by Katie Wright
"I can't do this anymore," I got up from the bed.
"What is it?" Her voice sounded alarm as though I was going to do something rash.
"I'm going to use this weekend to get closer to Tony and see even with Casey here if I can still be close to him. If I can't and it's too much I'll just tell him it's not working out."
"That's a good idea but don't lead Tony on, he's a good guy," Jane finished.
I agreed with her and then we finished unpacking.
There was a lot of noise coming from downstairs when we finished. I entered the loft first, since one had to go through there to go to the stairs and noticed the boys hadn't even unpacked. Everything, their clothes and bags, were all over the floor. I hoped no one would trip and fall over the railing to the floor below.
I kicked a bag of clothes out of the way and continued towards the stairs. Jane finally came to me and she must have also noticed the mess because I heard say under her breath, "Piggies."
When we came to the bottom of the stairs I saw Brian piling wood into the fire place and Mickey helping. Brian turned around as Cara touched his arm. She gave his arm a tight squeeze. He ruffled her hair and then kissed her nose.
It was one of the sweetest moments I had ever seen between the two of them. Suddenly I felt eyes on me and when I turned I noticed Casey glaring at me. When I caught sight of him I glared back and trotted over to the couch where Tony was.
I sat down next to him and asked what he was reading.
"Finding a place we can all go out and eat tonight," he read the AAA guide for dining.
He wasn't very aware of my attention so I looked back at the fire place which was now ablaze.
"Oh, I'm surprised you guys got it started so fast," I joked.
Mickey turned after he placed the last log on the fire rack and answered, "Oh you're fucking hilarious Heath. Actually Casey got it started."
Mickey flopped next to Tony, "So have you found a place Tony?"
Then Tony and he began reading the book together and finally decided somewhere we could go. Brian pulled out a piece of paper.
"What's that for," I asked.
He started writing on it, "A list of what we're going to do."
"We're going to have a freaking schedule!" I don't know why it bothered me but I didn't like being under some else's itinerary.
"Relax Heath, it's flexible," was his simple answer. "Plus," he added, "We have a lot to do in a couple days."
We went to dinner that night which was surprisingly not as bad as I supposed. We sat at a large banquet style table where we could all eat and drink.
Everyone was talking about one thing or another but I couldn't keep my mind off of the person sitting across from me, Casey. Every time my head motioned in his direction and I could catch a glimpse of him his eyes would look away or he would start picking at his food.
I was brought out of my reverie when someone asked about the trial.
I now noticed everyone staring at me.
"Um," I began, spinning the beer filled glass in my right hand, "well, it's postponed till March actually, scheduling conflicts."
Mickey peered from down the other end of the table, "Cool." What a completely smooth response to ease the tension. Note the sarcasm.
Now that dinner was over the question was, 'what were we going to do now?'
Brian answered that immediately and offered some night time tubing.
In case you were wondering, yes, Casey and I were going to end up sharing a tube along with Jane and Tony. I was squished between Casey and Tony, which I might add, was very awkward.
Tony's arm slung around me as we made our way up the hill in the tube before being released down the slope. I was very much aware of Casey's tense body shifting next to mine.
Thankfully Jane broke the silence that was veiling this fun tubing exhibition.
"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" Jane was sitting next to Casey but about a foot away from him.
I wondered why I had been sandwiched while she was comfortably sitting on the other side.
Casey answered Jane's question while I was pondering my discomfort, "Well I think we're going boarding tomorrow. Brian said something like seven in the morning."
"Awesome I love snow boarding. Heath have you snow boarded before?" Jane asked me a question but I couldn't concentrate, we were almost on top of the hill.
"Huh?" I cleared my thoughts, "Why so early?"
Casey finally offered me a look in my direction, "No one's asking you to go."
I fixed a stare at him, "I was just wondering."
Jane shifted in her seated, "Well, seven but I was wondering if you've gone boarding before?"
I shook my head.
Tony looked down at me, "No?"
"Me neither," Jane admitted.
Tony laughed, "Great I can teach you both."
His sense of enthusiasm didn't inspire me at all. I knew I would be just as terrible as I was on skies. But at least on skies I had a chance of being stable and not falling on my ass.
Jane clapped her hands, "Oh good a private lesson, look Heath we don't have to pay."
I was about to answer as I heard Casey mumble next to me, "No but Tony will."
My head shot immediately in his direction, "What's that supposed to mean?"
Before he got a chance we were being turned around and in a moment we were tubing down the hill. It brought with it a tiny bit of exhilaration that quickly left. Tubing may not have been a daunting sport but it still offered me butterflies.
When we landed at the bottom I waited as Jane and Tony were the first to get out. Tony jumped out and then held Jane's arm as she practically toppled out and on top of him.
I got up and then decided not to wait but instead climb over the tube. My legs being as short as they were I had no chance of making an easy exit. I nearly rolled over the tube and onto the ground when Casey's gloved hands grabbed my torso and pulled me back in. Then in one quick movement he picked me up by my waist and carried me over the tube.
I stared at him wide eyed.
When he noticed the look on my face I almost thought I noticed a slight grin. But it disappeared quickly and then, "You were holding everyone up."
He proceeded to walk away from me and to our other group. Cara took his spot for the next couple rounds until we decided we had enough of tubing and it was time to go home.
The house was very warm and comforting and I felt a sense of peace returning to me when we entered the inside.
Mickey started the fire once again and the girls and I changed into our pajamas. Mine consisted of a pair of flannel polar bear pajama pants and a white long sleeved t-shirt.
I somehow ended up being the last one to return to the loft and much to my dismay I wished I hadn't returned at all.
There on the ground laid a white mat covered in colored dots.
Jane was the first to notice me and exclaim that it had been her idea that we play Twister. I tried to act calm, collected and excited all at the same time but inside of the pit of my stomach I felt sick. I despised Twister.
It was a sick and 'twisted' game that found a way for men and women, boys and girls, to partake in near sexual positions in an innocent way. Okay maybe I was making too much of it or maybe because the last time I played the game I had been fifteen and at my first co-ed party when I laughed so hard I farted in my crush's face. I don't know it could have been that but I wouldn't play ever since.
The teams were split up boys versus girls, typical. There was one person holding the spinner, which happened to be Mickey this time.
Jane was up first and Mickey spun and called out right hand blue. Then it was Brian, Me, Tony, Cara, and finally Casey.
Soon players began to fall beginning with Tony who didn't have a chance with Casey stretched out in all different directions on the mat.
I was still huddled somehow in a corner of the board. Soon Jane fell in a heap of laughter from something Casey had whispered. It was probably perverse b
ut had everyone but me laughing. I couldn't hear anything since I was facing the other direction from them.
Brian and Cara both fell together after practically making out. I supposed they were enjoying the game too much because before I knew it they were leaving the rest of us and retiring to their bedroom.
The events had turned into a typical teenage movie setting. However Casey and I were not even near one another or on top of one another either. It took another five more turns till we actually were both situated near the middle.
The game was getting pretty boring by then and my arms were hurting. Then a turn of events occurred and I really wished I hadn't decided to play.
I considered explaining how we both ended tangled into one another but the narrative would be long and detailed and more likely confusing. Imagine my body straddling his one leg and my arm in front of me leaning into him. And then envision Casey attempting to place his hands around me. In a matter of seconds he was falling and pushing me back onto the mat.
The scene wasn't nice or romantic. Instead it was painful and prosaic. My ass and head hurt and I had a man on top of me that found everyway to make me feel like an absolute idiot.
As I looked at him and he looked at me I could feel the tears. His eyes seemed full of shame. It was though I knew then that he remembered what happened but chose not to recognize it. That hurt more than forgetfulness from intoxication.
In moment of possible rage or humiliation I pushed him off of me harder than I had ever pushed anyone and leaped up from the floor. I climbed the stairs with my short legs as quick as I could and ran into my room. I slammed the door and fell on my bed.
Imminently I regretted my actions but couldn't stop myself from performing them.
The door opened and light flooded me on my bed. Jane sat down next to me and stroked my head, "What happened Heath?"
"He knows," I flatly stated.
"What, Casey?"
I nodded, "Yeah I know he knows."
Jane shrugged, "I don't know what to say, but Tony's worried about you and Casey…"
"What about Casey? He doesn't give a shit and I should have guessed that from the beginning. I seriously thought he had feelings for me but I was wrong. I mean he dated a girl for months and then she dumped him. He had his supposed chance with me over the summer and didn't do a damn thing about it. I'm not going to wait all weekend. I'm just going to forget about him. He might be here but I'll pretend he's not and enjoy spending time with Tony."
"You gotta do what you have to Heath. There's no reason to sit around and wait for him to make a move anymore," Jane rubbed my back and then pulled me up by both my arms. "Let's go hang out with Tony. I think he's in the loft watching tv."
We left the bedroom and indeed Tony was there watching tv. He didn't ask me what was wrong but held me in his arms in a platonic way. I didn't know if it was necessary for me to say anything at all so I just sat and watched television with him and Jane.
After a couple of hours I heard Jane begin to snore. I moved to wake her up and tell her to go to bed when Tony stopped me.
"What," I questioned as he pulled me closer to him.
"I think we need to talk before you go back to bed."
I pulled myself away from him and turned to give him my full attention. My stomach was performing all the necessary flips and jumps of an acrobat. I knew what he was going to be asking me about and I dreaded my answers.
"Heather," he began in a slightly odd tone of voice, "I know something's going on between you and Casey."
I wanted to defend myself but Tony stopped me with his hand turned up.
"Just wait," his gaze swept to the floor, "I kind of had an idea since I met him. I saw how the two of you acted together. I'm not an idiot Heath but I can't help how I feel. I thought maybe you'd get over it and still want to be with me. I know there's an attraction, I mean, it's still me."
I giggled at that. Tony was still very much full of himself.
He continued, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't want you to be with me if you're not going to be happy with me."
I sat there and wondered at that moment why I couldn't be in love with Tony? Why did I have to fall for someone who treated me like shit and mess with my head and heart for months? Tony was letting me get out of explaining everything and hurting him. I still knew that I was hurting him but I didn't have to explain it to him. I felt like a coward but nothing could be done now. I wouldn't deny it so I didn't.
"I'm sorry Tony," was my weak and possibly one of the most overused phrases that have ever been used,.
Tony shook his head and then took me into his arms and gave me a hug. "It's okay, I still like you."
I chortled, "Thanks Tony."
"Not a problem," and then he kissed the top of my head.
I heard a clearing of the throat from the stairs and noticed Casey standing at the top.
He motioned with his hands, "Sorry but I wanted to get some sleep."
Normally I would have said something to the effect, 'Go fuck off.' But at that moment I felt mentally drained. I woke Jane up and we made our way to bed.
I don't know if Tony and Casey spoke but I did hear some murmuring before I fell asleep. Then as I drifted off the butterflies began to return. I was elated with the fact that I was free and sickened by the idea that I broke my best friend's heart. I could only hope that Tony could truly forgive me.
I also wondered in those last moments before dreams became reality if out of the months of torture something good would come of it. I'd only know the fruits of my labor, or I should say pain, would resolve into the conclusion I had longed and hoped for.
Chapter 22: My Pocono Weekend: Day Two
My legs were shaking terribly at the top of the mount. I had finally agreed that I would go snow boarding if someone would teach me. Luckily Tony was readily available although I couldn't help but feel a tad uncomfortable in his presence.
At the moment I had been standing and was waiting to be next to follow Jane's' tumultuous lead down the slope. Tony and she seemed to have crashed someone near the bottom and all that was apparent that they survived was a rumble of laughter followed by two snow covered bodies protruding from the ground.
I positioned myself to get a better look at the two of them but my balance was still in its infancy and I nearly tumbled over the edge myself. As I drifted towards the ground my hands steadied me from completely toppling over.
A sigh escaped my lips as I wondered if this was possibly the dumbest decision I had ever made. I should have decided to go skiing which I was nominal at. Snow boarding was a completely different matter all together.
"You better watch it."
I heard the voice of causation say from behind me. I grinded my teeth at the voice and pushed myself up with my hands. I still nearly fell over but managed to catch myself.
Sure enough a hand that was linked to the voice grabbed a hold of my arm.
I wrenched it away from him, "Get off me Casey I don't need your help!"
Instead of letting go as I struggled he merely held me in place.
Fully turning my head I offered him a glare but he didn't seem to notice. He concentrated his gaze at the ground and more specifically my bound feet.
He shook his head and sniffled a bit then returned his blue eyes to me, "Can I at least help you?"
"Tony was going to teach me," I said and at the same time motioned with my head down the hill.
Casey looked down in return and chuckled, "I doubt they'll be coming back up here anytime soon."
I glanced over where Tony and Jane were and only found a moving mound of snow. Their laughter could be heard but I couldn't see two defined bodies. After my admission last night I supposed I was no longer Tony's best, but I couldn't blame him for that.
I sulked a bit, "Fine Casey," I sadly agreed.
He grabbed a hold of my arms and steadied me, "Maybe we should have started you on the bunny hills."
"You're so funny Casey, ha, ha."<
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In being the bitch I am I didn't realize that Casey wasn't trying to be funny but helpful. He may have made a joke but it wasn't malicious like all mine were towards him.
As he positioned me he began to tell me what I needed to do but I zoned out and thought about all the times he had been there for me; at the beach, the bar, and even through the Dan episodes. I found myself being turned around on the hill and nodding at Casey's instructions which I wasn't listening to. In less than a second I was falling and fast but I was still up.
