Shadow of the Fae (The Fae Chronicles Book 1)

by Valia Lind

  I think I speak the words out loud, but there's no response. There's nothing but the stillness of the room, all around me. I reach for my magic again. This time, the absence of it is like physical pain.

  "No, no, no. Come on."

  Tears well up in my eyes, but I refuse to let them spill. I can handle this. I can find a way out.

  I can.

  I can.

  I can.

  "You won't."

  The voice seems to come from all around me. I jerk at the volume of it. It surrounds me, plastering itself all over my skin. Unconsciously, I try to wipe it off. But it's still there, deep in my mind. Mocking me.

  "You won't get out. You won't succeed. You are a failure."

  The words repeat over and over, louder and louder. I drop to my knees, hands over my ears, but it seems to overpower everything. My body shakes, sending my head spinning as I try to hold onto my sanity.

  That's when I start screaming.

  I come back to myself, my screams echoing all around me as I fight off my attacker.

  "Avery! Wake up!"

  The voice is different... a voice I know. I focus on the sound and then I'm me again.

  Derek hovers over me, his hands pinning my arms to the bed. His body is less than an inch away from mine, his knee between my legs. He was clearly trying to restrain me. For a moment, I don't think about it at all. I just let my body react, sinking into the contact and taking his presence as comfort, before I shut it all down.

  "Let me up," I say. He moves back instantly, pulling me in the same motion to a sitting position. I'm covered in sweat and breathing heavily. That last part might have something to do with Derek's proximity, but that's not important now.

  "What happened?" he asks when it's clear I'm not going to be the first to speak. I don't answer right away. He gets up, leaving the room. I stare at the open doorway in confusion, while I also try to get my thoughts in order. Finally, he returns with a glass of water, handing it to me. I gulp it down gratefully. The small gesture seems to ground me.

  "I was in a room. No doors, no windows, and no magic. I couldn't get out."

  Derek watches me as I talk. Because I've been spending all this time with him, I'm learning he has slight tells. Mostly around his eyes. Only I'm not sure if it's worry he's feeling or confusion. I decide to tell him everything.

  "I didn't know I was dreaming. Not until you shook me awake."

  His flash of alarm is unmistakable. I narrow my own eyes, waiting for him to explain. I also know he won't unless I prompt him. We're really coming into a pattern here.

  "What? Why do you look like that?"

  "Like what?"

  "Like you're about to pack us up again and move us to some forsaken cave dwelling."

  He chuckles at that. It's only the second time I've heard that sound. This time, it sounds even more like an actual laugh. I like it. Not that I would tell him that.

  "We're not moving. Yet. But if you didn't know you were dreaming, that means someone didn't want you to."

  At that, I sit up even more fully, the covers tumbling off my lap. I'm wearing shorts, but I still feel exposed when Derek glances down at my legs. My body heats instantly. I really need to learn how to control my freaking hormones. This is not the time for me to have a sexual awakening. Or whatever.

  "You're telling me dreams can be controlled?" Thankfully, my curious nature seems to be overtaking my... very human one. "I've heard of spells being put on dreams. But nothing like this."

  "There are many secrets the fae hold dear. But even this realm has stories of dream walkers."

  "Wait, those are real? I thought that was a made-up human story."

  "All of these stories find their beginnings in something truthful. In this case, the old tales speak of fae who could enter dreams and cast magic inside of them. Some humans experience what is called lucid dreaming, where they become aware of their dreams, and can even control them. Often, those are just leftovers from a fae or a spell."

  "But no one was in my dream. I didn't feel a presence.” Just the voice. But that seemed more like it was coming from inside of me, instead of in the room.

  "They're looking for you. They might be using dreamland as a way to find you."

  "By putting me in a box and making me scream myself raw? How fun."

  "No, by putting you in a box and taking away your magic. The more you would've tried in there, the more you would've manifested out here. It's like sending up a beacon."

  That stops me because of course I didn't think of that. There is so much I don't know about the ways of magic. It makes me sad to think I won't learn as much as I could've if this whole book ordeal hadn’t happened. Plus, I'm being hunted. That’s a bummer too.

  "Get some rest now," Derek says, standing up from where he's been sitting on the bed. Almost automatically, I open my mouth to tell him to stay. He sees the indecision in me and gives me one of his barely-there smiles. "I'll watch over you, Avery."

  The way he says that... I feel it all the way down in my toes. I watch as he takes a chair in the corner, facing me. Seeing no other choice, I lay back down and pull the covers to my chest. I wonder how I'm going to fall asleep with him looking at me the way he is. We hold each other's gaze for what seems like hours before I finally, finally drift off.

  This time, there are no dark rooms waiting for me.

  Chapter 10

  The next morning, I'm up with the sun, but I still don't beat Derek to the kitchen. Yesterday, we ate dinner, he showed me to my room, and then I was waking up from the nightmare. I didn't think I was that tired at all, but apparently, my body needed rest. Once Derek came to watch over me, I slept better than I have in weeks.

  Not that I will be admitting that out loud.

  "Are those bagels?" I ask as I reach to pour myself a cup of coffee.

  "Take your pick," Derek replies, motioning to a few choices. My heart gets ridiculously happy around bagels, and these look like the fancy kind.

  "Where did you get them?" I ask, selecting one covered in cheese.

  "I picked them up a few days ago."

  That makes me pause mid-bite, and I stare at him for a moment.

  "A few days ago?"

  He must realize what he said. I can see him trying to backtrack, but no dice.

  "You knew where I was for more than a few days, didn’t you?”

  "Not the whole time. But the last week, yes."

  "So, you prepped for your mini kidnapping. How would you know I liked bagels if you haven't been stalking me? I can't believe this." I turn away, not sure how I'm feeling about this realization. Having him watch over me while I slept really messed with my reality of him. I have to get back to the one where I protect myself at all times.

  "You can't actually tell me that it comes as a surprise."

  He's right, of course. It doesn't. I already figured as much. But that was the whole point of me being in hiding. To keep him from finding me. Yet the fact that he knew where I was, and he didn't drag me directly to Faery should make me feel better, not worse. For some reason, it's making me feel worse.

  Then, it hits me. I'm not mad at him. I'm mad at myself. I was getting too comfortable in Phoenix. I let my guard down enough so that when I was being stalked for a week, I didn't know. Unbelievable. It's a wonder I've survived this long.

  "I'm not mad at you," I finally state, reaching for the cream cheese, so I can finish spreading it on the bagel before I eat it all as is.

  "You're mad at yourself."

  "Yes. But I'd like you not to point that out." Grabbing my coffee and plate, I head to the dining table. Before I can sit down, I change my mind and push the double doors open to the back porch. Sitting on one of the cozy chairs, I tuck my legs beneath me and take a bite of my now topped off with cream cheese bagel.

  The fact that Derek watched me this closely and then went out of his way to get me my favorite breakfast should make me feel better. Or safer. But I really don't know what to feel. Everything i
s so unbalanced for me. One moment, I'm on the run. Then I'm on the run with the person who's been hunting me.

  Now I'm in a perfectly secluded place where I can work on my magic but with the very fae I should be trying to escape. If anyone could explain me to me, that would be great. I'm not sure what I'm becoming at this point.

  Derek follows me out, taking a seat on the other chair. We stay like that for a while, watching the sun come over the water, sipping on our drinks. It's such a strange tranquil moment. For a second, I forget everything about my life and enjoy myself.

  "So, what do we do now, Derek?" I ask, breaking the silence. It really feels like I could stay out here like this forever. With him around, it seems as if I don't have to worry about a thing. I'm smart enough to know it's deceiving, but for a second, I want to lie to myself.

  "You're not going to like it."

  That gets my attention immediately. I sit up, turning to him fully. My eyebrow is raised as I wait for him to go on. He smirks at my expression but not unkindly. I'm learning to decipher his moods and mannerisms. It seems like a useful skill.

  "I think we should figure out what's going on with your magic."

  "What do you mean?" I shift uncomfortably because we haven't really talked about this. I don't want him knowing I can't protect myself.

  "Avery, I can feel the imbalance in you. I could from the first moment I saw you."

  I jump to my feet, placing the mug and plate on the table in front of me. His words don't sit well with me. I hate that he can see it.

  “Avery—"

  "No," I say before bouncing down the stairs and toward the water.

  It's like he can see all of my insecurities before even I can. I can't win this if I'm always in the unknown. Feeling my magic... it's intimate. He invaded that part of me, and I'm mad... but also hurt.

  "I didn't mean to hurt you," he says, following me down the stairs toward the bank. I don't turn, continuing my march. Soon, my feet are in the water, and I feel better.

  "You can't keep doing that." I turn, facing him once more. "I don't need you to splash all of my inadequacies all over the place. I know I'm messed up, okay?"

  He looks taken back by my outburst because of course he is. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Only that I'm feeling everything at once. Suddenly and completely.

  "I didn't say it to make you feel bad. I said it because I think I can help."

  "Can you?" It's an accusation more than a question, but he's not fazed.

  "I can."

  "How?"

  "By setting you free."

  "What does that even mean?" I ask, after the initial shock of his statement wears off. I'm still ankle deep in water. The barely present waves have a soothing effect on me. I wade through, side to side, while Derek stays at the bank.

  "It means that you've been bottling it up for weeks. Maybe even before that. This place? It's safe for you to let it out, give it the chance to roam."

  "I don't think you understand how my magic works. It doesn't roam."

  "Or does it? Have you ever tried to give it space to explore?"

  That stops me. My dad always taught me that magic is part of us, an equal part. Not something that needed to be suppressed and controlled but something that could work in tandem. I never thought of it otherwise, but I know people who do. But what Derek is saying takes it to a whole new level.

  "Are you saying I keep my magic prisoner?"

  "Not specifically. You are connected at all times. But you also keep it controlled. You had to in order for you to live in the human world. But magic likes to play just like children do. The freer it is, the better your relationship with it becomes. Because it's built on trust, on a relationship. You give and take equally, so you stay balanced.”

  It makes sense, what he's saying. It's similar to what my dad has instilled in me. But it's also not natural for me. I've always had to keep a close watch on my magic. I’ve had to do it even more so since the magic itself started exhibiting unusual patterns.

  "What is it that you're afraid of?" Derek's voice is almost gentle as he asks. My eyes fly up to meet his. A huge part of me wants to keep this to myself. But if he can help, maybe it's worth telling him the truth. Or at least enough of it for us to figure out what's going on. I still have absolutely no idea what kind of agenda he has, but shouldn't I use it to my advantage for as long as I can? That would be the logical thing to do.

  Truly, it won’t matter if I tell him. Magic or no magic, he could take me to Faery right now and I wouldn’t be able to lift a finger. So using him for his knowledge is smart. That’s what I’ll keep telling myself.

  "My magic," I begin, not sure how to put it into words. "My magic seems confused."

  "How so?" He's patient with me, waiting me out and giving me the chance to find my words. I pause before speaking up again.

  "I'm supposed to have fire magic."

  "You don't?"

  "I do, but,” this is going to sound crazy when I say it, "but I also have water? Somehow."

  Derek watches me for a long silent minute before he nods.

  "What?" I snap, because I can't read his expression. "What's with the nodding? What does it mean?"

  "It means," there's that calming voice again, "that you are more powerful than you even thought."

  "That's not a thing. I can't just develop another elemental power."

  "Really? You also can't read ancient unreadable text?"

  He got me there. I step out of the water, bringing our bodies close together. He doesn't retreat, and I hold my ground.

  "What's next then?" I ask when he seems content on waiting for me to make that move.

  "Now, we see what you can do."

  I narrow my eyes as he steps around me and faces the water once more. I watch him as he motions for me to stand beside him. Seeing no other choice, I do.

  "Much like with your fire magic, you ask for it to come forth, correct?"

  "Yes, it's instinctual."

  "Good. Now, use those same instincts to move the water back a few feet."

  "What?" I bristle immediately because it seems crazy to me. "I can barely make the water dance in the shower."

  "So, you have practiced. Even better. It should come more naturally."

  He falls silent then, waiting for me to do as he asked. A part of me doesn't want to because I'm scared. I'm not too proud to admit that. I know myself. And this... messing around with magic is scary. But I also need to know if I can actually wield multiple elements or if it's a fluke.

  Closing my eyes, I center myself. My bare feet barely touch the water, but it's enough that I know it's there. I call on my magic, asking for its help, for it to come out and play. I feel it waking up, stretching and unfolding, as if it's been waiting for this. In part, I'm sure it has. I've been keeping it at a minimum for weeks.

  My arms outstretch in front of me as I focus the points of the magic at the water. Letting myself feel for it, for the small molecules that make up the whole. There's a bit of science behind magic, which has always made my academic heart a little happy. I push my awareness into the magic and then into the water, asking it to push back, to retreat.

  I feel the magic all around me and in me for the first time in what seems like forever. It's happy to be out, and it's happy to be with me. It doesn't hate me for keeping it dormant. It's happy I've kept it protected. When I open my eyes, I'm not sure what to expect.

  "It's not working," I say, staring at the water still at my feet.

  "Avery, look."

  I glance up at Derek before I turn to follow the direction he's pointing. A few hundred drops as small as dew drops hover above the surface of the lake. The whole place looks like it's full of diamonds, sparkling in the morning sun. The view that was beautiful before is breathtaking now.

  "Am I doing that?"

  "You are."

  The moment his words leave his lips, the water drops creating a ripple affect across the whole lake.

  "I don't k
now how I did that," I say, still staring at the aftermath.

  "We'll figure it out," Derek replies.

  Chapter 11

  We practice me moving the water a few more times. While it responds, it's not responding like my fire magic usually does. It still has a mind of its own, somehow. If I ask it to move, it becomes floating droplets. If I ask it to come forward, it becomes crashing waves.

  "Why can't I control it?" I sigh later that day as Derek and I sit on the couch inside the living room near the fireplace. I've been at it for a few hours, and my body feels the exhaustion. It's not that it's draining me per se. It's more of a physical exhaustion. Like working out.

  "I thought you knew everything."

  "Not this."

  We fall silent again, as is our custom. Truth be told, I don't find it uncomfortable. I never did. There's something about Derek that almost speaks to a part of myself. I'm just not sure which part.

  Even back home with my friends, we were never comfortable to sit and be silent. I've always been one of those people, and I've spent evenings like that with my parents. They would be reading, and I would be doing the same. Or they'd be talking while I sat in the room with them, doodling. I've never had that same experience with anyone else. Until now.

  Now that I started thinking about my parents, I can't stop. They're worried about me, of that I am sure. But I also know they trust me to take care of myself. It's how I was raised. Doesn't mean I wouldn't love having one of our talks right about now.

  "Can I ask what you are thinking?" Derek asks. I look up to find him watching me curiously. "You have an almost sad expression on your face."

  I guess I let my guard down more than I thought for Derek to notice. I shrug a little before replying.

  "I'm thinking about my parents."

  "Oh."

  That one word. It's full of... something. It has my curiosity piqued.

  "Are you close to your parents?"

  He jerks at my question, as if he's never been asked that before. I have no idea how the fae world works or if fae even have parents like we do. I suppose it could be different there.