by Tj Hannah
“I’m an artist,” he says, and everyone rolls their eyes.
“You’re basically good at fractions and that’s about it.” Garett teases.
“Well I’m about 15/16th’s sure I can beat your ass, so there’s that.”
“Yeah but have you seen that LSAT study guide? That thing is massive.” Riley says, his green eyes laughing. He shoves up the sleeves of his dress shirt and slides the quarter from the table. My heart pumps harder at the sound of LSAT as I take a chair between Corbin and Garett, who’s nodding. He has a long face, made even longer by the shaggy hair and stubbly chin, but he’s kinda cute in that trying-to-look-like-he-doesn’t-care way.
They’re all pretty drunk, and I don’t want to talk about law exams right now. Or ever. So I lift up a shot glass, put it to my lips and take the whole thing back. I need to catch up or go home.
Garett slides his arm across my shoulders and shakes me a little. “Atta, girl.”
The old me would have tensed up at the touch, shrugged out from under it, and made some excuse to leave. The new me sees the way Kayla looks between Garett and me like she just discovered the Lost City of Atlantis, and I decide to lean into him, pick up another shot and down it. This is what being young is about, right? Partying, having fun, being wild and sexy. Hooking up with cute guys with completely kissable lips.
Kayla gets up to make another round of drinks, and the guys convince me to join in on their game of quarters which is much harder than it looks. The soft buzz of intoxication floats through my limbs, and I try to back out of the next round.
“Sophia, you’re a goddess at this game,” Corbin smiles at me. “You’ve gotten it in every time. You’re drunk because you just keep drinking. Don’t blame that shit on us.”
Garett reaches over and pats my knee before placing the quarter in front of me. My skin tingles from his touch, or the booze. I don’t know. But he's taken every tiny opportunity to touch me, and it makes me feel good. Wanted.
I put my hand on his, wrapping my fingers around his, and he smirks. I lift his hand and place it on the table, patting it, and winking. I don't remember the last time I was this flirty, but something about his honest smile draws me in. Garett grins at me, and I turn toward Corbin. As far as attraction goes, Corbin is smoking hot compared to Garett's adorableness, but I'm not really into guys who have non-girlfriend girlfriends. Or any kind of girlfriend for that matter.
Kayla is back now, sitting on Corbin’s lap, and he grips her knee, but not like Garett did mine. Not nicely but as if he were desperate for her. His fingers dig into her skin, sliding upward between her thighs forcing them to part. I look up and around the table, but at this angle I’m the only one who can see it. I try not to look again, but for some reason I do just as her legs fall open just a little, and he pushes up under her skirt. His forearm flexes and relaxes and I realize exactly what he’s doing.
I snap my eyes up and pick up the quarter. Taking a quick glance at Corbin, I see he’s watching me. He knows I saw. I act like it’s no big deal, which it isn’t because we're all adults, and bounce the quarter. It goes in with a plunk, making Riley drink and everyone else cheer for me. I lean forward, resting my elbows on the table and take a big drink trying not to wonder what that kind of secret, risky touch would feel like. I glance across Kayla’s expressionless face as I look over at Garett. I wonder if he's the kind of guy to take control like that. I think I might try to find out.
xxx
Kayla has the bar shut down and locked up, but the six of us are still sitting around the same table with a pitcher of beer between us. Well, four of us, as Kayla and Corbin disappeared. I believe Kayla now when she said that sex is the only thing those two do. They barely spoke five words to each other.
"Hey, New Girl?" Garett waves his hand in front of my eyes and my slanted vision snaps back into as much focus as a drunk person can have.
"Sorry, what?" I push my hair from my face and smile at him.
"We're gunna ditch this place and head out to Mills Lake for a midnight swim. You want to come?" Garett’s eyes are expectant and warm. He wants me to go, but he doesn't know that I can’t. My heart starts pounding, and my body is flooded with a rush of fear. I reach down to the floor and grab my purse, just in case. I can taste dirty, algae-filled water in my mouth and resist the urge to gag. The alcohol makes my feelings both closer and farther away which is disorienting.
"Sophia?" Riley asks this time.
"No, no swimming."
"It's just a few minutes from town. It'll be fun." Jackson rubs his hand on his buzzed blonde hair. He hasn't said much of anything all night besides smack talking during the game and I get the feeling that's he's the strong silent type.
"No, I can't. I'm drunk and don't have a swimsuit," I say fast but instantly know that's the point. Garett smiles and elbows Riley. "Isn't she cute?"
They all laugh and I stand abruptly. "I'm gunna go now." I scoop up my bag and try to make a straight line to the door.
The cool night air slams into me, and I feel a thousand times better. I lean down and put my hands on my knees concentrating on deep breathing. The door clangs shut behind me, and a few seconds later there's a hand on my lower back.
"Sophia?" Garett's voice is comforting, and I straighten up and look at him. "Is something wrong?"
I look at his face, so pure and kind and genuine. He's seriously concerned, and I hate that it pisses me off.
Is something wrong? Everything is wrong. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be in this shithole, as Corbin called it. The appropriate question would be is something right.
I'm drowning in my own feelings, and then I'm suffocating in his concern. This is the kind of guy the old me would go for. Someone who would care to the point of madness. Someone who would place a soft hand on my back or rub my shoulders but not go any further. Someone who would wait for me to make a move and respect my feelings, not knowing that I'm too fucked up and self-absorbed. That even my love life is dictated by my parents plans for my future. That's the old me. The old me who’s only ever had sex with one person. The one who covers up and shuts up. Who’s been told a million times that social compatibility is more important than finding someone I connect with emotionally or sexually.
The new me doesn't answer his question. I lean forward and press my lips to his. He jerks backward and looks at me for a second before a boyish smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. Sliding his fingers into my hair, he pulls me back for another kiss. Through the alcohol haze, I can tell he's a good kisser, slow and practiced. I clutch fistfuls of his shirt in my hands and pull at him as my lips part, and he slowly runs his tongue along mine. He times his movement to mine. When I put my arms around his neck, he slides his around my waist. When I press against him, he matches the pressure. My body begins to react to him, and I let a little sound slip from my mouth. This could be good. This could be just what I need. A distraction.
The cool night air swirls around us as Garett slides his hand under the material of my halter. His warm skin against mine makes me grip him tighter, kiss him deeper. I twist my fingers through his hair and suck his lip into my mouth just as the loud clang of the door makes us jump apart. I spin around to see Corbin, pack of smokes in hand, his eyes wide.
"Sorry, man, I didn't know you were out here," he says and Garett just smirks and adjusts himself in his pants. It's a look of smug satisfaction and it’s the cockiest thing Garett's done all night. For some strange reason through my drunken haze, it completely turns me on. I've never had a one-night stand before, and I think it's time for another first.
Trying to act way more confident than I feel, I smile at Corbin, taking Garett's hand. "Don't worry about it. We were just leaving anyway."
Corbin's eyes widen in surprise with a strange flash of some emotion I can't place. Spinning on my heel I walk away, not knowing where I'm even going, dragging Garett behind me.
After the darkness swallows us up, Garett starts to laugh and tugs on my arm so that I have to tur
n to look at him. I stumble a bit before crashing into him.
"Easy, Sophia. What's the rush?" He cups my cheek and kisses me. The softness of his mouth, but the hardness of the kiss makes me almost frantic for him.
"I need to do something crazy," I say into his mouth, grabbing at his shirt and pushing my hands up his stomach and chest. He smiles against my lips.
"What did you have in mind?"
I grab onto the waist of his pants and yank him into the dark alley, pressing my back up against the wall. I rip at his belt, unbuttoning his jeans and watch his face turn serious as I slide my hand inside.
“Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?” I ask, feeling completely charged. Completely overwhelmed. Completely crazy.
Garett bites down on his lip as I stroke him and shakes his head. “Given the circumstances I feel like that’s a trick question,” he breathes out, bracing himself on the wall behind me. “You first.”
I pull my hand from his pants and let the alcohol fuel my courage. “Right here, right now, with a guy I don’t even know.”
Thank God he’s a typical guy who carries a condom with him everywhere; otherwise my new-found inner sex vixen would be sorely disappointed. It takes no convincing for him to bunch my skirt up over my hips, slide my panties to the side and pin me to the wall like I ask him to. It’s fast and hard, like I said I wanted. I hold around his neck while he grips my thighs. I take in the sound of heavy breathing, the feel of him in me and against me, the pulsing heat of my desperate desire. But not for him. For something else. I let the fantasy of it take me over and for a little while it feels exactly how I thought it would. Forbidden. Dangerous. Sexy.
But deep down something’s off. Fake. This isn’t me. As good as it feels to be bad, it doesn’t feel like me.
When we finish, Garett lowers my legs and kisses me while pushing down my skirt and straightening it for me. His kindness drives a spike of guilt straight through me.
What am I doing?
Chapter Four
Sophia
All around me there are frantic screams, and blaring sirens, but they sound faint and muffled, like they come from under the water. The sound ebbs and flows, growing in intensity, getting clearer and clearer until I finally have to open my eyes.
My lungs are forced full of air, as the taste of algae rips along my tongue. Hovering over the top of me is a woman with scared brown eyes. Her hands press against my chest and pain ripples across my body. Another burst of air and the screams that once surrounded me are now coming from me. The woman holds me down until I see two other people hovering above her. I scream and scream, tasting dirt and slime. I choke out the shrill sound of my voice through the water bubbling in my throat. The vibration of fear trembles through my body, but I can’t place why. I can only scream.
And it’s a name. Over and over. One name.
His name.
My room is still dark when I sit straight up in bed. The pain in my head forces me to lie back down, despite the lingering fear of my nightmare. A nightmare I’ve had so many times, it’s commonplace to wake up in a pool of sweat with a throat as raw as sandpaper. I press my hands to my throbbing temples as my dream fades, and the previous night takes over. A soft groan forms in my throat as I remember what happened. I feel my cheeks burn right down to my toes, both pride and regret slam into each other inside me, and I’m not sure how to feel. All I know is that it’s going to be holy awkward the next time I have to see Garett.
I reach out to my night stand and slide open my phone. Four missed calls, two voicemail, and half a dozen text messages. Goddammit, Mom. Frustrated, I listen to the stern voice of my mother busily chastising me through the earpiece until she finally does it. She finally says the thing I’ve been waiting for her to say for years.
Given everything that’s happened in our family, I feel like it’s the least you can do. Don’t make us go through this again, Sophia. Her voice softens when she says it, but I let out a loud curse and throw the phone across the room. Immediately, I regret it as it slams against the wall and shatters.
I lean my head back against the pillow and try to calm my breathing, my aching chest, my stinging eyes. I furiously wipe at a stray tear, just as there’s a soft knock at the door.
“Yeah?” I call and Tobie pushes the door open. Her dreadlocks are piled up on her head and sticking out every which way, and she’s wearing these square glasses that make her eyes look enormous.
“Can I come in?” she asks but doesn’t wait for me to answer before she’s almost to my bed. I sniff and try to mask it by yawning. “You okay?”
“Fine.” I let my hair fall in my face and pull my knees to my chest.
She sits on my bed and puts her hand on her little belly. Her head goes from me to the pile of plastic on the floor that used to be my phone. “I’m supposed to be the crazy hormonal one around here.”
The tension in my chest lifts a little as I laugh. “Sorry if I woke you.”
This time she laughs. “Soph, it’s two in the afternoon. I’ve lived a whole day already.”
“Oh,” I say and then we just sit here. She plays with a loose thread on my comforter, and I watch her.
“Care to talk about it?” She has that same genuine concern in her voice that Garett did last night. It makes me want to spill all my screwed up feelings onto the bed and ask her to sort through them with me. But instead I shake my head.
“Okay,” she says and stands. “But I heard you screaming in your sleep. Tosh wouldn’t let me come check on you. He said that you’d come to me if you needed to talk, but I just want to know that you’re okay. I know you’ve only been here a week, but I’m a worrier. It doesn’t take me long to get attached to people.”
I smile at her, strangely comforted by her words. She’s going to be a great mom. “I’m fine, Tobie. Thanks.”
Just as she’s going to leave she slaps the doorframe and looks over her shoulder. She’s arguing with herself as to whether she wants to speak. Her curiosity wins out.
“Who’s Lance? If you don’t mind me asking?”
It happens fast. Like taking a running jump into a pool of ice water and it slams through me with just as much force. Engulfing me in panic. Hearing the name brings the dream back to the forefront of my mind. Shouting the word. My heart seizes, and I feel water fill my lungs again. I’m sucked through a vortex of emotions that make me want to scream. The taste of dirt on my tongue makes me cough, and Tobie’s eyes get wide.
“Nevermind. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked."
As soon as she leaves, I fling myself across the bed and shove my hand in my purse, struggling to breath. Shoving everything around, my fingers grasp the tiny pill bottle. My lungs are filling, fuller, I'm sinking in my own panic, and I can barely get the cap off before I choke.
I pop a tiny pill under my tongue and pull my knees to my chest.
I curl tighter, willing it to go away. Pushing the memory of him back under.
God, I hate this.
xxx
Once I feel calm again, I dress and go downstairs where Tobie sits at the kitchen table, flipping through a magazine, and Tosh is on the couch playing some video game.
“Morning, sunshine.” He laughs at me. “Have a good time last night?”
I avoid his eyes and say nothing because he obviously knows I got home after four in the morning. When the bar closes at two, it’s pretty obvious.
“I bet she got lured out to Mills Lake for a post-bar swim. The old rope and grope.” Tobie laughs and circles this gaudy chandelier in her magazine.
“The what?” I pour a coffee and sit next to her. Tosh laughs as he mercilessly slaughters an army that’s cornered him on his game.
“There’s an old knotted rope out on the east side of the lake. The boys favorite pick up is to take girls out there so they’ll either get naked or in their underwear and go in the lake.”
“Where does this groping come in?” I take a sip of coffee, trying to hide the
fact that even the thought of swinging on a rope over the water is enough to send me into a panic.
Tosh has paused his game and moves to the table wrapping his arms around Tobie. “Well the rope is kinda tricky. It’s a two man operation,” Tosh says and slides his hands down Tobies arms then transfers them to her waist. “You have to stand on this old, fallen tree to get to it. It’s hard to get a grip and balance, so while she’s getting herself positioned on the rope, she needs someone strong to hold her up.” Tosh digs his fingers into Tobie’s side, and she jumps.
“So you were pretending to be helpful but just being creepy and feeling up wet half-naked girls?” I smirk and shake my head. Tosh smiles wide.
“It works sometimes. That’s how I got Tobie. She let me get to third base after the first time on the ol’ rope and grope. Because I’m such a gentleman, I helped her on that rope every time she wanted it.” Tosh kisses Tobie’s cheek in an exaggerated, loud kiss, and she glares.
“That’s not the reason, and you know it.” She pushes his face away and bites back a smile. Tosh laughs and goes back to his game, whatever shared memory they have is staying secret.
Tobie goes back to her magazine, and Tosh’s game fills the house with the sound of machine gun fire. I sit at the table, looking out the patio doors to the spring buds blossoming on the trees thinking about my own secrets. But none of my secrets make my eyes sparkle and my lips twitch into little smiles like Tobie’s doing right now.
My secrets require medication.
Chapter Five
Corbin
Sitting at the bar, tossing my fries around but not eating them, I can’t get her out of my mind. Her small frame and huge grey eyes haunt me as I give myself shit for looking at her too closely. For thinking about her while I was with Kayla last night in my truck. For trying to push the thoughts out but in the end just letting Sophia dominate.
