Once in a Lifetime

by Jade Falconer

  "I know,” soothed Alastair, stroking Percy's curls, looking down at his lover. “But you're not the first who has had to live with the ghost. You won't be the last."

  Percy rested his glass on his flat stomach and turned his eyes up to Alastair's face. “Not as long as the Earls of Elgin continue to be poufs,” he said with a smirk. “What do you think about David? Hm? Fussy, don't you think?” he asked, grinning.

  "I believe he takes quite a bit after his entire family,” Alastair said, smiling. “The curse lives on.” He ran his hand down Percy's chest.

  Percy laughed . “Poor boy. I think I'd quite like to give him more guidance than I received when the time is right. My parents never spoke of such things, but I should think I'd rather he know than not, don't you?"

  "I suppose,” Alastair answered. “I remember thinking there was something wrong with me. I don't want David to ever feel that way,” he added softly.

  Percy was again struck by what a wonderful father Alastair was. “I'm so grateful that you are raising this boy with me. And I'm so grateful that we so often agree on things. I should like to correct all the things that were done poorly with me, at least as I imagine it, anyway. Perhaps I was spoiled and lucky, but I felt alone and miserable more often than not."

  Alastair smiled. “He is not of my blood, but he is of you and I love you both with all my heart,” he said. “I would do anything for both of you."

  Percy reached up and touched Alastair's face. “He is your son as well. He just has twice as many parents as most children. I know that Zelda feels the same.” Percy always felt sentimental during the holidays, but particularly in recent years, when he actually had things to be thankful for.

  "I love you, Percy,” Alastair said, smiling at his lover. “I do not say it enough. But please. Never doubt it.” He ran his fingers lightly over Percy's neck.

  They'd been together for over a decade and Alastair could still make his heart race. “I don't. To be honest, I always thought you did, almost right from the start. I thought perhaps you'd have trouble saying it outright though.” He grinned up at him.

  "I was not brought up in a home where feelings were expressed,” Alastair replied. “I am glad that our son knows, every day, how much he is loved and cherished by all his parents.” His hand slipped into the open neck of Percy's shirt.

  Percy smiled adoringly up at Alastair. “You were a pretty hard character when I first met you,” he teased. “But no more.” He put his drink down on the table and turned on his side, rubbing his head into Alastair's lap. “Or at least only in certain spots."

  Alastair laughed. “And it is all your fault. You and your decadent ways.” He moaned softly, stroking Percy's soft skin.

  Percy half sat up, moving back to sit sideways on Alastair's lap. The room was warm with the roaring fire, and he slipped his shirt off the rest of the way. “Mmyes. I'll take responsibility for that, thank you very much."

  Alastair's gaze roamed over Percy's bare skin. “And you're going to tempt me again, aren't you?” he purred, his desire evident in his eyes as well as his arousal.

  Percy slid his arm around Alastair's shoulders. “But of course. It's my decadent, aristocratic duty, after all.” He nuzzled Alastair's ear. “Or I can stop if you'd rather,” he murmured.

  Alastair moaned softly and whispered, as he threaded his hand into Percy's long curls, “If you stop I shall be very displeased.” He gave a gentle tug on Percy's hair.

  "Mmm, I'm relieved. I thought perhaps you were losing interest in sex in your advanced years,” he teased, his head tilting to accommodate Alastair's tugging.

  Alastair increased the pressure on Percy's hair. “Perhaps you need a reminder that my interest for you will never ever wane,” he suggested, his hand slipping to the bulge in Percy's trousers.

  For them, comfort never diminished passion. Kissing and groping, they made their way to the floor before the fire for an impromptu tumble before retiring for the evening.

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  Chapter Thirty-One

  The holidays had certain patterns to them, and the following day Percy took Alastair into the village, the carriage laden with gifts of food and wine for the less fortunate citizens. Zelda and Gwendolyn took David in a separate carriage, similarly stocked, and they spread holiday cheer to a dozen families.

  As Percy and Alastair finally returned to the castle, their entrance was greeted by the typical rattling of the great chandelier in the entrance hall. Percy scowled up at it. “Yes, yes. All right. You would think you could put your animosity aside for the holidays,” he said to the unseen spirit.

  Alastair shrugged off his coat and glanced up at the chandelier. “Don't encourage him,” he said mildly.

  Percy squinted up at the light refracted by several hundred shards of crystal. “Is that a sprig of mistletoe up there?” he asked, his lips quirking into a grin. “That was a bold move."

  "Tempting fate, I would think,” Alastair mused, coming up behind Percy. “I do believe the girls are behind that."

  The elaborate gilded frame gave another half-hearted shudder and Percy stepped forward until he stood directly below it. He turned to Alastair and held out his hands. “I'm sure you know what mistletoe is for, Professor,” he said, using the old endearment. “I await your kiss."

  Alastair's mouth twisted into a smile and he stepped closer. “I have heard the rumors, yes,” he said teasingly. He moved the last step and took Percy into his arms.

  As Percy kissed his lover, a cool breeze swept through the room. The tinkling sound of the spangles chiming against each other seemed almost pleasant, though Percy knew there to be malevolence behind it. The kiss was defiant, speaking of his irritation with the prejudiced spirit.

  But there were other things to be done, and Percy pulled back. “Let's not get carried away in the doorway. The girls will be back any moment,” he said, smiling adoringly at Alastair.

  Alastair reluctantly released his lover. “And we should be gone before they decide they must make use of the mistletoe as well,” he agreed, stepping back. “I shall go see if the tea is ready, shall I?"

  "Thank you, love.” As Alastair turned and started away, an unholy groan issued from overhead. Percy heard the rattle of chains and the clinking of glass, but by the time he glanced up, the chandelier was falling. For a moment, everything seemed to slow to a snail's pace, and then he crumpled to the floor, a fortune's worth of light fixture crushing down upon him. His head connected with the marble-tiled floor, and almost instantly the pain subsided to numbness.

  He couldn't breathe. The only pain he felt was in his head, but he knew. A moment later Alastair's face came into view, hovering over him.

  "Percy!” Alastair's tone was panicked. “Speak to me, my love! Don't move! Help is on the way!"

  Percy could taste blood in his mouth. A strange calm came over him as he realized there was no coming back from something like this. Suddenly it seemed like there was so very much he wanted to say still. “Alastair,” he croaked. “You ... are guardian. Everything in trust for David. You are in charge of everything.” His lips twitched. “Hope you don't mind,” he whispered. He hadn't much breath left, but he was going to try for as long as he could.

  "No!” Alastair cried out. “You're not going anywhere. Stay with me, Percy. It's going to be all right.” Alastair knelt beside Percy.

  Percy's heart was breaking for Alastair. He could imagine what it might be like if their situations were reversed, and tears started to spill from the corners of his eyes. “I love you,” he wheezed. “Always have. Please, Alastair, it's not going to be all right. Please, take care of everyone. And you."

  "Percy, my love...” Alastair cried. “You must relax, please, just ... oh Percy, I love you. You cannot leave us.” He laid his hand gently on Percy's chest.

  "Alastair, if there is any way to stay with you, I shall find it,” he whispered, speech growing fainter. Everything was growing dim and he ached to close his eyes. He felt
heavy and light at the same time. “Don't be sad, my love. We will be together again."

  Alastair bit his lip, leaning close. “My love, please...” He hesitated. “I will take care of David, I promise. I love our son with all my heart. As I love you. Forever."

  "If I see that sodding bastard in the afterlife, I shall strangle him,” he said, still trying to make light. He fought to focus his eyes on Alastair's face. “My strong, handsome Alastair. Thank you for giving me the best life I could have imagined.” He eyes started to close before he even knew that they were. He hadn't the strength to hold them open longer.

  "Percy!” Alastair cried out, his voice full of anguish. “My sweet Percy, I love you."

  Alastair's words echoed in his mind before everything went black and cold for a moment.

  When he again opened his eyes, all the pain was gone. He sat up as if there wasn't a quarter ton of twisted metal and glass pinning him down. He came to his feet and turned, looking down. He winced at the scene. His broken body and his lover sobbing over it. He stepped closer and went to put his hand on Alastair's back, but felt nothing. He crouched beside him, staring at his face. “Send someone to stop the girls and David from walking in on this, please,” he said, wondering if Alastair would hear him.

  Alastair looked up, eyes searching the room wildly. Then he looked back down at Percy's body, and took his coat off, laying it over him. He stood, calling out to the servants hovering nearby. “Go. Find the countess and make sure David does not see this.” Then he slumped to the floor again next to Percy.

  Percy watched with interest. “Can you hear me?” he asked. He sat cross-legged on the floor beside Alastair. “I love you. I'm so sorry.” He felt completely well, and now he could fully appreciate the tragedy of it all. “It's not bloody fair, is it?” He looked up at the ceiling. “You fucking coward! You're not going to show yourself even now, are you?” he called out. “Have you got any clue what you took away from me?” He turned his attention back to Alastair. “Listen, if you can hear me, I don't know, do something. Oh, go have a drink. You look like you could use one, love."

  Alastair only sat slumped by Percy's body. His sobs subsided slowly, but he didn't look up. “I'll take care of David, I promise,” he whispered to the body. “Like I should have taken care of you. I should have protected you, oh God..."

  Percy could only watch. Alastair couldn't hear him. Was it just a fluke that he'd done what Percy had asked the first time?

  He kept close throughout the day. He didn't leave Alastair's side. His love broke the news to Zelda and the two of them told David. It was torturous, but Percy felt gratified at least that he was so sorely missed.

  But he didn't want his loved ones to be so miserable. Alastair stayed with David, listening to what the boy had to say, telling him stories about Percy, comforting him. Percy stayed near by them. He thought perhaps David, being a child, would be more sensitive to his presence. He didn't want the poor child to be labeled a lunatic, so he stayed deliberately out of his line of sight. Finally the girls came and took David to bed. For a moment Percy imagined Zelda looked right at him, but then she moved off.

  When he was alone, Alastair began to drink in earnest. Percy completely understood. It was what he would do, as well. Percy sat beside his lover, watching him. “It won't always be this awful, I promise you. It won't always hurt this badly. I'm here with you, Alastair."

  He sighed. It was no use. He wasn't worried that Alastair would do anything foolish, at least. David was a guarantee of that. Alastair was nothing if not fiercely responsible.

  Hours later, Alastair dragged himself up to bed. Percy stayed by his side. He thought perhaps such a room would bring fresh misery. It had been less than a day since they'd shared that bed. He stayed close. “Don't. I'm here with you. Please. It's your bed. I won't leave your side, I swear it,” he said. He reached for Alastair's shoulder, letting his hand hover where it should be touching.

  Alastair lay back on the bed, then rolled over and buried his face in Percy's pillow. He sobbed and spoke out loud, to himself. “I can almost feel you here, still."

  Percy lay on the bed beside him, resting his head on a tiny corner of his pillow, gazing at Alastair's face, twisted with grief. “I am here. I wish you could hear me. See me. I'm here with you, Alastair. I'll stay for as long as you need me to.” He reached out to try to brush a tear from the corner of his lover's eye.

  Alastair's eyes flew open. “Percy?” he said hoarsely, looking around.

  "Yes! I'm here! Alastair, I'm here beside you!” He wasn't sure if Alastair heard his voice or felt his touch. Just in case, he stroked his thumb down the side of Alastair's face. If he concentrated hard, he could almost feel it, like a difference in the heat and texture of space where Alastair's face ended and his incorporeal finger began.

  Alastair sat up, eyes wide. “Percy? Are you here?"

  Percy felt a rush of hope. He moved closer, concentrating hard, and put his arms around Alastair's body. He pressed his face into the crook of his neck. “I'm here. I'm holding you. What must I do to make you hear me?” he asked.

  Alastair took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. “Percy. I do hope you're here, and I'm not going mad. I can feel you, smell you..."

  Percy pressed his lips to Alastair's ear, or at least in the vicinity of his ear. “You're not going mad. I'm here. I've been with you all day. If only you could hear my voice.” He sighed. Perhaps this was some sort of gradual change, from pure transparency to something.

  Alastair closed his eyes. “I can almost hear you.” He smiled. “It would be just like you to haunt me,” he breathed. “Are you haunting me, Percival?"

  He was so close. He felt as if he might be able to make that leap. “Yes! I am haunting you! I love you and I never want to leave your side!” he said as loudly as he could. “Hear me. Please, Alastair. Try. It will make things so much better. Please, love."

  Alastair looked around. “I heard something! Percy! You're here! Can you see me? Hear me?” his voice was hopeful.

  Percy let out an excited squeal. “Yes! I can see you and hear you! But don't yell. They'll think you're mad, and we can't have that,” he said, still speaking loudly. He sat up on his knees on the bed. “Can you really hear my voice?” he asked.

  "I can hear you,” Alastair said wonderingly, reaching out to where Percy lay. “I want to see you, my love, please..."

  Percy frowned. “I don't know how to do that,” he said sadly. “I've been talking to you all day. Or, at least when you weren't with David. I didn't want to frighten him. Can you truly hear me? I can see you as clearly as if I was actually sitting here on the bed beside you.” He hadn't seen any other ghosts, but he knew there was at least one more. The one that had killed him.

  Alastair's expression brightened. “Yes! I hear you more clearly now, if I concentrate. Oh Percy, I miss you so..."

  Percy smiled. “I miss you as well. But I'm here. We can speak to each other, at least, even if we can't touch. Are you sure you can't see me? Try really hard. I'll try, too.” He leaned in and kissed Alastair's cheek lightly.

  Alastair gasped. “You kissed me! It felt that! And...” his eyes narrowed. “I can see an outline.” He looked directly at Percy.

  Percy smiled, concentrating harder. He gazed into Alastair's eyes. “I did kiss you. Right here,” he said, lifting his finger to touch the spot on Alastair's cheek. “Did it feel like my lips?” he asked.

  Alastair shook his head. “Not really. It felt like silk against my skin. But I can see and hear you better now. Do it again?"

  Percy's smile grew and he leaned in. He squeezed his eyes shut, focusing all his energy on the kiss. He pressed his ghostly lips to Alastair's cheek with a quiet hum.

  Alastair whimpered. “I feel that. Warm.” He turned his face so his lips pressed against Percy's ghostly ones.

  Percy whimpered. Alastair's lips were touching his, and it was so close to real. He cupped Alastair's face in his hands. He pulled away with gasp
. “I felt that, too,” he said.

  Alastair smiled. “It seems our love has no boundaries,” he said softly. “Oh, Percy. I don't know why you are still here, but ... it makes me feel so much better to have seen you again, at least once."

  "Once? I'm not going anywhere. If he can stay around here, I can!” he protested. The room around him seemed to warm and his fingers brushed down Alastair's throat. “I can't believe I can touch you, my love. But you mustn't tell anyone. Will you promise me?"

  "Why not?” Alastair asked, reaching out in wonder. “You're becoming more solid. I can feel you."

  "If you tell people you can see me, they will think you've gone mad with grief. They'll question your competence, Alastair. It must be our secret.” He leaned in and kissed him again. If anything happened to Alastair, who would take care of their family?

  Alastair nodded. “You are right. This will be our secret. As long as I have this, I can stand anything,” he sighed. “Just to see you, to be able to talk to you...” Tears streamed down his face, but now they were tears of happiness and relief.

  Percy gazed at him, his heart overflowing with love. “I told you I would find a way if there was one.” He slid his fingers into Alastair's hand. “What do I look like? Can you see through me?” He looked down at himself. “I'm not all bloody, am I?"

  "You're transparent,” Alastair said, studying him. “But less so than you were just a few moments ago. I can see the candles through you, though. You're not bloody. You look beautiful. Like you always did. Maybe a bit younger.” He reached out and ran a hand through Percy's curls.

  "I wonder if I can appear just to you.” He bit his lip, then shook his head. “It doesn't matter. I'll figure it all out. You must be exhausted, love. Why don't you try to get some rest?” he suggested.

  Alastair shook his head. “I'm afraid this is all a dream and you'll be gone if I sleep,” he whispered.