by Katie Wright
Casey was standing in front of me talking with Mickey. For some reason though he didn't seem at all disturb or bothered by what had happened earlier. And what was worse was that he would turn around every once and awhile and push me with his body. Once he nearly toppled me over. Then he'd smile at me and I would just stare back at him befuddled.
What was this guy's deal? Nearly half a year and I still couldn't figure him out. Maybe he was bipolar or had selective amnesia. There had to be some severe mental problem with him to be changing moods so rapidly. Did he completely forget we almost…well we didn't almost, but we made out for God's sake!
"Heath, hello," Jane's hand waved in my face. She pointed, "The bouncer's giving you the evil eye."
I looked up and realized that everyone in front of me had gone in and I was still standing five feet from the entrance.
"Coming?" The gruff bouncer asked.
I cast my eyes down, handed my id and cover charge and entered the bar.
It was like any other bar, club, thing you want to describe. But unlike our place at home we had to be dressed up, overtly so. That's why Jane had me in a corset like red top and black pants. Unfortunately it wasn't summer because I had to wear my large snow coat over the entire ensemble.
Once inside I found that Brian had found a table and so I took a seat and removed my coat. Casey, who hadn't been sitting, took a seat next to me and removed his coat. I couldn't help but noticed how nice he looked. He wasn't as dressed up as at the New Year's Eve party but he did look rather hot.
Oh, who am I kidding, he always did to me. I was infatuated and maybe more so, but didn't want to admit it if he didn't first. I took a seat and waited as a waitress dressed in something inexplicably trashy came up and asked what we all wanted.
I needed to drink, something hard and fast. Liquor would be my medicine for the night, to fight against Casey. So I ordered a shot of tequila and a rum and coke as a chaser.
My faced pinched and I nearly gagged after opening my throat and pouring the hot fluid down my throat.
"Here," Casey offered me my rum and coke.
I nodded in thank you and sipped it until I could feel the last remnants of the tequila slide down into my stomach.
"In ten minutes you're going to be trashed, yeah," Jane screamed in my ear. Then she proceeded to order more shots for all. I only took another one and then held off.
My inclination to get drunk was weakening as time passed. I realized that tonight would be the worst night to pursue drinking. If I had too much I knew I would have no inhibitions to admit my feelings to Casey. I needed to be on guard, especially considering his odd behavior.
"Come on Heath."
Immediately I was pulled into the throngs of oversexed people. Grinding was just another form of sex with clothes on. Jane and I started to dance, but in the natural occurrence of events, someone picked her up and I was dancing alone.
I felt hands on my hips and looked up instantly; it was Tony.
"Come to rescue me," I questioned loudly.
He laughed and whispered in my ear, "Wanna make a switch?"
I followed his eyes to the object of his affection. I concurred although I didn't know if I wanted to dance with Jane's man. He seemed to be grinding hard against her. Being a lot smaller than her I was worried he'd crush me.
Feeling loyalty to Tony and Jane I allowed him to dance me over to the couple. As the "switch" began I realized that I was not falling into Jane's partner's arms but someone else's.
Arms encircled my waist and clutched my stomach softly. I held my breath when I recognized Casey.
He turned me around in his arms and we danced together. The urges abounded and I was immersed in Casey and the deafening music. For a brief moment I was happy and content. Casey dropped his head and touched my lips with his own and I believed that finally my chance with him had finally transpired.
When I pulled away to look at him I noticed his eyes open and clear. There was no fog of inebriation in his manner or actions. He smiled at me and then picked me up by my hips and kissed me again. This time it was longer and deeper and although not the setting I would have imagined my happiness to emerge from I took it.
But it seemed as though life would not welcome fanfare in the blissful sense. I soon found my feet on the ground and my body lurched away by Casey.
"What the fuck." I heard Casey utter as he pushed me out of the way to see whatever was going on behind me.
I didn't have a good view of what was occurring and soon a mass of bodies flooded my vision and all I heard were hollers.
The crowd left an opening and I squeezed myself up to the front just in time to see Mickey tussling with a man who seemed to be in his late 20's; bald and stocky.
In the brief moment before the last blow was thrown I noticed the characters watching. Jane was pulling Tony back from the ordeal. I could see Brian having a hard time working through the crowd. He had no idea Mickey was in trouble. And then there was Casey who had just come up on the two when Mickey's opponent smashed Mickey with his fist directly into his left temple.
The man was thrust back into the crowd by Casey who was screaming at everyone to get away.
I only looked at the ground, at my cousin who didn't make any sort of movement as to his state of welfare.
My body felt sick and I almost fell over when two hands took a hold of my arms and pulled me away from the scene.
It could have been hours until I was aware of my surroundings. My eyes opened and I was staring out a window into a perfect mass of leafless trees.
"She's up," someone whispered.
It was daylight which initially made me look down and notice I was still wearing my club clothes from the night before. Turning to see where the voice was uttered I saw Jane, Tony, and Casey standing around a small room of couches and chairs.
I jumped up and walked towards Casey whose eyes were bloodshot. His cheeks were red and his lips swollen as though he had been frostbitten by the cold.
My mind wondered and I looked over at my friends who were both now looking at one another.
"Casey," I questioned.
Casey pulled my arm and took me away from the building, which happened to be a hospital and then to the outside in the cold.
I harshly removed my arm from Casey's clutch and yelled, "Why are you taking me out here?"
He grabbed a hold of me again, but only this time I wasn't able to remove my arm. He dragged me a ways from the hospital towards a thick of woods. We were practically in them when he finally let go of me.
In the few steps we took I knew why he had taken me outside and away from ears. I sucked in a breath and held my tongue to the roof of my mouth. I could feel curdling in my stomach. My legs took me away from him and I dry heaved until I fell into a fit of tears.
"Heather," his sympathetic voice penetrated my ears and then I finally took notice of him.
He was standing there with his hands in his pockets looking at the frozen sticks and bark on the ground.
I got up and took a step towards him. He wasn't looking at me but I saw a solution drop from his cheeks which made me stop. I knew what had happened the night before but I couldn't comprehend what had gone on between the events from then to now.
It made sense for him to bring me out here and away from everyone. I wondered if he had let himself cry until now when he found out. I wondered if Jane had cried with Tony and if he had let himself to do the same. Or if both men waited till they were alone to grieve for their dearly departed.
But my mind couldn't think anymore after that thought. Casey came to me and held me for hours. My entire body but my face was frozen. When I finally lifted my head Casey attempted to wipe the tears away from my face with his gloved hands.
He took a hold of my hand and brought me back inside the hospital where it was warm and sickening.
I won't explain the details of the rest of the day because they're long and depressing. As you can predict the trip ended and we all went hom
e to prepare for Mickey's funeral.
I didn't fully find myself hit with reality until the funeral. I was sitting in the pew next to my parents and Sarah. My Uncle Todd and Aunt Carrie sat in front of us with Cara. Brian was reading a part of the mass which I was surprised he got at all through. I believed everyone was in shock. Funerals keep people busy. It is all about the importance of making the presentation look nice and how the departed would have wanted it. I think that's why it didn't hit me till the point where the ushers, which included Casey, who I hadn't spoken to since the day of the hospital, were taking Mickey's casket down the church aisle that I realized he would never be coming back.
I faltered like I did that day at the hospital but forced myself to fall in line with the rest of my family and everyone that cared about him.
After the pre-burial, where we laid roses on Mickey's casket, we went to the church hall for food and refreshments. Everyone spoke well of Mickey and how he liked to go out and have fun with everyone. Jane didn't speak much but held close to Tony. He seemed to be her anchor for everything now. I also recognized that even though Jane would have never dated Mickey, she had still considered him a very close friend and I believed she was taking it harder than some.
I felt Sarah nudge me at the table and when I looked over she nodded behind me.
"What," I asked after not seeing what she acknowledging.
"There," she pointed most precisely at him.
"I can't go over," I admitted.
"Heather, you need to see him." My own sister was encouraging me to see Casey.
I didn't want to argue so I got up and walked over to him. He seemed surprised by my presence. He was standing away in a corner of the room sipping on what looked like a soda.
"Hey," he muttered and continued to drink his soda.
"Hey," my hands tightened around the straps of my purse.
"Some party, I think Mickey wouldn't have liked it."
I chuckled, "Yeah he'd probably say we needed a stripper or something to liven everything up…"
I stopped as Casey's face turned to stare at me, "Sorry I didn't call."
It was almost cold, his words, and I felt like thrashing him for them. What had I been through? I missed my cousin just as much.
"Yeah, well I understand." Then I became a mute. This day was about Mickey's memory and here I was mad that Casey hadn't called me or acknowledged me at the funeral.
He finished his drink, "You wanna go home?"
I did want to so I agreed.
"Alright, I'll get the car," and then he place his soda down on a table and grabbed his coat.
I went and told my parents I was going home early.
I put my coat on and waited in front of the hall. Freezing rain began to come down and now I was cursing Casey. Soon enough he pulled up in his car and I jumped in, literally. I hadn't been in his car in awhile. My heels nearly slipped off the side trying to get up and into the monster.
We didn't speak to one another until I noticed he wasn't taking the normal road to my house.
"Where are we going," I inquired.
"Home," was his simple answer. He must have meant his house.
Indeed we did end up at his house. A that point the freezing rain was coming down stronger and I was hoping my family would be okay on the way home.
I got out and started walking when I heard Casey's footsteps behind me.
"We have to go round back, the front is blocked off," he said.
I started moving faster but my heels wouldn't permit more than a trot so I just ended up walking. Casey was soon in front of me and I followed him under the back scaffolding.
He stopped though and turned to look at me.
"Wait, before we go in I need to ask you something."
I was standing in the cold with wet hair and feet. Now I felt that the rain had penetrated my coat and I was also soaked on the inside of my coat as well.
"Casey I just want to go inside and take a nap it's been a very long day," I attempted to step around him but he blocked my way.
"We need to talk right now."
"I'm fucking wet and cold, can't we do this later!"
Casey shook his head fervently and sprayed water everywhere with it.
"No tell me Heath what the hell's going on, what did I do wrong this time, you're always telling me you want the truth from me but you never give it back."
"What truth," I yelled again and threw my hands at the sides of my soaked coat, "you never told me why you spent six months screwing a little girl and then trying to be with me at the same time. Why you left me after we were together in the Pocono's!" I stepped closer to him.
"I was with you at the Pocono's and at the club, what the fuck do you think that was."
I was frustrated, "I mean when we were on the floor together at the cabin. You left me."
"No I didn't, I went to change and when I got back you were asleep. I left as soon as I heard people pulling up into the driveway because I didn't want you or anyone to be pissed at me."
I was taken aback and wanted to try to argue with him but he wouldn't allow me to.
"And," he continued, "at the club I kissed you and you just stood there. If anything happens it's me that always has to make a move never you."
"How was I supposed to make a move on a guy with a girl he screwed and was dumped by? Yeah I can see how heartbroken when you found out I was with Tony!"
"First of all I never screwed her and secondly you know what I told you she broke up with me but that's not true. I was trying to get some sympathy from you but you wouldn't even let me kiss you…"
"I let you kiss me are you kidding me," I laughed bitterly, "I can't believe we're discussing this now, Mickey's dead and we're talking about our lack of a relationship."
"Well I think I need to know how you feel before I waste anymore months trying to get your attention."
I shook my head violently, "I fucking hate you, is that the way you get the attention of a girl. Make her like you and then date someone else. Become her friend and then just screw her over when she needs you."
He stepped closer to me which almost made me step back but I refused to yield my ground to him, "As I remember," he began, "when you asked about Dan I told you to get away from him. When you were hurt I called and you didn't call me back. I was freaking out and you didn't even talk to me! How the fuck do you think that made me feel?"
I was a gasped and watched as he turned around and walked towards the back door.
He unlocked it and walked in. I followed in after him. He started taking off his coat and placed it on the couch of his new back room. As I followed him he discarded more clothes littering the house with his apparel.
"Don't you use a hamper?"
"You're still here," he asked.
I wanted to rip his head off but I continued following him as he removed his tie and unclasped his belt. We were at the stairs when he stopped and took off his shoes.
He didn't look at me and instead began to ascend the staircase. I looked up as though I was making a final decision about my life. It was like a crossroads and I didn't know what to make of it.
When I finally came to the conclusion that I had already made it up without too much thought I wanted to turn back. Casey was removing his button down shirt and pants.
He turned and looked at me, "I'm going to sleep, I'm tired and as I recall you said you were too."
I nodded and came to the bed, opposite of Casey.
He seemed to wait as I did nothing. I started to take off my coat and placed it on a side chair and then removed my heels. I felt his eyes on me and started to turn the bed down when he came over.
"You're not getting my bed soak," he stated. Then he unzipped the back of my dress and returned to his side of the bed. He got under the covers and turned away from me. "Remember to turn the light off."
I removed my dress and stockings, leaving myself in nothing but my underwear and crawled under the covers.
He grumbled,
"The light."
I got out of bed and turned off the light and then ran back and crawled under the covers. I had been so tired but now I was wide awake. It took me five minutes to let my body relax, another ten to be aware of my surroundings. And five more to let the repetitive pattern of rain drops hit the window and bid me to sleep.
Chapter 24:
I turned on my side and fell into a crevasse where a warm body rested. I decided not to move and pretend I was still asleep. In fact I enjoyed lying next to him and believed after our last conversation I would never get this chance again.
