by Tj Hannah
“I’m really sorry about what happened with Kayla. I need you to know.”
I nod, my cheek still cupped in his hand.
“I know. You showed me your secret in penance. I accept your apology.” I push a smile over my teasing tone.
“Fucking hell, you’re beautiful.”
I don’t know where it comes from but before I can respond he closes the distance between us. His mouth covers mine with this intense mix of hunger and care. My back straightens out of surprise and his arm slides around my waist, pulling me to the edge of the counter.
I kiss him back like I’ve been doing it for years. My lips parting and letting him in. My arms slide around his neck as he leans over me, deepening the kiss. It’s hard and passionate and chips away at something deep inside me. The vibration in my limbs increases, until my whole body is humming. My hands are cupping his neck, pulling at his shoulders, grabbing at his shirt. Our breathing is synced. Forceful. Heavy.
His hands rake up and down my back pulling my hips into him.
But as fast as it started, he pulls away. I gasp for air and press tangled hair from my face. I don't even know how the strands got there.
“I’m sorry.” I say it out of habit. The old Sophia. Corbin laughs and shakes his head.
“I’m not, but I need to stop.” He says as he hunches forward. “I shouldn’t have done that. This isn’t the right time.”
I’m shaking my head, but he can’t see me. “There’s no such thing as good timing.”
“You just helped me drag my drunken, asshole father home from the bar you work at. There is such a thing as better timing.”
I reach out and pull him by his shirt. His body crashes into mine one more time and my legs wrap around his hips. He grips under my thighs as I clench his shirt in my fists, but this time he leans down and kisses me gently. The burn that makes me want to disappear into him is no less intense as his mouth softly tastes mine. When he pulls back, his thumb replaces the pressure as it traces the outline of my bottom lip. I don’t think I could hold myself up if I tried and I’m glad to be sitting down. His eyes dance back and forth between deep and probing, and devious and playful.
“Don’t leave. I’m going to check on him, but stay right here. I’m not going to fuck you tonight, Sweet Sophia, not yet. But I’m definitely not done with you either.” His forwardness makes my cheeks flush, but his words make my body surge. I gently nip at the tip of his thumb, making him smile a wicked smile. The want for him that fills me creeps into every limb, even though I know his earlier words are true. I can feel it already. But it feels so good.
A fucking tragedy.
Chapter Fifteen
Corbin
Dad’s fine, like I knew he would be. He’s passed out on the couch of his small one bedroom suite with his shoes still on. His apartment is messy and stinks like booze. Nothing different. It’s me who’s not fine.
My chest is tight, and I lean against my dad’s counter, bending forward to take a deep breath. My dick throbs against jeans as I replay the soft bite to my thumb and the desperate look in her eyes.
“What are you doing?” I say to myself out loud, pressing the back of my hand against my lip. That was the most painful kiss I’ve ever had, but I couldn’t stop it.
I didn’t want to stop it.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I scramble for it. I don’t need any further vibrations in that general area.
The screen lights up and a message from Gaby flashes.
Parker is so excited that I think I’m going crazy. Can we just come see you tomorrow instead of your birthday? LOL seriously, he's driving me insane!
I smile at the thought of my nephew. Things are simple for him. It is, or it isn’t. There’s no in-between for Parker. None of this ‘life’s-many-grey-areas’ turmoil that floods my system. I remember talking to him on the phone when he first started school.
“How was your first day, Buddy?” I had asked, and all I got was this long exaggerated sigh. “Uh oh! That bad?”
He was silent for a moment. “No, Uncle. It was the best day of my life. We got to color, and sing, and play tag outside at recess. The teacher’s name is Miss Johnson, and she’s gunna be my wife.”
I snorted my coffee at my kitchen table. “What? You can’t marry the teacher, Bud.”
Silence again. “But I love her.”
It was so matter of fact. He was so convinced that there was no other way that I couldn’t argue with him.
“Well make sure I get an invitation then, will ya?” I asked after I finished laughing.
I smile at the memory, wishing I could have that resolve. That I could overlook all the obvious problems with my feelings. That I could ignore all the potential disasters around every corner. I wish I could step out of the grey area and make a decision. Even a simple one that isn’t drowning in excuses.
I quickly text my sister back telling her she can come see me anytime she wants. I look over at my dad as I hit send. As long as Gaby doesn’t bring my mother, it’ll all be fine.
Besides the fact that I don’t want to see her, I can’t even imagine the clusterfuck of my mom and dad being in the same place. It’s something I never want to have to deal with, especially now.
Ever since Sophia got here, my feelings have never been this close to the surface. I’ve never before wanted anyone to know the secret I actually keep.
Everyone knows my dad’s a drunk. But no one really knows why.
xxx
She’s still here. Good.
I walk into the kitchen carrying a couple beers I stole from my dad’s fridge and hand one to her. She grips the base, but I don’t let go of the neck. I use the bottle to pull her to me and lean in to kiss her. She smiles and returns the favor, tucking her hair behind her ear. Why does it have to be this easy with her? How can I be this comfortable with a girl I know almost nothing about?
Because she’s fucking hot? She is, but that’s not it.
“Is your dad okay?” She pops the top off the bottle and takes a long drink. Her eyes are suspicious, and I know she’s thinking about him hitting me. Kayla tried to convince me a thousand times to turn him in. But he’s my dad. That and everyone abandoned him. I can’t bring myself to do the same.
He needs me.
The bar would shut down if I didn’t go over on my lunch break to help the girls open up, unlock, and do deposits. Brenda and Kayla run that place, and I’m lucky to have them even if Kayla is crazy. But without me, Dad would be bankrupt and they’d be out of jobs.
I shrug and pull Sophia into me. I sit on the hard wooden kitchen chair, and she straddles my hips. It’s like she let me touch her once and now I can’t stop.
“He’s fine. He’ll sleep it off.”
She watches me carefully, her eyes clouded with thoughts. Finally, she smiles, and I can breathe again. “So what now?”
“I’m just going to need a minute while I enjoy you sitting in my lap.” I hold out my finger, and she laughs.
“I’m not a lap ornament, you know?” She crosses her arms, and I shake my head.
“No. You are definitely not.” I scoop her up and stand. It happens so fast she has to wrap her arms and legs around me so that she doesn’t fall. I walk her over to the counter and set her down so I can pick up where I left off in the bathroom.
My tongue barely touches hers when bright lights shine through the window. Garett’s car pulls into the driveway, and I jump back from Sophia. She looks the same way I feel. Not ready to be caught.
I grab her hand and pull her from the counter. She follows me through the living room and tries to keep up as I take the stairs two at a time. I don’t stop moving, or let her go until we’re in my room and the door is shut.
She stands awkwardly by my bed, and for a brief moment I feel like I’m fifteen again. Like I haven’t ever had a girl in my bedroom before. I hear the front door slam and voices ring out through the downstairs. It sounds like Tosh, which means he’s ready to party and Tobi
e kicked him out. He always comes here so that he doesn’t wake her up. He’s pathetically devoted to her, and I’ve always made fun of him for it. But looking at Sophia, I kinda get it. How someone would feel that way.
I slide open the tall window and prop it up with an old chunk of a hockey stick. “Out,” I say, and Sophia’s eyes get huge.
“What?”
“I’ve lived in this house my whole life. I know all its’ secrets. Climb out.” I reach out and pull her to me. Her chest heaves, so I wrap an arm around her and kiss the side of her head. The fear that eats at her is showing itself.
“I’m sorry. I forgot about the anxiety.” I mutter and climb through the open window. The ledge is wide and flat, and I explain to Sophia that she has nothing to worry about. I’ve been coming out here for years. First, I’d bring Gaby out here to look at the stars while my parents fought inside, but after Mom and Gaby left, I’d come here to escape my dad’s rage. The alcohol made him angry but never stupid. He never came out after me for fear of falling off the roof. It became my safe haven, and I’ve never brought a girl out here. I’ve never thought to. Reaching through the window, I hold out my hand. “You’re safe. I promise.”
Sophia looks at me with her head tilted as if trying to decide my trustworthiness. Finally, she places her hand in mine and swings a leg over the ledge. I guide her carefully to the sort of flat spot I always sit. She only shakes a little, and it’s gone by the time I sit and pull her down between my legs and wrap my arms around her shoulders.
She settles back into me, and her head rests against my chest.
“You come out here a lot?” she asks.
“Yeah. When I need to.”
“When you need to what?” She shifts so she can see me by tilting her head.
“Think.”
“I hate thinking.”
“Then let’s not.” I hug her tighter to my chest, and she laughs.
“Okay, and do what?”
“Well the first thing that comes to mind is something I specifically said I wouldn’t do to you tonight, but you still owe me a game of truth or dare. We could do that?”
“Dares are kind of hard to do on a roof.”
My heart starts to beat abnormally fast, but if we don’t do something, my hands are going to start wandering, and when allowed to wander freely, I tend to escalate quickly.
“What about if we just play truth?” I finally say.
Her shoulders tense and she sucks in a deep breath.
“Do you want to ask first? Ask anything you want and I’ll tell you the absolute truth.”
She’s silent for a long time before she speaks. I wonder if she'll keep it light like at the coffee shop, or ask me a real question. One I don't want to tell the truth about.
“When was the first time your dad hit you? Like he did tonight?”
Her question is a punch to the gut, but I laugh. “You aren’t fucking around, are you?”
She chuckles and twists her body so she can see me.
“I don’t know about you, Corbin. But I tell the truth when it comes to the little things. It’s the big stuff that’s hard. Those are the lies.”
“I was fifteen the first time he hit me. I was as tall as him by then. Stronger. He said if I wanted to act like a man he’d treat me like a man. He was yelling at my sister for something; I don’t remember. I told him to back off. He hit me.” It’s actually not as hard to tell her as I thought. To say it out loud makes me feel just a little lighter, but definitely more afraid. Afraid of her, because now that she knows, she has the power. Secrets are a powerful bargaining tool. I would know.
“Did he hit your sister or mom?” Sophia sits up with this intense concern in her eyes. I stroke her cheek and shake my head.
“No. Only me. He was afraid to hit Gaby, I think, but the things he said to her were cruel. He was just a fighter, and he yelled a lot at my mom, but she’s a cop, so I’m sure she’d have kicked his ass.”
"It doesn't matter what he was. It's still abuse." Her voice is cold.
"I can handle it." I shrug and her mouth presses into a firm line.
"You shouldn't have to handle it."
"It is what it is, Sophia."
Sophia opens her mouth again to speak, so I pull her in for a kiss. She relents easily, melting into me in this way that makes me feel big. Like I have all the power in the world and I want to use it all for her.
“You’re cheating,” I say as I pull away. “It’s my turn.”
She lowers her head to my chest again. “Sorry.”
“Why did you come here? What’s the real reason?”
“I needed to get away. My parents are... difficult. My whole life is planned, and it’s a life I don’t want.”
“So you ran away?”
“I don’t think it’s really considered running away when I’m twenty-one. More like living on my own forcefully and without permission.” She laughs into my shirt.
“So that’s why you never transferred over your numbers when you got a new phone?”
"You noticed that, hey? I just, I can't talk to them yet."
"Don't you think they'd want to know you're okay?"
“Now who’s the cheater?”
“Right. Sorry. Your turn."
"Why am I here?" she asks quietly, and all the air is sucked out of me instantly.
"What do you mean?" I'm pretty sure I know what she means.
"Why am I here with you? Why did you really bring me here? What are you expecting from me?"
Her hand is on my chest, and I fight to control my breathing. "You want the truth?"
She nods. "That is the game we're playing."
After a long pause while I sort through my jumbled thoughts, I say "I have no idea."
She watches me with big grey eyes. Shadows cut her face in strange places from the moon, and I can't read her. But she leans in toward me and presses her lips to mine. It sends blood coursing through my body as I savor her sweet taste. Her softness.
She shifts on the rough shingled roof until she faces me, straddling my lap. My hands go to her waist with no direction from brain, and hers to shoulders. She never takes her mouth from mine until I pull away.
"And you, Sweet Sophia? Why did you come here? What do you want from me?" The words are a groan as she runs her tongue down my neck and bites the skin of my collarbone. I dig my fingers into her skin, guiding her rocking hips as she slowly grinds against me. Every second of pressure makes it harder and harder to keep my promise not to try and fuck her.
"I have no idea either," she says against my skin. "But it might be fun to try and find out."
Chapter Sixteen
Sophia
My body buzzes with the feel of him. His hands under my shirt, sliding over my skin, are warm and soothing. They leave trails of excitement rippling across the surface. They create a pulsing need deeper within me. My lips are raw; my tongue hurts. My arms are sore from gripping him on top of his roof under the bright silver moon. But still we continue.
Finally, he pulls away and laughs.
"What?" I ask as he moves hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear.
"I haven't made out like that since I was fifteen." He laughs again. "Well, not without awkwardly trying to shove a hand down your pants."
I return his smile. "How romantic."
"I'm pretty smooth."
I roll my eyes, and then scream when he suddenly wraps his arm around me and spins me until I'm underneath him, my back against the rough shingles.
"What the fuck? We could have fallen off the roof."
"Shh, no we won't,” he whispers, sliding his hand across my stomach and slipping his fingers under my shirt again. My skin tightens and my back arches. I forget everything when he touches me. He presses hard between my legs and I wish the clothes were gone.
God, I want him. Balancing on the edge of need. I feel like I need him.
He pushes my shirt up just a little and slides down my body. His breath is warm, bu
t I shiver in anticipation. My hand slides into his hair and pushes his head so his lips kiss just under my navel.
"Take charge kinda girl?" He smirks and slides his hand further up my shirt, his finger grazing my breast. I suck in a deep breath.
"You're killing me, Corbin." I moan as he continues to run his fingers along my ribs, my sides, my hips. He slides back up to look me in the face.
"I'm killing myself. Believe me."
"So why are we still clothed?" I try to make a joke, but it's only twenty percent a joke and eighty percent that I need him or I'll explode.
"Timing." The corner of his mouth twitches.
"You’re just going to leave me like this because you think there's a better time?" I’m not sure where this confidence comes from. I’m not drunk, so not false courage like with Garett. I have the hem of Corbin’s shirt wrapped up in my fist and can see the skin above the waistband of his boxers, and I have to touch it. I have to run my fingers along his hips and stomach. I have to dig my fingernails into the hard muscle. I have to.
“I have to,” I mutter under my heavy breath and reach for his pants.
His eyes get darker as they narrow at me. He grabs my hand away from him and forces it over my head. "You want yours, Sophia? Right now? There is a better time, but I'd fucking love to get some of your sweetness. If you want it." He lets go of my wrist and trails his fingers down my arm, over my breast, across my stomach. I nod as he traces his fingers along the waistline of my jeans and my chest heaves. I've never had a guy make me this horny. I've never wanted anything more than I want him right now. He kisses my jaw and pushes his hand a little further into my pants.
I’m back to clutching his shirt, pulling him to me, crushing his mouth with mine. He cups the back of my head with one hand as he stretches out beside me and the other hand unbuttons my jeans.
"I take that as a yes?"
"Definitely yes."
And just like that, his gear switches. Like all he was waiting for was my word. He grabs behind my knee and pushes my legs apart. His mouth works my lips, the skin of my neck, my collarbone, down my cleavage. His hand presses against my stomach as he moves his fingers closer to where I want them. It feels so good that I’m vibrating. My breath is so heavy it hurts. I try to turn my head, but he still has a fistful of my hair in one hand. All I can do it arch my neck and watch the bright star-filled sky.
