Destroyed and Detained

by Danelle Helget

  I did a little investigating and got her address, and we went for a visit. We really didn’t have a plan, but we parked in the lot and watched her apartment windows. I had never met her before, but I found her picture on facebook so I knew her when I saw her. She looked to be getting ready, so we waited. When she came down at 9:00 p.m., we followed her to a club that was kind of skanky. I was pretty sure she didn’t know me, and so we just walked right in and sat down at the bar near her. Slowly Tannya started making conversation with her. She ended up hanging out and drinking a bunch of martinis with us. Miss Kitty asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said, “Umm, kind of.”

  “What does kind of mean?” Miss Kitty asked.

  “Well, I’m working on it. You see, we were an item years ago and he caught me making out with another man and left me. But I’ve given it some time, and I mean, I, like, never slept with the guy, so I didn’t really cheat, but he was pretty upset about it, so I gave him his space. And now, well … I’m ready for marriage and children, and I want him back. He’ll be a great husband and father, and I can’t wait to start my life with him again.”

  Tannya shot me a look. I took a big gulp of air, then downed the rest of my coconut martini. Then I turned to her and said, “Wow, and you think he’ll want you back? I mean you did kiss another man …”

  “Yeah, but he’ll want me back. I just have to get him alone for a few minutes. I know his weaknesses. He’ll come around. He’ll come back to me. I just need a few moments to convince him I’m the only one for him. He said he has a girlfriend and doesn’t want me to call, but I can hear in his voice that he’s still in love with me.”

  “So, why doesn’t he just break up with the other girl then?” Tannya asked.

  “I don’t know. But it won’t take too long. I saw him face-to-face a while back, and I could tell I took his breath away. He still loves me.”

  “You’re delusional!” I said.

  “What?” Jodi asked. Shit! I’d said that out loud. Oh, well, may as well get this over with, I thought. “Look, JODI—yeah I know your name,” I said in my “bad girl’s” voice. “I know who you are, and I know exactly what Derek, your ‘kind of boyfriend’ thinks about you.” I was standing up, in her face, pointing my finger and talking loud. “You cheated on him, and he threw your ass out. FIVE YEARS AGO! Move on! He doesn’t want you. He hasn’t looked back since that day. He’s my boyfriend now! Stay away from him and stop calling him! Got it?”

  Her eyes went from shocked, to scared, to pissed off, rather quickly. She’d figured out I was the woman standing in her way, and her anger looked hard. Now I was a bit scared.

  She stood too and yelled back at me. “So it’s you! Listen here, bitch, Derek and I have hit some rough patches, but we have always loved each other. You think he’s yours? Well, guess again! I’m back, and I always get what I want. An ugly thing like you isn’t going to get between me and him,” she yelled at me.

  Tannya and Miss Kitty were both on their feet now. “Ugly? Who you calling ugly?” Tannya said. “No one calls my friends ugly! Girl, you’re a fake, from your bleach job to your lop-sided, silicone boobs. All that work and you still don’t come close to a class act like Sara! She’s beautiful inside and out, and she ain’t had no work done!” She quickly turned to Miss Kitty, “No offense.”

  “None taken,” Miss Kitty nodded in agreement.

  “You’re living in fantasy land, child. Ain’t no way Derek’s ever leaving Sara for you. They’re in love. You had your chance and blew it,” Tannya told her.

  “Yeah, give it up! Derek and Sara are a wonderful couple and will be together forever,” Miss Kitty added.

  Okay, now it was getting thick and a bit scarier for me.

  “Puuuulease! She has no idea how to please him!” Jodi told Miss Kitty. “Derek and I had tricks and games that’d make Hugh Heffner blush. We’re hot together!”

  And well, I guess that’s all I could take of the skank, because I hauled off and punched her straight in the face. She came back at me scratching and biting, and it instantly turned into a huge bar brawl. Yup, not my proudest moment.

  All four of us were going at it pretty hard until the bartender turned the hose from the drink station on us, and we stopped. We were soaked in water, eyeliner running, hair a mess. We all stood there looking at each other.

  “Yeah, you’re real classy, bitch. What would Derek ever do without you?” Jodi spat at me. I lunged at her again, but Miss Kitty and Tannya held me back.

  “Stay away from me and stay away from Derek!” I yelled trying to get free.

  “Never, bitch! I ALWAYS get what I want!” She turned and strutted into the bathroom.

  I apologized to the bartender and gave him a one-hundred-dollar bill, and we left.

  When I got home, Derek called to see what I was up to. He never said so, but I had a feeling he’d gotten a call from Jodi. The next time I saw him things seemed funny between us, and so I brought her up. That opened a dam, and it all came pouring out. He had been talking to her, ran into her at the apartment that night, and had met her for a drink. He told me he just needed to talk to her face-to-face and make sure there weren’t any feelings there and to tell her once and for all it was over. I didn’t believe him and threw him out.

  I didn’t see him or take his calls for two weeks. Then he showed up on my doorstep in Nisswa, looking like a lost puppy, tears in his eyes and, well, I let him in.

  It took a while, but I think we’re okay again. That was a few months ago. We are moving at a snail’s pace in our relationship, which was fine with me. We now have an official on again-off again relationship, and those don’t usually work out well. I wasn’t getting my hopes up. I loved Derek, but he lied to me and went behind my back to meet her. And I’d had my fair share of deception lately. I knew he loved me, but I didn’t want to be hurt again. So what could I say, my walls were up!

  I finished my breakfast or lunch rather, and left enough money on the table for the tab and Tannya’s tip.

  I drove out to Miss Kitty’s, which was out on a dirt road, and slowly pulled up the drive. I called ahead and told her I was coming. When I got there, I put the car in park and reached down to grab my purse. Then I heard the passenger side door open.

  2

  Miss Kitty jumped in the passenger seat and shut the door. She was wearing black head-to-toe with a black-and-rhinestone baseball hat to boot. I looked at her, surprised.

  “Hey! Oh, my gosh! I’m so excited to see this pirate ship! What do you think is going on? Tannya called and told me all about it. She said not to start without her. I got everything here for us,” she said holding up one of the big bags she’d brought with her. Then she set it on the floor in front of her next to the purse she always brought, which I knew contained a small dog named Smoochy Poo. She reached for her seat belt.

  “I … ah …” I started to argue, but then I remembered this was Miss Kitty, and there was no point in arguing with her. She always got her way. She was rich and thought she was powerful, which she wasn’t, but she had a way of getting people to cooperate, and if they didn’t, she bought her way. She was divorced now. With the divorce, she received a large settlement and the enormous house. Miss Kitty also believed I could either see the future or that I was psychic. Neither was true but she wouldn’t listen to me. She was tall, thin, blonde, and everything that could be fake, was. She was a total diva, even down to the small dog in the purse. From a distance, she looked twenty-five, but I bet she was more like fifty. I’d ask but she’d probably have me killed.

  “Okay, then, let’s roll,” I said as I reluctantly turned the key. As I turned back down the drive, I wondered if I should call Rex. I’d been avoiding him as much as possible lately because there was a lot of chemistry between us, and I wasn’t sure what would happen if we were in the same room together, and Derek and I were on again. Actually, I knew what would happen … and, well, it couldn’t right now.

  Rex, a police officer here in Nisswa, h
ad been very helpful in the shooting I was involved in. And he helped me get my pontoon out of the lake, and taught me to make a Mexican dish and so on … I had him on speed dial and I knew he would help me with anything if I asked. He was in his late twenties, very fit, and looked great in a uniform. He was tan, dark-haired, and had a perfectly white set of teeth and a dimple on one cheek. Seriously, he made my knees weak.

  I decided to call him, just to see if he knew anything about the ship.

  “S’up, stranger?” he answered in his velvety voice.

  “Ah, nothing, just calling to check in,” I said with a smile.

  “Oh, yeah? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Almost like you’ve been avoiding me,” he said.

  “Nah, just not much going on.”

  “I bet. How’s that detective treating you?” There he goes with the “are you single yet?” comment, fishing for information.

  “Good. He’s fine. I’m fine. I was just wondering if you heard anything about anything strange goings on in town?” Geez, there I go again, stumbling over my words and sounding dumb.

  “Noooooo, why? Is there something I should know?”

  “Nope, everything’s fine. Like I said, just checking in,” I said trying to sound chipper. I didn’t want him to send the 5-0 over and make a ruckus. If I was the cause of any more drama in this little town they were going to run me out.

  “You’d tell me if I needed to know something, right, Sara?” he scolded.

  “Yes, if I ever need your assistance, I’ll definitely call you right away,” I told him.

  “Or if you see anything or anyone suspicious?” he added.

  “Of course. Well, you have a great rest of your day, and I hope to see you soon. Okay?” I said in closing.

  “Yeah, sure,” he said suspiciously. “Stay out of trouble, Ms. Martin,” he added and disconnected.

  “Oh, Sara, Sara, Sara,” Miss Kitty said with a head shake. “You have the hots for Officer McHottie!

  “Pfffft! I do not!” I argued.

  “Sure do. I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. And, honey, it ain’t fair! There are plenty of us single women in this town, and the only one he ever looks at is you. You got a sexy cop already. Leave some for the rest of us!”

  I made a right turn onto my county road and shook my head. “He’s all yours. I don’t want him. I was just checking to see if he knew anything.”

  “Sure ya were, darling. Sure.”

  “Well, he didn’t know anything, so I guess we’ll just take a look and see if it’s even still there, and if there’s anyone on board.”

  When I got to my driveway, I couldn’t see the lake well so I parked and we got out.

  Miss Kitty walked the best she could, carrying the dog in one purse and the equipment in the other. I threw my purse on the front step and took the equipment bag from her and set it there too. “Let’s go around and check quick to see if it’s there,” I said.

  When we rounded the corner we could see the ship right away.

  “Hoooooleeeeeyy Shit!” Miss Kitty said. “That really is a pirate ship!”

  “Yup,” was all I could manage, I mean really, what could I say?

  “It’s huge! What the hell is it doing on THIS lake?” she asked.

  “I don’t have a clue,” I said, staring in shock at it once again.

  After a few minutes passed, I suggested we go inside and wait for Tannya. We grabbed the stuff from the front step and went in.

  It was almost two o’clock already so we wouldn’t have to wait for long. When we got in, Pepper casually greeted us at the door and sniffed the vented side of Miss Kitty’s purse.

  “Why is Pepper still here?” Miss Kitty asked.

  “Well, I talked to Kerry the other day, and she’s been over to visit a couple times, but she has an apartment now that won’t take dogs.”

  “So are you keeping him?”

  “I said he could stay as long as he needed to. He travels well and is a really easy going, gentle dog. And I don’t mind the company.”

  “Do you think that Smoochy Poo with get along with him?” She asked me.

  “Pepper gets along with everyone. It’s Faith I wonder about.”

  Faith, my nine-month-old cat, was lying on the back of the couch and now that she was older she didn’t seem to care if we were there or not. Miss Kitty removed her dog from the bag and held her up nice and high in her pink collar with rhinestones and a pink and white skirt that looked like a tutu. Smoochy Poo always looked her best.

  Pepper sniffed her and walked away. For a little dog, Smoochy Poo was very quiet. She followed Pepper around, but he wasn’t interested in her at all. That’s how he was. He didn’t care that other animals were around him. Pepper was more of an people lover. Faith perked her head up and stared wide-eyed at Smoochy Poo and quickly switched into pounce posture. She was unpredictable.

  “Oh, here we go!” I warned, but it was too late. In a split second, Faith was on her. Faith leapt from the couch and scampered after Smoochy and dove onto her back. Smoochy didn’t have a chance. Smoochy Poo screeched and dropped like a fly. I rushed over, but they were already going at it.

  Miss Kitty screamed, “Oh, no, my baby!”

  “I reached down and tried to separate them, yelling, “Stop!” but it wasn’t working. They were rolling around like crazy—small yips coming from Smoochy and yowling from Faith. I was trying to reach in, but I didn’t want to get bit or scratched so I didn’t. Pepper walked over to the brawl and barked once. He had a huge, loud bark. They both stopped in shock, and when they did, I grabbed Smoochy Poo and picked her up quick. Faith shot her eyes at me and jumped at my leg. She dug her claws in and climbed me like a tree!

  “Yeeeooowwww!” I yelled. Miss Kitty stood there with her hand over her mouth.

  “Ahhhhh!” She yelled, horrified at the sight of a cat climbing a human.

  “Here!” I yelled and threw Smoochy into her arms. Then I reached down and grabbed Faith by the back of the neck and peeled her off. I held her in the air face to face with me and pointed at her. “NO! NO! THAT’S A BAD KITTY!” I screamed and dropped her on the floor. She sat down right there and groomed herself like it was just another day.

  “Are you okay? Oh, my gosh, that must hurt so bad!” Miss Kitty said.

  I looked down and my pants were filling with blood spots. They looked polka-dotted.

  “Ah, awwww … yeeees,” I stuttered. “That hurt bad! I’m going to go clean up,” I said and excused myself.

  I washed off the blood, and made sure each little puncture had stopped bleeding, then changed into some clean jeans and a sweatshirt. It was late April and chilly out. For the most part it had been a mild winter and temps had been nice for Minnesota. Today was in the mid-fifties and sunny. All the ice had gone off the lake weeks ago. Once in a while there were thin sheets in the morning, but they melted very shortly after sunrise.

  I pulled the blinds open on the deck door and stared out at the lake again. The pirate ship hadn’t moved since it had appeared.

  “That’s exactly where it was this morning,” I told Miss Kitty.

  “Unreal!” she said. “Maybe it’s an April fool’s joke.”

  I let out a snort. “That would’ve been a pretty big joke. But it’s a bit late for that. Who would the joke be on?”

  We each helped ourselves to a pair of binoculars from the bag of goodies Miss Kitty had brought and headed to the window for a close-up look at the pirate ship. I heard a noise from the front yard and knew it must be Tannya’s car door. A moment later there was a knock. I opened the door and barely got a hello out before Tannya pushed right past me and darted to the patio door.

  “Holy moly, you weren’t kidding. There is a freaking pirate ship on your lake!” Tannya exclaimed. “How in Sam Hill did that get there?” They both looked at me.

  “Hell if I know! I woke up and there it was. It wasn’t there last night when I went to bed!”

  “It’s new,” Miss
Kitty said.

  “Well, that’s what I said. It’s only been there today. Must have appeared overnight,” I told them.

  “No, I mean it’s new. It’s not old. Look at it! The paint’s shiny and fresh. The wood looks strong and new, even the sails are clean and new. Most pirate ships look old and ragged. This one’s new.”

  She was right. It was new. I took the third pair of binoculars out the bag, since Tannya had claimed mine from the table. I scanned the ship. It was definitely new. “Can you see anyone on board?” I asked.

  “No,” Tannya said.

  “Nope,” Miss Kitty added. “But I do see something at the house to the right behind it. There’s a big guy in a rowboat over by the dock.”

  “Maybe he’s going to go check it out!” Tannya said.

  I swung my binoculars over to the right. The trees had been cut down!

  Across the lake, the area had been covered in thick, tall, mature white pines so one house couldn’t see to the next. Where the last house on the right was, a large swath of trees looked like they’d been clear cut. I hadn’t noticed that this morning. I was so shocked at the sight of the ship that I hadn’t even looked beyond it. I had just stared at the ship.

  On the ground in front of the opening were piles of two-by-fours, and a few sets of saw horses were set up near a small shed.

  In front of the opening to the left of the dock were what looked like railroad tracks. It appeared that the ship had been built there and then rolled into the water on the tracks.

  “What … the … heck?” I stammered. “Do you think the neighbors built it?”

  “Who lives there?” Miss Kitty asked. We both looked at Tannya.

  “I don’t know,” she said.

  I thought about it. I didn’t know either. I knew the Sanders lived in the first house to the left, but I hadn’t met the people in the other two houses yet. The one in the middle I could barely see. The one with the tracks was on the far right.