by B. Love
“Hey,” Hali spoke quietly, taking a natural step towards Lucas.
“Hey. How are you?”
The question was simple enough, but she somehow knew that he didn’t mean in general but with him.
“We’re good,” she assured him, tightening her grip on Luca as he lifted his head from her chest and patted the top of her breasts softly. Hali’s head flung back, laughter spilling from her lips, “Those aren’t your momma’s. Ain’t no milk in there,” her eyes returned to Luca, smiling just as widely as her mouth, “Are you hungry, Luca?”
Luca nodded, pressing the top of her left breast with his index finger. Lucas was too amused to correct his son, and Hali simply shook her head as she turned to take him into her apartment. Not wanting to invite himself into her space, Lucas pulled Luca’s bag from his back to hand to her.
“I’ll come and get him as soon as he’s done eating,” Lucas assured her, “I got some shit in here for him to eat if you need your space…”
Hali turned at her door, placing Luca on his feet to enter.
“You still don’t cook?”
Lucas shook his head and smiled softly.
“Not for myself. For him.”
“What are you going to have for dinner?”
Lucas shrugged and extended his arm for her to take the bag.
“I’ll order in.”
Hali looked into her apartment, probably trying to figure out what Luca was getting into by the sounds coming from the living room.
“I um… I made some spaghetti and fish. Salad. Garlic bread. You’re more than welcome to have some. I was just coming back from taking some downstairs to Eric and Gerald.”
“Uh,” Lucas tugged at his dreads lightly in deep thought. Did he want to? Hell yes. Did he need to? Absolutely. Was he sure that was the best move? Not exactly. Would he be able to get through dinner without saying or doing something to piss her off? Probably not, but he was going to try, “Okay, thanks.”
Lucas followed Hali into her apartment, and was caught completely by surprise by the sight of Luca standing in the middle of the floor, going through a tub of toys and books.
“Oh,” Hali smiled softly and put a few strands of hair behind her ear, “I… went to the store and picked up a few things for him. So he won’t be bored when he comes over. Hope that’s okay?”
“Yea it’s…” Lucas shook his head as he stared into her eyes. “It’s…” feeling warmth seep through his veins and heart, Lucas squeezed his chest, hoping to defuse the unnatural sensation. That’s when he realized… this wasn’t something that needed to be defused. Calmed. Stopped. This was something that needed to be diffused. Spread widely. This was appreciation. This was feelings. This was happiness. And respect. And love. And… “If you don’t want me to fall even more in love with you I’m really going to need you to stop being so good to my child, angel.”
“But I…” Hali chuckled quietly as she ran her hand across the top of Luca’s head, “I’m crazy about him. I can’t stop.”
Lucas took a step towards her, pulling her into him by her hand. Her closeness had the tightening of his heart releasing. Her closeness had his focus zeroing in on her in a way that he hadn’t in years. Lucas saw Hali with abrupt, fulfilling and necessary clarity. At each phase in his life there had been a singular focus that demanded his attention. From taking care of Luana to securing his business and future with his son to learning how to be a father and husband. Never Hali. Never the part of him that mattered most. Until now.
He saw her.
“So… you understand the risk you’re taking… right?” his voice was calm, smooth and sensual. Low and leveled. Nothing like the rampant drumming of his heart.
Hali gently removed herself from him, nodding softly as her eyes lowered.
“The garlic bread will probably be too salty for him. I’ll… make him some regular toast. And the spaghetti is the kind that has the sauce and meatballs separate from the noodles, so…”
“Is this how it’s always going to be with us? You running and shutting me out?”
Her eyes lifted to his, and for the first time since he’d returned he could see all of the hurt he’d caused housed in them.
“You almost destroyed me, Lucas,” her tears started falling before she could stop them, “The very thing that was supposed to give me life,” she beat on her chest softly, “You killed it. You crushed it.”
Hali began to pace. And hyperventilate. As if she couldn’t breathe. Luca looked up, eyes watering at the sight of her pain. She was trying to express her words, what was replaying in her head… but she couldn’t talk. Whatever she was feeling was consuming her. Her expression fell. Eyes squeezed shut, then she avoided his eyes. As if it hurt more just to look at him.
“I couldn’t work,” she said finally, returning to her place in front of him, “I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. All I could do was lay in my bed… stretched out like a surfboard when I was numb… balled up in a fetal position when my feelings consumed me. And what were you doing, Lucas?”
He took a step away from her, hoping he would be able to step out of her energy. It was overwhelming him, so much so that his eyes were watering. And his heart was palpitating. Aching. Breaking. Breaking from the pain he’d caused hers.
“You out here living the life,” her head shook as her jaw clenched, “I had to purge myself of you. Shut my heart to you because the pain was too much for me to sustain. So I’m sorry if it’s hard for me to open up to you and not run from you, but every time I see you…” she ran her fingers through her hair and wiped her face, “I go back to your wedding. Back to you rejecting me.”
“Hali, baby, I’m sorry,” Lucas pulled her into his arms and held her as tightly as he possibly could. As he expected, she went completely silent. He may not have known much about love, but he knew quite a bit about handling women. And he knew that touch was the loudest sound to a woman and the best way to keep her focus. If he wanted her to hear him at all, he had to touch her and keep her focus, “I’m sorry, Hali. I didn’t think I could be a good father without being a good husband to Shanice. And I know I hurt you, but I wasn’t trying to reject you. You get that don’t you? It wasn’t personal, angel. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was just… trying to do right by Luca. I didn’t know a way to satisfy us and do right by him. I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” Hali conceded quietly, removing herself from his chest, “I need to fix him something to eat.”
“Hali, we need to talk about this. I want us to be toge–”
“Please don’t. Don’t. Don’t make me do to you what you did to me. Just… I accept your apology and I’m good. Let’s leave it at that.”
She walked away. Like she thought this conversation was over. Lucas looked down at Luca who followed Hali into the kitchen with his eyes. Before joining her, Lucas cut her TV on and tried to find something that would hold Luca’s attention. He settled on SpongeBob, and as soon as Luca heard the theme song he sat next to the tub of toys and began his attempt at singing along.
Lucas slowly walked into the kitchen, feet growing heavier at the sight of her using a paper towel to blot her face.
“I can’t give up on you,” he warned her, conviction and determination in his voice as he pulled her back into his chest.
“Lucas, please…”
“Let me heal it,” he pleaded, resting his chin on top of her head and closing his eyes, “You said I crushed your heart; let me heal it, Hali.”
“You can’t,” she argued, voice starting to break all over again.
“I can learn. That’s… I wanted to talk to you about this, but I’m starting my therapy back up with Dr. Scott in two days.”
Hali pulled the top of herself from his body and met his eyes.
Her voice was as soft and innocent as it used to always be when she asked, “You are?”
Lucas smiled and nodded.
“I am,” her arms wrapped around him, causing Lucas to silently thank God, “You said you believed in me. I
need you to believe in me one more time. All I need is one chance to make this right, Hali. Will you give me that?”
Hali looked around the kitchen and chewed on her cheek. She sighed quietly as she returned her eyes to his.
“Okay, but if you hurt me again, Luke…”
“I won’t, so we’re not even going to discuss that as an option. I’m not perfect, and you know I don’t know what the hell I’m doing,” Hali smiled, making him do the same, “But I’m going to give this my all. I linked up with Soren because I wanted to find a wife and mother for my child, but it’s been you all along.”
“Where’s Shanice?”
“That’s a long story within itself.”
“Can we talk about it after Luca goes to sleep?”
“Whatever you need.”
Hali nodded, then stood on the tips of her toes. She placed the softest kiss to his forehead. The longer she lingered the harder his manhood grew. When she finally removed herself, Lucas returned the gesture with a kiss to her forehead. The sight of her cheeks raising and eyes lowering… Hali covered her face and shook her head gently.
“Is this really happening?” she asked through the palms of her hands.
Lucas removed her hands from her face before answering, “It is.”
When the sly smile began to cover her face, Lucas was fully prepared for her to say something slick, and she didn’t disappoint when she removed herself from his chest and mumbled, “Took your slow moving ass long enough.”
Before she could get too far away from him, Lucas wrapped his hand around the front of her neck and did what he’d been wanting to do for years. He pulled her back into his chest and covered her mouth hungrily with his. It was hard enough containing himself when she gasped, but when she moaned into his lips and tossed her arms around his neck…
Lucas placed his free hand around the back of her neck and used it to tilt her head back the way he wanted it… giving him deeper access to explore the inside of her mouth. His kisses were soft and tender… but hard and needy. His lips searched… trying to familiarize themselves with the only other pair they ever wanted to be connected to… yet expert in their seizing of what had already been destined and claimed as his.
Lucas’ lips left hers to travel down her neck, and when her hand grabbed a palm of his dreads to keep him at her spot he pulled away to keep things from going too far. His eyes scanned her euphoric face – eyes hooded and almost sealed shut. Lips parted and trembling from their desire to be touched. Breathing just as labored as his desire. He wanted desperately to take her into her bedroom and finish what they started but knew that this was one instance in which he needed to practice patience and self-control.
“Howie!” Luca yelled from the living room, reminding them both of his presence.
“Shoot,” Hali mumbled, shaking herself out of her sated trance, “I forgot all about his food. Lucas, get out so I can fix his plate.”
It was hard… walking away from her as she began to maneuver around the kitchen but it was necessary. The quicker they ate, the quicker he would put Luca to sleep and they would be able to have a much-needed talk. And all Lucas could do was hope that that talk was the start of healing and mending the bridge to her heart that he’d set aflame ten months ago.
After dinner, they went over to Lucas’ apartment. Together, they entertained Luca for a few hours, then started his bedtime routine. Hali found it beautiful… Lucas reading Luca not just a bedtime story, but a chapter out of the bible and “48 Laws of Power” as well. In the corner of Luca’s room, Lucas had started a collection of books that put hers to shame. And when she asked him why, his reasoning of wanting to leave Luca with more than just money when he died made Hali respect and admire him even more.
“He’s going to model me,” Lucas said softly as he watched Luca submit to his sleep, “He’s going to model my ways as a man…” his eyes found Hali’s, “But it’s his mother… his wife… they are who will make him into a king. My wife… his mother… will mold him and teach him things about women that I can’t, and he will model my behavior, my business, my hustle, the way I love and cherish his mother… but it will be his wife; his wife will make him a king.”
“So that’s what Shanice did to you?”
Lucas shook his head with a smile.
“Nah, Shanice made me a joker. With you as my crown… you’ll make me a king.”
They returned to his living room where their conversation started fairly light. Lucas asked Hali if she was still into geocaching and scavenger hunts. She told him that she hadn’t done either in a while, but that they were still some of her most favorites things to do. There was something about finding hidden things that had always intrigued Hali. Maybe that’s why she committed herself to finding Lucas’ heart.
They talked about their reasons for reaching out to Soren for her services, which led to Lucas telling Hali about Shanice. How their marriage was over really as soon as it started, but it ended officially six months in. How Shanice was more concerned with spending his money and living as if she was a single childfree woman than being a mother and a wife. How she willingly gave up her rights to Luca four months after their divorce, and hadn’t so much as called him or her parents with any inkling of repentance or regret.
“I know I say this a lot, but I really am sorry,” Lucas repeated, “I wasn’t marrying her because I loved her more than I love you. I didn’t love her at all. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. I pray I didn’t make you feel less than or insecure.”
Hali took his hand into hers and brought it to her lips for a kiss.
“You don’t have to keep apologizing. I know that you didn’t intentionally try to hurt me, and I do admire you trying to provide the life and family you didn’t have for Luca,” Hali shrugged as she released his hand, “I didn’t mean to be so hurt by it… but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help being devastated by the only man I’ve ever loved marrying someone else.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, and they both shared a small laugh until Lucas licked his lips and bit the lower one, “I’m committed to making the past ten months up to you. Hell, the past ten years. All the time I spent avoiding how I felt for you… I’m going to make up for it by showering you with as much love, attention and affection as you can stand.”
Her hands started to cover her face as she normally did when she was trying to conceal her emotions but Lucas kept her from doing so.
“Soren says we’re a perfect match because we want the same things out of life. What do you want, Luke? From me… this…”
Lucas was fully prepared to have a conversation about their future, but before he did, he wanted to make sure Hali understood what he wanted from her in their present.
“Right now, I want you to be my woman.”
“Already? I just started liking you again.”
Her smile made it clear that she was teasing him, but Lucas could see the fear in her eyes.
“Why wait, angel? I want you and you want me. Why not figure this out while we’re committed to each other? Unless this isn’t what you want…”
“No,” Hali interrupted quickly, grabbing both of his hands, “It’s not that…”
“Then what is it?” before she could answer, it all made sense, “You don’t trust me, do you?”
Hali released the hold she had on his hands.
“Honestly… I’m scared. I know Shanice is out of the picture now, but I don’t want to get comfortable in Luca’s life and she decides she wants to come back. And I don’t want there to come a day where you decide this is no longer what you want like how you did with her.”
Lucas had to stop himself from simply telling Hali that neither of those things would happen. Although he knew that was the truth, as a woman, Hali would require more of an explanation than that. He thought over his words carefully and considered the best way to ease her mind.
“You saw the damage my parents caused. They didn’t want us. Shanice does not want Luca. I vowed
to make sure that he never experiences the pain me and Ana did. She’s not going to be able to pop in and out of his life when it’s convenient for her.
You see the way he reacts to you? The way his eyes light up when he sees you? The way he runs to you before I can even stop him? He never did that with Shanice. He would be at the point of tears when she held him as a baby, and before we split she was practically a stranger to him. Yes, she gave birth to him, but she is not his mother, Hali. You don’t have to worry about her trying to return; she won’t,” Hali nodded and inhaled deeply. Her eyes had softened, but she still looked a little worried, “And you don’t have to worry about me deciding that this is no longer what I want. My marriage with her didn’t last because it wasn’t supposed to start to begin with. I take that back; my marriage to her served its purpose in my life. Had I not gone through what I went through with her I wouldn’t have had the courage to be with you. She holds absolutely no weight in my heart or life. You’re the only woman I’ve always wanted and I can guarantee you that you will be the only woman I’ll work to have.”
That must have done the trick because Hali bit down on her lip before smiling. She crawled into his lap and hugged his neck tightly. Lucas released a satisfied sigh as he hugged her waist. He kissed her neck and chuckled when she shivered and pulled him closer.
“So… you’re my man?” Hali asked quietly, running her fingers through his dreads.
“I’m your man,” Lucas confirmed, squeezing her thighs and pulling his head back to look into her eyes.
He was glad he did when she blessed him with a smile. Hali took his cheek into her hand and caressed it with her thumb. Lucas knew it was a bad idea… that once he kissed her they wouldn’t be continuing their conversation anytime soon. But he pulled her down to him and kissed her anyway.
What difference did it make if they talked now or in three hours?
Finally… they had the start of their forever.
9
Hali
A month into their relationship and Lucas’ therapy Dr. Scott requested that Hali attend one of his sessions. For the most part things were great. A lot greater than Hali thought they would be. Lucas was able to express his needs logically and clearly, which made it easy for Hali to see to them. He was able to understand her needs and supply them as well.
