by Croix, J. H.
Susie looked at Tess, meeting her warm ginger eyes. Despite her sarcasm, Tess was clearly concerned. Susie was so glad Tess had moved here to be with Nathan. Aside from the fact that they were perfect together, Tess was an amazing friend—warm, kind, funny, and bright. And Susie really needed someone to talk to. Susie picked up her own coffee and took a fortifying sip.
“Okay. I’ll spill it, but before I do, you have to promise me this won’t leave this room. Everyone else will find out eventually, but I’m not quite ready. I need a little time, but I need some advice first.”
Tess nodded slowly. “Of course. Are you okay?”
“Oh yeah. I’m fine. It’s nothing like that. It’s just…Jared.”
A grin slowly spread across Tess’s face. “Jared?”
Susie knew she was blushing like mad, but she nodded. “Um, we kind of have…a thing.”
“A thing?”
“Oh my God. You’re making this as hard as you can, aren’t you? Fine. We can’t keep our hands off of each other. We’ve been together the last three nights. I told him not to come over tonight and now all I can think about is why the hell I told him that. So I feel like an idiot because you were right about us. And now he’s driving me crazy in two ways—the good way and the other way. And I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to Emma and Hannah about it because, well, they have a few other things on their minds. So I just need someone to tell me what to do.” The words tumbled out of her mouth, but she felt an immense relief once they were out. She wasn’t purposefully keeping Jared a secret, but she was damn embarrassed her friends had predicted this, and they’d turned out to be right.
Tess’s grin lingered, but her gaze was sympathetic. She nodded slowly. “Okay, I won’t say I told you so.”
“You just did,” Susie replied wryly.
“I guess I did, but I didn’t mean it to be snarky. So back to Jared…I’m not really sure what you need my advice for.”
Susie sighed and set her coffee down. She put her face in her hands with a groan before looking up at Tess. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Don’t get me wrong. I will finally admit he’s hot as hell. And oh my God is he amazing in bed! But I don’t know where this is going to go. I don’t want things to get weird. He’s my friend first, and we have all the same friends. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been all about how relationships are messy and he doesn’t want anything to do with them. I guess I just don’t know what to do.”
Tess took a sip of coffee followed by a deep breath. “I forgot about this part.”
“What part?” Susie asked.
“It was all fine and good when we teased you about Jared. Truth? Before I even got to know you, the minute I saw you and Jared in the same place, I assumed you were together. When I realized you weren’t, it was plain as day you two belonged together and hadn’t figured it out yet. The part I’m talking about is this stuff,” she paused and waved her hand around. “The end game is easier than this. It’s like before I could just admit I really wanted to be with Nathan and couldn’t imagine life without him. My head was all over the place—one minute, I’d convince myself we were moving too fast, the next I couldn’t imagine not being with him—lather, rinse, repeat. Now you and Jared have to go through that part. If my first instinct about you two is right, it’ll sort itself out. But for now…” Tess shrugged and gave Susie a soft, knowing smile.
“So basically you’re saying I’ll feel half crazed for awhile and somehow it will be fine anyway?” Susie asked wryly. “I was looking for something a little more concrete than that.”
Tess giggled. “It’s kind of hard to be concrete when you start with how hot Jared is.”
Susie blushed and started giggling. She sobered quickly. “Seriously, I’m not so sure things will be smooth for me and Jared. You and Nathan are…different. My God, Nathan was enamored with you from the moment he laid eyes on you. Not to mention that he doesn’t have the emotional hang ups that Jared does. He’s always been easy-going. Jared’s pretty much the opposite.”
Tess shrugged. “Sure, they’re different, but everyone’s different. Trust me, I have hang ups, along with everyone else. My thesis on love is it hinges on three things: enough chemistry to make you forget yourself long enough to fall in love, loving the whole package, faults and all, and whose crap you can put up with.”
“Whose crap you can put up with?” Susie asked.
Tess nodded vigorously. “Yeah. We’re all messed up one way or another, so if you have the first two, and you can deal with someone’s baggage and bad habits—you know, their crap—you’re good to go.”
“Got it. So I have to figure out if I can put up with Jared’s crap then.”
Tess shrieked, startling Susie so she almost spilled her coffee.
“What the hell?”
“That means you know you’re in love with him!” Tess exclaimed, grinning madly.
Susie heart stuttered and her mind raced over her last words. She hadn’t dared let herself even think the word love in the vicinity of thoughts about Jared and shied away from Tess’s declaration. “What do you mean?”
Tess sighed and swatted Susie with the pillow on her lap. “The three things were chemistry, love, and putting up with crap. You said you had to figure out if you could put up with Jared’s crap. Naturally, I assumed you meant the other two were already covered. You already admitted the chemistry is more than enough,” Tess said with a grin.
Susie’s face heated and her pulse leapt. Just thinking about Jared like this—attaching the real idea of feeling something for him—was terrifying.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to freak you out,” Tess said softly.
Susie looked up into Tess warm ginger eyes. Her throat felt tight when she nodded. “I’m okay. I just…ugh…this is why I need some advice. I don’t know how I feel. I hate admitting this, but I’m kind of scared to let myself put too much into this. Jared, well, he’s Jared. You know him. When it comes to women, he doesn’t do anything serious. I don’t know what I am to him. All I know is we can’t seem to keep our hands off of each other anymore.”
Tess nodded slowly. “Right. But here’s how I see Jared. He likes to keep his life under control. I don’t really know the details, but Nathan says Jared wasn’t always like this. He thinks Jared decided to steer clear of relationships because he got dumped right before he was going to ask a girl to marry him.”
“Really?” Susie asked.
Tess nodded. “That’s what Nathan says. It happened back in Seattle. Nathan says Jared’s not hung up on this girl, but ever since that happened, Jared decided it was easier not to bother with relationships. Jared’s a sweetheart underneath his serious side. I think he just needed to see you for who you are.”
Susie’s mind whirred over what Tess told her. She couldn’t have imagined someone had broken Jared’s heart. It made her sad to think about it. Whatever she thought, and her thoughts were quite muddled, she knew Jared had a good heart. It saddened her to think someone didn’t appreciate him for who he was. This piece of his history fell into the puzzle he was. It made him a tad less intimidating. And made her want things she’d been trying desperately not to consider.
Susie looked to Tess. “Interesting to say the least. You make it sound easy. Jared just had to see me for who I am? Seriously, Tess? Even if, and that’s a pretty big if, it’s that simple and we’re about to ride off into the sunset, you’re missing a few steps. Like Jared admitting he might even want a relationship. And me figuring out what I want.”
“I didn’t say it was already sorted out, but I think will be. As for what you want, I think you already know,” Tess said firmly.
Susie’s mouth fell open.
Tess smirked at her. “You do. You wouldn’t be here asking me anything if you didn’t care a lot. Maybe you’re not ready to call it love, but you two are way ahead of the game there. You’ve been friends for years now.”
“And that’s part of the reason this is complicated.”
Tess eyed her. “If you think it needs to be complicated, it will be. Here’s my advice: relax, have fun, don’t worry about keeping your hands off of him now that you’ve finally let yourself have a taste, and try not to overthink it. Overthinking is dangerous.”
Susie sighed. “Don’t I know it.” She looked out the windows that faced the bay. The mountains she knew so well sat tall and silent against the sky. The wind was up with whitecaps dotting the bay. Boats moved in and out of the harbor. Tess and Nathan’s yard was filled with wildflowers. A pair of magpies sat on the deck railing pecking at a birdfeeder, the iridescent green and blue in their feathers catching sparks from the sun.
Susie finally turned back to Tess. “I excel at overthinking,” she said flatly.
Tess threw her head back when she laughed. “Me too! I don’t have any great advice on that one. But I bet Jared can get your mind to stop spinning its wheels,” she said with a mischievous grin.
Susie blushed, but she smiled. “Yeah, he’s pretty good at that.”
Tess sobered. “I wish I could give you the concrete advice you want. If you want to talk more, call me anytime. Meanwhile, just remember Jared’s a good guy. Whatever happens, he’s not going to be an ass about it. If you want to know, I would have bet Jared would be the one to discover how much you meant to him before you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re pretty, um, prickly when it comes to men. I love you to pieces and you’re the absolute best kind of friend, but I can’t say I haven’t wondered about that.”
Susie took Tess’s words in. A flash of defensiveness flared, but she knew Tess was right. She didn’t have to like it, but she could acknowledge it. “Prickly, huh?”
Tess eyed her cautiously and nodded.
Susie felt tears prick behind her eyes. Dammit, she didn’t used to be like that. Not until she met the asshole who tried to rape her and didn’t even have the nerve to do it while she was conscious. To this day, for some bizarre reason, it infuriated her he had drugged her. The constant wonder of what she didn’t remember haunted her.
Susie sighed and looked over at Tess. “I can see that I might come across as prickly. I don’t mean to be that way.”
Tess searched her face. “You okay?”
Susie nodded. “I am. I just wish this was easier.” She brought the topic back to Tess’s point. “So you thought Jared was an easier mark than me?”
Tess chuckled. “Yup.”
“Fine then. Now that I’ve gotten this off my chest, how are you?”
Susie spent the afternoon with Tess before heading home. As she drove home, it occurred to her that she assumed she’d see Jared tonight even though she’d explicitly asked him not to come over. The expectation unsettled her because she was beginning to unconsciously count on seeing him everyday.
Chapter 11
“Damn. That was a little too close for comfort for me,” Jared said, glancing over at his friend, Darren. Darren was the local cop who’d been handling the investigation related to Emma’s ex. Darren’s partner, Charlie Brooks, gave a quick wave before climbing into his patrol car and driving away with Emma’s ex cuffed in the back seat. Emma was standing in Trey’s arms. As far as Jared could tell, Trey had no intention of letting Emma go anytime soon.
Darren shook his head and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll say. Really glad you got up here as fast as you did.”
Jared nodded. “Me too.” After Trey had called him earlier, he’d raced up here because he was closer to Emma’s house than anyone else. He’d found her truck wide open and purse spilled on the ground. Greg, her ex, was dragging her around the back of the house while his new wife sat frozen in their rental car. The next few moments unspooled rapidly. Jared found himself trying to talk Greg down, matters made much worse by the fact that Greg was waving a gun around.
Jared was relieved beyond measure that Emma was okay. She and Trey had just finished giving statements to Darren. Jared looked around the yard. It was a beautiful afternoon, the sun bright with a soft breeze. Emma’s yard was bucolic with scattered spruce and birch trees, and fireweed starting to bloom in the field nearby.
He looked back to Darren. “Thanks for getting here as soon as you could. I thought Trey and I could handle it, but it was dicey once I realized he had a gun.”
Darren nodded. “Hey, that’s what I’m here for.” He glanced to Emma and Trey. “I should head on down to the station now. We gotta get rolling on the charges for this. Think I’ll leave those two be for now,” he said with a low chuckle.
Jared followed his eyes to Trey and Emma who were twined around each other. The intimacy between them was so palpable, he felt he was intruding. He looked away. “I’ll second that. I’m thinking we should maybe go,” he commented wryly.
As he followed Darren down the road, Jared couldn’t help but think of Susie. Witnessing the intimacy between Trey and Emma gave him pause. Trey had been beside himself with worry about Emma the last few weeks. Jared tried to imagine how he’d feel if Susie were in any kind of danger. Even contemplating it was so disconcerting, his mind shied away from it. Don’t go there. Just focus on what works. Frustrating thing was that about the only time he wasn’t obsessing about Susie was when they were skin to skin.
Jared hung his keys on the hook by the door and immediately grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. He’d convinced himself he needed to not see Susie tonight. They’d been seeing each other almost every night the last few weeks. He wasn’t sure what it represented, but he was uncomfortable with it. He turned his phone off and flipped the television on. He needed to re-establish his usual evening patterns. Phone off. Television. By himself. Nothing messy to worry about. An hour later, he sent Susie a text.
My place or yours?
Polite way of saying you want to see me tonight?
Sure.
Were you planning to call me? Worried since I heard about what happened this afternoon. Tried calling but no answer.
Huh?
Hannah called. Said Greg finally got arrested and you were there.
Come over. Will fill you in.
See you in a few.
Jared set his phone down and grinned. He’d concluded it was stupid to avoid Susie when things were fine between them. She hadn’t given any hint she expected anything from him. They had amazing sex, and she was funny as hell. He was convinced they could keep it light, and he wouldn’t have to worry about the potential ramifications.
Susie arrived minutes later. After a quick knock, she walked in, her brown eyes furious. Without preamble, she leapt in. “Why didn’t you call me? Oh my God, Hannah told me Greg had a gun and had Emma in a head lock!”
Jared wasn’t accustomed to anyone worrying about him, so it hadn’t occurred to him to call Susie. He figured he’d update her when he saw her and that would suffice. The look on Susie’s face indicated otherwise. He silently swore, realizing he could have headed this off with a simple phone call, but instead, he’d turned his phone off. Aware Susie was going to demand a response if he didn’t give one, he took a breath. “Sorry about that. I figured I’d let you know what happened tonight.”
Susie shook her head, her curls swinging. Damn, he loved those curls. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Don’t I look fine? If you want to worry about someone, try Emma.”
Susie’s eyes widened. “Jared, he had a gun, you could have gotten killed!” She threw a glare at him.
Though he knew that was technically possible, it hadn’t crossed his mind. He was rapidly recognizing he could have saved himself some trouble if he’d called her earlier. “Susie, I suppose it could have been that bad, but it wasn’t. Could we focus on what happened instead of what didn’t? I’m fine. Emma’s probably more shaken up than me.”
“Hannah said Emma was okay,” Susie said, a question to her tone.
“She’s fine. I just meant it was pretty scary for
her. That’s all.” Jared filled Susie in on the details. Of course, she wanted a blow by blow, so he gave it to her. When he was finished, he looked over to see her eyes glisten with tears.
Before he could ask what was wrong, she threw herself at him, climbing on his lap and hugging him. “You are so good! If you hadn’t gone up there to help, Emma could have gotten hurt.” Her words tumbled out. She leaned back to smile through her tears and then peppered his face with kisses.
Jared couldn’t help but enjoy her over-the-top display of affection. She seemed to think he saved the day. He rather thought it was a combination of factors, himself just one, but he didn’t mind having a lapful of Susie showing her appreciation. Somewhere in the midst of her soft kisses, her lips collided with his.
***
Desire curled like smoke around them. Susie hadn’t meant to start this, but the moment her lips met Jared’s, she wanted nothing but him. Her heart felt full, her emotions too close to the surface, heating her skin, morphing into a sheer force of yearning. Jared’s tongue delved into her mouth, and she welcomed it. She needed to be overpowered, needed to lose herself in the passion between them. Because thinking about how she felt this afternoon when she heard Jared had been at Emma’s, and Greg had been waving a gun around—well, she couldn’t go there in her mind. It was enough to be worried about Emma and relieved she was okay. But Jared…it was too much. But this—this living, breathing flame that crackled to life between them whenever they were near each other—she could dive into it and lose herself.
She shifted on his lap, straddling him, her skirt sliding up around her hips. Jared growled softly and rocked his hips into her. She ground down against him, savoring the heated length of his cock through the rough fabric of his jeans against she silk of her panties. She nipped at his lips. He tore his mouth from hers.
