Foolish Undertaking: A Buryin' Barry Mystery (Buryin' Barry Series Book 3)

by Mark de Castrique

  “That’d be terrific.”

  “Okay.” I shifted the transmission into drive and headed home.

  What a funny world. My girlfriend tells me goodbye and leaves with another man. The woman who helped get me in that fix delivers the message, and then instead of comforting me, goes to write the story of how a body was stolen from my family’s funeral home.

  But, despite these setbacks, I wind up sleeping with a movie star.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Every morning but Sunday, the Cardinal Café on Main Street is the heart of Gainesboro, pumping caffeine through the veins and gossip through the ears of eager customers. I pulled open the front door at ten till seven and entered a room filled with clanking silverware and the steady drone of voices.

  Six construction workers crowded around the cash register at the end of the Formica counter, anxious to pay their tab and get to the job site. Given the rain, I hoped they worked indoors.

  Helen, the head waitress, grabbed tickets and made change so fast her hands never stopped. Even with all the commotion, she heard the three bells tinkle above the door. She flashed me a smile and jerked her head toward the back booth on the left.

  I didn’t see an occupant and figured I’d beaten Tommy Lee to the restaurant.

  “Morning,” Tommy Lee growled. “Nice day if you’re a duck.” He was hunched over a cup of coffee, his body shielded by the back of the pink booth.

  “Why are you sitting on my side?” Tommy Lee routinely sat with his back to the wall and facing the customers. A habit all police had. “Did I miss a memo?”

  “I’m hiding. Got here ten minutes ago and no less than eight people have already asked about last night.” He motioned to The Gainesboro Vista and Asheville Citizen-Times newspapers beside his coffee. “Nothing there, but word travels fast enough. I’m going to have a ten o’clock press briefing at the courthouse.”

  “The courthouse?”

  “Yeah. Thought the place would make me look more dignified.” He laughed. “Can’t have a briefing outside in this downpour, and I’m afraid we’ll have too many people for my little department. Our halls of justice are more like closets.”

  Helen walked up and set a cup of black coffee in front of me. “Somebody been beating on your face again?”

  It’s nice to have a reputation. “Yes. I paid them. An improvement, don’t you think?”

  “You’re still better looking than Tommy Lee, but then so’s my dog. What are you two heartthrobs having?”

  Tommy Lee ordered an English muffin with grits on the side. I decided to fill my empty stomach with pancakes.

  When Helen had banged through the swinging door to the kitchen, I got down to business. “Anything happen since last night?”

  “Not really. Y’Grok’s memorial service has been pushed back a day like we wanted. The Asheville M.E.’s got Y’Suom scheduled first thing. Mobile crime lab finished about two this morning and I squeezed in three hours of shuteye.”

  “What about Millen and Weathers?”

  “They’re hanging in. Don’t know about Talbert.”

  “I took him home with me. He was nervous staying at Crystal Cascades by himself. When he wakes up, he’ll find a note I left with my cell phone number.”

  “Anybody know he’s there?”

  “No. You think he’s the target?” The knot returned to my empty stomach. Maybe I’d made a mistake leaving Talbert alone.

  Tommy Lee threw up his hands. “I don’t know what to think. Damnedest case I’ve ever had. Talbert was the last guy to arrive in town and then the shooter appears.”

  “But Y’Suom’s the one who’s killed and he’s been here all week.” An idea struck me. “What if Y’Suom and Talbert each knew something that would make sense only if they put the information together?”

  “So killing one would eliminate the need to kill the other?”

  “Something like that.”

  Tommy Lee looked skeptical. “If you were Talbert, would you bet your life on that theory?”

  “Definitely not.”

  “Me either. We’re trying to force connections without understanding why they connect.”

  “All right, we take them separately. Somebody steals a body. Why?”

  “For the tattoos.”

  I waved my finger at him. “Now, now. Are you sure? At first we thought the theft was a political statement, then a ransom, and now a tattooed treasure map none of us can decode. Which one gets us closer to a suspect?”

  “Look, Barry, I don’t need you to run me around in circles. I’m doing a helluva job chasing my own tail.”

  “Right. The only people we know benefited from the missing body are Archie and Mayor Whitlock. By delaying the funeral, they at least got Talbert to take a tour of the cemetery and get a lot of free publicity.”

  “Fine. I’ll arrest the mayor at the courthouse. He loves to be on TV.”

  “I’m just agreeing with you that we’ve been pushing too hard for motive. So forget motive. Who had opportunity to steal the body? Who had opportunity to fire the shot at the cabin? Who had opportunity to strangle Y’Suom?”

  “You mean other than all of Laurel County?”

  “All of Laurel County didn’t know we were meeting at the cabin last night. What time was that break-in at the pawn shop?”

  Tommy Lee grinned. “Okay. You know I was on that track.”

  “Yeah. So why are you running me in circles?”

  “I’m trying to run you off. You look like hell, you nearly got shot last night, and you could have walked up on a murderer at the country club. I get paid to be stupid. You don’t.”

  “And you earn every penny.”

  “Okay. It’s your funeral.”

  “No. It’s my funeral home, so let me help.”

  Tommy Lee pushed his coffee aside and rested his arms on the table. “I planned to go over this with you last night, but Y’Suom’s death turned everything upside down, and I got thinking how you’d be safer on the sidelines. But I also realize if they were casting the remake of Dumb and Dumber, they couldn’t choose between us.”

  “I could have told you that.” Helen set our plates on the table. “Surprised those movie producers missed you two the first time.”

  Tommy Lee grabbed his muffins and grits. “You talked yourself right out of your tip, Helen.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I really needed that quarter.” She gave my plate of pancakes a spin as she slid them in front of me. “Enjoy.”

  I swirled hot syrup over the melting butter. “If the pawn shop was being burglarized at the same time we were gathering at the cabin, then the shooter already knew where he was headed. He didn’t follow any of us.”

  “Menkle thinks the storeroom was broken into between five-thirty and six. Someone could still have tailed me, but that would’ve been cutting things close.”

  “You can probably get directions to my cabin off the internet, or the shooter could’ve learned about the meeting and checked out the location in the afternoon. Picked his shooting spot in the daylight.”

  “Yeah. We made the plan yesterday morning and you didn’t get back to your cabin till mid-afternoon. I’ve made a list of everyone who knew about the meeting.” He set down a half-eaten muffin and pulled a small pad from his chest pocket. “There’re the attendees, obviously. Plus Weathers’ aide Randall, and Millen probably told Nickles.”

  “How about Y’Suom?”

  “He was at the VFW when we made the decision, but I suspect either Millen or Weathers would have told him that afternoon.”

  “Which means the Lutheran minister Hucksley and Collins knew as well.”

  “Yes.”

  “Anybody in your department?”

  “No. I let them assume I was going to the Grove Park. Same for the mayor.”

  “So who was where?”

  “That’s the problem. There are gaps in everyone’s schedule. Weathers and Millen met over lunch about the upcoming senate hearing. Then they rode together t
o visit the Montagnards at the VFW, leaving Randall and Nickles free and unaccounted for. Collins had left the VFW to return home and was alone. Hucksley said he went to the library where he could work on his eulogy and next Sunday’s sermon.”

  “How about any of the vets?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “They’re fiercely loyal to the Montagnards. Must be at least ten staying at the VFW. Maybe somebody doesn’t like Millen’s politics or Weathers’ war strategy.”

  “All right, I’ll ask. I can’t see any of them killing Y’Suom. But, I know, we’re setting motive aside for now.”

  We then set aside our suppositions to do some serious eating. I was down to my last pancake when Tommy Lee asked, “What are you doing today?”

  “I promised Melissa I’d review the draft of her story. Double check she doesn’t put something in we don’t want released yet.”

  “Good.”

  “Then I’ll need to confirm funeral arrangements for tomorrow. Don’t know what to do about the plot. We could bury Y’Suom in the one for Y’Grok, since without a body, Y’Grok’s service was only going to be a memorial. But if we ever recover his body, they both might wind up at Heaven’s Gate Gardens where they can rest side by side.”

  “So the mayor wins. Maybe you’re right. He should be a suspect. Murdering people to fill a cemetery.”

  “I’m just kidding. That would require too much ingenuity.”

  “You got that right.” Tommy Lee concentrated on his grits, mopping them up with the remnant of a muffin.

  “Anything promising in the statements from last night?”

  Tommy Lee shook his head. “To tell the truth, I was so whipped I only gave them a quick read. Nothing leapt out at me. I’m going back over them this morning.”

  “What’s Kevin up to?”

  “He wants to go to the country club. Look around the fence and see if anybody climbed over.”

  “In this rain?”

  “Yeah, doubtful he’ll find anything, but the daylight might reveal some clue we missed last night. Gives him something to do. He’s taking Y’Suom’s death pretty hard.”

  “He have any theories?”

  “If he does, he’s not sharing them.” Tommy Lee looked out the plate glass window at the side parking lot. Rain pounded off the cars and pooled in deep puddles. “What a mess. We’ll have roads flooding today, which will stretch my department even more.”

  “When it rains, it pours. Let me know if I can help.”

  He wiped the final traces of jelly from the corner of his mouth. “You’ll have your hands full with tomorrow’s service and preparing Y’Suom’s body.”

  “Uncle Wayne and Freddy can back me up.”

  “I’ll call if I think of something. Meanwhile try to keep Melissa Bigham from making me sound too baffled.”

  “Now you want miracles.”

  Tommy Lee got to his feet. “Maybe that’s what it’ll take to break this case.” He picked up the check and tossed a ten dollar bill on the table.

  “Generous.”

  “At least Helen will have a nice day.”

  After debating whether to return to my cabin or go straight to the funeral home, I decided Franklin Talbert still slept on Australian time and could use a few extra hours. Meanwhile I’d get an early start on the day and then run him back to his condo before lunch.

  When I walked through the back door, Mom was placing a glass of orange juice beside my dad’s cereal bowl. He sat at the table in his pajamas, watching her closely. He smiled at me but immediately returned his attention to his food. The sound of snap, crackle, and pop was more than just a Rice Krispies marketing slogan. Dad wouldn’t eat till it quieted. Then Mom gave him a spoon and a straw and watched to make sure he knew what to do with them. One day these simple implements would be beyond his understanding.

  “You want some breakfast?” Mom asked.

  “No, thanks. I met Tommy Lee at the Cardinal Café.”

  “Any word?”

  “Let me get a cup of coffee and I’ll tell you.”

  I broke the news of Y’Suom’s murder as gently as I could. Dad ate his cereal, oblivious to the tragedy.

  Mom started crying before I finished. “That poor family. Is there no one left?”

  “Y’Grok had to leave his wife back in Vietnam. Someone will get a message to her.”

  “What happens now?”

  “Tommy Lee’s investigating. We’re delaying the service till tomorrow. It’ll be for both of them.”

  Mom dabbed her eyes with a paper napkin. “How could somebody do this?”

  Her question went beyond who or why to a more basic level. How could one human being stand on the face of another and pull a belt so tight it crushed his windpipe?

  “I don’t know, Mom. I really don’t.”

  We sat for a few minutes without speaking. When Dad had finished, I took his bowl to the sink.

  “I’ll call Wayne for you,” Mom said.

  “The body won’t be here till this afternoon.”

  “He’ll want to get prepared.”

  “Okay. I’m going to phone the church.” I rested my hand on my dad’s shoulder. He reached up and patted it.

  An answering machine at Grace Lutheran recorded my request for someone to call me. I also stressed the urgency for the church to coordinate things with Reverend Hucksley. When Wayne arrived, we’d go over the plan for the next day’s service. Meanwhile, I turned my attention to business matters for the funeral home.

  After no more than thirty minutes, Mom interrupted my paperwork to announce that Melissa Bigham was in the parlor. I found her standing by the fireplace, her hair still damp and a rain-splotched manila envelope in her left hand.

  I bent down and flipped the starter switch. The logs blazed to life. I lifted the nearest armchair and moved it closer to the hearth. “Take this seat.” I sat on the sofa opposite her.

  “Thanks.” She pushed her wet hair off her forehead. Her cheeks glowed pink from the morning chill. “I was on my way to the newsroom and thought I’d run by with the first draft. Anything happen since we spoke?”

  “No. I’ve got a call into the church about the burial plot and service. Tommy Lee’s holding a press conference at ten.”

  “Knew that. My editor called me at home to make sure I’d be there.” She tossed me the envelope. “Here’s the draft about last night’s murder. I’ll add whatever new comes from the briefing. And I spoke to Mannie about the mayor’s cemetery deal. He’s heard some of the investors want out, and the bank’s not happy with the loan status.”

  “Not surprised. They’ve been peddling plots for three years with little success. Nobody wants to buy till they see the finished landscaping.”

  She looked at her watch. “Is Tommy Lee going to mention the missing body?”

  “Yes, but the emphasis will be on Y’Suom’s murder.”

  “People are murdered every day, Barry. Stealing a corpse is news. If you want me to be your only media outlet, you’d better plan on hiding.”

  “You’re kidding?”

  “The CNN stringer’s on his way over from Asheville. He’d love to get your battered face on camera.”

  I heard a footstep in the hall.

  “Here you are.” Uncle Wayne nodded to Melissa. “Morning. Sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to say he doesn’t look too bad for his trip.”

  “Who?”

  “Why, the body, of course.”

  “They brought Y’Suom already?

  Uncle Wayne stared at me like I’d lost my mind. “Didn’t you check him in?”

  I jumped to my feet. “No.” I rushed past him. As I ran down the hall, I heard Melissa hurrying after me.

  The door to the operating room stood wide open. A white shroud covered the body on the table. How had the Asheville M.E. delivered Y’Suom without my knowledge? I stepped to the head and yanked back the sheet.

  There before me lay not the body of Y’Suom, but his father. Y’Grok Eban had return
ed.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Melissa gasped. “The father?”

  Without answering, I went to the outside door. The jamb had been re-splintered and the latch broken. A thin trail of water was smeared over the threshold. “He was dragged in. Must have been during the night.”

  Uncle Wayne stared at the shattered latch. “I didn’t notice the door. I was so glad to see him.”

  “We never had the chance to reconnect the alarm. Probably no prints.” I stepped back to the body and removed the sheet. Melissa looked a little green around the gills, but she held her ground.

  Uncle Wayne cleared his throat and nodded toward Melissa.

  “She’s okay,” I said. “Reporters see it all.”

  “If you say so.” He wasn’t comfortable with Melissa observing a nude man.

  “He’s not wet.” I tucked my hand under his back. “Dry here as well. But the floor’s still damp.”

  “Must’ve had him wrapped,” Wayne said. “Could’ve been a sleeping bag.”

  “Or a body bag.” I glanced at my watch. Nine-forty. “We need to get word to Tommy Lee. He’ll want to send the mobile lab. And there’s no need now for him to announce the missing body at the briefing.”

  The color was returning to Melissa’s face. “Can you catch him at the department?”

  “I’ll try his cell. He’ll recognize my number.”

  Tommy Lee answered on the second ring. Without so much as a hello, I blurted, “Y’Grok’s body’s been returned.”

  “Where?”

  “It’s back on the table in the embalming room.”

  “How?”

  “The door was broken in. Had to be the same guy who stole him. Y’Grok sure as hell didn’t climb up on the table.”

  “Thank you, Sherlock.” Tommy Lee covered the mouthpiece and said, “Reece, tell them I’ll be there in five minutes.” Then to me, “Sorry, almost time for the briefing. Are the tattoos defaced?”

  I hadn’t bothered to look. Setting the phone on the lip of the table, I moved Y’Grok’s thighs apart. The tattoos showed no sign of damage. “They’re fine. What do you want me to do?”

  “Nothing. As soon as I get through this briefing I’ll be over.”