by Tj Hannah
As the memory plays in my mind, I suddenly realize what he meant. It was getting old, and he saw it before I did. I needed something different, but he’d never say that. Garett and I have only skimmed the edges of true bonding conversation a couple times, but it had never been about women.
My phone buzzes in my coat pocket, and Sophia digs it out for me. Kayla’s name flashes across the screen and my eyebrows pull together as I hit talk. My calmness is shattered.
“Hello?”
Heavy breathing on the phone makes my chest seize instantly.
“Kayla?” My voice rises, and Sophia sits up quickly. Tosh and Tobie look over at me.
After a few more breaths, I realize she’s crying. I sit up straighter, my body tightening. “Kayla, fucking talk to me.” I don’t even care that Parker can hear me. I hear thudding sounds on the other end of the line.
Kayla lets out a terrified sob. “Corbin, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.”
My whole being turns to ice. “Where are you?”
“At the bar. I stopped by after leaving the lake,” she stammers into the phone. There’s more thudding. Fear courses through me for two reasons. First, Kayla doesn’t cry. Second, I know this is about my dad.
“What did he do to you?” I scramble back away from Sophia just as Gaby and Riley come out of the water. Gaby’s eyes catch mine, and she instantly knows the look. It’s the look I gave her as a child when it was time to become invisible.
I can’t be invisible anymore.
“I’ve never seen him like this.” Her words are so stilted I barely understand them, but I’m already on my feet and halfway to my truck. Gaby grabs my arm and spins me around. My sister’s broken expression crushes me, but I can’t just sit here. I need to protect him, so he doesn’t hurt anyone.
“Where are you, Kayla?” I continue to talk, pulling away from my sister, moving toward the truck.
“I’m locked in the office. He wants my keys. He keeps talking about her.” The terror in her voice is ten times worse because it’s so foreign, but what really stops me is the word her.
Panic surges through me, pushing me forward, and I can’t help my voice from shifting to match the tension in my body.
“This is not your fault, Kayla. Call the police. I’m coming to get you.” I hang up and turn on my sister.
“Fuck, Gabriella. She’s here. Why didn’t you warn him?” I’m yelling at her but not because I’m mad at her. I just can’t keep it in anymore. The time bomb I thought I was yesterday is about to go off. I can feel it building inside me. I hate him. I hate her. Both of them.
“Why didn’t you warn him?” I ask again, but Gaby doesn’t answer me. I rip open the door to my truck, and someone grabs me again. Garett spins me around and pushes my shoulder so that my back is up against the door frame.
“You’re not driving.” He says it flatly, and I push him back. I have a flashback to when we were kids, sleeping on Garett’s floor when I couldn’t be at home. He would talk to me about anything but my dad. He would do anything with me except come to my house. We’ve been friends forever, Corb. Only one time have we ever spoken about my dad. It was one of those skirting emotion moments. Right before my mom left when my sister got pregnant. He slammed me against my vehicle just before I hunted down the asshole that hurt Gaby. He had the same look then that he does now. His words come back.
While you’re busy trying to shield people from him, be careful you don’t become him, Corbin.
“I have to,” I plead with my best friend.
“I’ll drive you.” Tobie speaks up. She walks up to me, pulls the keys from my hand, and slides into the driver seat before I can protest. Garett’s eyes are dark and focused. He doesn’t want me to go.
“I’m coming too.” Sophia dumps Parker into Gaby’s arms and runs to the passenger side.
“I’ll drive Tosh’s car. I haven’t had a drink since before midnight. I’ll be fine. We’ll follow you.” Gaby shifts Parker to her hip before she hands him off to Riley.
Everyone watches me. All of them. Wide-eyed and still in their underwear, soaking wet. So many sets of eyes begging me. Begging me not to do this alone. I look at Sophia, sitting in the middle of the bench seat next to Tobie. She places her hand on the seat next to her and mouths the word please. I lose all my resolve, and my shoulders slump forward.
“We go to the bar to get Kayla. Don’t get out of the car. Don’t let Parker see anything, Gaby.” I point at my sister and she nods once with scared eyes. I turn to Garett. “Call Jackson. Tell him to get my dad out before I get there”
“This isn’t your fault, Corbin.” Garett says, but I know he’ll do what I ask. “You don’t need to be a hero.”
I don’t respond because it is my fault. There’s nothing heroic about what I’m doing. Trying to keep everyone out of everyone else’s way. And for what?
So I don’t have to deal with it. So I don’t have to admit how much it fucking sucks to have my mother walk out, my dad a useless fucking mess and my sister, completely oblivious to the lies that tore apart our family. That’s not heroic.
Once I’m next to Sophia, I slam the door, and Tobie starts the engine. She backs out slowly, and I watch everyone left behind get smaller. My heart hammers around behind my ribs, and I feel a fear more intense than any I’ve felt before. I’ve always been able to get him to direct everything at me. He's never lashed out at someone else. I pull smokes out of my pocket then look at Tobie, pulling out onto the highway.
“Roll down the window.” She says but doesn’t look at me. I light the smoke, roll down the window and hang my hand outside. It’s almost noon now, and the hot air swirls though the truck, and my leg bounces fiercely. My body is filled with impatience, and I just hope Kayla’s okay. I don’t even care that Mom is here anymore.
Sophia puts her hand on my leg, her fingers spreading out as wide as they can. I look at her worried face, and regret letting her come. I should have made her go with my sister.
“Kayla’s really tough.” She seems to read my mind, squeezing my leg. I nod and take a long drag off my smoke. I wish Tobie would drive faster.
“If my mom is here, then your parents are probably here too.” I say ignoring her comment, not touching her. I’m too fucking terrified to touch her.
My mind darkens as I think of everything she has to deal with, of everything that’s happened to her and my gut dissolves into acid. This isn’t fair to her. I can’t drag her into this. Not when she has her own shit to deal with.
“Probably,” she says really quietly. Tobie glances across the truck at us. Her pale features pulled together in confusion.
“When we get to the bar, I’m going to go get Kayla. I want you to go.” I keep my voice cold and distant but inside I have to fight to get each word to the surface.
“What?” Sophia’s eyes widen, and she snatches her hand back as if I’ve burnt her. I’m about to. But it’s the only way.
“I want you to go to your parents, and then leave here.”
“Corbin, you don’t mean that.” Her voice trembles and Tobie’s glaring fiercely at me, shaking her head. I don’t mean it, and Tobie knows I don’t mean it. But I can’t add to Sophia’s life, I can only drag it down. I can’t be her tragedy. But by the look on her face, I already am.
“I do mean it, Sophia. You need to leave. I don’t want you to come into that bar with me. I need to get Kayla, and I need to do it alone.” I turn to look out the window because I can’t bear to see her right now. I’ll take it all back if I look at her.
“You’re such a fucking asshole, Corbin.” Tobie says as we approach the first set of lights in town. “He doesn’t mean it, Sophia, he’s just being a-”
“TOBIE!” Sophia’s scream slices clean through me.
I turn just as a flash of silver smashes into the side of the truck.
The crunching of metal. Screeching of tires. Smell of rubber. Screaming. Swerving.
My arms go
around Sophia.
The world outside the truck begins to spin as we go over. I use my body to shield her from the crumpling dash. Glass showers me as we roll again and I’m propelled forward.
There’s a sickening snap, and pain shoots through me.
My head slams the dash, but as I black out, all I think about is her.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sophia
My head pounds. My ears ring. There’s a sick smell in the air burning my nostrils.
I suck in a ragged breath, but my stomach hurts, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. A groan coming from next to me makes me open my eyes. I can’t see straight through the blur. I can’t focus through the pain.
Everything's upside down. There’s glass everywhere. I blink hard, gasping in another painful breath. Next to me Corbin is hanging in his seatbelt, blood covering his face.
The ringing in my ears gets worse. A slicing, shrill sound that makes my hands go over my ears. But the ring is me. My scream ripping my throat raw. My body thrashes against my restraint. My screams do nothing to Corbin. He’s completely out.
Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead.
I pull violently at my seatbelt but can’t get it undone. A hand grips my arm, and I scream again. Tobie keeps saying my name. She keeps saying, “Sophia, my baby.”
Someone else is yelling at me. My name. It’s not Corbin. The door is ripped open in a screaming heap of twisted metal. Tosh is on his hands and knees. He braces Tobie from underneath and screams my name. I can’t hear him. I see his lips, but I can’t hear him.
Corbin’s body jerks, and instantly, all my senses come back as if his breath is my own.
“Sophia, Tobie’s seatbelt.” Tosh’s words are clear now. My eyes in focus. I grab at Tobie’s buckle, and on the fourth try, it pops open. Her body falls, and Tosh drags her from the truck. With Tobie out, I can angle my body and thrash out of my belt, crashing to the ground. Arms grab me just as I’m reaching for Corbin. Garett’s face comes into view as I’m yanked from the through the window. I fight him. Only Corbin matters now. I scramble back to the vehicle, and Garett grabs me around the waist. He tackles me to the ground, and I kick out at him, seeing only the blood on Corbin’s face. Riley’s on me now, too. The sound of sirens grows louder and louder. My face is wet, but I can’t tell with what. It takes both of them to force me down.
I call for Corbin, thinking the worst.
Lance. Corbin. Lance. Corbin.
Their images flicker over each other. Water. Blood. Water. Blood.
Exhaustion floods me, and my body goes limp, but my mind races. Garett pulls me farther back. Away from the wreck. Away from Corbin.
The sirens scream. I press my eyes closed. My breathing coming so fast I’m dizzy. My stomach turns and I crawl out of Garett’s arms to be sick. The booze from last night is on fast-track through my bloodstream. Forced through with my speeding heart. My pounding head threatens to explode.
Slamming doors. Screeching metal. Men in uniforms. Stretchers. Tobie strapped to a board being loaded into an ambulance. Corbin’s limp body being hauled from the truck, his left arm hanging at a strange angle. My body tries to move, but I’m too tired. I stand only for a moment before my knees give out. Garett easily catches me and crushes me to his chest. I collapse into him, but I can’t cry. My brain is working so fast and yet, not at all. I can’t think but my mind spins.
I’m numb but feel everything.
It doesn’t register when an EMT squats in front of me, when his hands run all over my body checking me for broken bones, bandaging my small cuts. I feel fine. Why is he touching me? Where's Corbin? My eyes frantically dart around until I see Tosh’s car. Inside Gaby sits motionless. Her hand on the back of Parker’s head, pressing him to her chest. She’s doing what Corbin said. She’s not letting Parker watch. Corbin took the brunt of his father so that Gaby didn’t have to, to protect her. Now, she watches her brother being pulled from a wreck but protects her son. Her scared eyes catch mine and my whole body calms down.
I push the EMT’s hands from my face, my eyes focusing in on him.
“I’m fine,” I say with enough conviction I almost believe it. He looks at me for a moment and continues to bandage a cut on my cheek. I push his hand away again.
“I said I’m fine.” I try to stand, but both Garett and the EMT pull me back to the curb.
“I have to make sure you are fine, miss. Please, sit back.” The smooth voice makes my determination waiver, but I catch another glance at Gaby.
“Let me go. I refuse treatment. I’m refusing treatment.” I push them both away and stand. I wobble when my feet hit the ground, but hold my hand out to the EMT when he tries to protest again. I take a shaky step toward Gaby. Garett’s walking beside me, careful to stay out of reach but close enough in case I fall. I really feel fine. Corbin shielded me. He wrapped me up, and it broke him. But I’m fine. A vision of him being pulled from the truck blinds me, making me stumble. Garett is quick to steady me. As I reach the car, I scan the scene again. Two ambulances gone. One still here. Cop cars everywhere.
Riley is talking to Jackson, running his hand through his hair until it all stands straight up. Three EMTs are huddled over another body lying on the pavement. A twisted pile of silver metal is wrapped around the light post.
Kayla’s car. My heart stutters and I stand on tiptoes to see who's lying on the pavement. It's not Kayla. I gasp at the thick blood coating his face, and Garett pulls me back.
"Sophia, don't." Garett's voice is tight.
My eyes go straight to Gaby and Parker still sitting in the car.
“Sophia, what are you doing? You’re bleeding.” Riley finally notices me, and grabs my elbow. I yank it out of his grip.
I pull open the car door and reach inside, pulling Parker from Gaby’s arms and transferring him to Riley. Riley takes him willingly, but his face is a mixture of random emotions. Mostly confusion.
“Take him somewhere. Take him to your house.” I’m not sure where the assertiveness is coming from, maybe adrenaline, but Riley doesn't argue. Gaby’s face is all shock as I move around the car and climb into the passenger seat. She looks at me silently, studying my face.
“He wouldn’t want you to be alone right now.” I know in my heart that it’s true. It would pain him to see her right now. He’ll be angry that she saw it. But he can’t be here right now.
So I have to. For him.
He’s never had to choose whether she lived or died, but every day, he put her before himself. He chose her quality of life over his own. I doubt she knows. I still don’t understand why he didn’t leave, too. Why he didn’t go with Gaby. Why he chose to play referee instead of forgetting the man who beat him and just leave him behind.
My own parents flash through my mind. Why did I do everything they told me? Why did I continue to live at home even though I wanted out? Why didn’t I tell them the truth? Why did I just run instead of telling them I don't want the life they laid out for me?
Guilt. Like I owe them something. Everything.
Corbin felt guilty for something. The ghost that haunts him is guilt.
It has something to do with Gaby. He feels like he owes her. I just wish I knew why.
Gaby’s eyes fill to the brim with tears, and they flow down her face at my words. She flings her arms around my neck, and I hold her while she cries.
xxx
Garett drives Tosh’s car to the hospital for us, and I sit in the back with Gaby, holding her hand.
“I’m really glad he found you,” she says after a while. “He needs someone like you.”
“Someone just as damaged?” I try to joke, but she shakes her head.
“Someone who understands why he is the way he is. Corbin doesn’t know what he wants. He just does what everyone around him needs him to do. He saves people.”
I sigh and catch Garett glancing at me in the rear view mirror. His face is pure concern but mostly understanding. He probably knows Corb
in better than anyone.
“He did save me, though. He found me because I needed him to.”
She shakes her head. “No, Sophia. You saved him. You’re a lot stronger than you think you are. I don’t know you at all, but my mom told me about you.”
My heart stops, and I suddenly can’t breathe. I remember that I'm going to have to face her, too.
“After your accident, she came home from the hospital and woke me up. She was crying. She said she had to choose between a brother and sister. That it made her have to tell me how much she loved me. How brave I was. Like you. She told me that she watched you from the shore while the resort owner got his boat. She said she’s never seen anything like you. Most people want to save themselves. But not you. She said you fought like you could take over the world. She said even as you went under, you only cared about your brother. Even as the water filled your lungs and the current sucked you under, you wanted them to save your brother. The first thing you did when she revived you was call for him.”
I’m the one who’s crying now and Gaby pats my hand as we pull into the hospital. I struggle to push the memories of that day out of my mind, but my body reacts as if it is happening again. My speeding heart, my legs twitching with tension as I fight the urge to run. I’ve never run as fast as I did that day. I’ve never felt panic like I did that day. Slowly it creeps into my limbs and I push against it as hard as I can. It’s too much to remember now.
“But my mom was wrong,” Gaby’s voice cuts through the tension that strangles me. “I wasn’t brave. I wasn’t the brave one in my family. Corbin has a hero complex. Always giving and never getting back. Until you. I’ve never seen him look at anyone like he looks at you. My brother doesn’t like to feel. He likes to act, and he needs someone like you. Someone who will fight just as hard to save him as he’ll fight to save you.”
I wipe under my eyes and shake tears off my fingers. “Our tragedy,” I whisper to myself. It fills me up and empties me out at the same time. I remember what he said just before the truck went over. He wanted me to leave. Shielding me. Saving me from him.
