Dreams~Shadows of the Night

by Olivia Claire High

  Priscilla met her as soon as she walked into the house. Her face was a study in harried lines.

  “Josh is here. My God, it’s like seeing a ghost after all this time.” She pleated her apron with nervous fingers. “When I told him you weren’t home from work yet, he asked if he could wait for you. He was very polite about it and I didn’t know what else to do, so I let him stay.” Her expression begged forgiveness. “I hope that’s all right?”

  Catherine felt her pulse quickened.

  “Of course it’s all right. Where is he?”

  “He’s been in Tommy’s room ever since he arrived; acted like he couldn’t wait to get there. But don’t worry, I’ve been checking on them,” she quickly added. “He’s okay.”

  Heart racing, Catherine hurried down the hallway and found Josh sitting cross-legged on the floor stacking colorful wooden blocks with the baby. She paused in the doorway drinking in the sight.

  “You’re here. What a wonderful surprise.”

  His head snapped up at the sound of her voice. “How could I not after the things you told me?” His eyes shifted back to the baby.

  “He’s a smart little guy, isn’t he?”

  She heard the genuine warmth and what she was certain sounded very much like pride in his tone.

  “Yes he is. Have you been here long?” she asked and entered the room.

  “Half an hour, give or take. I hope your aunt didn’t mind me hanging around.”

  “I think she’s still a little shocked seeing you after so long, but she wouldn’t have allowed you to stay if she didn’t feel you had a right to be here.”

  “That’s very generous of her considering my past history with all of you.”

  Bad memories wanted to crawl in and crowd out this special moment, but she steeled herself against them. The emotion of seeing him with the baby washed over her, swamping her senses. She scooped Tommy up, ostensibly to greet him and buried her face against his baby soft cheek needing time to control her feelings.

  “Maa,” he gurgled, trying the word before wiggling to be put down again.

  Josh raised his eyebrows.

  “It sounds like he thinks you’re his mother. Doesn’t that bother your aunt? I mean, considering what happened with her daughter.”

  Catherine shook her head.

  “She prefers it. She wants to be his grandmother.”

  “That’s good.” He got to his feet and shoved both hands into his pockets.

  An awkward silence settled between them broken only by the noise of the baby rummaging through his basket of toys. Catherine peered at Josh from beneath her lashes and saw how stiffly he held himself. He was a refugee from the past; their past. Teetering on the edge of uncertainty, she took a chance and guided by impulse, plunged ahead.

  “Would you like to stay for dinner?” she asked softly.

  His entire body visibly relaxed.

  “Yeah. I’d like that very much. Thanks.”

  “I’ll go tell my aunt to set another place. You’re in luck; she’s making her fantastic lasagna.” She started to walk away, but stopped with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Have you ever changed a baby’s diaper?”

  He blinked in surprise before his mouth tilted in a slow grin.

  “No, I can honestly say that’s never been one of my adventures, but I’m willing to learn, especially if you’re going to be my teacher.”

  She felt happiness spread slowly throughout her body until her skin glowed.

  “That would be me. I’ll be back in a minute to give you your first lesson.”

  Josh’s grin widened, as little Tommy toddled over to him. “I look forward to it,” he said and got down on his haunches to take the toy car the baby thrust at him.

  >>>>dreams<<<<

  Catherine had just finished her shift several days later and was getting ready to leave when Ryan came up behind her.

  “Heading home?”

  She felt herself stiffen, but turned to him with a smile. “Yes. How about you?”

  “I still have a couple patients to see yet. I hoped I’d run into you. We seem to be working different shifts lately. Did your aunt tell you that I called?”

  “Yes and I apologize for not getting back to you. I meant to, but I’ve just been so busy with work and the baby.” She swallowed. “I also had to go out of town.”

  “I know. Your aunt told me. She said you were in Alaska.”

  Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment while her stomach twisted with guilt. She fiddled with her purse strap trying to give herself a few seconds to regain her composure.

  “I went to Alaska to find Josh.”

  “I see. So that’s where he’s been living all these months?”

  “Yes. I took your advice and went to see his family. His mother tried to keep me away, but his brother-in-law told me where he was.” She inhaled a deep breath. “Josh followed me back at my invitation. I was going to tell you. I just haven’t had the chance.”

  “I’m a friend, not your Father confessor, Catherine. I’m happy for you. It’s what you needed to do. That’s why I encouraged you to go. I hope things are going well.”

  “Not too bad. I guess you could say we’re in a cautionary stage right now.”

  “That’s probably a good place to be under the circumstances. It’s been a difficult time for you both. I’m sure with enough patience everything will work out for the best.”

  “I . . .” She stopped, swallowed and began again. “That’s very generous of you.”

  “Take care of yourself and remember if you need anything I’m here.”

  Tears of gratitude welled up and she had to blink several times to clear her vision.

  “I don’t deserve to have a friend as wonderful as you, Ryan, but I’m thankful that I do.”

  “You deserve a lot of things, not least of all to be happy.”

  She wanted to reach out to him, but there were too many prying eyes watching their exchange.

  “Thank you for being so understanding and for . . . for everything.”

  “Seeing you content is thanks enough,” he said and walked down the corridor.

  She realized the door to intimacy they’d tried to open between them had closed for good, but she hoped the door to friendship would always remain ajar. She turned on her heel and hurried away, her mind quickly switching to thoughts of Josh. Tonight would be their first night alone since his return from Alaska. He was taking her out to dinner, but the glint of desire she’d seen in his eyes easily convinced her that food wasn’t the only thing on his mind when he’d issued the invitation.

  She hadn’t exaggerated when she’d told Ryan things were in a cautionary stage. Josh hadn’t touched her. There had been too many harsh words and bitter feelings to smooth over before they could make a fresh start. Butterflies fluttered inside her now at the thought of making love with Josh after so many months apart. Her body tingled with excited anticipation, as she drove out of the parking lot ready to accept her new destiny.

  She took special care preparing for their date. She rubbed her body after her shower with the scented lotion he had always liked, applied her makeup with all the expertise of an artist at her canvas and left her hair loose to flow in long shimmering waves down her back the way she knew he preferred. Her body tingled with anticipation as she put on silky scraps of pale pink lingerie beneath her outer clothes. He arrived a few minutes early, but she was more than ready and answered the door herself. Seeing him standing there with a small bouquet of violets made her feel as though she might melt and end up in a puddle at his feet.

  He handed her the flowers.

  “I hope you still like violets.”

  “I do,” she said, allowing a quick smile to touch her lips. “Thank you, Josh. They’re lovely.”

  “Not as lovely as you.” His eyes did a slow perusal of her body stunningly sheathed in indigo silk.

  “You look beautiful. Make that seriously gorgeous.”

  Priscilla came into the room an
d offered to put the flowers in water. Catherine handed them over and let Josh lead her outside. She couldn’t believe how tense she felt. It reminded her of her first date when she was a freshman in high school.

  “This is going to sound silly, but I’m actually kind of nervous.”

  “That makes two of us. It’s like prom night all over again.” He opened the passenger door for her. “I didn’t think about it until I was driving here tonight, but I guess a pickup truck isn’t the most elegant vehicle for a guy to take his best girl out.”

  The fact that he’d admitted to being nervous helped her relax, knowing she wasn’t the only jittery one.

  “You could have brought a skateboard and I wouldn’t care.”

  He treated her to a grin and helped her climb into the front seat. “Hmm, maybe we’ll have to try that some time.”

  “Where are you taking me?” she asked once he started driving.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  Catherine could feel joy leaping inside her the minute he pulled up in front of the restaurant where they’d had their first dinner date. She was even more amazed when he ordered them the same two meals they’d eaten that night. She hadn’t forgotten each detail, but to have Josh remember delighted her.

  They finished their food and sat lingering over a bottle of champagne. He’d been staring at her so intently the last half hour that Catherine had to fight the urge not to squirm. He made her feel as though he wanted to lap her up like a bowl of cream. Her nervousness returned and was playing havoc with her senses.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking I’d like to get us out of our clothes and sheathe myself inside you.” His voice was a low, intimate sound that sent tiny shivers zinging straight to her heart.

  The raw desire in his voice made her gasp and glance quickly toward the table nearest to them.

  “Not so loud. Those people might hear you and kick up a fuss.”

  “Something’s up all right,” he told her before glancing down at his lap. He laughed when her face turned bright red. “What are you blushing for?” he teased. “I’m the one that has to figure out how to walk out of here without embarrassing myself.”

  >>>>dreams<<<<

  Later, in his apartment, Catherine felt the thunderous pounding of her heart at the sight of Josh’s aroused body. The time for waiting was over. It was all about wanting and need. But when she saw the scars on his chest, the horror of what he must have had to suffer made her hesitate.

  “Wait! I don’t think I can do this right now. How did you . . .?”

  “Yes you can,” he cut through her protest. “Touch me, Catherine. I want your hands on me.” He kissed her then and she forgot everything except the need to surrender.

  Lost now in their mounting desire, they literally tore into each other stealing breath, savoring flesh, as their mouths and hands plundered with hungry urgency. Wild kisses that branded ownership and promised to fulfill every need had them both gasping, as the hot rush of emotion shot through them like acid etching into glass.

  “I’ve needed you for so long. God, you’re driving me insane.” The words sounded like a ragged prayer. He ran his hands restlessly over her and groaned, before tearing impatiently at her dress sending the tiny pearl buttons scattering like snowflakes.

  They clung to each other with a tenacity born of deprivation; a craving that throbbed deep within. Their bodies awakened anew to the insatiable hunger that had always existed between them, igniting in flames of passion that threatened to consume.

  He lifted her hips toward him.

  “Brace yourself,sweetheart. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.”

  Every ounce of energy was absorbed while they poured themselves into each other, equally giving and taking; heart to heart, flesh to flesh. They continued to moan in unison rising again and again until they were ready to erupt in a frenzy of fiery passion.

  Josh’s head reared back.

  “Mine!” he roared seconds before they erupted.

  Moments later, fighting to breathe, Catherine shifted beneath his weight.”

  Josh?”

  “Not yet,” he panted. “Let me enjoy being a part of you a little while longer.”

  When he rolled away a few seconds later he kept one hand resting possessively across her stomach. They lay in the dark, their bodies slick with sweat, wrapped in the afterglow of their lovemaking, and the intense pleasure they’d given to each other.

  He smiled and wound a hand through several strands of her hair before letting it flow away like threads of spun gold.

  “It was always good between us, wasn’t it?”

  “Better than good,” she agreed.

  He cupped her face and brought their mouths together in another searing kiss, leaving her breathless and clinging to him. His eyes flamed with desire when he looked at her again. “I want you here beside me when I wake up. Stay with me tonight.”

  “I wish I could, but I have to work the early shift in the morning.”

  He groaned and pressed her against his rapidly hardening body.

  “Call in sick,” he demanded before rolling her onto her back and positioning himself between her thighs.

  They took their time with their second joining, stretching out their lovemaking until it spilled out of them in a sweet symphony of movement and sound. They were together again, but there was still the blankness of all the lost months, and unlike the marks on Josh’s chest, unseen blemishes that one felt, but could not see.

  She pressed her lips to his scars, whispering words of empathy. The thought of the agony he must have suffered made her eyes fill with tears until they dripped onto his chest. She felt him stiffen and quickly wiped a hand over her cheeks.

  He lifted her head and made her look at him.

  “Why are you crying?”

  “I’m thinking of your pain.” She touched his scars. “How did you get these?”

  A muscle danced in his cheek.

  “You don’t want to know.”

  It wasn’t that she was morbidly curious, but she thought perhaps if she knew what had happened in the jungle it would make it easier for her to fill in some of the missing gaps.

  “I thought it might help me to understand if I knew what happened.”

  “So you want the gory details, do you?” he said, his voice dangerously quiet. “If you had my memories you wouldn’t want to be digging them up again, Catherine.”

  She heard the faint warning in his voice and the beginning of temper that she sensed he was fighting to control.

  “I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “I know you didn’t; and while I realize you think you’re doing the right thing in trying to get me to talk about it, I can’t go over all that again. I’ve had enough trouble trying to forget the degradation of what I went through and move on as it is.”

  “That was very insensitive of me. You’ve been through enough. It wasn’t my intention to make things worse. Just forget I ever mentioned anything,” she babbled on until a catch in her voice made her stop. She tried to wipe away newly forming tears.

  He blew out a noisy breath.

  “Come here,” he said and hauled her into his arms, pressing her to him. “Please don’t cry, Catherine. It makes me feel like a damn heel.”

  “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s not a very good way to end our lovemaking.”

  “Who says we’re finished?” He treated her to one of his devastating smiles before his lips began a slow trail along her neck to her shoulder and down to her breasts. She scraped her nails across his back and felt his mounting passion and recognized the desperate craving that would soon push him out of control.

  His hands were everywhere, gliding over her, creating currents of pleasure that rushed through her body like a flashflood. He groaned out her name. Catherine bowed her body and offered him all she had to give wanting to blot out the bad memories for him in the only way he would allow.

  “I
love you,” she said, but somehow knew the words weren’t going to be enough.

  A deep shudder tore through him. He pulled her to him and surged forth piercing the very core of her until their release came in a glorious shower of glittering sparks.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The weeks passed as they continued to slowly reconstruct their relationship. But because there was still so much unsaid between them, Catherine couldn’t help feeling they were building on shaky ground. She could see that Josh had changed. Although on the surface he seemed to be trying to return to his old carefree self, she sensed an underlying edginess in him.

  This was especially true at night when he’d awaken her with his body shaking and shouts of distress. She’d rouse him as gently as possible fighting to keep her voice calm in an effort to lead him out of his nightmares. No one knew better than she did about dreaded visions that invaded sleep and made you feel as though you were losing your sanity. It was like having a monster living inside you that took control of your brain.

  The look in his eyes worried her, as she watched him struggle to fight his way out of the trauma and return to the present. She suspected he was suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder, but he refused to talk about his dreams. All she could do was give him what comfort he’d allow by holding him in her arms.

  His old company hired him back and he confessed he was still bored with the job, but appeared to lack the ambition to try for anything else. He rejected old friendships and refused to cultivate any new ones. He spent as much time with her as possible and soon became so possessive there were days Catherine felt as though he was suffocating her. He questioned her every move when they weren’t together, begrudged her time with her friends, and insisted on having her work schedule to keep track of her hospital hours.

  He condoned his behavior by saying he was making up for their time apart. He talked of marriage, but she worried he was driven more by a nameless fear rather than confidence in forging any kind of permanent happiness. As much as she loved Josh, Catherine began to wonder if love would be enough to make their relationship work.