Shadow of the Wolf

by Kelley, Anastacia

  Suddenly, Trevor pushed her away and doubled over in pain. His eyes closed tightly, tears of agony falling from his eyes. He fell to his knees.

  Serenitee bent down next to him. “Dear God! Trevor?”

  His voice became low. “Get away from me. Don’t touch me. Please, I’m begging you to leave me alone.” His last plea became more of a strangled cry. He grabbed his shirt and ripped it off in one mighty yank and roared up to the sky.

  Serenitee saw that he had more hair on his chest than before. “Please. Tell me what’s wrong, Trevor? I don’t want to leave you like this.”

  “Dammit! Just go.” He bellowed in pain. He lifted his head and Serenitee caught sight of the irises of his eyes turning wildly yellow and his canines growing longer. “Leave!!” His voice boomed throughout the entire house.

  Serenitee only witnessed a glimpse of him falling to the floor. She heard a terrible crunching and breaking noise before she turned and ran, her tears blinding the way. She heard his blood curdling screams; his cries of agony and she was helpless to do anything for him. His screams were so terrifying, everything seemed to scatter. The woods were quiet, save for his howling.

  That’s what it was: howling. Howling like a wolf.

  Lord, it was true. Trevor was cursed. The only one crazy was her. She was crazy for not believing him in the first place. He had never lied to her. She should have listened to him. Oh, why didn’t she just listen instead of thinking it was mental and he was the one needing professional help?

  Serenitee ran faster than she thought she ever could. She opened her door and bolted it. She made sure all the windows were secured.

  She closed all the curtains, braving a peek out of one. Maybe he---it?—wouldn’t see her.

  She heard paws pounding against the snow not far from where she was looking. She could see the white cloud as the wolf exhaled through a growl.

  She was sure he could hear the panicked beating of her heart. She looked out and saw a huge black wolf. His eyes were glowing yellow. His fur was glossy and black as coal. He was much bigger than any wolf or dog she’d ever seen. She could see the defined muscles in his legs. She knew one thing: he would be extremely powerful. He could take down any animal—no matter the size—and have no problem killing it

  She took deep breaths, wanting to calm her racing heart. She tried not to shake as not to disturb the curtains. She watched him. He seemed to be watching her. He cocked his head the way dogs do when they’re confused. She remembered Trevor doing that very same thing on occasion.

  Oh, my word. Now, I’m finding similar traits between a supposed mythological creature and an actual human being. When this was over, she would be the one needing a shrink.

  He stared at her. That’s when she’d seen it: a glint of sadness, regret and self hatred in his eyes. She saw Trevor in those eyes. He hated himself. She knew better than to go try and help him. He was still a massive beast. He could easily tear her apart, not remember until later and who knows what he would do to himself if he found out.

  Trevor/Wolf raised his head, sniffed the hair and then let out a mighty howl. He leaped into the woods, obviously smelling his prey. She hoped it was a quick death for whatever animal got caught in those jaws.

  What Serenitee wanted was for all this to be a dream. She would wake up to find out that seeing Trevor become a werewolf was a dream.

  Maybe more like a nightmare, she amended.

  Chapter Ten

  Trevor opened his eyes, finding his naked body on the floor of the living room. There were blood smears on his rug. He wanted to heave his guts out. He got up and examined his body. Once again, there was blood smeared on his face, on his hands and chest. It was more than the usual amount of blood he’s seen on his body for one kill.

  He thought hard about what he had done. He remembered seeing a wild pig snorting around the other day. He must’ve made a mental note on honing in on that animal. That would explain the copious amounts of blood.

  He went to take a shower. As the cold water hit him, another image flashed in his mind. He saw Serenitee running for her house. He heard the locks click and the curtains being drawn. He knew she was watching him from the small slit she had made in one of the window dressings. He had watched her. She was scared but not scared enough to look away. It was almost as if she were mesmerized by his transformation. He hoped the shock wore off before he had to see her again. If he got to see her again. This might send her packing back to New York. He couldn’t blame her.

  What was also strange was his reaction to her while he was in wolf form. He still felt those feelings the human part of Trevor felt for her. He wasn’t as dead inside as he thought. He wasn’t as vicious as he thought of himself either.

  It was still too much of a risk to have her, or any human, around him while he was the wolf. He couldn’t be responsible for their safety. He didn’t want to hurt a human soul. He had killed many animals but they were animals that were hunted by humans regularly.

  Trevor had to see her. He just hoped she would even let him on the porch after what she had witnessed last night. She may have seen his wolf form through the window without flinching but who knows how she would react now that the concept has finally settled in. The shock had to have worn off by now.

  Trevor walked up the steps of Serenitee’s porch. He lifted his hand to knock but the door swung violently open. Serenitee threw herself into Trevor’s arms.

  “I’m so glad you’re okay, Trevor,” she cried.

  Trevor closed his eyes and held her close to him. It felt like a weight had lifted from his heart. She didn’t hate him. She didn’t look at him as the wolf and despise what he was.

  Serenitee lifted her head, her eyes searching his. “Trevor, I feel like such a fool for not listening to you. It’s all true; every bit of it. I’m so sorry.”

  Trevor kissed her forehead. “You shouldn’t blame yourself. I would’ve done the same thing you did if I were in your shoes. It does sound crazy.”

  Serenitee grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. They sat down before resuming their conversation.

  “Can you help me to understand?”

  Trevor had this cloud over his head his entire life. He had never shared that problem with anyone. Only his dad had known what he was going to go through. It might do him a world of good to share it with Serenitee.

  “This curse, the werewolf curse, has touched every man in my family. But it has affected the women of their lives terribly, also. Each Van Holden man had tried some new treatment to help them live out some semblance of a normal life. They, too, wanted a wife, children and a home to call their own. I’m sure it would’ve been better if they had had girls but it doesn’t work that way. My ancestors did have girls but they also had a lot of boys that would keep the Van Holden name alive. They were to pass down the family name.

  “Unfortunately, they also passed down the werewolf curse. I could only go as far back in my family tree as I could. The last man with the curse that I know of was Joseph Van Holden, the man who actually founded Holden, Alabama. I know there are others. I just haven’t found them yet.

  “When I was born, everything seemed normal to me. What did I know of family curses? I noticed a change in my body when puberty hit. I was quiet about it until my dad came to me one day and explained what was going on. It was nothing like the puberty you see in normal boys. Everything I experienced, from sexual urges to hair, was magnified. My dad taught me how to calm them enough to where I could control them. When that stopped being effective, I had to start using small amounts of tincture. I didn’t need much but as I got older, I had to increase the dosage. The last thing my dad helped me with was how to grow Monkshood and use them for injections. He died not long after in a painful death.”

  Serenitee swallowed as hot tears fell.

  Trevor put his arm around her shoulder, trying his best to comfort her. “Death isn’t what puts fear in my heart.”

  “What do you fear most?”

  “I�
�m scared that one day, animals won’t satisfy my hunger. It scares the hell out of me that the wolf will move on to humans. That will be the day I would beg for death.” H stood up and began to pace.

  Serenitee got up as well. “Please don’t say that.”

  “I have to! This curse is hard to live with but when I began to feel close to someone, it feels like it gets worse”

  “How?”

  “Look at me!” He grabbed her arms. “I can’t control myself when I turn. I kill innocent animals just to devour them. I don’t want to taste your blood, Serenitee.”

  “You said you’ve never attacked or killed humans.” She reminded him.

  “I haven’t. But I’ve never felt for any woman the way I feel for you. You bring out powerful lust in me and that’s dangerous…….for you. The fact that we’ve made love a number of times only heightens those feelings in me. I’m just scared for you, Serenitee. Mixing and mingling that lust with that animal hunger are hard to separate. I don’t want you to die at my hands.”

  “There has got to be a cure, Trevor.”

  He caught that hope flickering in her eyes and wished he could feel the same way. “If Joseph, and all the way down to my dad, couldn’t find out how to cure the beast, then what makes you think I can?”

  “Please, let me help you, Trevor.”

  “No one can help me,” he said with a defeatist tone.

  “You’re giving up?”

  “What am I supposed to do, Serenitee? The Monkshood has stopped working completely. I don’t know why I continue to make myself sick with the stuff if it’s useless. And don’t even mention silver bullets. That’s a total myth and a laughable one at that. The only thing it would do would incapacitate me for a while. That doesn’t mean that my curse would be broken. But since I have no kids, I know it can stop with me.”

  Serenitee tried not to let his final words sadden her. She loved him and he felt the same. But he let this curse dictate his life. He didn’t want children to pass this gene to. She understood that. She wanted kids eventually. So, where did that leave them?

  “You want to be the last Van Holden, don’t you?”

  Trevor ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not that I don’t want to settle down and have kids. I don’t think it’s fair to put them through what I have to go through. If I had a boy, he would be cursed. Since the sex of the baby turns to me, I would only blame myself for not having a girl. They are untouched by the gene but not from the turmoil it causes. Besides, if I have only eight more years left to me, how would my kids feel to lose their daddy so young? I can’t do that. I’m not strong enough to do what my father did.”

  Serenitee forced him to look at her. “You’re stronger than you think. Your father made the ultimate decision in having a family. He knew there was a 50/50 chance of having a boy but he did it anyway. He did it because he wanted a family and some kind of normalcy in his life. Don’t you want that, too, Trevor?”

  Trevor sighed. “Just because I want it doesn’t mean I’ll get it. I don’t have much time left and I don’t want to spend it having a wife and kids when I know I won’t be there for them.”

  “So you want these eight years to live in solitude?” She wanted him to say no. She wanted him to change his mind.

  “What choice do I have?”

  She had her answer. She wanted to shake some sense into him. She couldn’t spend her time pining away for him either. If they broke it off now, it would make it easier. Yes, she loved him but her heart would heal faster if she moved on. No use in dragging it out.

  “I see,” she said quietly. “Then maybe saying good-bye now will be the best thing for me.” She kissed him on the cheek, trying to hold back tears. “Good-bye, Trevor.” She was surprised she managed to say the words without breaking down.

  Trevor’s heart shattered into a million pieces. It was either now or later. So, he lost her any way he looked at it.

  “Good-bye, Serenitee,” he whispered. He walked out the door and out of her life.

  So, why didn’t he feel relieved? He just felt like the jerk he always thought himself to be.

  Chapter Eleven

  Serenitee fell back onto the couch, welcoming the tears now. Her world had crumbled a little more. She had lost her parents. Now, she had lost Trevor. What did it matter that he had eight more years left? Why couldn’t they spend them together? She didn’t really have to have kids. She just wanted Trevor. No, she needed him in her life.

  Yeah, he thought what he was doing was noble by letting her go. To his reasoning, he was saving her. From what? Love? Happiness? Eight years of bliss?

  She sat up and wiped the tears away. This was the twenty-first century. Surely, there were ways around this curse. There had to be some kind of medication to fix it. All she had to do was dig even deeper into the werewolf curse. The computer was a fount of information. She just had to know where to look.

  She walked over and powered up her computer and made a pot of coffee. She felt this was going to be a long night. It would be worth it if she could help Trevor.

  Serenitee found a few promising things. There was even a doctor who supposedly ‘specialized’ in lycanthropy. She had to follow link after link to find this Dr. Shaw, a doctor that majored in Paranormal Psychology and Medicine with Lycanthropic Tendencies. She read every word of his ‘Journals of Lycanthropic Medicine’ and wanted to believe a cure was possible.

  It’s no wonder he was hard to find. She didn’t think colleges would entertain too many doctors trying to get a degree in this area.

  But, he could be contacted by email, mail, phone or fax. She decided to email him first and follow that with a phone call. She prayed it worked. She wanted to help Trevor in any way possible.

  Just as long as it didn’t kill Trevor in the process.

  She clicked onto the email link and typed a heartfelt plea for his help and added her phone number in case he wanted to call. She didn’t think he would reject her. This was his area of expertise, after all.

  Now, all she needed was to wait for a reply. But waiting for a couple of days without Trevor would seem like weeks.

  The best thing for her to do right now was wait for the email reply, go to the library for more research and stop by Rue’s café.

  Trevor was a fool for letting her go. But what other choice did he have? He should’ve never let any of it happen. Why hadn’t he kept his distance from the start? How could he have been so stupid as to think that this could actually work between them? A human and a werewolf? Who was he kidding?

  Serenitee was better off in the long run. Without him cluttering up her life, she could find a man who would be there for her much longer than he could.

  Still, the thought of another man touching her made his skin crawl. The thought of her in another man’s bed; her belly swollen with another man’s baby made his stomach clench. He hadn’t wanted to give her up but she would thank him in the end when she didn’t have to witness his painful and certain death that awaited him in a few short years.

  It was late when Trevor peeked out his front window. Serenitee’s kitchen light was still burning late into the night. He had no idea what she was doing at this hour.

  Probably looking for a new place to move. The thought left a bad taste in his mouth.

  He couldn’t go to her, much as he ached to do so. He reluctantly went to bed, sleep eluding him for hours. It was after three in the morning before sleep claimed him only to have his dreams haunt him. Dreams of Serenitee laughing with another man. They were cooing over their new baby girl. A beautiful child with light brown hair, blue eyes and cherub cheeks.

  Trevor fisted his covers as Serenitee lifted up her face to kiss her husband. When Serenitee moved her head, Trevor’s face had taken the place of the other man.

  Trevor sat up with a start. He wiped the sweat from his brows. He lay back down and closed his eyes. He wished that dream could be true. He would love to have that baby girl with Serenitee.

  He was sure th
at is was just wishful thinking on his part. It would never happen.

  Trevor tried to get back to sleep, the dream still fresh in his mind.

  Serenitee woke up the next morning eager to check her email, hoping that Dr. Shaw replied.

  She poured herself a glass of juice and turned on her computer. After sifting through some junk emails, she found that Dr. Shaw had responded a couple of hours ago.

  Her heart jumped as she opened the email and read it thoroughly.

  According to Dr. Shaw, this werewolf curse wasn’t as rare as she thought. He had already done several studies of this strain and found some promising results. So far, the test subjects with this strain of lycanthropy had shown no signs of turning after being administered several doses of his medicine, a medicine that he didn’t go into too much detail describing. Since few people studied lycanthropy and even fewer believed it existed, no other medical profession would fund his research. The FDA refused to acknowledge it whatsoever. The medical board turned their noses up at Dr. Shaw’s journals, deeming them ‘a childhood fantasy’ and ‘myths that didn’t deserve funding’.

  Dr. Shaw seemed promising about being able to help ‘her friend’. She had seen no reason to give the doctor a name or address until she was sure he could be trusted with the information.

  Before anything further could be done, Dr. Shaw needed to speak with the person that suffered from this curse. He would have to take blood samples and run some tests.

  Serenitee wondered if she could convince Trevor that this doctor could help him. Would Trevor even entertain the thought that there might be a cure or was his mind already set that he was doomed?

  One way to find out. She had to go and see Trevor. He might not want to see her but he was going to whether he liked it or not. This medicine might give them the chance to be together. It was worth a shot.

  Serenitee gulped the rest of her juice, printed the information Dr. Shaw sent her before turning off the computer. She went upstairs and put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She pulled a brush through her hair and pulled her hair back into a ponytail.