by Mari Carr
“Jesus, Jody. That guy’s wrong for you. You’re making a mistake. Break it off.”
“I can’t,” she insisted. “I promised him. He needs me.”
“I need you.”
She shook her head. “No. I can’t be what you want. I’ve tried for years, and I’ve been miserable.”
“You liked what I did to you.” He took a step closer. When she threw her hands up, a look close to fear crossing her face, he stopped. “I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t make you do anything you’re not interested in. Trust me.”
“You don’t get it, do you? There’s very little I wouldn’t do for you. Even if…” She choked on the explanation, but he didn’t need to hear it. He knew what she was thinking. If he asked her to play the part of his submissive, she would. Even though that role would never be a natural fit.
She ran a shaking hand through her hair. “This is over. I’ve spent the past few months forcing myself to move on. Fighting like the devil to put my silly dreams about you in the past. I’ve done that. You were right to deny us this. Now that you’ve shared your reasons, I understand. I need you to let me go.”
“I can’t.”
She brushed a tear from her lashes, and it dawned on him he’d never seen her cry. All the years she’d flirted with him, she’d never used tears. And now he knew all his resistance would have faltered in the face of her crying. Standing helpless while she fought back the pain tore through his gut like a bullet. He’d give her anything to make the sadness disappear.
She walked past him, out the door, and he let her leave.
Chapter Four
“I think we should move the wedding date up.” Jody entered the family room where Paul had set up his laptop, tinkering with one of his drafting programs. Their majors at Cornell couldn’t have been more different. While she’d spent four years studying Agricultural Science, Paul had gotten his undergrad degree in architecture. If it hadn’t been for the dance class they’d both signed up for, their paths never would have crossed on campus.
“Two weeks is soon enough to satisfy my dad’s will.” Paul responded, not looking up from his project.
“I know, but we’re going to do it regardless, so why wait?”
Paul’s gaze finally slid from the computer screen to her. She’d come directly from the stable, and she suddenly wished she’d detoured to her room until she’d wrestled her raging emotions under control. In typical fashion, Paul took one peek at her and saw far too much.
“Jody.”
“Forget it.” She started to back out of the room.
Paul halted her retreat with narrowed eyes. “What happened?”
“Nothing. It was a silly whim. Forget it.”
He shook his head. “While the impulsive part certainly fits your personality, I don’t believe that had anything to do with your suggestion. I’m guessing you ran into the hottest cowboy in Levi’s this morning, right?”
“I don’t know who you mean.”
Paul wasn’t her best friend for nothing. She had never managed to fool him yet. That fact didn’t keep her from trying.
He laughed. “Sure you don’t.” Then he looked at her more closely. “Holy crap. What did Seth do? Your shirt’s buttoned wrong.”
She glanced down, then threw him a dirty look. “I’m wearing a T-shirt, asshat.”
Paul laughed. “Gotcha. Now spill.”
Dammit. She’d stormed into the house and into this room, determined to set her pretend marriage in motion so she wouldn’t weaken, wouldn’t succumb to Seth’s advances. The idea that he really had wanted her all these years threw her for a loop. So did the realization that he intended to take control of her in the bedroom. Given the amazing orgasm he’d offered her with no more than his fingers and mouth, she could only imagine what he could do if she placed herself completely at his mercy. Once he tied her to his bed, what wicked things would he do to her? Her imagination ran wild with sinful possibilities.
She glared at Paul. “I’m not discussing it.”
“Bullshit.” Paul rose and took a seat on the couch, patting the cushion next to him. “Come here and give me all the nitty, gritty dirty details. Don’t leave out a thing.”
Jody sighed and sank onto the couch. “We’re getting married, you know. You shouldn’t be grinning while pumping me for information about my infidelities.”
Paul laughed loudly. “An affair? Jesus. That’s rich. It’s a marriage of convenience, Jody. Christ, it’s not possible to cheat in those.”
“Of course, it is. I made you a promise, and I broke it.”
Paul frowned. She wondered what she’d said to destroy his humor so quickly. “We’ve made no vows to each other. We’re friends, sweetheart. Best friends. All I’ve ever hoped for is for you to be happy. You’ve been miserable over Seth this past semester, but if the status of your relationship with him has changed—”
“It hasn’t.” She cut him off. If he offered to let her out of their arrangement, she’d consider it. Temptation was not something she needed right now. Not when so much good could come of her giving up a year to Paul and so much damage could come of her giving herself to Seth.
He fell silent for a moment. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “The wedding’s still on. Nothing Seth can say or do…” Her insistence faltered as she considered what Seth had done. Heat crept to her cheeks.
Paul latched on to her hesitation in typical nosy-friend style. “What the hell did he do? I bet it was sexy as shit knowing that man. You’ve gotta give me something to live vicariously on. You’ve put me on a man diet with this marrying for love lie. Do you have any idea what kind of pain I’m in surrounded by all these muscular cowboys? That Chase is one fine specimen of a man and I’m positive he could do things…” He paused, allowing her to fill in the blanks.
“Jeez. We’ve been here twenty-four hours, Paul. Surely you can abstain a few days more. Actually, I would think you’d be thrilled by my suggestion to move the wedding up. I mean let’s face it, the sooner we satisfy the marriage part of your father’s will, the sooner you’ll get your trust fund.”
Paul shrugged. “I don’t see how a couple of weeks is going to make much difference in the long run.”
“It’s not. That’s why we should just go ahead and get it over with.”
Paul winced slightly at her callous words and she hastily tried to apologize. He cut her off. “Your enthusiasm overwhelms me.”
“Paul, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
He nodded. “I know that. I also know something happened with Seth to prompt this sudden rush down the aisle. I’m starting to think I’d be smart to find someone else to help me satisfy the will. There are clearly unresolved feelings between you and Seth, and I don’t think now is—”
“There are no unresolved feelings. In fact, we just had an epiphany.”
Paul rose and leaned against the desk, gesturing with his hands. “Do tell.”
Jody cleared her throat. While she and Paul were truly best friends and there was very little they didn’t discuss openly, she wondered how to explain her new concerns in regards to Seth Compton. In the past, Paul had listened to her cry over the fact that Seth didn’t want her. This morning, Seth had confessed he did. She should be over the moon. Instead, she was picturing exactly how Seth wanted her. The images flying through her head left her equal parts terrified and aroused. Not a good combination.
“Apparently Seth, um…wants more than, er—”
“More than the hogtying?”
She shrugged. “I think the words sex slave and master may have been used.”
Jody fought back the urge to laugh and cry at the same time as Paul’s face went pale. “Dear God,” he said.
She put her hands up quickly. “No, it’s not like that. I mean, that’s sort of what he likes, but he knows I’m not the girl to give it to him.”
Paul nodded slowly, and she watched him assimilate that idea. “And because you aren’t a submissive,
he doesn’t want you?”
She rested her head back against the couch cushion and closed her eyes. “Oh no, he definitely wants me.”
“I’m confused.”
She chuckled and turned to look at Paul. “Join the club. Seth wants me, but he knows I can’t give him what he needs.”
“Why not?”
Jody sucked in a deep breath at her friend’s question. The silence between them stretched on for several moments as Jody struggled to find an honest answer.
Paul saved her from having to respond. “Jody. If anything else should arise between you and Seth, I think you should go for it.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Paul walked toward her and grasped her hand. “You’ve been saving yourself for the guy forever. Since you seem to feel honor-bound to remain faithful during this marriage of ours, even though I don’t want or expect that, I think you should do it.”
Her body went still as she considered Paul’s suggestion. “You’re telling me to have sex with Seth?”
“I’m saying if he offers and you want to take him up on it, don’t let some silly promise you’ve made to me stand in the way.”
“I’m not going to sleep with Seth, and I’m not going to change my mind about this wedding.” She felt a certain sense of pride and accomplishment as her words were strong and confident.
Paul looked at her for a long time, but she didn’t crack. He sighed sadly. “Fine,” he said at last.
“Fine?”
He nodded. “We’ll move the wedding up. How soon were you thinking?”
She felt numb at his easy acquiescence and the realization that she would definitely be putting a period on any chance for a relationship with Seth if she married Paul, even out of convenience. “Day after tomorrow?” she asked, trying to figure out when she’d lost complete control of her life.
“Perfect. What do you say we go break the news to your dad? It’s bound to be a shock to the guy, so we might as well get it over with.”
She nodded woodenly, rising slowly and following her friend out of the room in search of her father. What the hell was she doing?
Paul’s words kept playing over and over in her head.
Get it over with.
As they told her father their plans, they replayed, overshadowing her father’s arguments that they wait.
Get it over with.
In two days, her plan to escape Seth once and for all would be complete and her heart would be shattered, broken beyond repair.
Get it over with.
“You got a minute?”
Jody looked up at the light knock on her door, nodding at her father as he stood in the doorframe. Dinner had been an awkward affair, the usually boisterous mealtime conversations muted. Her dad had not taken the news of her accelerated nuptials well, sitting at the head of the table with his eyebrows lowered, frowning at anyone who dared to laugh or even speak. If her heart hadn’t been racing so, she would have laughed at the incredible speed her normally slow-eating best friend gobbled his dinner, excusing himself after only a few minutes.
“Yeah,” she said. “What’s up?”
Her dad walked in and she was surprised to see a large box in his hands. “I did a bit of digging around this afternoon and, well, I thought you might want this.” He placed the box on the bed.
“What is it?”
“Your mother’s wedding dress.”
Jody’s breath caught as she glanced at the box. She didn’t want her father to see the tears that had suddenly sprung to her eyes. She was turning into a regular watering pot these days.
“Thanks,” she said, the husky sound betraying the lump in her throat.
“Jody.” Her father’s voice demanded her attention and she gave it to him, hoping he couldn’t see the fear, the pain, the confusion in her eyes. “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. I just thought—”
“Daddy.” She swallowed, trying to find the words to express how much his gesture meant to her. “Thank you.”
She expected him to launch into more of his objections to the wedding. He’d worn her out this afternoon for nearly an hour as he tried to convince her not to move the wedding up. Hell, he’d spent three-quarters of that hour, trying to talk her out of marrying Paul altogether. She closed her eyes, wearily, not sure she could withstand another onslaught of protestations.
“Well. I’ll leave you alone then.”
She watched him walk out, torn between relief and the desire to call him back so she could cry in his protective arms. For several minutes, she simply stared at the box. Shaking off her melancholy, she lifted the lid and gasped. She’d seen pictures of her mother in her wedding dress, but the photographs had failed to capture the true delicate beauty of the silk. She tried to imagine all the feelings her mother must have felt as she wore the beautiful dress.
Reaching out, her hand closed in a fist, just before she touched it, a feeling of shame washing through her. Her mother and father had loved each other, fiercely, powerfully. She may have been young when her mother passed away, but she knew the truth of that love as surely as she knew her own name. She felt like she was dishonoring the dress, wearing it to a wedding, not born from love, but from necessity.
Slowly, she took the dress out of the box, walking to the full-length mirror that hung on the wall. Holding it in front of her, she allowed herself one tiny moment to pretend she wasn’t wearing it for Paul, but for Seth. She closed her eyes and imagined the larger-than-life cowboy who’d captured her heart, standing at the end of the aisle. She pictured Seth’s face, the dimples creasing his cheeks as he smiled at her walking toward him.
“Beautiful.” The voice behind her fit the fantasy. She opened her eyes and found Seth’s dark brown gaze soaking in the dress…and her.
“Seth,” she whispered to his reflection in the mirror.
“Your father told me you’re moving the wedding date up.”
She nodded, unable to speak.
A flash of pain crossed his face before it was overshadowed by anger. “Don’t marry him.”
She smiled sadly. “I have to.”
“Why?”
She lowered the dress and turned around to face him. “I promised.”
Seth shook his head. “That’s a shitty reason.”
She walked away from him, carefully returning the dress to the box. “No, it’s not.” She replaced the lid and carried the whole thing over to her dresser before returning to sit on the edge of her bed.
Seth walked over, standing directly before her. Her gaze drifted to her bedroom door, and she wasn’t surprised to see it closed. Knowing him, it was locked as well.
“You’re not in love with him.”
She tilted her head, realizing it was pointless to continue the deceit. “No. I’m not.”
“But you’re still going to marry him.”
She nodded. “He needs me.”
She’d promised Paul and she didn’t break her promises. Ever. Given the facts that had come to light about Seth and his desires today, suddenly hiding in a loveless marriage for a year seemed preferable to losing herself to this cowboy who had far too much control over her sanity, her sense of self.
“I’m not giving up,” he warned her as he bent closer.
“I wish you would.”
His fingers tipped her chin up until her lips were just a breath away from his. “You can’t marry him when you’re in love with someone else.”
“Someone else?” she asked.
“Yeah.” She tried to move away, tried to escape, but he trapped her to the mattress, pushing her back in a move that couldn’t be described as anything more than pure dominance. “Me.”
His kiss proclaimed the truth of his statement and, though she struggled for release, he refused to relent, refused to let her hide from the truth.
His fingers worked at opening the button and zipper of her jeans and her traitorous hormones broke free. She pushed his hands away w
hen he started to pull the tight pants down, shoving the jeans over her hips herself. He’d given her just a hint of what he had to offer and, wrong or not, she wanted it again. Wanted more.
Paul’s comments flashed through her mind. She’d saved herself for Seth, for this. Would it be so bad to take a tiny taste?
The second the denim cleared her knees, he lifted his foot, pushing the denim and panties completely off in a move that was rough, hungry. She opened her legs, welcomed him between. The full weight of his body crushed her. He continued to kiss her as he rubbed his jeans-clad erection against her.
She wrapped her legs around his waist, wanting to direct more of the incredible sensations toward her clit, her wet opening.
He lifted himself up on one elbow, his lips still devouring hers as he ran his fingers along her slit. He pulled away briefly, his eyes narrowing. “Why the hell are you denying this? Your cunt is dripping and hotter than a Texas summer. Enough is enough, Jody. You’re planning to marry someone else, while your body is on fire for me. Don’t you think it’s time you admit it?”
She feigned ignorance, while attempting to get her breathing back under control. His fingers were wreaking havoc on her ability to think. “And what exactly is it you think I should be confessing?”
He grinned. “That you want me and only me.”
She closed her mouth, afraid the words would slip out despite the common sense that said she had no business being here.
“Looks to me like you might need a little demonstration.” He thrust two fingers into her pussy, and she gasped at the tight, delicious sensation of the rough way he was claiming her. Over and over, he pressed into her as her body began to tingle, sparkling with the bright light of her orgasm.
“You want me. Say it.”
She shook her head, refusing. His thumb brushed her clit firmly and her hips began to move, seeking out the touch, looking for more. Seth bent his head and bit her nipple through her shirt. She gasped, her fingers gripping his shoulders tightly. He lifted his head. “Put your hands on the bed beside your head.”
“I want to touch you,” she admitted.
