by Johns, S. A.
“Yes, I understand what you are saying, but I don’t think you really want to know everything do you?” He asked.
“Yes! And you can start with was she there when I talked to you?” she said angrily.
“No. no she wasn’t there when I talked to you.” He answered.
“OK, if she wasn’t there then, when did she get there and how did you manage to get in bed with her?”
“Well, about twenty minutes after I talked to you she stopped by looking for Adam, and when I told her that I hadn’t seen him she decided to stick around for a while. She said that she wasn’t doing anything and asked me if I minded that she hung out and talked for a while. I told her that we had a fight the night before and that I was waiting for you to call back. I even told her that you might be coming down in a little while.” He said.
“What? You left her stay when you knew that I hated her? Didn’t you think that I might be a little upset if I found out that she was there at all?” Julie asked.
“Well, I didn’t really think about it. I knew that you trusted me and that if you did know that she was there you wouldn’t jump to any conclusions. I didn’t think that she wanted to sleep with me!”
“Oh, I see now! You knew that I trusted you and if I found out I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions! So you knew what you were doing. You just figured I wouldn’t find out and if I did that I would believe whatever cheesy, bull shit story you would tell me. Is that it?” She yelled at him as she jumped to her feet. She was too upset to sit still.
“No!” He yelled back. “That isn’t it. I never intended to cheat on you. I was never ever attracted to her in the slightest. I didn’t want to sleep with her, it just happened. It wasn’t planned. I promise.” He said as he stood up and walked toward her.
“Don’t lie to me! I already know that you slept her! And I already know that you didn’t wear a condom!” She screamed.
“What? What are you talking about? I did wear a condom! I did, I swear.”
Julie just looked at him with all the pain and anger showing on her face.
“Julie…” he started, “You have to believe me. I did have a condom.”
“Matt!” She yelled as she slammed her fists into his chest. “Don’t lie to me! I caught you in the act! I ripped her off of you and you jumped out of bed and you didn’t have a condom on! Remember? I saw you naked right after I caught you! Right before I broke that bitch’s nose!” She was furious.
“Julie. Calm down.” He said.
“No! I will not calm down! I loved you! I gave you my heart and my soul and my whole life. And what do you do? You throw it all away and for what? A sleazy, fat assed whore! If that is the thanks I get for loving you, then boy was I the stupid one!”
“No, you aren’t stupid. I do love you. I am sorry for hurting you. I don’t know how many times you want me to say it. I’m sorry.” He said.
“I still didn’t hear an explanation. Why didn’t you wear a condom?” She demanded.
“Julie, I swear on anything that I had a condom. I got it out and Chelsea said she put it on for me.” He paused, “so I gave it to her and she put it on me.”
“Let me guess? With her mouth? Am I right?”
He nodded in agreement. “Yes, so I had one.”
“Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Well guess what Einstein? She didn’t put it on you!” Julie was in hysterics. “Did you get off?”
“What? Why do you need to know that?” He asked.
“Well, if you got off and you didn’t have a condom on, you may have just made a baby with my mortal enemy! Did you ever stop to think of that? No, I don’t think you did!” She continued yelling and crying all at the same time. “And I still don’t know how you ended up in bed with her! Well?”
“Well, I waited for you to call back and you didn’t. I told Chelsea that I had to get a shower because you’d be calling any time. She said that Adam told her that he was coming to my place that afternoon and that he needed to talk to him and that she was going to wait. So I said, OK, wait here. I’m going to get a shower. If the phone rings let the machine get it. Then I proceeded to turn the volume up on the answering machine so I could hear if you called or not. Then I went to get a shower.”
“Well, I did try calling. Several times and I didn’t get anything. No machine, nothing! And that still doesn’t explain it.”
“I know. I’m getting there. I was in the shower and someone came in and covered my eyes from behind. I thought it was you. They began groping me and kissing my neck and back. They then blindfolded me and turned me around and began performing oral sex on me. And again, I thought it was you. She led me to the bedroom and she took the blindfold off, it wasn’t you!”
“Duh!” She screamed. “So you went on screwing her anyway?”
“Well, she went on blowing me and I was so worked up that I couldn’t stop. That’s why I used the condom. I never thought that you would find out. It was all a big mix up. I thought that she was you. Do you understand?” He asked.
“No, I’m sorry I don’t understand your twisted explanation as to why this is all just a big mix up. Did you sleep with someone that wasn’t me or not?” He nodded. “That is why this is not a mix up.” She turned and began crying all over again.
“Honey,” He said as he came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t touch me! OK, Matt? I thought that we could talk about this and try to move forward, but I’m not ready to try to deal with this yet. I wish I was, but I’m not. I think that we just need some time apart. Do you agree?”
“I see what you’re saying, but I don’t want to have any time apart from you. I love you and I will do anything to make you realize that. Anything.” He pleaded.
“Anything?” She asked.
“Yes.”
“Let me have an affair.” She said.
“What? You want me to give you permission to go out and sleep with someone else? I don’t think so! What’s up with that?” He half yelled.
“OK. Now that we both know how the other will react to an affair we won’t have to go down that road. Oh! Wait! We already are on that road. You did have an affair!”
“Jules, that isn’t fair.” He said.
“Why isn’t it? You did cheat right? Yeah, I that that’s what they call it nowadays. Yeah, I am right.” She paused as she walked out onto the porch and sat down on the porch swing. “Matt, do you understand why I need to be apart form you for a while? If you love me like you say you do, you will wait. If you decide that you can’t wait…then you can go find Kelly if she makes out happier than I do. I just can’t look at you right now. Not after getting the images of you and her in bed together burned into my brain. When those visuals go away, or until I can handle them,” she turned toward him, “I can’t see you.” She began bawling like a baby.
“Julie, I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” He looked at her and a few tears began to fall from his eyes as well. “If you need some time to decide whatever, I will wait. I will wait as long as it takes, because I still love you with all my heart.” With that he leaned toward her and kissed her on the forehead and walked away.
Julie watched as he walked to his car and drove out of the driveway. She was crying so had that she couldn’t see. Her head was splitting and she needed to throw up. She ran into the house and made it to the bathroom just in time. After pulling herself together she curled up on the sofa and cried some more.
She lay there for some time. Pretty much all afternoon, not doing anything but crying herself to sleep and then after waking up she’d cry some more. It was all a bad nightmare, it had to be. It couldn’t be real. None of this could really be happening.
For the next two days Julie didn’t do anything. She didn’t eat, she didn’t go out of the house, and she turned the ringer and the answering machine off so she didn’t even answer the phone. She would like on the couch and stare at the wall. She was a mess, her hair was awful, she needed a shower, and she
was still in the same clothes she was in when she last saw Matt. Her make-up was smeared all over her face, that is, what was left of it after crying so much. She was literally a big mess.
The third day came and when she woke up she decided that it was time to get out of this slump. She got a shower and changed her clothes first thing. When she sat down she realized that she hadn’t eaten anything in two days, and that she was a bit hungry. She went to the fridge to see if there was anything to eat, and like usual, there wasn’t much more than a stick of butter and a few pieces of pizza from like a month ago! So she had to go to the store to get something to eat.
As she pulled into the grocery store parking lot, she started remembering the last time she was here…to get stuff for Matt’s lasagna, that she never did get to make. She got angry again, and then she was sad again. She slowly got out of her car and made her watt to the door. Once inside she grabbed the first available cart and started walking up and down the aisles. She was still in a daze and wasn’t sure what she was after anyway.
“Maybe I should just get tuna.” She thought to herself. “I don’t really feel like cooking anyway.”
Then she came to the delicatessen and saw the turkey breast and provolone cheese.
“That’s what I’ll get, turkey.” She decided.
The deli girl came over to her, “can I help you?” she asked.
“Yes, could I get half a pound of turkey breast?” She replied.
“Sure.” Said the girl, and then she set to work at slicing the lunch meat.
This girl was a skinny little thing with blonde hair. Julie thought that the girl seemed nice. Maybe she was new or something because Julie never noticed her before.
“Here you go.” Said the girl. “Can I get you anything else?”
“Yes, can I also get half a pound of provolone, please?”
“Sure.” Said the girl and she went to get the cheese. When she handed Julie the cheese, she asked again, “Anything else?”
“No, thank you, that’ll be all.” Julie told the girl.
“Have a nice day.” She told Julie.
This surprised Julie, she had never heard anyone in the deli tell he to have a nice day. “Thank you very much,” said Julie, “you too.” Then she headed towards the bread aisle.
When she was satisfied with the contents of her shopping cart she headed to the check out. She didn’t see too many friendly faces there today, and didn’t see Wanda either. She was a little disappointed not to see her, she could always make Julie smile, and if ever she needed a smile, it was today.
After checking out her groceries, the bagger carried her bags to the car for her. “Thank you.” Julie said while handing him a few bucks for a tip.
“You’re welcome.” He said. “And thank you, but we’re not allowed to accept tips.”
“You’re kidding?”” She asked.
“No, I’m not, but thank you anyway.” He said.
“No one is looking, just take it.” She said as she again tried to hand him the money. “Come on, just take it. I am the customer and the customer is always right.” She said smiling at him.
“Well, since you put it that way, I guess I have to take it, right?” He played along.
“Yes, yes you do.” She laughed. “Have a nice day.” She finished as she got into her car.
It has been a long time since she last laughed. It felt good to laugh. She thought that she needed to laugh a lot more to get over this slump of hers. Instinct took over and she thought about calling Shane and seeing if he wanted to hand out or something. Then she remembered!
“What am I thinking? I can’t call Shane. I have to stay away from Shane until I decide what I am going to do about Matt. And I can’t have Shane interfering with that.” She thought aloud.
When she got home and was putting her groceries away, there was a knock at the door.
“Who could that be?” She wondered as she approached the door. When she swung it open there he was.
“Hi, Shane. What are you doing here?” She asked.
“I haven’t heard from you for like four days, and I haven’t been able to get a hold of you on the phone, so I thought I should stop by and see how you were.” He smiled.
“I’m fine, as you can see. I just got back from the grocery store and was getting ready to have lunch.” She told him.
“Oh. What are you having? Do you mind if I stay?” He asked.
“I’m just having a sandwich and some chips.” She said, “And if you don’t mind, I think I’d rather be alone.”
“Oh, well…OK. I guess I can go somewhere else.” He said rather softly.
“Shane, I mean no offense. Really. I just had a long couple of days. You know everything that’s been going on with Matt and our break up and…” she stopped because she just now got it through her head that they had broken up.
Shane looked at her with disbelief and finally said, “You and Matt…”
Julie cut him off. “Oh Shane,” she started crying. He pulled her sobbing form close to his strong body and held onto her for dear life.
“Honey. Honey, it’ll be all right. I promise you.” He tried to soothe her, but it seemed useless.
She couldn’t contain the torment that she was feeling and she certainly couldn’t hide her tears. And why should she? She had all the reason in the world to be breaking down like this. She had no desire to hold back any of the emotions that she was feeling.
“Jules? Do you want to talk about it?” Shane asked with the utmost sincerity.
“I don’t know what I want to do anymore. About anything.” She said between sobs.
He just held her close, it was the only thing he knew to do. He had known that something was wrong the second that she asked him to leave. He just didn’t know what was wrong. Seeing her in that kind of pain and anguish he felt so useless. He felt like breaking down and crying himself. He loved her so much that it actually hurt him to see her cry. What was Matt thinking when he cheated on her? She was the most perfect of God’s creations in Shane’s eyes. He had made up his mind that if ever she were his that he would never ever hurt her like she was hurting now.
“I know what has happened between us, and I hope that it hasn’t contributed to your pain. I know that you already know how I feel about you, and I hope that that isn’t causing you any grief. If I am at all responsible for any of your tears right now, please tell me. OK?” He told her.
“Shane, none of this is your fault. I promise you that not one of these tears are from you.” She stopped to look up into his blue eyes, “I know how you feel about me, and I couldn’t ever forget what happened between us, and none of that is bothering me in the least. I did feel a little guilty about cheating on Matt,” she paused again, “but, hey! He did it too, so why should I fret about it?” She finished.
Shane still held her. She didn’t try to break free. She loved the way that he held her. He made her feel so secure. She loved him too. But was it just friendly love or was it more? She had to stop and wonder. She and Shane were so good together. They really liked to hang out and talked for hours at a time. They really were the picture of “best friends” and they knew it. Yet at the same time they both wondered if there could be something more. Shane hoped for it and Julie thought about it, especially now that she and Matt had broken up. She still loved Matt but looking back at the past several years and even though they had their share of good times, there was a lot more bad times. And even though she vowed to herself that she had to get back together with Matt, she wasn’t really feeling it now. All she could think of was Shane. All she could feel was Shane’s strong arms around her, and for the time being that is all she cared about.
When she finally pulled herself out of his arms she allowed him to lead her to the couch where they both sat down. Her head was again pounding and she found herself once more in the land of flowing tears.
“Julie, do you want me to leave you alone?” Shane asked.
“No.” She looked to her frien
d through red eyes that were pleading him to stay. “Don’t go. Let’s watch some TV. or something, OK?” She finished.
“Sure. I’ll stay as long as you’d like me to.” He said taking hold of her hand.
She grabbed the remote off the end stand and turned the TV on. She started flipping through the channels when she noticed her stomach growling and suddenly remembered that she still hadn’t eaten anything.
“Shane, are you hungry?” She asked. “I forgot to get my lunch when you came.” She laughed.
“Yeah, I’m sorry you forgot to eat because of me.” He smiled.
Julie got up and went into the kitchen to make a few sandwiches. Shane followed.
“Do you need any help?” He asked her.
“Want to grab the bread for me? It’s still in the grocery bag on the table.” She told him. He was happy to help.
They got their sandwiches and chips and headed back to the living room to “veg”.
Julie sat down and realized that she forgot her soda. When she went to get up Shane already had it and handed it to her.
They ate as they watched some movie full of aliens and robots. Julie was glad it wasn’t something that could be related to her life at this particular time. After she ate, she fell asleep on the couch.
PART 3
JULIE & SHANE
When Julie woke up she was surprised to see a vase full of red roses sitting on top of her television. She sat up and looked around. That’s when she noticed Shane. He was sitting in the dining room just off of the living room and he was looking at something on the table.
Julie got up and walked out to the table. “What are you doing?” she whispered.
“I was trying not to wake you.” He said.
“Thank you for the roses.” She said looking toward the TV.
Shane reached up and took her by the hand, “You’re welcome. Are you feeling any better now?”
“Uh, maybe a little. At least I have a good friend to keep me company and to make me smile.” She smiled.
