“Ned’s tried over and over to work out your marriage problems. You keep pushing him away. I’d say it’s time to deal with it.”
Jenna laid her head in her hands and gave a big sigh. “I admit, I’m scared.”
“I know you are.” I am, too, she wanted to say. Scared of my feelings for Daniel. Scared how badly I want to give up my dream of a byline and beg him to stay here and spend his life with me. “I’m scared about losing my customers, but I had to choose what was right. And helping those kids is right.”
“I know getting my family back together is the right thing to do.” Jenna frowned. “But I don’t know how to tell him I’m afraid to do the work.”
“Just...say the words. Say what’s on your heart.”
The words Lilly wanted to speak to Daniel lay heavy on her heart, making her ache all over. Words that should probably be spoken but would always remain locked inside—that she loved him.
Though she was good at handing out advice about being brave and saying the words, she couldn’t bring herself to do the same. Because she knew Daniel would never change his plans for her.
* * *
Daniel and five of his most active church members sat around one of the round tables in the basement of The Yarn Barn, a location that now felt like home to the small congregation. Ned, Frank, Belinda, Geoff and Orson, the treasurer. These were the people who’d been on board from the beginning, working tirelessly to get the new church off the ground.
They weren’t happy to hear the news he planned to move on sooner than anticipated.
“I’m stunned,” Belinda said. “This seems sudden.”
“Well, I’ve said from the beginning that this day would come once I got the ministries on track. It’s come sooner than even I expected. And that’s thanks to the hard work of all of you.”
“Daniel,” Frank said in his booming voice. “We’ve been talking.” He gestured to each person gathered. “And I speak for all of us when I say we want you to remain here permanently.”
When all heads nodded their agreement, Daniel felt good, as if he’d found love and acceptance. But he couldn’t give in to the temptation of falling for their affirmation instead of following what God had called him to do.
Still, for a moment he imagined what it might be like to stay on here. To work together serving this community day in and day out for years to come. To be a part of something long-term.
No. Ever since he’d gone off to college, he’d wanted to use his gifts to help people. He was an ideas man. A man with a vision to start new things. Not someone to kick back and settle into a comfort zone. “I appreciate that offer more than you know. But I feel it’s time and have confirmed with the new church that I plan to arrive in May.”
Lilly’s green-brown eyes popped into his mind, eyes that had drawn him yet terrified him at the same time. Surely he was feeling truly called to leave and wasn’t running scared like his dad had suggested.
“I don’t want you to act too quickly.” Belinda patted his arm like a mother would. “Don’t be afraid to consider this new option we’re offering. Hang around and explore other possibilities God may be providing.”
He had the uncomfortable sensation that the opportunities she spoke of involved more than his role as pastor. Belinda was a perceptive woman. Maybe she knew more than she’d let on.
“Is there anything we can do to entice you to stay?” Ned asked.
Enticement resided upstairs in a kind, caring woman named Lilly. “You people are the main reason our members love to attend worship and be a part of this church. That’ll continue no matter who’s preaching.”
“I guess we’ll have to start searching for someone to replace you.” Frank, who was always so jovial, had a frown on his face for the first time that Daniel could remember.
Leaving these people would hurt. An empty ache already gnawed at him. “Yes, it’s time. I’ll help in any way I can.”
“I’d like to suggest we hire someone interim first,” Belinda said. “In case Daniel changes his mind.”
“That’s up to y’all. But I won’t change my mind. Not when God has given me my marching orders.”
The inkling of doubt he’d experienced lately jabbed again. Lord, if there’s any way I’m misinterpreting Your call, You have to show me now.
Belinda volunteered to start the search and they closed the meeting. As the others filed out, Ned pulled Daniel aside.
“God’s been working. Jenna has agreed to counseling.”
The huge smile on Ned’s face helped ease Daniel’s sadness. He clapped him on the back. “Great news.”
So there was hope for the marriage, after all. Jenna would be okay. Lilly would feel good about leaving her now. He would move on, as well.
He was glad that everything was falling into place, even though the thought of leaving his congregation made his chest ache.
The thought of leaving Lilly...well, he couldn’t even go there yet.
But he would have to, and soon. As soon as they found an interim pastor as his replacement.
* * *
Lilly woke at 5:00 a.m. Sunday with Daniel’s name on her lips and tears on her pale pink pillowcase. She’d been dreaming about him driving away, leaving her behind. When she hollered for him to stop, he hadn’t looked back.
She stared at the light filtering in behind the blinds feeling hollow, gutted. As if Daniel had carved out a piece of her and had taken it with him, leaving a gaping hole that could never be filled.
“It’s only a dream,” she whispered to the room. Her temporary room.
But her time in Corinthia didn’t have to be temporary. She hadn’t yet committed to joining the magazine staff. What if she and Jenna kept running the shop? Lilly could rent an apartment or buy a small house. Possibilities swirled around in her head.
What if she kept The Yarn Barn and did freelance writing and photography on the side? But no, the shop would take all her time. She would never be able to move forward in a new career if she stayed here.
Lord, did You put these ideas in my head? I need Your guidance.
When she couldn’t lie still anymore, she got up, read her Bible and worked in her devotional book. She’d heard Will crying during the night. Apparently Jenna and Will had slept in. So she got ready for church and drove to the shop to do some work before the service.
The support group girls had worked diligently to finish their scarves. They would all be complete in a week or so. Lilly cleared a display rack for them in the front of the shop.
Though they realized the scarves had flaws, they’d been excited about the possibility of earning income from their projects. Placing a sign she’d made for the top of the rack made her glad the girls had something to be proud of.
The door to the basement squeaked open. “Lilly, is that you I hear up here?”
“Come in, Belinda.”
Lilly’s good friend approached with a smile. But it didn’t quite reach her eyes, didn’t light her pretty face as usual. Even her normally perky bobbed hair looked droopy, almost sad.
“What’s wrong?”
“Now, what makes you think something is wrong?”
“Talk to me.”
Belinda’s gaze traveled the room in avoidance. “The display rack looks great. The girls will be pleased.”
Lilly crossed her arms and waited, giving Belinda a look that said she wouldn’t be sidetracked.
Belinda finally looked Lilly in the eye and said, “Do you care about us here in Corinthia, do you like this town?”
Lilly straightened with a start. That comment had certainly come from out of the blue. “Well...yes. I’ve grown to care about all of you and feel at home.”
“Then stay. You obviously love this shop. You love the girls, and they love you. The boys look up to you.
You’ve become an important part of our church, of our lives.”
The urge to cry made Lilly’s nose burn. She arranged the display rack just so, making the sign more visible to the front entrance, taking a moment to compose herself. “I came here with a plan. To—”
“Plans, plans,” Belinda snapped, and then sighed. “Why does everyone try to plan their lives when God is in charge?”
“I never intended to come here in the first place.”
Belinda’s face scrunched up as if she, too, wanted to cry. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to fuss at you. I’m disappointed. I’ve gotten attached to you.”
Lilly hugged her friend. “And I’ve gotten attached to you, too.”
“Then stay. Keep this place, we’ll teach classes together. Why leave all your friends—and family—to go back to Kentucky?”
The request was so tempting. She’d even had the thought herself that very morning. “I can’t.”
“Is it because you have feelings for Daniel?”
The room stilled. Lilly’s pulse throbbed in her ears, and her cheeks felt as if someone had doused them with scalding water. She couldn’t look away from Belinda’s gaze. “Partly,” she forced out, though she hated to admit she’d fallen for him.
Belinda’s shoulders sagged. “I knew it.”
“I’m dealing with the feelings, trying to pray and look for God’s plan for my life. And once I’m gone come winter, I’ll have new ventures to keep me busy.”
Staying busy would keep her satisfied, wouldn’t it? Surely it would help her find contentment.
The bleak picture that formed in her mind made her flinch.
Belinda rubbed Lilly’s arm. “It’s not going to be easy to be separated from the man you...love?”
“Yes,” Lilly whispered, feeling as if the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Belinda was right. How would Lilly ever tell him goodbye? “What am I going to do?”
“Talk to him. You have to talk to him.”
“He kissed me,” she blurted as if Belinda needed to know that detail. As if she hadn’t already seen the affection between them. “But afterward, there’s been so much distance between us. I’ve tried not to let myself hope since then.”
Belinda hugged her, squeezing tightly. “Then tell him how you feel. And if it doesn’t work out...well, we’ll be here for you.”
“I’ll try, I’ll—”
“Belinda? Lilly?” Frank called from the bottom of the basement stairs. “Are you up there?”
“We’ll be right down.” Belinda gave one last squeeze. “I’ll be praying for you, for wisdom and strength.”
Time to face Daniel. Would he be able to read her face? Should she grab him after the service for that talk?
No, maybe she needed a day or two to plan what she wanted to say. To brace herself to bare her soul. To prepare myself for watching him drive away?
She headed downstairs as the music started. Maybe her imagination was working overtime, but when she said hello to Daniel, she thought he seemed distant, distracted.
Maybe he was already pulling away from her.
At the end of the service as he held up his hands asking them to rise for a final prayer, she remembered those hands caressing her cheek, lifting her chin. Hands pulling her closer so he could kiss her. Strong, sure hands. Hands that had helped the boys learn to put in a drop-ceiling, had handed out food to the needy, had held on to Will as he learned to walk.
Lord, I don’t want to leave him. I want to stay here and make a life. I want him to choose to stay...for me. Is that wrong? Is that pulling him away from his ministry, from Your will, to ask him to stay?
As soon as Daniel said amen, Cricket jumped up. “We have something we’d like to say.” She signaled her friends to join her at the front.
The girls had been attending services off and on. This was the first time they’d all come together.
They each pulled out a knitted scarf—Theresa, two—and held them up for the congregation to see. All were totally finished. Lilly couldn’t imagine how they’d managed it so quickly.
“Lilly and Belinda have been great,” Cricket continued. “Teaching us how to knit, letting us talk and deal with stuff and...well, generally vent.” She peeked around the man in front of Lilly so she could see her. “And Lilly even offered to let us sell our items in the store to make income for ourselves for whatever we wanted. We thought about buying a decent coffeemaker for the store.”
Several people chuckled at her comment.
“But we talked and decided we wanted to do something in honor of these ladies. We want to donate everything we made, along with other donations we’ve collected, to the clothes closet and food pantry.”
Lilly thought her heart would burst with joy and love as those around her broke into applause.
Once the clapping died down, Cricket said, “And the next project we want to do is to knit caps for infants at the battered women’s shelter.”
“Come on up here, you two,” Evette said in her gruff voice with tears in her eyes, her tough veneer peeled away for the first time ever.
Lilly approached the front, her heart overflowing. When Belinda, tears streaming down her cheeks, took Lilly’s hand, she knew she didn’t want to leave Corinthia. She’d found her home.
But would Daniel ever be a part of it?
She glanced at him off to her side. Daniel looked proud as he, too, applauded. Though he looked outwardly pleased, she saw sadness, maybe even resignation reflected in his eyes.
He’s leaving. No matter how he feels about me, he’s going to leave.
Crushed, she looked back at the group of her new friends. Belinda signaled for them to quiet and indicated for Lilly to speak.
“Belinda and I have been blessed to work with these talented and generous young women. I’m thankful Daniel had the idea to bring them together to support each other.” She gazed at the girls, clustered together with tears in their eyes. “Ladies, it means the world to us that you’ve chosen to do this. Thank you for the honor.”
As the congregation sat, she spotted Jenna in the back. Beside her stood her husband, holding Will. When Ned realized she saw them, he put his arm around his wife and gave a thumbs-up. Jenna laid her head on his shoulder.
Everything would work out for Jenna. Their love had sustained them through the separation, and with counseling, they’d be able to deal with the issues in their marriage. Happiness for her sister and family welled and at the moment managed to trump the painful thought of Daniel leaving.
As everyone dispersed, Lilly once again thanked the girls and then hurried over to Ned and Jenna. “I’m so glad to see you sitting together.”
“I’ve agreed to start counseling,” Jenna said. “We have our first appointment this week.”
“And I’m moving home today.” Ned kissed his wife, a gentle loving kiss that nearly tore Lilly’s heart to shreds.
Would she ever have someone care about her like that?
“God’s working in both our lives,” Ned said. “I’m praying I’ll be obedient. I want to be more patient, a better husband and father.”
“And I’m praying...” Jenna’s face reddened. “Well, I’m praying again.”
As Lilly watched the happy family leave the church together, the word obedience ran through her head over and over. That, and Daniel’s sermon about the need for trusting God. Maybe God was trying to show her something.
She needed to learn to be obedient. To trust in His perfect plan. Plan. That morning, Belinda had complained that everyone seemed to have plans of their own instead of following God’s plan.
Wasn’t that what Lilly had been doing? Planning her life without a thought to God’s will?
It was time she became obedient and looked to God for what He wanted. And maybe, just maybe, He w
as leading her to stay in Corinthia, to serve Him in this community, in this church family. To be here to support her sister. To be here to help with the ministries she’d joined.
Peace settled across her shoulders as well as deep inside her. Maybe, after years and years of feeling adrift, she was finally in the place God wanted her to be.
She had to talk to Daniel.
Chapter Twelve
One look at Lilly’s face as she stood in his office doorway, and Daniel knew he was in trouble.
She had that dreamy, happy look. Maybe it was because she, too, had witnessed the kiss Ned gave Jenna. Daniel himself had been happy to see them together. But he couldn’t risk Lilly confessing any romantic feelings.
He didn’t have the willpower to turn her away. “Hey, Lilly. I’m sorry to be rude, but I’ve got to run.”
Hurt flared in her eyes. “Oh. Okay.”
“Gran’s expecting me. And Dad called saying I needed to get over there right away.” True, but a bit exaggerated. His dad had called to tell him the pot roast was getting cold, and that he wouldn’t wait much longer before diving in.
“Okay. Can I maybe drop by later?”
He couldn’t look at her so instead he flipped a notepad closed, shuffled some papers. “I’m not sure. How about I call you?”
Oh, Lord, help me do this. Unable to be so coldhearted, he forced himself to look her in the eye.
The corners of her mouth drew slowly upward, her expression one of understanding, hinting that she knew something he didn’t. “Sure. When you’re ready.”
He couldn’t bear it. He nodded and rushed out of his office. Drove to his grandmother’s house even while praying for the strength to do what he had to do. To do what he was called to do.
“About time,” his dad said as he forked a bite of beef into his mouth.
“Got here as quickly as I could,” he said, trying to be nice when the tone of his dad’s voice set his teeth on edge.
“What’s wrong, honey?” GranAnn reached for him and pushed him into his chair. She gave his shoulders a squeeze.
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