The Truth About Us (Mills Lake series)

by Tj Hannah

  I push thoughts of her below the surface and swim, steady and strong. Concentrating on my breathing I skip the warm up and go straight into full front stroke. The cold water clears my mind. The in and out of my breath as I turn my head calms my muscles. Through my goggles, I see the murky water beneath me and the odd tendril of vegetation lazily swaying back and forth. When I turn my head, the afternoon sun glares off the surface and forces my eyes closed.

  Breathe. Two. Three. Four. Breathe. Two. Three. Four.

  I try to count my strokes but every time I close my eyes I still see her face. I hear the coldness in her voice when she asked us to leave. I feel her body pressed against mine.

  Even now, I feel it. A week later, I think about nothing but her. When I should be thinking about Kayla, and the screaming match we had in the middle of the bar. How I told her to go fuck herself because I was done with her. But I’m done because of Sophia.

  Sophia who wouldn’t speak to me, or answer my texts, before I decided to try the space thing. Still she just puts her head down and works. Serving drinks and taking Kayla’s shit. Smiling that sweet smile.

  It’s killing me.

  I make it to the other side of the lake before I realize I’m lost in my thoughts again. I pull myself out on the beach and lay back in the hot sand, my chest rising rapidly.

  I run my hands over my face, pulling the goggles off.

  I can’t remember when she crawled under my skin, but I can’t get her out. Every time I try to ignore her, her big eyes find mine and she burrows in further. Every time I think I should just go back to the distraction of Kayla, Sophia smiles or laughs at Rich’s crazy old man rants, and I’m back where I started.

  Once you set your eyes on the right woman, you might as well be dead. Your every action from that point on is for her and her alone.

  Rich’s words flood my mind, but I push them out. That’s shit. There’s no such thing as true love, or the one, or whatever other fucked up shit people tell themselves to feel better about being alone.

  But that’s what I am now. Alone.

  In every sense of the word.

  xxx

  I end up doing what any self-respecting man does when he has no one, or nothing. I bury myself in work, drink too much and have an unhealthy number of halo tournaments with Tosh. But always when Sophia is working.

  I flop onto the couch next to Tosh with a huge bowl of chips. Garett and Riley are battling against some fifteen-year-old douchebag on Xbox live, and the kid is seriously killing us. Literally slaughtering us.

  “Where do these little fuckers come from anyway?” Garett throws the controller down and turns to Riley. “Dude, seriously, how do you teach these bastards?”

  “I get them when they are still cute and obedient. Kinda. Okay, no I don’t. I get them before they realize they can tell their teacher to fuck off and get away with it.” Riley pulls the headset from his ears as his last guy falls in a pool of his own blood.

  “Do us a favor, Tosh. Don’t have one of these.” I push him, and Tobie laughs from her spot on the chair, her nose in a book.

  “It’s a little late, Corb.” Tobie rubs her belly.

  “Well then just don’t let it turn out like this massacre666 kid.” I grab the controller from Garett, ready for my turn.

  “I don’t know what’s sadder. This kid wasting his life with video games, or you losers in your mid-twenties complaining about a teenager being mean to you.” Tobie smirks over her book. Tosh shakes his head.

  “Babe, you just don’t get it.” He pats her foot, which is resting on his thigh.

  “You’re right. I don’t. Shouldn’t you be talking about something important? Like the Mills Bash. Isn’t that, like, this weekend?” Tobie pushes Tosh’s leg playfully. My stomach flips. I forgot about that. Usually I look forward to it, but Kayla’s slave driving, my agonizing like a schoolgirl over Sophia, and my dad’s absence, have made it pretty unbearable.

  I groan and let my head fall back against the couch. “I don’t ever want to talk about that. Let’s just get there and get it over with.”

  Tobie gives me a motherly look, but before she can speak, the front door slams and we all jump. Everyone is looking at Sophia by the time she makes it to the living room and she stops dead.

  “Oh, I didn’t realize…” She lets her voice trail out because I know what she wants to say. She didn’t realize I would be here. It’s obvious from the way her eyes lock onto mine and then dart off in any other direction.

  “You’re home early,” Tobie says. “The devil loosen her claws?”

  Sophia laughs nervously. “Nah, she’s still riding me pretty hard. David showed up, so Kayla sent me home.” She shrugs. I sit straight up.

  “My dad’s back?”

  Sophia’s spins to face me. I suddenly feel weird that everyone is looking at me, so I reach for my smokes and nod toward the back patio.

  For a second, I don’t think she’s going to follow me, but I hear her boots clack on the hardwood behind me. I slide open the door and she ducks under my arm, avoiding my eyes. The smell of her hair mixing with her perfume intoxicates me, making my brain fog over. I hate that she does this to me.

  I light a smoke and pass it to her. She takes it and leans back against the rail, but she doesn’t smoke it, just leans. Her tight black shirt is cut low, with green letters stretched across her chest advertising a beer that I definitely would buy from her if she were my waitress.

  “I’m sorry, Corbin, but did you want to talk to me about something, or did you ask me out here to stare at my tits?” Her tone should offend me, but it doesn’t. I just have this intense vision of grabbing her tiny waist and lifting her onto the rail. Of wrapping her legs around me and burying my face in her hair and neck. Breathing her in. Tearing at her clothes as violently as she tears at me with her words.

  I don’t do that. Instead, I shift to adjust my boner and take a long drag off my smoke to calm my nerves.

  “My dad.” I state, which is totally enough to get rid of the stiff. “When did he get back?”

  “I don’t know. He just showed up at the bar, yelling at Kayla about keg orders. She got this weird look on her face and told me to go home. That I was done.”

  My gut drops right out of my body. “Fuck.”

  I flick my smoke and start down the deck stairs to the backyard. I’ll just duck out the side gate. That way no one will ask questions.

  “Corbin, where are you going?” Sophia grabs my wrist to stop me. “Is Kayla in trouble?”

  I look at her fingers. They barely make it all the way around my arm, but it feels like she’s holding my whole body. She can stop my entire being with a touch.

  I know I’m going to regret this, but I spin my wrist from her grip and take her hand.

  “Come with me.” I’m a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t be doing this.

  “Corbin, what is this about?” Sophia’s voice no longer sounds stern and confident. Her words wobble, but she follows me to the side of the house. I stop and look at her. She’s so fucking beautiful, and that’s not what I should be thinking right now. But I don’t want her to shut me out anymore. I need to prove to her that she’s the only thing I want.

  “You showed me your secret, sweet Sophia. Now I need to show you mine.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sophia

  I tried so hard to keep away from him, but my hand inside his feels so good that I want to stop him and tell him everything about me, even the lies. Especially the lies.

  “Corbin.” I pull his hand making him spin and face me. “Why do you look so scared?”

  He smiles and lets out a chuckle under his breath. “We don’t have time to go through all of that. Get in the truck.” He opens the door for me, pressing his hand on my lower back as I climb in.

  What does that mean?

  He’s silent the entire way to the bar, but I watch his eyebrows pull lower and lower. His fist tightens around the steering wheel until his knuckles are white a
nd his veins show the entire length of his bare forearm.

  I wasn’t scared of his dad when he stumbled into the bar halfway through my shift and started yelling at Kayla about keg orders. I didn’t think anything of being sent home either, seeing as Kayla’s been riding my ass like crazy. She’s been hard on me since the night of the barbecue so telling me to put down my drinks and leave didn’t seem out of character.

  It takes me three tries to convince myself, but I eventually reach out and put my hand on Corbin’s arm. His head turns to me, but his eyes flick back and forth from me to the road. His jaw clenches and I want to press my palm to his cheek. I don’t. I just sit with my hand on his arm wondering how a week ago I was so angry with him.

  His expression waivers between fear, concern and anger, except when he looks at me. When he looks at me, there is something else mixed in. I squeeze his arm. He reaches his other hand to take my fingers in his. He pulls me closer to him, and he smells like fresh air and laundry straight from the dryer. His hands are calloused but smooth. However, nothing prepares me for when he pulls my hand to his mouth. His lips rest against my knuckles and his dark eyes half watch the road with more intensity than necessary, seeming to be thinking about what to say.

  “Oh, Sweet, sweet Sophia. I barely know you,” he whispers warm breath against my skin and I feel the shiver vibrate up my arm and through my body. I don’t know what to say, so I just hold on tighter to his hand, and he sighs. “I barely know you, and you’ve changed my world.”

  We pull into a parking spot in front of the bar, but neither of us moves. He only lets go of my hand to put the truck into park, and then takes it again.

  “You can just tell me, Corbin. If this is too much for you. I don’t need to be here. You can keep your secrets.” I try to sound strong but so many tendrils of mixed emotion snake through me, sucking my will, leaving me weak. All I can do is hang onto him.

  “You said that you’ve never told anyone the things you told me.” He ignores my comment. I shake my head no, even though it wasn’t a question.

  “And then I fucked it all up.”

  I shake my head again. “Kayla–”

  “Kayla knew what you do to me. She saw it before I did. Kayla did what she did because I wouldn’t admit it. It was her way of making me choose between you.”

  My heart hammers in my chest, thunders in my ears, making his voice sound like he’s speaking under water. My fingers grip his wrist as he slides a hand into my hair. His thumb traces my cheekbone, and I lean into his palm. I don’t remember a single time in my life I’ve ever felt the way I do now. Like the world has stopped and I no longer need air. Like gravity doesn’t exist and if I let him go I’ll float away.

  His eyes burn into me, and I need his hands. I need him to never let me go.

  “Corbin,” I whisper, and he leans into me, pressing his cheek to mine.

  “I need to show you, or I’m going to go crazy thinking about how I can fix this. Us. I need you to know I'm serious. I've never been this serious.” His breath is hot on my ear, and when he finishes talking he pulls back and presses his lips to my jaw. I’ve had some decent kisses in my life. Ones way more legitimate than this one. But never has a kiss to my jaw ever made me gasp.

  “It’s a fucking tragedy,” he murmurs against my skin, lightly kissing my neck.

  “What is?” I don’t mean for it to sound like nothing but air but I’m concentrating too much on containing myself.

  “You and me, sweet Sophia. Nothing that feels this good ends well.”

  I don’t deserve to feel this way. I guess that he doesn’t think he does either.

  Corbin pulls away, opens the truck door, and hops out, pulling me out after him. He takes a deep breath. I follow suit, but the curiosity has taken me over now that we are standing in the street. Why is he so afraid of his own father? I think of my own dad. His hugs, his strength, his determination for me to succeed. Sure he forced his life on me, but he loves me. He just doesn’t listen to me.

  Just before Corbin pulls open the door, he takes one more look at me. Maybe he’s thinking about changing his mind. But he doesn’t. He pulls open the door and holds it while I slip under the arm I desperately want around me.

  The large open space is dark and empty even though it’s still early. Even Rich isn’t here. There’s a neon sign behind the bar that casts red light across the dark wood. A shadow passes by, and I step back into the wall.

  “Who tha fuck is in my bar? I’m closed buddy.” A strangled voice chokes out. The words are barely coherent.

  “Dad?” I would swear it wasn’t Corbin talking if he weren’t the only other person in the room.

  “Corb? S’at you? Well goddammit, son, get over here and have a drink with your old man.”

  “I think you’ve had enough for tonight, Dad. Where’s Kayla?” Corbin’s voice is tighter, a bit more determined.

  David steps out from behind the bar and staggers toward us, unshaven and older. His features weathered by age and alcohol. When David’s close, he stumbles but Corbin doesn’t move to help his dad. He puts out his arm in front of me and presses his palm against my stomach. My heart stops. This protective stance is natural for him. It’s second nature to shield people from his father.

  “Well who’s this pretty little thing?” David slurs and I step behind Corbin.

  “This is Sophia, Dad. You’ve met her.”

  I notice that we haven’t moved five steps from the door, and, by how uncomfortable David makes me, I’m glad.

  “You have a thing for those waitresses, don’t ya son?” David laughs and I feel Corbin tense.

  “Come on. We just came to get you home.” Corbin finally reaches for his dad’s elbow just to have his arm pushed away.

  “I don’t need to go home.”

  “You can’t stay at the bar. Come. We’ll take you home.” Corbin grabs David’s arm again and this time David uses both hands and shoves his son’s chest. I jump out from behind him as Corbin stumbles back into the wall, but he doesn’t flinch. It breaks my heart that he doesn’t flinch.

  “Let’s go, Dad.”

  “Who the fuck do you think you are, you little bastard?” David gets in Corbin’s face, but there is no emotion there. He just steps away from the wall and moves to the door. David grabs his shoulder and spins him.

  “You look at me when I’m talking to you. I asked you a fucking question.”

  “You’re drunk. I think I’m the guy that will get you home.”

  “Fuckin’ smart ass. That bitch should have taught you some manners when you were little.”

  I gasp at this, but again Corbin doesn’t react. How is this not crushing him like it’s crushing me? Where does he hide this?

  David notices me again and zeros in. He takes one step and Corbin cuts him off.

  “Get in the truck.” Corbin’s voice finally reflects some emotion. But out of nowhere, David swings and a sloppy fist catches Corbin in the jaw. Just as fast, Corbin grabs his dad’s tattered plaid shirt and walks him to the wall, slamming him against it. Corbin’s forearm is on David’s throat, his nose inches away. I realize I have my hand over my mouth and my breathing comes in short jagged bursts.

  “Get the fuck in the truck, old man,” Corbin growls. “Or I’ll knock you out and drag you home. I’ve done it before. Surely you remember that?”

  David pushes Corbin back and mumbles something, but he doesn’t fight back. He staggers past me and out the door.

  Corbin and I stand in the dark bar for a few minutes and watch each other. There are so many things I want to say, but like he did when I told him about my anxiety, I stay quiet.

  “Don’t look at me like that, Sophia. Please. I can’t handle it.”

  xxx

  David sits against the door, me in the middle, and we’re silent the entire ride to Corbin’s house. Corbin has me pressed so tight to his side that I'm almost in his lap, his arm around my back as if creating some sort of barrier between David and I. Once
the truck is stopped, David disappears without a word to his son, and Corbin doesn’t watch him go.

  “Where’s he going?” I ask.

  “He lives in the basement. I’m upstairs.” Corbin points and smiles. I notice his split lip.

  “Corbin, you’re bleeding.” I reach for his face and his smile widens. It’s like the last half hour didn’t even happen.

  “Come in and I’ll let you patch me up.” He raises an eyebrow, but I don’t think it’s funny. I want to ask him how long he’s covered for his dad. How long his dad has hit him for it to seem like just another day. I want to ask him, but remember the lake. Sitting next to him, telling him my secret and not having him try to fix me. Sometimes it’s enough just to let someone in. I slip my hand into his and smile.

  “Show me the way to the medicine cabinet.”

  xxx

  I’m sitting on the counter in the biggest bathroom I’ve ever seen in my life, the mirror hanging open so I can sift through all the drugs and vitamins. Corbin leans against the wall opposite me and watches while I unpack gauze and douse it in antiseptic.

  “Come here.” I nod to the spot between my knees. He doesn’t hesitate to step between my legs, but I don’t notice his hands on my thighs until I press the gauze to his lips and he digs his fingers into my jeans.

  “Fucking hell, that hurts.”

  “Oh, come on. You can get punched in the face and not flinch, but a little peroxide makes you yell?”

  “I didn’t yell. I swore.”

  “You yelled. And swore.” I tap his chest with my finger while he shakes his head. His dark hair is hanging in his face and his eyes dance with amusement.

  “What?” I ask. He gestures around him.

  “We’re in a bathroom again.” His hand slides up my leg, and I put my palm on it.

  “That we are.” My heart starts to pump while Corbin’s eyes burn into me. I try to look away, but his hand catches my cheek, and he ducks to keep in my line of sight.