by Tj Hannah
He's completely focused and determined, but somehow gentle as his fingers move under my panties and slide over me. I wish he'd just go all the way in, and like he can read my mind, he leans to my ear.
"I'm still not going to fuck you, Sophia. When I do, it's going to be right. Not here. Not now. But if this is what you want, who am I to deny you?" He's whispering as his fingers slide in and out. I'm only half listening, and at this point I don't care. My response is only a low hum in my throat which turns into a loud, throaty groan as he run his tongue around my nipple before sucking it into his mouth.
"And goddammit, you feel good. I just want to watch you. Sweet Sophia..." He says it with amusement in his voice, but I can’t care. I don’t care. Not about anything but his touch and how it makes my whole body come alive.
I'm right on the edge, my body trembling, my hips matching his movements, my breath raspy and desperate. Slow. Fast. Hard. Soft. He explores me not only with hands and mouth, but with his eyes. He's leaning over me, watching his hand move, watching my face, scanning my body. The way he looks at me is what does it.
“Look at me, Sophia,” he demands and my eyes open as I’m overcome with thick pulsing pleasure. “I want to see it.” His deep and hungry eyes push me over, and I arch violently. The shudders and spasms cause wave after wave of the most intense orgasm I've ever had. Corbin coaches me through it. Whispering in my ear to let it go, to keep it going, to tell him how it feels. All while nipping at my earlobe, kissing my jaw, sucking my lip into his mouth. But in the end, all I can do is hold on.
Chapter Seventeen
Sophia
Corbin has my face in his hands again as I sit next to him in his truck. I can still feel the traces of my orgasm in my limbs making me feel lighter, like my mind is emptier. He runs his thumb over my cheek multiple times between pulling me in for kisses. Tosh is flat out in the cab, and I'm trying to remember to drag his drunk ass in the house when I go.
"You work tomorrow?" Corbin asks, and I nod. "Maybe I'll come by."
"I don't know, Corbin. Kayla is still pretty pissed at me." I put my purse over my shoulder and open the truck door.
"Nah, she's pissed at me. She's just taking it out on you."
"Well either way, it still sucks for me." I laugh and slide out of the truck.
"I'll talk to her. The Mills Bash is this weekend, and I'm not going and pretending I don't want to run my hands all over you in public." He winks at me like he's joking but then his eyes get serious. "I have a lot of secrets, Sophia. I don't want you to be one of them."
My heart jumps and I look down to the pavement. Corbin knocks hard on the back window, and Tosh sits up quickly.
"Tosh, get your drunk ass out of my truck." He smiles at me once more as Tosh stumbles out. That smile.
Nothing that feels this good ends well. His words slam into me now that I’m watching him drive away.
"Soph?" Tosh mumbles next to me. "Soph, I'm gunna fall over."
I snap back to attention and grab Tosh just as he leans off balance. I throw his arm around my shoulders and look back to Corbin's fading tail lights.
What am I doing here?
xxx
"Hey! There you are!" Tobie says and hands me a cup of coffee. I'm sitting on the deck the morning after Corbin, and I spent the night on the roof. There’s a blanket around my shoulders, and my knees are pulled up to my chin. I haven’t slept at all. I can’t stop thinking about him. The intensity of him.
“Hey.” I take the cup from her. “You on coffee again?”
“No. I wish. I made it for Tosh. He’s still in bed hurting. Poor baby. I have never understood that.” Tobie stretches out in the chair next to mine.
“Understood what?”
“How guys can just sit around a table and drink until they pass out and never actually do anything.”
I laugh. “Didn’t you used to be a partier?”
Tobie plays with a dreadlock that hangs over her shoulder and rolls her eyes.
“I partied. Harder than these guys. But I was more of a drop acid in the forest or take ecstasy and dance for 24 hours straight type partier.” She says it so casually that I do a double take.
“Really? I’ve never done anything like that.”
Tobie reaches over and pats my hand. “Good. Keep it that way. Not saying it wasn’t a fucking blast and ecstasy makes everything feel a thousand times sexier, but in hindsight it wasn’t worth it.”
“So when did you stop?” I take a sip of coffee letting the mug warm my hands. Tobie’s life interests me because it just doesn’t fit. Her looks clash with her personality. Her past clashes with her present. I’m envious of her ability to own who she is so thoroughly. I hope some of that rubs off on me.
“I think I was nineteen the last time I took harder drugs. I drank, and stuff, but once I met Tosh, I didn’t need the drugs anymore.” She gazes out into the yard, her eyes out of focus.
“That’s so sweet. But what does it mean?” I laugh.
“Tosh made me feel better than any drug ever could. He became my drug. After my parents kicked me out of the house at sixteen, I never believed I was loveable. Tosh made me love myself by how much he loved me. He makes me feel wanted.”
My heart flutters as she speaks and I get this stupid girly urge to cry but thankfully I don’t.
“I know,” Tobie continues. “Totally gag-worthy, right?”
“Totally. But for the record, I think you are way loveable.”
Tobie smiles and rubs her belly. “All that matters now is our little surprise. As long as I’m a good mom, nothing else matters anymore.”
“You’re going to be a terrific mom, Tobie. Everybody knows it.”
Tobie makes a thick noise in her throat. “Except my own mother.”
My head turns sharply toward her.
“You’re not the only one with family problems, Sophia. My mom thinks I’m useless. Tosh’s mom almost disowned him for becoming a DJ. Corbin’s mom left him behind with his useless father. You obviously have mommy issues. Which makes me wonder. How bad does it have to be before you stop talking about it altogether?”
“Bad.” I hug my knees in tighter and don’t look at her. I don’t tell her that’s it’s not just mommy issues I have. It’s Sophia issues.
“That’s what I thought. My mom thinks not being married is enough to make me a bad mother. And because Tosh isn’t white.”
“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”
“That’s exactly what I said. Tosh’s parents are strict, but they’ve never made me feel like less because I’m different. Not just race but the way I look otherwise.” Tobie gestures to her face. Her hair, her piercings, her tattoos. Some see it as rebellion. I see it as freedom.
“I think you’re the most beautiful thing that ever walked this earth,” a voice sounds from the doorway and both Tobie, and I jump. Tosh leans against the frame, with this small knowing smile on his lips that says he heard a good chunk of our conversation.
“You scared me.” Tobie stands up and pushes Tosh by his chest into the kitchen.
I smile at the door long after they disappear. My thoughts wander to Corbin for only a second before Tosh pops his head out the door.
“Hey, Soph. Come in here and help with breakfast. I have some mixes I want you to listen to for the Bash.”
“Sure thing.” I flip the blanket off and join them in the house.
It’s weird how much this feels like family. How I feel at home in a house that isn’t mine. How two people I barely know are easier to connect with than the people who raised me.
Beats are rumbling the house as Tosh shows us his mixes and Tobie and I dance and sing like idiots, using kitchen utensils as microphones until breakfast is ready.
For the first time since I lost Lance, I’m starting to feel what it’s like to be normal again. What it’s like to have a home. Tosh, Tobie, Corbin. Even though it frightens me, each of them is giving me back a little piece of my smile.
xxx
Tosh’s mix is still humming through my head a couple hours into my work shift, but that’s the only thing in my head after the insane dinner rush.
Kayla tosses a rag over the bar and climbs onto the stool next to Rich, who is a permanent fixture here. It's not that he drinks too much as I never sell him more than four beers, but he just sits here. All day.
I feel sorry for the guy. I can tell he's lonely.
"Sophia!" Kayla's voice cuts through my thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"Watch the floor for a minute. I need to run to the back." Kayla looks over her shoulder at a group of people who just walked in.
Corbin is one of them. My heart stutters at the sight of him. My senses flooded with last night.
I nod stiffly to Kayla, but she didn't wait for an answer anyway. It was an order, not a question.
Corbin's eyes find me, and the corner of his mouth pulls into a sly grin. My cheeks redden because I know exactly what he's thinking. It's exactly what I'm thinking.
Corbin nods at me, shoving his hands into the pockets of his light grey hoodie. Corbin is simple in style. Simple colors, t-shirts, jeans, khaki shorts, skate shoes or flip-flops. Simple shaggy haircut that he probably only cuts twice a year. Stubble that I remember rubbing against my skin.
So why if he's so simple does he look so extraordinary to me? Like every hair was messily placed just for me.
I'm definitely losing it. For a guy. It makes my throat constrict because there’s just not enough room in my soul for another tragedy. Corbin may think he’s my tragedy, but time has proven that it’s me with the fatal flaw.
Corbin’s expression changes when he notices Kayla is gesturing to him, but I force myself to turn away and look busy. I know Corbin said he'd talk to her, but suddenly I don't want him to. I want to be his secret. I want to sit up on that roof and hide whatever it is that's happening between us.
Suddenly I feel as if letting people know will ruin it. Ruin it faster than it'll ruin itself.
If it’s going to be a tragedy, I want it to be our tragedy.
xxx
Half an hour later, Corbin's still in the back and I can't stop my mind from spinning around thoughts of him and Kayla together.
A loud smash rings out through the bar and my head snaps up to the far end of the bar. Jackson is standing at the end of the table with his shoulders pulled back. His face is red and his eyes furious. It stuns me for a moment because he's usually so calm. So quiet. I barely recognize him in street clothes, either.
"Not so tough without the uniform, are ya?" Some guy says standing inches away from Jackson.
"Looks like you're not so tough when I have the uniform on, Matt. I'm not superman. It's not the uniform. I can choke you out anytime, on duty or off,” Jackson says, and I frantically look around the bar. I've never broken up a fight before. As the only staff on the floor, I'm terrified that I might have to step in.
This Matt guy reaches out to the table and knocks another beer off. Riley's beer.
It smashes on the hardwood floor and splashes beer on Riley's pant leg.
"What the fuck, Matt? Get over it, man. We've all spent a night in the drunk tank."
Matt turns his thin body to Riley and kicks his chair, sending him sliding backward across the hardwood.
"Hey!" I yell across the bar before I can stop myself. Everyone looks at me, so I move around the bar.
"Not in here." I wave my hand to the door. As soon as I reach the table I realize how tiny I am compared to all of them. Riley is the closest to my height, and he's at least four inches taller.
"Hey, no worries, baby girl. We are just having a chat." Matt raises his hands between us.
"Your chat is creating a mess that I'm going to have clean up, so I'm going to say it again. Not in here. Or you're out." I don't know why but I weasel my way between Matt and Jackson and put the harshest glare I can conjure on my face. Getting between fighting guys twice my size is probably the stupidest thing to do right now but I also don't want to have to clean all this up.
"How do you suppose you'll get me out if I refuse to go?" Matt sneers at me mocking me. Jackson says something behind me but my brain has started to fog as panic creeps along the edges. How can I get him out? How can move him? He's too big. He's stronger than me. Heavier than me. He'll drag me down to the bottom.
Lance.
The water fills my lungs as I struggle to breathe. My eyes dart around but can't concentrate. I can't do this right now.
Focus, Sophia.
I can't stop shaking. I can't focus.
I feel like I'm going to faint when an arm slides across my shoulders and pulls me in.
"Because you’re a man with respect, Matthew Conner." Rich's shaky voice sounds stern beside me, and his presence is like a shot of fresh air. His arm around me is like the hand that plunged through the water to pull me up.
Matt's face is wide with surprise. I've never seen Rich get out of his chair, and by the look on Jackson and Riley's faces I don't think anyone has.
Rich pulls me tighter to his side. "You'll leave because you respect that this young lady has a job to do. A job that your arrogance is making harder for her. You'll leave simply because she asked you to. You'll walk out that door with your dignity as a man because no real man lords his size over a woman to intimidate her. Surely your momma taught you that?"
I even feel the sting of his words. Matt's face goes the deepest red, and I'm not sure if its anger, embarrassment or shame, but whatever it is he shoves past us and slams the metal door making me jump.
I slip out from under Rich's arm and make a straight line for my purse. Just as I pop the pill under my tongue there's a hand on my lower back, and I'm wondering why everybody feels the need to touch me. Like if they aren’t there to hold me up, I’ll crumble. Is it that obvious? Warm breath on the side of my face and whispers in my ear make me close my eyes while the medication calms me. Okay, this touch is welcomed.
"You okay?" Corbin's voice is soothing, and I lean into him.
"I'm fine. Thanks to Rich. I have no idea why I thought I could step in like that. Kayla probably would have punched that guy in the face."
"You're fuckin’ right I would’ve." Kayla appears on my other side uncapping a bottle of whiskey. She's glaring at Corbin's hand on me, but there's some sort of conflict behind her eyes. "Matt’s just a dick though. You did fine. Here, this will help." She slides a shot glass toward me and picks up one of her own.
I am not supposed to drink when I take this medication because all it does is make me a cheap drunk who gets wicked hangovers.
"Here, I need you to go over this order for the booze before you do anything else. I gave it to your dad, but you know how that goes..." Her voice trails off as she hands Corbin the paper. I can tell she's not sure how much I know from the way she looks at me. Corbin takes the sheet with one hand and scans it. His other hand is still on my back, gently rubbing it back and forth.
"Did you go off last year’s?" he asks.
Kayla nods.
"We didn't run out last year, did we?"
Kayla shakes her head.
"Then it's probably fine. I trust you,” Corbin says, and this weird emotion passes between them that I can feel but don't know what it means. I am thinking his words have more than one meaning.
Kayla takes the paper back and leaves Corbin and I alone.
"What was that about?" I ask. Corbin pulls me to him quickly and kisses the side of my head.
"You and Kayla won't have any more problems." He winks at me and goes back to his friends.
"But-" I start and Corbin faces me again standing in the middle of the bar. He stretches out his arms and speaks loudly.
"I told you, Sweet Sophia. I'm not keeping you a secret."
Chapter Eighteen
Corbin
Her face is so red I have to laugh. But it's true. I don't want her to be a secret. And I talked to Kayla. Mostly about the Bash but a little
about Sophia.
"You actually like this girl?" Kayla crossed her arms and leaned against the desk. I shrugged, and she laughed because she knows what my shrugs means.
"You barely know her, Corbin."
"Well there's really only one way to get to know her." I tried to keep the undercurrent of straight fear out of my voice.
"By fucking her?"
That time I laughed. "Not everything is about sex, Kayla."
"Wow. You, like, really-really like her."
I shrugged again. But yeah, I just couldn’t admit it. Not to Kayla.
"Fine," Kayla slugged me in the chest. "I'll stop being a bitch. But I still think you're a goddamn asshole."
"Which means your opinion of me hasn't changed much." I said, and she rolled her eyes.
Kayla is crazy, but she has her reasons. She hasn’t exactly had a dream life either.
I sit with my friends and watch Kayla talking to Sophia about the Bash. She even manages a real smile which makes Sophia look at me with this quizzical look.
“One look. I told ya boy.” Rich pulls me from my thoughts, and I shake my head.
“I still don’t believe in that shit, Richie.” I bump his beer with mine and turn to Jackson.
“So what’s the deal with Matt? I haven’t seen that guy in ages, and he suddenly wants to fight you?” I ask.
“Nah, man. Matt got wasted, and his old lady kicked him out. The neighbors called the cops and he wasn’t having it. I had to choke him out to get him in the car, and now he’s pissed at me.” Jackson takes a haul off his beer and shrugs. Riley shakes his head.
Suddenly a hand slides across my back and I spin quickly. Sophia walks past me, but her arms go around Rich’s neck, and she hugs him.
“My hero.” Sophia smiles and kisses his cheek loudly. Rich takes her hands in his and pats them. “I want to buy you a drink, for saving me.”
