She’d put together the details that had lead up to his unexpected birth with snippets of information she’d gotten from Tom and her aunt. Nancy had complained of tiredness and feeling achy at work. Tom awakened during the night to her moaning.
As Nancy’s illness progressed so did the stress to the baby until the danger posed to her unborn child forced the decision for an emergency cesarean section. One of the hazards in working with the public was being exposed to unwanted germs. No one could say for sure, but some customer might have unknowingly passed this illness on to Nancy.
Catherine’s stomach rumbled with hunger reminding her that she hadn’t eaten in hours. Taking one last look at the baby, she told one of the nurses where she’d be and took the elevator down to the hospital cafeteria. But once there the smell of food made her stomach roll in queasy waves and she ended up settling for a cup of tea and a plate of dry toast. She sat sipping the tea and ignoring the toast when Ryan joined her.
“They told me I’d find you here,” he said pulling out a chair across from her. “I wish I could say something to ease your distress, but any words that come to mind seem like tired clichés.”
“That’s how I feel every time I’m around Tom.”
“He’s taking this very hard.”
“He can’t help it. Nancy means everything to him. She’s his life.”
“In that case he’ll take close watching if she doesn’t pull out of this.”
She looked at him with sudden alarm.
“Are you suggesting what I think you are?”
“I’m merely stating a possibility. When two people are that close they don’t always handle it well when something happens to the other. You know that, Catherine.”
“Yes, but Tom will have their baby. He could fill some of the void for him.”
“That will depend on Tom. The baby may not be enough.”
She looked at him, her eyes dull with worry and fatigue.
“He’s got to be.”
Ryan reached across the table and laid his hand over hers. “You look like you could use a good night’s sleep. I know your aunt is planning on staying here. Why don’t you come and stay at my house tonight?”
Instant color flooded her pale cheeks and she jerked her hand away.
“I hardly think that would be appropriate right now.”
“Kiren is spending the night at a friend’s. I was offering you her bedroom and the door has a lock.”
“Oh. I didn’t mean to imply that you were suggesting anything improper,” she said, knowing that she’d done exactly that.
“Yes you were, and I’m not sure which one of us should feel the most upset by your assumption.”
“That was very rude of me. I’m sorry, Ryan.”
He pushed his chair back and stood up.
“So am I.”
She watched him walk away and felt mortified by her careless words.
Chapter Twelve
While Nancy’s health continued to decline, her baby grew strong enough to be released from the hospital. Priscilla went ahead to set up what she would need for her grandson, as Catherine convinced Tom to drive her and the baby home. Although the child wouldn’t know, she wanted one of his parents to be involved in his homecoming.
Tom stood in deep thought, silently staring at his son lying in the bassinet Nancy had so lovingly chosen before her illness. He abruptly turned to face the two women.
“I have to go,” he murmured. “Thank you for taking him.”
Priscilla touched his arm.
“It’s just until Nancy is well again,” she said. “Then you’ll both take your baby home with you.” She spoke softly while blinking back fresh tears.
He seemed to shrink away from her offer of sympathy, as though he couldn’t bear her personal grief coupled with his own.
Catherine, watching him and seeing his anguish, remembered how Nancy had cried telling her about Tom’s troubled family life. He’d been an unwanted child treated with indifference by his father and scorned by his mother. He’d always thought he was unworthy to receive love until he met Nancy.
The telephone rang in the kitchen.
“That might be the pediatrician. I left a message that I have a few questions,” Priscilla told them before hurrying away.
Catherine turned to Tom. “Have you told Josh’s family what’s happening?”
“No, they have enough of their own problems to deal with right now.”
“That’s true, they do. But I think they’d like to know that you have a son,” she urged, silently vowing that she would call them if he didn’t.
“Maybe later.” His glance slid toward the sleeping baby then back to her. “I need you to promise me something, Catherine.”
“Anything.”
“I want you to take the baby when Nancy . . .” He stopped, unable to go on.
“You know I’ll be here to help in any way that I can. So will Pris, but Nancy’s a fighter. There’s still a chance she could come out of this.” They were empty words, and she knew it; yet she couldn’t tell him she’d had a nightmare showing Nancy in a coffin.
He jerked her against him.
“Did you have a dream about her?” he questioned. “I don’t understand how you know these things, but you do. Is she going to pull through this? Will she make it? Tell me!”
“I don’t know.”
His eyes narrowed.
“I think you do, and it’s not good. You’re lying to try and protect me. Or you’re letting your personal feelings cloud your professional knowledge.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I went into a curio shop in Mexico once and saw a death mask of a young woman’s face. That’s what Nancy’s face reminds me of now.”
“Oh Tom, don’t.”
“I need to know I can depend on you to take care of the baby.”
“He’ll still have you,” she said hoping to penetrate the layers of his grief.
He let out a self-deprecating grunt. “Which isn’t much.
“You mustn’t say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s true. I’m an empty shell without Nancy. All my life I wanted to belong. She gave that to me, but now it’s coming to an end. Watching her die is killing me bit by bit.”
He gripped her shoulders until she winced.
“No matter what happens, I want you to be the baby’s mother. Please Catherine, do this for me and for Nancy.”
“Oh, Tom.” She leaned forward offering him what comfort she could. “You know I will. He’s part of me and Aunt Priscilla, as he is yours and Nancy’s.”
She brushed her mouth across his lips before he stepped back.
“It helps knowing that he’ll have you both. I’ve got to go. Tell Pris goodbye and thank her for me.”
“Will you come back here tonight?”
“It depends on what tonight brings.”
She fought back her tears.
“We’ll be here for you no matter what happens, Tom.”
Catherine walked with him to the door and watched as he got into his car and drove away. She checked on the baby and started toward the kitchen when she heard the door open again. She stopped. The hairs on the back of her neck seemed to stand on end. She turned slowly and what she saw nearly sent her collapsing to the floor.
Josh stood framed in the doorway like a spectral vision that had returned from the dead.
“That was quite a touching little display.”
In all her dreams of seeing him again, Catherine had always run into his open arms, but now she stood unable to move or utter so much as a sound. She didn’t recognize the hot anger in his eyes or hear the low fury in his tone. His voice sounded distorted inside her head. It was as if the world had suddenly slipped off kilter.
“What’s the matter sweetheart, cat got your tongue?” he taunted the cliché.
Jumbled thoughts raced along the edge of her brain. She stared at him noticing how his once sturdy body seemed so frail. He looked haggard, as though every bit of
vitality had been sucked out of him. She felt a sob catch in her throat. Her prayers had been answered. He was here.
“Oh God Josh, you’ve come back.”
“Slightly later than the three months I’d originally planned, but hey, who’s counting?” His bitter attempt at humor only added to the tension in the room.
“Why didn’t you let us know you were coming?”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
Tears filled her eyes, as she reached out to him, but he stepped back. She frowned and dropped her hands to her sides.
“I can’t believe it’s really you. People were afraid you might be dead, but I . . .”
His voice sliced through her words.
“It would have been preferable at times, believe me.”
She wiped a hand over her cheeks, brushing at the tears.
“We heard you were kidnapped and then you disappeared. What happened to you?”
“Maybe I’ll write a book one day.”
“I can see you’re not well. Won’t you come and sit down?”
“Save your TLC for someone who wants it,” he snapped while his eyes burned with savage dislike. “All I could think about while I was rotting away in that hell-hole jungle was holding you in my arms, but now I don’t think I could bear to touch you.”
His hostility made her take in a sharp breath. This wasn’t how his homecoming was supposed to be. Where were the loving words, the warm embrace? The connection that had always been so strong between them was either gone or buried too deep to help.
“Why are you acting like this? I’m sorry I didn’t give you the greeting you deserved, but you must know having you show up here unannounced after so long is a huge shock.”
“More of an inconvenience from the look of things, I’d say. How remiss of me not to telephone first, so you could have gotten rid of your company sooner.”
“Company? You mean Tom? If you saw him why didn’t you come in? Surely you must know he’d want to see you.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt.” His mouth tilted in a crooked half smile. “I’ll say one thing for good old Tom. He’s always taken his responsibilities seriously, and when I asked him to look after you he’s clearly been very conscientious with his extra personal touch.”
The relief at his return was rapidly being defeated by his snide insinuation.
“Are you implying we’ve been doing something that we shouldn’t have while you were gone?”
Josh lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug belying his obvious resentment.
“You tell me. After all, he’s known you longer than I have. It looks like you and Tom were busy cozying up while I was trying to survive getting my ass kicked.”
“What? No!” A gasp whistled through her teeth. “You’re wrong, we never . . .”
He cut her off.
“Why didn’t you wait for me, Catherine?” he demanded.
“I did wait. Months and months of living a half life, praying to see you again. Remember I did beg you not to go. I never really understood why you went.”
“I’m sure Tom told you.”
“He said you wanted the adventure.”
“There was a little more to it than that, but he probably didn’t want to jeopardize his chances with you. After all, a threesome would be kind of awkward.”
“All this lost time. Why, Josh?” she asked again, ignoring his jibe.
“I wanted to build up a nest egg, so I could ask you to marry me.” He scoffed at her surprised look. “Stupid of me wasn’t it? I went through all that hell for nothing as it turns out. I’m not going to pretend that your disloyalty isn’t eating me up inside, but I survived the damn jungle and by God I’ll survive your betrayal, and Tom’s, too.”
She blinked in confusion.
“Wait. You have the wrong idea about Tom and me.”
“Do I?” He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I saw you kissing when I looked in the window. The sun and fever may have fried my brain, but I still have 20/20 vision.”
“There’s a rational explanation for what you saw. It’s not what you think.”
His upper lip curled back in a sneer.
“I’d say it was crystal clear.”
“You’re mistaken. Please don’t do this, Josh. I was only. . ”
The baby began to stir at that moment, making Josh’s head jerk toward the sound of the whimpering infant. Catherine lifted the baby out of the bassinet, not noticing how every last vestige of color had drained out of Josh’s face as he watched her.
“A baby? Now tell me again how faithful you were, Catherine.”
“No, Josh, no!” she cried, reaching out to him with one hand while holding the baby in her other arm. “You don’t understand, he’s not . . .”
“Get away from me!” he snarled, stumbling back out of her reach. Shocked at the flash of intense hatred in his eyes, Catherine put the baby down before rushing outside.
Priscilla joined her.
“I’m sorry I took so long. Did I hear Tom leave?” She shaded her eyes against the sun.
“Who was in that cab?”
“A ghost,” Catherine whispered.
>>>>dreams<<<<
“Marsh,” Douglas said, absently silencing the ringing phone a couple of days later.
“Mr. Marsh, this is Ivy Dallas, Josh’s mother.”
“Oh, yes. How nice to hear from you. How is your son getting along?”
“Not very well, I’m afraid,” she said in her usual brusque tone.
“I’m so sorry, but I suppose it’s to be expected given what he went through.”
“We don’t know what happened to him and Josh refuses to tell us anything.”
“I see.” He hesitated. “Perhaps it would be better if I talked to your husband?”
“I’m the one making this call. I want you to tell me everything you know.” Waiting several seconds before he finally responded, she interjected, “No wonder his nerves are shot.”
“What about Catherine Ashley? Surely seeing her again must have helped him.”
“She’s made things worse. It’s her fault he took the job and look what happened.”
“I’m afraid I can’t accept your theory on that, Mrs. Dallas. Josh told me himself that he’s always been one to take new jobs because he likes challenges.”
“Not like this. My son gave up everything for that woman when he went to the Amazon and she repaid him by having an affair with his best friend while he was gone.”
Douglas stubbornly continued to try and defend the younger man, disturbed as he was, by such allegations.
“Catherine? Are you certain? I got the impression she was very much in love with Josh.”
“Love!” Ivy spat out the word as though it was something foul tasting.
“Josh doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, and I personally, intend to see that he doesn’t have to.”
“Do you think it’s wise to encourage that decision while Josh is ill? He may want to try and work things out when he’s feeling well again.”
“I can’t afford to take that chance. A mother knows what’s best for her child.”
“Your son is a man Mrs. Dallas, not a child. Why don’t you step back and give them time to discuss the situation on their own without your interference?”
Her voice exploded in his ear.
“How dare you give me advice about my son!”
“I beg your pardon. I merely thought Catherine might be able to help Josh.”
“She tried to destroy him, but I’ll see her in hell before she gets near him again.”
Chapter Thirteen
Sensitive to the nearby presence of her family watching, Ivy fought to control the fury Douglas’s words had caused, as she slammed down the receiver. She shook off the hand John gingerly placed on her shoulder.
His lips tightened.
“You’re obviously upset. I told you I should do the call.”
“And I told you I preferred to do it myself,” s
he snapped.
“Hey, take it easy,” Jerry quickly interrupted. “We’re all on edge here, but attacking each other isn’t going to help Josh. What did this Marsh guy say, Ivy?”
“After Josh escaped his kidnapers, he ended up staying with missionaries in the Amazon. He was there for so long because he suffered amnesia.”
“Amnesia!” the others repeated in unison.
“Did Mr. Marsh mention anything about the scars on Josh’s chest?” John asked.
Ivy’s fingernails dug into the arms of her chair. Fresh tears threatened to flood her eyes.
“His kidnapers tortured him.”
“Oh my dear God,” Margaret wailed while the others groaned in sympathy.
Ivy stood up, her spine ramrod straight.
“We can’t change what happened, but we must do everything we can to help Josh now, and the first thing I insist on is that no one mentions Catherine’s name to him. Her defection has clearly torn him apart.” She waited while they all mumbled in agreement before she left the room.
She climbed the stairs to Josh’s bedroom and knocked on the door, waiting a few seconds before entering the room. He sat slumped in a chair staring into space. His eyes were dull with the terrible suffering of a heart broken by one dearly loved.
She pressed a hand into his shoulder.
“Josh?”
“I never want to see Tom or Catherine again.”
>>>>dreams<<<<
As the days turned into weeks, Josh learned that physical wounds could heal in their own time and in their own way, but there was a part of him that remained dead inside. People came and went offering support and spoke of a brighter future for him. He thanked them for their well wishes, but took little comfort in words that rang hollow.
His mother constantly hovered around him nurturing and protecting. For a time he allowed her to slip back into her role as a parent taking care of her dependent child until he gradually grew tired of her smothering. He knew he had to begin to carve out a life for himself once again; a life he vowed would not include any serious attachment to any one person.
Dreams~Shadows of the Night Page 9
