We Shouldn't

by Vi Keeland

  I knocked on the open door. “Do you have a minute?”

  He wiggled his brows. “That depends on what you have in mind.”

  “Just come to my office in five minutes.”

  I turned and walked back down the hall, but he appeared at the doorway of my office right on time.

  I motioned to the door. “Shut the door. I need to make a call on speaker.”

  Bennett smirked. “Sure you do.”

  The dumbass thought I’d invited him for a booty call. Rather than explain, I hit the speakerphone button and dialed.

  The assistant answered on the first ring. “Lauren Becker’s office.”

  I looked at Bennett. His eyebrows rose.

  “Hi. This is Annalise O’Neil calling for Lauren. We spoke earlier today, and I scheduled a call for four.”

  “Yes. She’s waiting for your call, Annalise. I’ll put you right through.”

  “Thank you.”

  She put the call on hold, and my gaze locked with Bennett’s. “I’m going to beat you because I’m good at my job. Not because of anything else.”

  Bennett stared at me, his face unreadable.

  Lauren came on the phone two seconds later. “Anna?”

  I picked up the receiver. “Yes. Hi, Lauren.”

  “How are you? God, it’s been too long.”

  “It has. I don’t know if you’re aware or not, but I work at Foster, Burnett and Wren now. The two companies merged.”

  I looked up at Bennett while I listened to her answer.

  “Oh.” I said. “Okay. Yeah. I wasn’t sure Andrew had told you. Thank you. I appreciate you including us on the RFP.”

  Bennett’s jaw flexed, and I stifled a sigh. I had no control over how the business had come our way, but I did have control over how I managed it. Lauren and I caught up for a minute, and then I cleared my throat.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited a colleague to join me on this call. He just walked in. His name is Bennett Fox.”

  After she said she didn’t object, I put the phone back on speaker. The three of us then talked for a half hour about the RFP and what she was looking for. Toward the end of our call, I suggested we get together for dinner to discuss things further next week.

  “That would be great. I know Trent would love to see you, too.” She paused. “What about Andrew? Should I see if he’d like to join us? He mentioned things had been tough since the merger and thought it might be a good time for us to finally work together.”

  Bennett looked as uncomfortable as I felt. “If you don’t mind, I’d prefer if you didn’t. We aren’t… I wasn’t even aware he’d spoken to you about my change at work or asked you to include me in the RFP.”

  Lauren sighed. “Yeah, I understand.”

  I had no idea what to expect from Bennett when I hung up, but what I got, I knew was sincere.

  “Thank you for including me.”

  I nodded. “You’re welcome.”

  He took a few steps toward my office door and then turned back. “Why?”

  I wasn’t sure I understood the question. “Why what?”

  “Why do you want to win fair and square? Is it because of what’s going on between us?”

  “I actually thought about that earlier.” I smiled. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’d be going about things the same way even if you were a sixty-year-old, happily married man.”

  “Wow.” He shook his head. “And here I was thinking you were just a good person. But you’d let a sixty-year-old, married dude go down on you in his office?”

  “That’s not what I meant!”

  Bennett winked. “I know. But let’s pretend so I don’t have to admit you’re a fuck of a lot better person than I am.”

  Chapter 33

  * * *

  Bennett

  “Do you like Star Wars?”

  I hit mute on SportsCenter and looked over at Annalise. She had three different newspapers spread out in sections all over my bed. I preferred my news in the form of CNN or ESPN, but over the last few weeks, we had settled into a Saturday-morning routine I liked.

  We’d have early-morning sex, and then I’d go for a run while she made us breakfast. On the way home I picked up three different newspapers, and after we ate, I’d watch SportsCenter while she read the papers for hours.

  Did I mention she cooked and read while wearing one of my T-shirts with no bra or underwear underneath? Yeah, so that’s my favorite part.

  I slipped my hand under the hem of the white tee she had on and rubbed her thigh. “I like Star Wars. I’m not one of those freaks who walk around dressed up as Yoda or Chewbacca at an annual convention of freaks, but I go see the movies. Why?”

  Annalise shrugged. “No reason.”

  But something about her response—maybe it was too fast or too curt—told me she was full of shit. “You’re not one of those freaks, are you?”

  Her cheeks shaded pink. “No, I’m not.”

  I pointed to her face. “Don’t even try it, Texas. You’re halfway to tomato already.”

  She put down the paper. “Fine. I used to like to dress up as Princess Leia.” Her voice lowered. “And maybe sometimes Aayla Secura and Shaak Ti.”

  I laughed. “Who?”

  “Forget it.”

  “Oh, no. You opened this can of worms. Now that I know you’re a Star Wars dork, I want to know what I’m dealing with. Are we talking Halloween costumes only, lunchboxes, and you have the entire Klingon language memorized, or full-on crazed fan who dresses up and goes to conventions?”

  “Klingon is Star Trek, not Star Wars.”

  “The fact that you know that tells me a lot.”

  Annalise rolled her eyes. “Why do I share anything with you?”

  I laughed. “Okay. I won’t tease, my sexy little dork. What made you ask?”

  She pointed to an article in the paper. “I’m reading about movie merchandising that outperformed box office sales. Star Wars has had almost thirty-five billion in merchandising.”

  “Guess you have a lot of potential buddies out there in dorkland.”

  She whacked my stomach with the back of her hand. “Shut up.”

  “You know there’s a new land coming to Disneyland soon: Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge.”

  “Duh. I know. I can’t wait.”

  This afternoon was my annual trip to Disney with Lucas—his birthday weekend was the only overnight trip Fanny allowed me. Every year, we drove down on Saturday afternoon and spent the night and the entire next day going on rides. Lucas always wrote up a list of the rides that were new each year, and this time one of them was Star Wars-themed.

  “Do you go on rides at Disney?” I asked.

  “I used to. But I haven’t been in years.”

  I hadn’t mentioned my trip with Lucas, yet I’d been toying with inviting her all week. “I’m actually driving up to Disney with Lucas this afternoon. It’s his birthday this week, and we take an annual trip.”

  “Oh. That’s awesome. You do such fun things with him.”

  I’d never really brought women around Lucas, mostly because the relationships I had didn’t seem to fit with my weekly visits with him. I took women out to dinners where they wore nice dresses, and then I took them home, not fishing or go-kart racing. But Annalise and I were different. We spent hours working together every day, and when we weren’t fighting or make-up fucking, we actually had a pretty good time sitting around doing nothing on mornings like this.

  Even though it had only been about a month, I’d gotten to know her far better than anyone I’d dated for six months. Plus, she’d like the new Star Wars ride they’d put in. So now I felt almost obligated to invite her. It was the right thing to do.

  I clicked the muted TV off. “Why don’t you come with us?”

  She looked as surprised as I was that I’d invited her. “To Disney? With you and Lucas?”

  “Yeah. Why not? You can get your dork on at the new Star Wars ride, and Lucas will have someone to go on sp
inny shit with.”

  “You don’t go on spinning rides?”

  “Nope. In eighth grade, I was dying to make out with Katie Lanzelli. I took her to the town fair and had planned to suck her face on the Ferris wheel. Right before we went on, I went on the Gravitron. Puked my guts out after I got off. Couldn’t very well subject her to kissing me after that. So I quit spinning rides that day.”

  Annalise chuckled. “Your perversion knows no limits. It even affects your trips to Disney.”

  “What do you say? Wanna come?” I let my hand on her leg travel higher and stroked the sensitive skin on the inside of her thigh, right next to her lips. “I’d have to get you a separate room because of Lucas, but maybe I could get one next door so I could slip out after he falls asleep and slip inside of you.”

  “See? Pervert. All roads lead to and from sex.” She smiled. “I’d love to go. But are you sure? I don’t want to interrupt your time with Lucas.”

  The more we talked about it, the more I liked the idea of her coming. “Positive. He’ll be glad to have someone other than me to talk to. Trust me.” I looked at her. “Plus, I want you to come.”

  Annalise lit up, practically glowed, as she nodded her head. Then she climbed on top of me, and I lit up, too.

  ***

  “What composer scored the songs in the movies?”

  “Easy. John Williams.” Annalise wiped sprinkles off her lip with a napkin.

  Lucas looked down at his phone and swiped again. He’d been quizzing her with all the online trivia he could find since we’d gotten in the car this morning.

  “What color was Luke Skywalker’s light saber in the first two movies?”

  “Blue.”

  “What about in Return of the Jedi?”

  “Green.”

  I shook my head. “Why would they change the color of the light saber? And, a better question, why do you know the answers to all this crap?”

  Annalise licked a drip from her ice cream cone, and my dick twitched—in the middle of fucking Disney.

  “He lost the blue one in a duel with Darth Vader in Cloud City. There was a big uproar over the reason his light saber was green in Return of the Jedi. The original movie posters had him holding a blue saber. Some people say they changed the color because the fight scene background was a blue sky, while others think there’s a deeper meaning—like the filmmakers trying to show Luke had become his own man.”

  I chuckled. “Ah, got it. So they wanted to sucker parents into buying more light sabers by changing the color.”

  Lucas was fascinated with Annalise’s Star Wars trivia capability. Me, I didn’t mind sitting around just watching the two of them—as long as she kept licking that ice cream cone. I was damn happy we’d gotten those adjoining rooms now.

  After we finished our dessert, we hit a few more rides before calling it quits for the night. It had been one long-ass day—sex twice this morning, a long run, driving up to L.A., then going on a shitload of rides when we got here. But while I was wiped, Lucas and Annalise seemed to still have plenty of energy.

  “Can we go in the pool?” Lucas asked as we got off the tram at our hotel stop.

  I looked at my watch. “It’s almost 9:30.”

  “So?” He frowned.

  “Annalise probably didn’t even bring a suit.”

  She grinned. “Actually, I did.”

  “Please?” Lucas shot me puppy-dog eyes.

  “I can take him if you’re too tired.”

  “No. It’s fine.” I pointed at Lucas. “A half hour. That’s it.”

  “Okay!”

  I grumbled to Annalise as Lucas ran ahead to the hotel’s front door. “It better at least be a bikini if I have to go into a Disney piss bucket.”

  Her smile sparkled. “Complain all you want, but I see the truth in your eyes. You’d do anything that kid asked you to, and you love every minute of watching him enjoy himself.”

  She wasn’t exactly wrong. Without thinking, I slid my hand into hers and finished the walk to the hotel lobby hand in hand. The screwed-up thing was, I had no idea I’d even done it. It just felt…right. Annalise didn’t seem to notice either, or if she did, she didn’t say anything.

  Just the same, I let go to open the door and shoved my hands into my pockets after that.

  ***

  “He’s a great kid.”

  Annalise and I sat across from each other in the bubbling hot tub, twenty feet away from the pool. A bunch of kids had been organizing a water volleyball game when we came outside, and they’d asked Lucas to join in. So we’d gotten a reprieve from getting into the cold piss bucket and came to soak in the designated over-eighteen hot tub. Lights lit up the pool area, so we could still keep an eye out from a distance, yet we were far enough away to not look like we were babysitting him.

  “Yeah. Despite the whack job who’s raising him, he’s turned out to be a really good kid. He’s got his head screwed on pretty well.”

  “He really looks up to you.”

  The hot tub had been helping to relax my muscles, but that comment made them tense again. “Yeah.”

  Annalise went quiet, and I had an idea what she was pondering.

  “Do you mind me asking how old he was when his mom died?”

  “He was three.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Was she…sick?”

  I held her gaze. “Car accident.”

  Her eyes dropped to my torso. She was smart enough to put two and two together. And I knew she was debating asking.

  It was the last thing I wanted to talk about. I stood. “It’s getting late. Why don’t I grab us some towels?”

  Lucas was snoring by the time I got out of the shower. The day had been pretty great, but the mention of the accident had brought my head down. I sat on the bed across from Lucas, watching him sleep. He looked just like his mother now. It was hard to imagine that in only a few more years, he’d be the same age she was when she’d given birth to him. Which made me think…I needed to have a talk about condoms and birth control with him. Fanny wasn’t going to do it. Hell, I’d had the talk with her daughter, too.

  A lotta good that did.

  My phone vibrated on the end table, so I swiped to check my messages.

  Annalise: Sorry if I was being nosy. You got quiet after I asked about his mom. I didn’t mean to upset you.

  I attempted to put her mind at ease.

  Bennett: You didn’t. Just tired. The long day must’ve caught up to me.

  I doubted she’d bought it, but at least she wouldn’t push.

  Annalise: OK. Well thank you for letting me tag along today. I had a great time. Goodnight.

  Bennett: Goodnight.

  I tossed my phone back on the end table. In the eight years since that night, I had never spoken to anyone about the accident—except for the cops and the lawyers. Not even the shrink my mother had sent me to could pry that vault open. For a long time, I just figured the less I thought about it, the easier it would be to move on. Until recently.

  Sophie’s journals had stirred up a lot of things inside me. I was starting to wonder if keeping it in had let me move on at all, or if maybe letting it out might be the only thing to set me free.

  Chapter 34

  * * *

  January 1st

  Dear Me,

  We’re sad.

  Bennett has been gone two months now. He’s only a few hours away at UCLA, but it might as well be halfway around the world. We miss him. A lot. He has a new girlfriend. Again. He said this one’s a marketing major, too, and they hang out all the time like we used to.

  We’re still dating Ryan Langley, but sometimes when we’re kissing him, we think about Bennett. It’s really weird. I mean, he’s Bennett, right? Our best friend. But we can’t seem to stop it.

  College isn’t so great. I thought it would be different. But it feels like just another year of high school when you live at home—only without Bennett here. There’s even a bunc
h of kids in my classes who were in my classes back at RFK High.

  Everything is the same, yet so different.

  We got a job at a hair salon answering the phones. The people there are really nice, and it pays pretty good. We’re hoping to save money and get our own place. Mom’s new boyfriend Aaron is a jerk and is always home.

  This month’s poem is dedicated to no one.

  She glances backward,

  afraid to move forward now.

  Why aren’t you here?

  This letter will self-destruct in ten minutes.

  Anonymously,

  Sophie

  Chapter 35

  * * *

  Bennett

  How bad did I want the job?

  Annalise had left for her weekly dinner with Madison a few hours ago. Since I had an early-morning appointment out of the office tomorrow, and my bed would be empty tonight, I’d stayed extra late to finish things for my full pitch to Star Studios, which was coming up soon. This week had been busy as hell, even though it was only Wednesday. And we still had dinner with douchebag’s sister on Friday.

  I grabbed the key to Annalise’s office from Marina’s top drawer to leave some sketches on her desk. At lunch today, she’d mentioned she was stuck coming up with a logo for a kid’s magic marker company that was expanding into a line of professional artist markers. An idea had come to me while I worked on shading in a different project, and I thought it might work for her client.

  Annalise had brought the account with her from Wren, so we weren’t in competition—I had no reason not to help.

  Only when I went to put my drawings on her desk, I found the entire concept for her Star pitch laid out there: storyboards, 3D-logo models, and a thick, red expanding-file folder labeled RESEARCH. I stared at the banded folder—there had to be three inches of damn research. Way more than I’d done. What could she have in there? Shit that could give her an edge, that’s what.