  Carin nodded, unable to stop her hands from twisting in her lap. “You said Jake and I were testing well with your test audience. If you’ll let me show you how I’d play the part—”

  He held up one hand to cut her off. “You’ve been in this industry for a while, so you must know there are no free rides. Nobody gets anything for nothing.”

  A chill settled over Carin’s skin as she heard Jake’s warning in her mind. “What do you mean?”

  “I think you know what I’m saying.” His smile was kindly, as though he were a friend doing her a favor. “If you really want this, you’ll do what it takes to get it. I can make your dreams come true, but you need to be good to me in return. It’s a two-way street, Carin. That’s only fair, isn’t it?”

  Carin stared at him, her mind churning. He sounded so reasonable, as though she would be silly to object. What she really wanted to do was stand up and kick him between his arrogantly-spread legs.

  It would be hugely satisfying, especially after the awful day she’d had. But if she did that, she’d never work again.

  And she had a better idea.

  Carin smiled sweetly, trying to look as though she was considering his offer. Did Bozier know she was wearing a microphone taped just under the neckline of her dress? She was pretty sure that their conversation was being recorded. And the woman who’d put the mic on her had seemed sympathetic, like the kind of person she might be able to convince to give her a copy of the recording. Then she’d have options. She could go public with it. Or perhaps she could convince Bozier to step down and talk the studio into replacing him with someone who wouldn’t force any other actresses to make a choice like this.

  “Let me make sure I understand.” She lowered her eyelashes, leaning forward a little as though she were eager to please. “You’ll give me the part I want if I have sex with you, right? Would it be just once, or would you want to keep doing it?”

  He gave her a smile so smug it was nauseating. “For such a large part, it would be fair for you to—”

  The door flew open with a crash that made Carin jump. Jake stormed in, his face red and his fists clenched. “I heard that, you piece of shit.” He hauled Bozier up from the couch, drawing one arm back.

  “Jake.” Carin jumped up. “Don’t—”

  Jake’s fist landed on Bozier’s face with a sickening crunch. The director fell back onto the couch, his hands lifted.

  “Stop,” yelled Carin, though Jake was already stepping back, breathing hard.

  “Are you alright?” he demanded, grabbing her upper arms. “Did he touch you?” His gaze swept over her as though checking for visible signs of damage.

  Carin yanked herself out of his grip. Anger flooded through her. Bozier had been about to admit that he was offering the part in exchange for sex. only Jake hadn’t given him enough time to say the words.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” she yelled. “You couldn’t let me deal with it myself?”

  Jake’s eyes widened. He flexed the hand he’d punched Bozier with as though it hurt. “I was coming to find you. To talk. And I was about to knock, but I heard what he was saying.” He flicked a glance at Bozier, who was scrambling to his feet.

  “You animal,” spat Bozier, both hands clutching his face. “You assaulted me. An unprovoked attack. Expect to hear from my lawyers.” He backed to the door. “And you.” He turned his snarl onto Carin. “Congratulations. Your friend just made sure you’ll never work in television again.” He paused at the door. “You’re both fired. I see either of you again, I’ll file a restraining order.”

  Carin stared after him as Bozier disappeared outside. What had just happened? Was it only this morning Bozier was telling her how well she and Jake had tested with their audience, and suggesting she should stay longer on the show?

  No chance of that now.

  Whatever choices she’d been about to make, Jake had made them for her. With one punch, he’d ended her career.

  Anger seared through her, and with it came an icy calm. Though her heart was thudding, when she spoke, she was amazed at how in control she sounded. “You told both Sally and Penelope we weren’t dating. Why did you do that, Jake?”

  He frowned at the sudden change in subject. “We weren’t dating.”

  “And you just happened to tell the two most attractive women on the island?”

  “It didn’t happen like that.” The distant, remote look she hated came over his face. “I don’t want either of them. I only want you.”

  Though she should be hot in her wedding dress, she felt cold. The kind of deep, intense cold that made her bones ache. Just a day or two ago, everything had been close to perfect. How could it have fallen apart so quickly?

  Her heart was thudding so hard it was painful. She pressed a hand to her chest, trying to calm it. “I wish I could believe you. But you don’t make it easy, Jake.”

  He hesitated. When he spoke, it was as though the words were being forced out of him. “Believe me, I’ve only ever wanted you. All these years, I’ve fought that feeling, pushed it deep and tried to deny it. But I can’t do it anymore. You deserve to know the truth.”

  “What?” She was even colder now. So cold she was shaking. And the air in the bure was too thick. She had to struggle to suck it into her lungs.

  He stepped forward and grabbed her hands. “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. You want to know why I’ve slept with so many women? Because I couldn’t have you.”

  “You’ve been in love with me all along?” she whispered. Good thing he was holding her hands because she felt dizzy. Her world was tilting. Nothing was like she’d thought it was.

  “I couldn’t tell you. But not a day has gone past that I haven’t wanted to be with you. You’ve always been the one, Carin. Always.”

  “And you’ve been lying to me all this time? Our friendship was built on a lie?” Carin’s dress was too tight and she couldn’t breathe. She pulled her hands out of his and pressed against her chest again as pain pulsed though her heart.

  “Carin? Are you okay? Sit down, sweetheart.” He took her arm, helping her into a chair. “Breathe, okay?” Turning his head, he yelled toward the open door. “We need help. Somebody get a doctor.”

  “I’m o-okay,” she said, though her teeth were starting to chatter. A panic attack was coming on. The realization filled her with fear. Her last attack had been three – no four – years ago, and knowing what was happening didn’t make it any less awful. it was hard to believe she wasn’t having a heart attack when pain was lancing through her chest and she had to struggle to draw in air.

  “Put your head between your legs. Shit, Carin. I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen.” He drew in a sharp breath, like he was the one in pain. “Hurting you was the last thing I wanted. I should never have—” He broke off with an impatient sound. “I can’t believe I did this to you. Again.”

  “I’m okay,” she said again, as though saying it would make it true. Tears forced themselves from her eyes. The truth was, she felt like she was going to die.

  “Don’t move. I’ll get the doctor.” He lunged to the door, cursing under his breath.

  She wanted to tell him not to go, but he was already half-way to the door. She fought for breath alone until the room was suddenly full of people. One of the crew loosened her dress while the doctor pressed a stethoscope to her chest, and somebody else fetched her a glass of water.

  She was surrounded by a dozen people, all anxious to make sure she was okay. The only one missing was Jake.

  28

  In the bedroom of his house in Sydney, Jake dropped another T-shirt into his suitcase. He’d been distracted all day, forgetting things he should be doing. Since leaving Lantana alone over a week ago, he’d thought about nothing but Carin.
<
br />   Maybe it was possible to hate himself more, but if so, he didn’t know how. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was her pale face, her eyes huge and dark as she fought to catch her breath.

  When he picked up the phone and dialed her number, he was certain Carin wouldn’t answer. It rang for long enough that he was expecting it to click over to her familiar voicemail message. When he heard her voice, it took him a moment to realize it was really her.

  “Hello, Jake,” she said.

  “Carin.” He let out a breath. “How are you?”

  “I’m at work so I can’t really talk.” The distance in her voice made him want to punch something.

  “It’s Wednesday,” he said. “Movie night. And the Labor of Love TV Show’s on at seven. The episode we’re in.”

  She was silent for the space of several heartbeats. Then she said, “I’ll make sure and watch it.”

  “Listen. I’m sorry.” The words were too small, too slight. There had to be another way to say them, a bigger way. Like one of those impossibly long Welsh place names. If he could manage to pronounce the syllables correctly, maybe they’d mean something to her.

  She was silent and he wished with all his heart he’d gone to see her instead of calling her. If only he could see her face.

  “I’m leaving for the Northern Territory in the morning,” he said.

  “For two years,” She said it so flatly that he couldn’t tell if she were happy he was going, or sad.

  “If I could cut it short, I would.” There were so many things he wanted to say. Like even though it had been a terrible idea for them to be together, and it might have ruined their friendship, he didn’t regret one second of it. And he’d miss her. Hell, he already missed her. Being without her was like missing a limb. Worse. Because he’d caught a glimpse of what life might be like if they could be together, and it had been even better than he’d dreamed of.