An Unfinished Life

by Wasowski, Mary

  “Jack, I never understood your life back then, the choices you made, and the consequences of what you had to live with. I can’t imagine the stories you have deep in your soul. We are two different men. I know that, and I’m okay with it. What I’m not okay with is your hungered desire for revenge. You never forgave me for forcing your hand, changing who you are. Tell me that I’m wrong. Just tell me the truth!”

  I responded, “And then what? What happens to us after I share my feelings with you, brother? As usual, you will not like what I have to say and then use it against me, further driving a wedge between me and Nicolette. I will tell you this: that is not going to happen. Over my dead body will I allow you to come between us. I’m so tired of your superior attitude and you rubbing your nose down at me like I’m trash. Yeah, Massimo, I have a past, and it was fucked up from the very beginning, but I survived it, and Nicolette has survived hers. I will never forget for as long as I breathe what that animal did to her. He marked her and scarred her with his manipulations and then his touch. I wanted him dead, that’s no fucking secret. But is he? No! Because I kept my promise to you and to my wife. As long as he is not a threat to her, I told you I would honor that promise. So fuck you for ever doubting my word. Fuck you for reminding me of the worst memory my brain and heart will never allow me to forget. Fuck you for constantly reminding me of what I gave you, but yet never allowing me to cherish what I gave you freely. You, Massimo, are always pushing me out, and I have to force myself back in.”

  “You want to judge me for my past, Massimo? You do that then. You want to sever ties with your only brother, because you are not willing to move past our differences? Go right ahead. I don’t give a fuck any more. My world turned right yesterday when she walked through the door. My heart nearly burst with knowing that my beautiful Nickel is going to be a mother, a dream we didn’t think would ever be possible for her after all she has gone through. But God has blessed her, and I am going to be there for her, whether you like it or not.”

  “Jack, I never pushed you out. You did that on your own with your desire for revenge. I know what you promised, but that doesn’t make me rest easy knowing that on the flip of a dime, you could change your mind and move forward with your threats to that animal. Don’t you see, Jack? I have to protect my family, even from you, if necessary. There’s no question in my mind that you don’t love Nicolette and would do anything to protect her and safeguard her happiness. That’s what scares me, Jack. I walk into your bar, and it feels like something out of ‘Goodfellas.’ You say you left that life years ago for a new one with Sara, and I believed you. I was proud of you, respected you, and trusted you. For a long time before we found our loves, all you and I had was each other. I will never forget all that you did for me, but I have to put some distance between us. I can no longer live under the black cloud of fear when it comes to what you may or may not do. He won’t be in prison for much longer, and I don’t know how much time is left on that promise. I’m sorry, Giovanni, but after today, I’m walking away and taking Nicolette with me.”

  “That will never happen, Massimo. No matter what you do, you will never be able to turn her against me.”

  “You’re right, Jack. Probably not, because you will do that all on your own without any help from me. We have two very different views on the world and how we choose to live in it. You are not a bad man, Jack. There’s good in you. But I also know that you’ve carried a heavy burden on your shoulders for far too long now and resent me for it. I just can’t be part of this and neither can Nicolette. As long as you still have this thirst for revenge and carry this anger with you, we can have no place in your life. You can have today with our daughter, but we are leaving tonight. And I am asking you to either let your vendetta go, or her, because you cannot have both.”

  I slumped back into my chair and watched my brother walk out of my office and possibly my life. He was wrong. I hadn’t gone back on my word to anyone, and damn him for not trusting me. That animal was still walking around and breathing air. I’d done everything in my power to protect Nicolette, and I would not apologize for it. I couldn’t predict what the future held, but for now, I had honored my word.

  He thought it was so easy for me to fall back into my old life, just flip-flop back and forth without any consequence. That’s not how it worked. Johnny Carlucci set me free when I asked him. He knew that what happened with Mikey Marino changed me. I could no longer be this fierce presence for him on the streets after that act of brutality. I was never the same, but he didn’t judge me for it either. He said he always loved me as a son and would always take care of me if I needed any help.

  For years after we parted ways in business, Johnny was still there for me in friendship, promising to always be there for me if needed. When word got out about Nicolette, he came to me and asked me what I needed. I knew what he was indirectly asking me, but I respectively declined. He hugged me with all of his strength and left me on my own. I never acted on what I wanted to do, but yet it still was not good enough for my brother.

  When Johnny died, I was there holding his hand, and he promised me that I would always have the support of the family if I should need them for anything. Even in his death that promise would not change. I kissed Johnny’s hand and said goodbye. He whispered that he loved me and called me his son. His eyes were proud as they slowly closed. My eyes burned with tears watching him slip away from me.

  I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear the irritating alert sounding off from my dashboard.

  “What the hell? I’m running out of gas?”

  I didn’t even know where the hell I was. I had been driving since I left Max, not paying too much attention to where I was going. Thankfully, I was still able to go about another few miles up the road. There was not too much around until I noticed a small gas station with only two pumps. The sign was flashing open, and I was thankful for it. I parked my car almost right in front of the pump before it finally sputtered out. I noticed a sign on the pump that said “No Self-Service.”

  I took off my jacket and tossed it into the back seat. I looked around and waited for someone to come out from the office. After a few minutes, I finally beeped the horn.

  Another minute later, a young girl looking to be no more than sixteen years old came running out. She looked scared and flustered, almost tripping over her own feet. Then I saw someone running out immediately behind her. Maybe a mechanic? I wasn’t sure. But he seemed focused on the girl, and when he saw me, he stopped running and tried to fix his shirt. His hands were filthy. He spat out what appeared to be chewing tobacco, and then walked up to me and stood in front of the girl.

  “You lost pal?” he asked as he spat out more tobacco.

  “No, I just need some gas. Fill it up, and check the oil while you’re at it.”

  “We only take cash. You got any?”

  “Just fill the damn tank.”

  Well, that shut him up. I walked up to the building, where there was a soda vending machine. It appeared to be in working order. I put my money in, but nothing came out. I hit the Change Return button, but nothing came out. I was about to curse under my breath when the young girl offered me assistance.

  “What kind do you want?” she asked in almost a whisper.

  “Coke.”

  “That button is broken, but there’s a trick to it. If you hit the Sprite button, the Coke comes out. Try it?” she said with a hint of a smile.

  I hit the button, and sure enough, my soda slid down the shoot.

  “Thank you, um…?”

  “Sara, my name is Sara.”

  The sound of her soft voice shot a pain right through my heart, making me miss my wife. She had only left a couple of days ago. It didn’t matter to me, though, because it felt like a lifetime already.

  I took a sip of my drink and thanked her for her help.

  “Sara is my wife’s name. Are you okay, Sara? Are you in danger? Blink once for yes, twice for no.”

  On her small fac
e, her big eyes blinked once, and I instantly felt this fierce need to protect her. She looked nervously over my shoulder to alert me that we were not alone. I didn’t know this girl, but there was something familiar about her. It wasn’t just her name, but she had an innocence about her. I could have just paid for my gas and went on my way, but Jack Vanelle wasn’t that guy.

  “Sara! Get back inside, now!” the man with the filthy hands screamed out.

  A tear fell down her face. Her body tensed up. She looked like she was about to wet her pants. What had this man done to her? I gave her a reassuring look that seemed to calm her. He shouted again, but this time she didn’t move.

  “What the fuck, Sara!?! I said get your ass back inside!”

  I said to her, “Would you mind holding this for me?”

  She nodded as I handed her my drink. My look told her everything she needed to know. This fucker was going down. This was going to be fun.

  He started walking towards us as he said to me, “Hey, pal, I don’t know who the hell you are, or where you came from, but if you don’t want to be coughing up your teeth, it’s best that you get back into your car.”

  He couldn’t say another word before I grabbed him by his skinny throat and easily lifted him off the ground. His two hands were trying to grab hold of my one to let him go, but he was unsuccessful. I shoved him back toward the building, where he smashed into the window, shattering it with his backside.

  “You motherfucker! You’re going to pay for this!” he cried out.

  I almost laughed. He came running toward me when I landed a punch to his gut, toppling him backwards onto the dirt. I then placed my heavy foot on his throat while he struggled to breathe. I was successfully cutting off his airway. Blood vessels were beginning to emerge on his cheeks. I removed my foot from his throat. He then turned over onto his hands and knees and coughed to try to get some breath back into his lungs.

  I said, “Now that I have your attention…the girl…who is she to you?”

  “She’s…she’s nobody…just works here.”

  “Wrong answer. She’s somebody. She’s someone’s daughter, sister, and friend. And you, pal, are not treating her very nice. What did you say about me eating my teeth? Hmm?”

  I picked him up so he was back on his feet, held his throat once again, and punched him directly on his right jaw. He let out a shrieking sound as his jaw was crushed. He spat out a mouthful of blood but didn’t move.

  “How’s that feel? Did you swallow any?”

  I knew he couldn’t talk after that, but his hearing was still intact.

  “Now, you piece of shit, listen to me, because I’m only going to say this once. If you ever put those grimy hands on Sara again, or any other girl for that matter, I will come back here and not so gently remove your lungs with a fucking spoon. Blink once for yes, because you don’t have any other choices.”

  His eyes, which were now red and welling with tears, blinked once.

  “Very good, scum bag.”

  I gave him a stern kick to his ribs just to make sure he was listening. Meanwhile, Sara was crying behind me. Dammit! I had frightened her. I slowly turned around with softer eyes to show her that she wasn’t in any danger from me. She threw the soda to the ground and rushed into my arms.

  “Thank you, mister. Thank you.”

  I calmly told her that she was safe.

  “Can you give me a ride? I don’t belong here.”

  I didn’t even know where I was, but I had a full tank of gas, so I hurried her to my car. We only drove about ten miles from the gas station, and she directed me to drop her off at what looked like a boarding house of some sort.

  “Thank you, mister, for saving me. That guy Stevie is an asshole, but thanks to you, I don’t think he will be bothering me again.”

  “You’re welcome, Sara. May I ask you a question?”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “Are you hurt? Did he do…anything…to you?”

  I couldn’t bring myself to say the words, so I carefully tiptoed around it until she understood my question. She let out a sigh, and then answered me.

  “He didn’t. He tried, but we got interrupted when you arrived and beeped your horn. You saved me.”

  More tears fell down her cheeks. I was seething with anger and could easily drive back to finish what I started. I reigned in my temper and then handed her my handkerchief. She smiled and accepted it, wiping her eyes. I looked out to the building we were parked in front of.

  “Will you be alright? What is this place?”

  “I live here with some other girls. It’s a half-way house, but not for druggies or drunks. It’s more of a home for displaced teens. I’ve been on my own now for almost a year. My parents are dead, and my grandma couldn’t take care of me anymore.”

  “And the job at the gas station? Have you worked there long? How old are you?”

  “You ask a lot of questions, mister, but since you saved me, I’ll tell you. I’m seventeen. I have one more year here before they cut me loose at this house. I only took that job about a month ago. That guy Stevie has been trying to get me alone since I started working there. The other mechanic had left before you pulled up, and that meant he finally had me alone.”

  She wrung out her hands in her lap, which made my heart hurt more for her. I then pulled out my wallet and handed her some money.

  “A thousand dollars? Oh my God! I can’t take this.”

  I stopped her from returning it to me.

  “Take it, Sara, just please don’t go back to that job. Clearly, you weren’t safe there.”

  “I don’t know how to thank you. I don’t even know the name of my white knight.”

  “I’m no one’s knight, sweet girl, but thank you.”

  “Are you okay, mister? You look so sad.”

  “I’m fine. You just remind me of someone who was in a similar situation, and I couldn’t do anything about it then. But I have to be on my way. Will you be okay?”

  “I’m better now, thanks to you. And in case you were wondering, the interstate is about three miles that way,” she said as she pointed behind me. “That will take you back to where you need to be.”

  She leaned over and gave me a quick hug of thanks and stepped out of my car.

  “Thanks again, whoever you are.”

  I smiled and put the car into drive. My head was spinning with all that had happened in the last few hours. She reminded me of Nicolette, of course she did, with those big brown eyes staring back at me. That poor girl was in danger. I didn’t even want to think what could have happened to her if I hadn’t stopped for gas. The thought sickened my insides. I couldn’t protect my girl when she was hurt, but I was there for this one.

  Massimo was right when he said I was carrying a heavy burden, the pain of knowing that I could not protect her from him still haunted me, even in my dreams. I saw Nicolette surrounded by light, and then St. Clair would appear and cloak her in darkness. I wasn’t there when she needed me. My brother didn’t understand how I felt, when he of all people should. He was too clean cut to ever cross the line, whereas I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

  I found my way back to the interstate. It had been weeks since I had spoken to my brother. After he left my office, I joined him upstairs with the rest of our family. He had seemed more subdued after our conversation. Christina was wrapped around him and laughing along with Nicolette and Simon. Sara walked over to me to ask what was wrong. I lied and told her I was just a little tired. She knew better but didn’t press on.

  I pushed aside my feelings and contempt for my brother to enjoy the day I had left with Nicolette. After our dinner, she and Simon stood to get our attention. We were all clinking our glasses, just like we did at their wedding. Simon swept his love into a swooping kiss and then announced her pregnancy. The great news made us all smile and cheer. She was going to make a great mom. Just looking at her so happy brought tears to my eyes. I was fully aware that my brother was staring at me. Contrary to w
hat he believes, I do have a heart, and it’s hurting right now.

  I hadn’t decided how long I would remain here in California. I needed a hot shower, good meal, and some rest to clear my head from this mindfuck of a day. I checked in to the Beverly Wilshire Four Seasons Hotel. I had no plan here at all, but if something were to take place, then at least I was visible enough and out in the open. Max had left multiple messages on my voicemail, and I ignored all of them.

  After my shower, I stepped out into the opulent hotel room and wished Sara was here with me. We hadn’t taken a vacation for more years than I can remember. We put all of our time into our restaurant and then Sara had her volunteer work that kept her busy.

  I missed her terribly and wanted her to come home. I knew she was angry with me, but to just walk out without talking to me was not like her. She was my heart. I needed her to breathe, and I didn’t know what I was going to do if she decided that she’d had enough.

  My cell went off again, and this time I answered it. It was Max telling me that he was back home in Chicago and was surprised that I didn’t follow.

  “What are you doing, Jack? When are you coming home?”

  “What’s with the twenty questions, Max? No need to worry about me, so do yourself a favor and back the hell off.”

  “But I do worry, my friend, and you know why that is. Come home, Jack, and don’t do anything that you can’t take back.”

  “Goodbye, Max.”

  He called out for me, but I had already hung up on him.

  It had been nearly two months since I talked to my brother, and I missed him, even after all that happened between us. He was all I had, and I needed him. I knew I couldn’t visit with Nicolette, feeling the way I did at the moment. I was torn between what I knew to do, what I wanted to do, and the after effects of what would happen if I chose wrong.