I groan at his words and my shoulders slump because if they’re throwing my pride out the back door already this is gonna be painful.
Aw crumpets.
“Lay it on me.”
Chapter Twenty Nine
Thanks to Devon’s speech yesterday and the fact that I’m shamefaced and still smarting from the hour long talk with his brothers I decided that I need to address a few other things in my life before I embark on the craziness that I’m planning for Devon.
So I’m now sitting in the passenger seat of my car, Ryan having driven me thanks to their veto on me going anywhere alone from now on, staring at the house I spent the first eighteen years of my life in.
My intentions are to do what I should have done months, no years ago, and talk to my parents like an adult. Devon’s right, I need to let go of this baggage I’ve been lugging around for years and that can only start if I trust the people I love instead of running from shit in case they disappoint me with their responses.
I really hate that he’s right but at the same time I’m grateful that he knows me well enough to see through my bullshitgood girl routine to the girl who’s frightened of being anything less than perfect.
“Get out of the car hun. I’ll be here.” Ryan says softly, giving me a gentle nudge. “You can do this.”
“Come in with me.”
“Nope. This is all you. If you hadn’t pissed Dev off so much the old chap would have gladly held your hand and gone in their as your shield but now…you’re on your own. Go.”
“You’ll be here?” I ask, throwing the door open and getting out.
I don’t get a reply and gasp in outrage when I pause at the door and hear the squeal of tires and see my car backing out of the drive, Ryan giving me a thumbs up and a wide smirk.
“I’ll be back for you in an hour hun! Go get em!”
“Sonofabitch.”
“Becky?”
I close my eyes and freeze when that soft hesitant voice meets my ears and I have to battle back the urge to cry. Breathing deeply through my nose I let out my breath and turn, willing myself to stay calm when my mother’s familiar, lovely face comes into view.
She’s exactly as I remember, exactly the way she’s always been with her salt and pepper hair falling just below her ears in a straight bob and-her face looks pale and strained, adding on at least ten years to her previously ageless face and I realize something must be wrong.
“Hi mama. I’m sorry I just showed up. If this is a bad time-”
“No! Please…don’t leave. I’ve missed you so much Becky.” She whispers raggedly, her eyes pleading with me when I would have turned away.
“I…I need to talk. To you and dad. Please.”
My voice comes out rock steady just the way I’d been practising all the way over in the car but inside I’m a jumbled mess of the old insecurity and fear of failing.
“Of course, uh, come in darling, dad is uh, you go on in to the formal sitting room and I’ll go call him.” she scuttles away before I can ask why she wants me in the room only used for guests and I find myself trudging in and sitting with a sigh, half afraid the antique kindling beneath me is gonna shatter and dump me on my ass.
Some furniture is just for show and definitely not designed for my pregnant ass but I stay where I am for a good ten minutes before checking my watch and peeking at the door.
The house is silent, totally at odds with the usual hustle and bustle of the staff and mama’s fundraising efforts. There are usually at least two assistants running around in harried panic and the housekeeper, Annie would have come to offer me something.
A shiver wracks me despite the heat and I fidget, blowing out an impatient breath when another five minutes pass with no results. Heaving myself up and out of the seat I let out a groan and thank God I made it.
It’s as I’m making my way to the front door that I hear the first sounds since getting here and I turn to see mama rushing towards me, dad a ways behind her.
“No, wait Becky! Please, just wait.”
I turn at the door and stand mute, waiting for her to make her way to me and drag me-
“No mama, I can’t sit in there. My ass is way too heavy for those sticks.” I grumble, pulling away gently.
Her eyes mist at the mention of my pregnancy and she pauses, her eyes skipping down to rest on my belly.
“Oh my baby, you’re-”
“Huge. I know.” I snort, trembling when she rests a gentle hand on me. Junior, the little attention hog chooses that moment to stretch and do a somersault in my overly cramped confines and mama giggles.
“No, you look lovely.” She whispers, smiling softly.
The expression on her face is wistful and I feel like shit when I realize that with my stupid stubbornness she’s lost out on almost all of my pregnancy.
Stupid.
“Thanks, but I have a mirror mama. This kid is like two times too big for the condo and he eats like a champion.”
“He’s a Slade then.”
The sound of dad’s voice is so loud I finally turn my eyes towards him and gasp when I see him properly for the first time in months. Gone is the robust giant of a man I remember and in his place is a sallow, leaner version.
“What the hell?”
“Ah sugarplum, let’s go on into the kitchen and talk while mama whips us up some coffee and cookies. I’ve got a lot to tell you and a lot of apologizing to do.”
I don’t eat or drink anything because I can’t possibly get anything down with this lump in my throat.
He tells me everything about the last few months and the pain and testing and…but I won’t focus on any of that, not after they tell me that the treatments worked and he’s in remission.
And then he apologizes for everything and I cry harder when he admits that the only reason he was so hard on us all is that he wanted to be sure we’d be okay when he was gone.
I can’t think about that without feeling my heart try to beat straight through my chest in fear. I’ve spent the last seven months of my life resenting my parents for hurting me when all along they’ve been going through hell.
Dad could have died thinking I hate him and don’t want him and mama in my life. My kid could have been born without his grand pappy and now, after messing up so monumentally there’s a chance he’s gonna be born with his time split between two households.
“I messed up dad.” I say after a while, breaking the comfortable silence. “I saw something and immediately thought the worst and now…”
“Aw sugarplum don’t cry. Tell me what’s up and we can fix it.” He soothes, his bony arms enfolding me for a split second before mama wrestles me away and shoves my face into her breasts.
I choke out a laugh and snort when the action brings on comfort instead of the horror I’d previously met it with. Mama’s got some big knockers and if I’m not careful I’ll be trying to climb my way out of them for the next year.
“Tell mama who hurt you and I’ll kick their asses.”
“No. Not…I did something dumb and now I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”
I tell them everything, everything, though it’s mortifying to admit a one night stand to your parents and then have to confess that you’ve been living with a man who you treated like a piece of meat.
“Sooo…”
“Oh Sugarplum, you are so much like your mama I can’t stand it!” Dad laughs, his shoulders quaking so hard I have to grab him and keep him from falling off the chair and onto his ass.
“Would you stop laughing, this is serious.” I yell, throwing a cookie at him and rolling my eyes at mama. “The father of my child, who you so owe an apology to by the way, is ready to cut me loose and you’re laughing. Go freaking figure that I’ll fall for someone and mess it up.” I mutter, glaring when he laughs harder and wipes his eyes on a sigh.
“Darling, your mama pulled one of them one night stands on my ass the first time we met. I woke up to an empty bed the next morning and
an ache in my heart that cut me deep.”
“An ache in your heart Brandon Slade? Is that what we’re calling it these days?” Mama snort, casting a glance at his junk.
“Oh gross mama. Seriously gross.”
“Now, now baby, I told ya’ll before, you weren’t found under a cabbage leaf. You were made-”
“Oh stop! I endured four months of barfing already, don’t make me start again.”
That gets dad chuckling but he sobers quickly and gives me a look that tells me he’s going serious on me.
“Like I was saying, we had one night of passion and the fool woman got it in her head to run. By the time I found her she was knocked up with Greyson and spitting mad at me for getting her that way. I spent a long time convincing your mama that I wasn’t looking for a quick lay and a few visitations with my kid.”
Mama snorts indelicately at that and gives him a slow eyed once over and I grimace.
“Seriously? You’re telling me about how you seduced my mother?”
“No baby, I’m telling you that it took a lot of effort and one very unfortunate incident-I was young and stupid and horny-to get my head outta my ass and just go full throttle. Your mama kicked me out of our bed and went to see a lawyer about divorcing me after three months of marriage.”
“No.”
“Oh yeah sugarplum. I fell for her and then did something really dumb and she kicked my ass to the curb. Hurt my pride I’ll tell ya that. I hurt her and she did her damn best to hurt me in return. So I thought about giving up and letting her be, like maybe she deserved more than a man who couldn’t give her what she needed.”
“What did you do?”
I ask because obviously something worked and as much as I love Ry and Day, those boys have made some diabolical plans for me and I’d really rather avoid that humiliation thank you very much.
“Well, I went and got drunk and ended up at home, staring at my old man and the boot he was ready to plant up my ass. I told him everything and know what he said? He said if you know that you’re no good for her let her go, but if you think you have it in you and you know that no one will love that girl the way you do, then you shouldn’t give up. I knew that no one would ever feel half of what I did for your mama so I swallowed my pride and did what I had to do.”
“And it damn well worked. The man swallowed every scrap of the damn stuff and followed me around like a hound dog. He’d tell everyone within spitting distance that he belonged to me and then he said that he’d love me forever even if I never felt the same way.” Mama finishes, leaning over to kiss him sweetly. “Best decision I ever made letting go of all my anger and giving him another chance.”
“Wait, are you telling me you…what exactly did you do, besides putting the moves on her?” Iask, shivering with revulsion at the thought of my pops giving mama the same looks Dev used to give me.
“I slept in her bed everynight, even when she turned away or flat out ignored me. I told her I loved her every chance I got and on that last night, well let’s just say the country club got an ear full of my feelings when I got down on my knees and begged her not to leave me.”
Brandon Slade on his knees? Begging forgiveness?
The concept is so laughable I giggle, stopping only when my mama grins and nods once, her eyes alight with glee.
“Your daddy had one hell of a time living that one down but I can tell you he never messed with me again. We may be an old married couple and I may be a stay at home wife while he takes care of me and everything else around us but I have never been easy to trust. Your dad had to earn it.”
Oh snaaap!
“But maaama, he’s being such a dick about it he won’t even talk to me.” I whine, giving in to my natural inclination to hear them reassure me.
Not this time though.
“So you do all the talking till he eventually hears you Beck. Now I’m not saying I’ll take too kindly to that man treating you poorly but if you’ve slapped that mules ass you’re gonna have to take a kick or two to the head for your efforts. Make him see that you’re worth a second chance and…if that doesn’t work then you move along and accept it. At least you’ll have tried instead of running or hiding like you’re prone to do. Now enough gloomy talk, who wants ice-cream?”
And just like that I’m okay. I may not be a hundred percent happy right now but I know that as long as they’re here for me I’ll be okay.
I hope.
Chapter Thirty
I’m officially nervous. And sweating. And there may have been an incident that involved a bar of dark chocolate. But I’m okay now or okay as I can be having moved all my stuff back into his room and getting into his bed as if he hasn’t just thrown me out.
According to mama the best way to get a man to his knees is a sexy nightie and his sheets, on his bed, caressing your skin.
I’d agree if not for the fact that I feel about as sexy as a freaking cold sore on prom day.
It’s late, everyone has eaten and gone off to their separate rooms and Devon still hasn’t made an appearance. I’ve been waiting for just on an hour now and though I want to be alert and ready for his arrival I fall asleep somewhere around midnight, my heart a little more bruised by the thought that he’s doing something that’ll ruin what little we have left.
Gia, that rat fink, is still in the States and I have a sneaky suspicion that her stay could have something to do with his lateness. My first reaction is to slink back to the guestroom and pretend I don’t care but mama’s words haunt me as I drift into the void and I harden myself, determined to at least try before I give up and admit failure.
The sound of cursing and a thud bring me out of the dream I’m having and I sit up with a moan, squinting into the darkness at the hulking shadow stumbling its way toward the bed.
I don’t make a sound and shuffle back under the covers, hoping to go unnoticed before he strips down and joins me. It’s only when the sheets lift and he slides in, his heated skin making contact with my extended belly that he realizes he’s not alone and I hear a curse before the light blinks on.
My eyes squeeze shut and I regulate my breathing as best I can before he realizes that I’m awake enough to kick my ass back to my own room.
“Rebecca?”
Curses, I freaking hate it when he calls me that. I hadn’t realized until now how very much I’d become enamoured of his pet name for me but now that he’s distanced himself I long to hear that stupid name so badly.
I let off a tiny snore and shift onto my back, snuffling deeper into the bed. He pokes my once and leans over me, his breath hitting my nose with an alcohol count that makes me lightheaded.
“Rebecca. Becky.” He slurs drunkenly. “Wake up.”
When I don’t I hear him groan and flop down on the bed, his colourful cruses making my lips twitch to the point that I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing outright.
The light shuts off and I feel him shift around before relaxing back with a sigh. When his breath starts evening out, not quite at the point of sleep but close enough I make my move and roll over, planting my belly on his side and snuggling into his neck.
Poor Dev. He stiffens and tries to shift away, but he’s already manoeuvred himself so close to the edge that there’s nowhere to go.
“Bloody hell.”
I’m on tenter hooks waiting for him to either shove himself to his feet or shake me awake and send me packing when I feel his arm shift me closer and his other hand come to rest against my stomach.
The action is so him and so gentle that I want to whoop and cry at the same time with relief but I don’t, instead a lie there quietly and enjoy the closeness I know won’t last once the sun comes up.
It’s a start though and one that makes me believe that I have a shot, dismal though it is, at bringing him a step closer to listening to my apologies.
********************************
“Rebecca. Wake up. Come on woman, wake up.”
I swim out of the delicious dream to i
nsistent shaking and the sound of Devon’s muttering, growling in displeasure.
I’d been dreaming of a field of wildflowers, one that surrounded me in colourful splendour and peace as I lay relaxed and supine, his hands stroking lovingly through my hair as we laughed and loved and spoke about nothing more serious than baby names and the colour of the minivan he wants me to get.
When I come fully awake I stretch and kick at the sheets, freeing myself from the cobwebs in my brain. I feel wonderful and rested and-
“I said wake up woman. We need to talk.” He snarls and my eyes pop open to see my very pissed off man standing at the foot of the bed glaring at me with distaste. “Cover yourself.”
I look down to see that my nightie has ridden up, exposing my lower half and the bottom swells of my breasts. There are two ways for me to play this according to Ry, first I could stretch again and give him a long, drawn out view of my junk or second, I could sit up and cover the goods.
The boys have assured me both will get a reaction and while I want to believe them I am woefully sure that the sight of my ginormous stomach is in no way sexy and seductive so I sit up and yank my nightie down, shielding myself from his angry gaze.
“What the hell are you doing in my bed? And why are your clothes back in the closet?” he demands, planting his hands on his hips.
I swallow and look down, almost swallowing my tongue when I see that he’s wearing nothing but a towel and that water droplets from his shower are wending their way down his body, collecting in the terrycloth where it’s knotted neatly low on his hip bones.
The sight has me swallowing again, this time for a wholly different reason and I feel my cheeks heat when my nipples bead and my core clenches wildly.
“Rebecca!”
“Oh, uh, er.”
I have the wildest urge to start screaming the word carrot over and over again because nothing and I mean nothing makes my brain turn to mush like the sight of Devon Baxter parading around in his natural state.
JACE (Lane Brothers Book 3) Page 84
