An Unfinished Life

by Wasowski, Mary

  “I can’t do it, Duff. This is Marino still trying to pull the strings. He’s probably laughing at me from hell.”

  “Read it, Jake. Maybe he grew a conscience and told you in this letter.”

  “I doubt that very much, but let’s see what he has to say.”

  Dear Agent Paulson,

  I’m dead! I don’t know how exactly I went out, but if this letter ends up in your hands, then I have failed at what I set out to accomplish, and that is to get revenge on Jack Vanelle for what he did to my brother.

  You have to give it to Duffy for actually being a good cop and finding this letter to give to you. I only wrote one, so feel privileged.

  Here’s the real reason why I chose you to help me bring Jack Vanelle down to his knees: you are the lone ranger. Tragedy has made you fearless, cold, and dark. Those three attributes drive you to take out anyone in your way, and I thought you would be that guy, but I was wrong. You saw right through me, and even when I manipulated you with allegedly what I knew about your fiancées murder, you still did not yield, which frustrated the shit out of me.

  So why the letter? Because I’m a bastard, but I never pretended to be anything else. I was never going to give up the person responsible for your girl’s death, because that would prove to be detrimental for my family if something would happen to me. But I wasn’t always so self-serving. There was a time when I actually had a heart, and I cared, but when you lose someone whom you love more than yourself, it changes you to the point that you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror. If you and I ever had anything in common, then that would be it.

  Here’s a few breadcrumbs for you to begin the walk to her murderer’s doorstep: you weren’t the first man in her life she loved. There was another before you, and after her death, he was never whole again.

  You are a smart man, Jacob Paulson, I have no doubt you will figure this out. He’s waiting for you.

  DM…

  “Jake, are you alright?”

  I couldn’t breathe, and I sure as hell wasn’t alright. I handed the letter to Duffy to read, and he didn’t look any better after he finished.

  “We will keep looking, Jake. On her memory, I swear we will find out who is responsible for taking her away from you.”

  “It’s been years, Duff, and we are no closer today than we were back then. Just let her rest in peace. It’s over man, it’s just over. I think I’m done.”

  “What are you saying, Jake?”

  I couldn’t say the words, so I did the next best thing.

  “Here. I don’t want this anymore.”

  I placed my gun and my shield down to the table in front of Duffy.

  “No, Jake, not like this. You’re not thinking clearly. You just read the final rantings of a self-destructive, crazy man and are letting it cloud your judgement. Give yourself some time. Take all the time you need, and then we will talk.”

  “Whatever, Duff. I have to get back to Zoey.”

  I secured my gun back into my holster, and clipped my badge back to my belt. These two objects now felt like weights pulling me down, and I just wanted to be free of them and this life I lost myself to. We began to walk out when Zoey’s nurse came rushing toward me.

  “Agent Paulson, thank goodness I found you.”

  Oh my God! No, she cannot be dead!

  “She’s awake. Ms. Steele has opened her eyes, and her doctors are with her now.”

  I was paralyzed. I couldn’t move, and my mind was trying to register what she was telling me. Zoey’s alive? She made it through and has come back to me, but why can’t I move? Will she remember me?

  “Jake, didn’t you hear her? Let’s go see your girl,” Duffy said as he tried to coax me to move, but I was paralyzed by my fear.

  “Come on, son. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

  And then I was walking, with my friend pulling me along.

  This would be our defining moment. Zoey’s eyes would tell me what I knew I needed to see to believe. Then her touch would come next. I loved the feel of her skin next to mine. Her response would help me believe that her body remembered me. And then I would kiss her and pray she would share my love for her. My desire to make her mine. To love her forever.

  Please, baby, show me all of those things.

  “What a freaking mess you have up there. No worries, Jackie. You will be up and running in no time,” Max said after talking with my contractor. I just nodded at my friend for trying to put my mind at ease.

  Burned up buildings can be replaced, not people. To say I was playing with fire was an understatement. I wasn’t going to set another predator free to come at me one day and strike again. Marino was deranged in thinking he could ever best me. He never knew how much regret I have carried with me over what I did to his brother, and now he would never know. After he made the decision to take my Sara, all bets were off and my guilt ended.

  After the damage was no longer visible to see, the scars of what we went through would still be there, but I hoped in time that we could forget and make new memories here at our place.

  I hadn’t seen or talked with Jacob since the night we rescued the women we loved. She still hadn’t woken up yet from her coma, and I only hoped he would get a second chance with her. The key to his past had been weighing heavily on my mind since Dominick revealed the truth to me. Jacob deserved the truth, and I had to tell him. What he decided to do with it was on him, but I didn’t think I could ever look at Nicolette again, knowing what I knew. If this were me, I would want to know.

  Dominick had been calling, and wanted a sit down with me. I hadn’t allowed Sara out of my sight, but she ordered me out before she went crazy with my hovering.

  That was when I made up my mind to go to him and once again ask to be let go. Max drove with me, and the car ride was completely met with silence. He knew what I was about to do. When Johnny agreed to let me go all those years ago, I thought I could still have a piece of them with me, but I was wrong. Mikey Marino and even St. Clair showed me how my past was controlling my life. All the hurt I suffered over Nicolette, and what she went through, I made it my own and allowed it to take over my life.

  I had justified my choices, my actions, and what I believed to be right all of my life. What happened to Nicolette was a tragedy. What happened to Michael St. Clair was justice. Sara could find the hope in the hopeless, but not even for her would I ever grieve for him. I held my wife in my arms and watched our dream restaurant nearly burn to the ground, along with all my sins. I set myself free that night and vowed to never think of them again. Today would prove if I could actually do it.

  “You okay, Jack?” Max asked as I stared at the mansion before me. It looked almost haunted with the ghosts all around it.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Wait here, okay? I need to talk to Dominick on my own.”

  “Sure thing, Jack. It’s going to be alright. He’s an asshole, we know this, but he’s not so naïve in his thinking that he can ever gain the upper hand on you. Remember that.”

  I entered the foyer and was greeted by Dominick. I looked around and saw no one else.

  “No guards? No pat-down?”

  “I didn’t think they were necessary, unless you are planning to kill me. Are you, Jack? If that’s the case, then it will only prove that I was fooled by the bounds of our friendship.”

  “I’m not here to kill you, Dominick. That would be the last thing on my mind.”

  “Very well. Follow me, friend, and let’s have a drink. Hirsch Reserve, is that still your choice of drink? I keep several bottles on hand, just for you.”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “You always preferred the very best or nothing at all. Why the long face, Jack? I would think you would be on cloud nine after Marino’s untimely death. That was brilliant, by the way. The boys haven’t stopped talking about it. That took balls to burn him alive and in front of the world to see. One for the books, Jack. We are in awe of you.”

  “I don’t take any pleasure in
that, Dominick. He took my wife and used her to get to me. I had no choice.”

  “Oh, my friend, that’s where you are wrong. We always have a choice. It’s deciding if we were right in the end, but in your case, you were. If it wasn’t you, then he would have been dealt with eventually. Another mistake on my father’s part. Marino should have been handled back in Boston, but he got to live and cause more damage. But that’s over now. The investigation of Michael St. Clair’s murder has been closed, another unsolved to be filed away. I told you, Jack, we had your back, and there was nothing to be worried about.”

  “With Marino coming unhinged when he did, he practically handed you your freedom on a silver platter. He was a liability for us and for the FBI. As most agencies tend to do, he will slowly be faded out until completely forgotten, and they will move on and forget he ever existed. Now, I do hope your lovely Sara, received my gifts.”

  “She did. The flowers brightened her day, and the wine was delicious.”

  All lies, by the way. She was too gracious to throw away something so beautiful, so she once again gave her flowers away to make someone smile. She didn’t want any tokens of affection from Dominick Carlucci. Just her name off his tongue pissed me off. The case of wine was divided up with the kitchen staff. It was an amazing vintage, but Sara ordered it to be gone, and I wasn’t going to refuse her requests. It was part of breaking off from the past. That was why I was here today.

  “That makes me very happy, Jack. Now, what’s on your mind?” he asked as he handed me a cigar, looking quite relaxed in his father’s chair. Like a king on his throne. His arrogance made the room stink.

  “Dominick, I will never forget my loyalties to this family, the bonds of friendship that were formed and still are strong to this day. I would never do anything to betray the trust you have in me, nor bring harm to this dynasty that your father built. You were right when you said I was bullied into making a decision that I knew I couldn’t live with. You lifted that burden off my shoulders, and set me free by doing so. I need you do that once again for me, today. I need my freedom from the ties that bind me to you and to this family. For whatever time I have left to spend on this earth, I want to live them in the light with my wife and my family, the family I was born into, my brother for one. Your family chose me, but I don’t belong here anymore. I am Giovanni Vanelli. I am my father’s son, not yours. It took almost losing myself to the same madness and promises of revenge, as it did to Marino.”

  I said my peace and waited for Dominick to say his. He rubbed his fingers over his chin, and then filled our glasses with the drink of our choice.

  “Drink up, Jack. It looks like you could use one.” He downed his with one gulp and steadied his elbows on his father’s desk. “The devotion you hold for our family and for your own is admirable, and I truly respect you for it. I always have, Jack. You’ve always been the better man, and it’s no wonder why father was so fond of you. To be asked to be free would mean you never left, and we know better now, don’t we Jack? I welcomed you back with open arms when we talked last, but you refused me. I didn’t believe your denials then, and I don’t believe you now, but that’s my problem, not yours. You don’t get to have it both ways, Jack. Either you are with us, or you are against us. Choose wisely, my friend, because once you say the words, I will never allow you to take them back. I will shove them down your throat and make you choke on them.”

  He wore a look of betrayal in his eyes. This was not how I intended this meeting to go.

  “Dominick, there are hundreds of Jacks you have under your reign of power. You do not need me for anything anymore. My time with this family has been over for years, and please do not mistake the friendships I have held onto as my unwavering allegiance to you. You can’t relive history and leave out the parts you easily have forgotten. It doesn’t work that way Dominick, and for me, it never will. What you say you did for me was done to serve your purpose, not mine. I would think twice before ever threatening me again. I have no issues with you, Dominick, nor do I want to. I only wish to leave here with an amicable agreement.”

  “Fine! I will give you what you desire most, but we are never too far away. You remember that, my friend.”

  “There’s one more thing, Dominick.”

  “Are you fucking serious? Have you not been given enough? You want more from me? Not ten minutes ago, you asked for freedom. I’ve granted that request, and now you dare to ask for more? You have balls the size of Texas. You never stop surprising me, Jack, with your arrogance and what you feel you are entitled to.”

  “Are you finished? Enough already, Dominick. Please save the superior leadership-in-your-face tactics for your men, not me. Now…Joseph LaRocha.”

  “What about him?”

  “Without implicating the family, I intend to tell Jacob Paulson the truth behind his fiancées death.”

  “When hell freezes over! If you cross that line, Jack, I swear there will be no coming back from it. He’s a fucking cop—a federal agent I might add—who can take down this house, brick by brick with the knowledge you have. I was a fool to ever tell you.”

  “You are far from being a fool, and no lines will ever be crossed, because you know me better than that. I just want to lead him in the right direction. He never needs to know the details. Please, Dominick, I can’t in good conscience keep this from him. He needs to find closure in losing her, and if his second chance survives what Marino has done to her, he will have that. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll have some closure of my own. Forgiveness is the first step to redemption. I’ve finally been able to get mine. Don’t deny him the same chance, Dominick. Her blood is on your hands, just as much as it is on her father’s.”

  I might almost agree to a hot branding iron down my throat for this conversation. Dominick was relentless and unwilling to bend. I couldn’t say any more than I already had to him. The next move had to be his.

  “It should have been you sitting behind this desk, and not me. That realization comes to mind after every conversation I have with you. I can’t rewrite history, Jack, as you so eloquently remind me. I will give you my consent and trust that whatever you choose to tell Agent Paulson will never come back to this house and to me. Do you understand?”

  “I do, Dominick, and thank you.”

  “You’re welcome Jack.”

  He rounded his desk and took my face in his hands to kiss both sides of my cheeks. He took a step back and said, “Hold out your right hand, palm up.”

  I did what he asked without knowing what he would do. In less than a second, his intentions were clear. He pulled a double edged blade from his pocket and sliced a line down my palm, reopening my first blood line to the family. It hurt like hell, but I would not show him my pain. I understood why he did it and honored the rare, time-old tradition with my acceptance and silence.

  “Now, my friend, you are truly free.”

  He said nothing more and left me on my own. I knew the second he drew my blood, he would never lay his eyes upon me again. I left that house and never looked back.

  I would never share my true past with my family. Massimo made his peace with me, and we found a new beginning as brothers. I knew what I had with Nicolette, and I would never question my role in her life. I’d always been there where it mattered the most, and it had taken me years to finally realize that. My life with Sara was all that I needed. I would spend my days making her happy and my nights holding her in my arms. To the ones that believed a guy like me didn’t deserve the life I had and the blessings I was fortunate to receive…well, maybe they’re right, but I have it. On the memory of my parents, I made new promises to my family, ones I would honor all the days of my life that remained.

  After I received word that Jacob’s girlfriend had awakened and was on her way to making a full recovery, I knew I could no longer sit on the information I had in my possession. It was time to give Jacob the truth. What he would do with it once he had it would solely be on him. This was not my sin I carried, but in some
way, I still felt this overwhelming sense of responsibility to help him. I was taking a big risk sharing with Jacob what I knew, but if me doing so gave him peace, then it would have been worth it in the end.

  When the nurse told me that Zoey was finally awake, I didn’t believe it and couldn’t move. It was what I had been praying for since the night I rescued her. Once I regained the ability to move my legs, I took off running back to her room with Duffy trailing behind me.

  I got to her room, held onto the door frame, and just listened to the sound of her voice. It was raspy but clear. She was telling her father how much she loved him. Tenley was crying happy tears with her husband by her side. All that was missing was me. When Zoey finally saw me, her eyes were my invitation to come closer. This time, my legs moved.

  Leave it to me to ask something stupid, “Do you know who I am?”

  Tenley stopped crying, and her tears were replaced with laughter. Jagger looked at me like I was nuts, and her parents just looked confused. Give me a break! For days I’d been reading the side effects of what she may experience after the drugs were out of her system. I didn’t know what to expect, so I asked the only question that came to mind.

  She gave me a sexy wink and then smiled as brightly as the night sky.

  “Aren’t you the hot FBI Agent that handcuffed me to your bed and had your way with me?”

  Oh hell no! She didn’t just say that, and in front of her father, who was about to deck me one. I cleared my throat and just went for it.

  “Yeah, that would be me, handcuffs and all.”

  “No, I’ve never seen you before. Who are you again?”

  Wise-ass! She began to laugh, and I knew she would be okay.

  “Hi, Jake, I’ve missed you.”

  “Not as much as I’ve missed you. Don’t ever scare me like that again. Zoey, I know you are probably going to think I am completely insane, and we haven’t known each other all that long, but I love you. I have from the minute I laid my eyes on you. I want you in my life, sparkle girl. I love you.”