Afternoon Tea at the Sunflower Café

by Milly Johnson

  ‘I’ll find it.’

  ‘It’s presently vacant but I have the keys. I won’t be there before exactly five so if you arrive early, you’ll only have to wait in your car.’

  She was enjoying calling the shots, he could tell. Well, they would be the last shots she called so she might as well enjoy them.

  ‘I’ll be there on the dot.’

  ‘Very much looking forward to it, Johnny.’

  ‘It’s Jimmy,’ he said, his tone glass-brittle. ‘Have we ever met? Do I know you?’

  ‘No, you don’t know me at all,’ said Lady Muck, and put the phone down.

  *

  Connie felt her spine collapse. She was shaking.

  ‘Well done,’ said Della, patting her on the shoulder. ‘You handled that perfectly. We will be ready for him.’

  ‘Do you think he knew it was me?’

  ‘No. You’re nearly as good at voices as I am.’ Della smiled.

  ‘I only have one in my repertoire. My auntie Marilyn used to speak like that, really lovely. Like a princess.’ Connie held her hand straight out and it was still trembling. ‘If I’m like this now, God knows what I’ll be like tomorrow.’

  ‘You weren’t prepared for that phone call – you will be ready for five o’clock tomorrow.’

  ‘I’ve enjoyed being Lady Muck and Marilyn Smith,’ sighed Connie, walking into the kitchen to make the coffees. ‘Back to being bog-standard Connie tomorrow.’

  Della didn’t think there was anything bog standard about Connie at all. She used to, but then she’d had her wrong from day one.

  ‘Will you keep the name Diamond when you leave Jimmy?’

  ‘No, I’ll be Miss Clarke again tomorrow, as soon as I’ve said my piece,’ replied Connie. ‘I dread to think how many documents I’ll have to change back into my maiden name.’

  ‘I’ll help you if you like,’ offered Della. ‘Which brings me around to why I wanted to meet with you. Well, one of the reasons. Connie, I have two spare bedrooms in my house. You are very welcome to move in with me until you get on your feet.’

  Connie, who was spooning coffee granules into the cups, fell into momentary shock, humbled by Della’s kindness.

  ‘Thank you, but I was going to book a Premier Inn for a while. I don’t want to—’

  ‘Oh for goodness sake,’ snapped Della. ‘You can’t live in a flaming Premier Inn. You need a washing machine, you need storage, you need some home comforts to help get you through all the crap that is going to come. You need a fr—’ Della bit off the word, in case it sounded too presumptuous.

  Connie lifted her head and smiled, before returning to her coffee-making. ‘I do, Della. I do need a friend. And a washing machine. I accept. Thank you.’

  It was an acquired art, accepting help when it was offered. She was more used to giving it. That was something else she should change.

  ‘Good, that’s settled then,’ sniffed Della. ‘I’ve got a double garage. Plenty of room to store furniture in.’

  ‘I shan’t be bringing much. I want to start afresh. I’d rather have a coffee table from a charity shop that hasn’t got any memories for me than bring stuff out of the house.’

  ‘You haven’t started packing then?’

  ‘No. I’ll do it in the morning. It won’t take me long.’

  ‘Tomorrow is going to be hard, Connie.’

  ‘My whole life has been hard, Della.’

  And Della, who thought for many years that Connie Diamond lived a charmed existence of luxury, knew that she’d had it far more difficult than she could have imagined.

  ‘I think Jimmy’s starting to put two and two together. It won’t be long before he arrives at four,’ said Della. ‘I went out for a sandwich today and when I came back, I knew something had happened. The atmosphere in the office was . . . tense. They’re keeping things from me.’

  ‘Just one more day to go,’ said Connie.

  ‘Are the girls coming here tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes, they’ll all be here at four o’clock on the dot, “Lady Muck” told them. They’ll turn up. No one would refuse three hours’ pay for an hour’s meeting.’ Connie pulled out a small ballotin of chocolates. ‘These are Marilyns. Try one. A client gave them to me.’

  ‘I thought you had stopped eating chocolate,’ said Della, reaching in and lifting one to her lips.

  ‘These don’t make any false statements,’ replied Connie. ‘They’re just magnificent.’

  *

  Ivanka sat in her car, yawned from boredom and checked her watch yet again. She had parked behind a van so she couldn’t be seen in her distinctive sporty number. She’d followed Della from work as discreetly as was possible, but had lost her on the outskirts of Maltstone. On a whim, she’d driven to the building which she had seen Connie leave the previous week, the old White Wedding bridal shop. And bingo – there she had seen Della’s car parked in front. Della had been in the building for over an hour and a half before Connie Diamond arrived. And now, three-quarters of an hour later, there was finally some more movement: Della and Connie Diamond were both standing at the corner of the building, hugging goodbye before they both got back in their vehicles and drove off in different directions. Ivanka’s bottom was numb from having to sit and wait for them but that sight was worth everything.

  Sure that the coast was clear, Ivanka drove around to the side of White Wedding. She got out of the car and walked to the back of the building. There was a sign for F.U.J. Holdings at the side of a door. Fuck U Jimmy? Is that what that stands for?

  Oh, the pair of bitches if it was. Jimmy was being cheated by his own wife and his soon-to-be ex-office manageress. It was all starting to make sense now, but Ivanka would spend the night picking through the bones of the information she had, ready for a spectacular presentation tomorrow. She couldn’t wait: Lent was going to end with the biggest explosion in history.

  Chapter 94

  Jimmy had been sick through the night. He had sat on the toilet in the wee small hours, rehearing his speech to Connie about leaving her, but everything made him sound like a selfish twat. He didn’t want to accept that it sounded like that because he was a selfish twat.

  He got up at six. Connie was still sleeping like a baby. She had nothing on her mind, bless her, that was evident. She had no idea what ton of cement was going to fall on her later today, he thought, studying her gentle face. His heart felt as heavy as a house-brick with guilt. He blew her a kiss from the door and whispered, ‘Bye, Connie. I’ll miss you,’ and he meant it. He had wondered for a long time if he still loved Connie, but now in the last hours of his marriage he knew he must have because his eyes were full of tears at the thought of never waking up beside her again.

  He didn’t go straight to work, but off for a breakfast to Big June’s portakabin parked at the side of the Dearne Valley Parkway, a trucker’s heaven. He bought a bacon sandwich but it was rubbery and greasy and he abandoned all but that first revolting mouthful. He couldn’t even stomach the coffee because it was cheap-quality and weak as witch-piss. It would all be worth it, he promised himself. When he was in Ivanka’s bed on the first night of his new life with the mess behind him, it would all be worth it.

  Ivanka swaggered into work. She hadn’t met Jimmy for their usual secret assignation around the corner that morning because after tonight they wouldn’t have to sneak around any more. They would be free to canoodle in public. At last. She arrived early, ten minutes after Jimmy had opened up the office. They were both in before Della, which was rare.

  ‘What’s up with you?’ asked Jimmy, moving in for a sneaky kiss. ‘You look like you’ve lost a pound and found a tenner.’

  Oh, she was desperate to tell him what she had learned, but more than that, she wanted to play with Della like a cat with a mouse. She couldn’t wait to see the duplicitous old cow squirm.

  ‘I am celebrating that soon I will have lots of jam on my teacakes,’ she smiled.

  ‘Put the kettle on for me, love,’ said Jimmy, sma
cking her bottom.

  ‘I think we will have an office junior to do this duty,’ said Ivanka. ‘Talking of this, what time are you going to sack Della?’

  ‘Oh . . . er . . . I thought you might like to,’ said Jimmy. He’d come up with that idea at three a.m, this morning.

  Ivanka clapped her hands together. ‘Oh yes, I would like that very much. I will do it at lunchtime. You can go and leave me to it.’

  Oh deep joy, thought Jimmy. He had to admire her sauce. ‘Della won’t take being made redundant very well,’ he warned. ‘She’ll be asking for a generous payout. Try and beat her down a bit.’

  ‘Don’t you worry, darlink,’ crooned Ivanka. Beat her down a bit? Ivanka intended to grind her so far into the floor that only the top of her greying bun would be visible. Jimmy had better be prepared to be impressed about what a truly clever girl she was, and he’d never doubt her abilities again when he discovered that they wouldn’t have to give Della a single penny. She would be leaving with her tail between her skinny legs under a black cloud of gross misconduct. That would teach her for trying to take the buttered, jammy teacake from Ivanka’s mouth.

  *

  Connie pulled the suitcases down from the top of the wardrobe and blew off the dust and cobwebs. Not many of her clothes fitted her now, they were all too big and baggy. She was looking forward to buying a fresh new wardrobe for her fresh new life. She threw the largest dresses in black bags and took them outside to the bins. She collected her passport, bank books, address book, shoes, make-up, toiletries, her treasure box which was full of cards that Jane, her mother and Jimmy had sent to her over the years. She combed through them quickly and pulled out those from her husband. To my beautiful wife on our tenth anniversary. My love always. To my best girl. She tore them in half and threw them on his side of the bed. Then she twisted off her wedding ring and tossed it in the box for safe-keeping until she had time to sell it. She packed her photo album and some books and pens and bits and bobs. She filled a cardboard box with a few pans and plates and kitchen things and carried it to her car. Then she took it out again. She didn’t even want to eat off the plates in this house. She’d take the bare essentials to tide her over but nothing else.

  Her new life fitted easily in the back of her small car and she didn’t mind that it did. She’d buy things as she needed them. She went back into the house, had a bath, changed into her nice new skirt and blouse – and a brand new pair of bright pink Marks and Spencer knickers. She was more nervous about revealing herself to the girls than she was about leaving her husband. But then she cared more about them now than she did her husband.

  *

  Jimmy scuttled out of the office at half past ten. He didn’t like the atmosphere, it was almost sparking from the vibes of Ivanka’s intentions. He bought a couple of newspapers and drove off to Sizzles for a proper breakfast and some respite from the mess his life had become. It was a long way to drive for some bacon, but he craved the magic soothing effect the place had on his nerves.

  In the office there were more phone calls from disgruntled customers. Fussy Mrs Hopkinson was convinced that her new cleaner, Ruth, had taken some money from her change jar and didn’t want her back in her house. Ivanka spent half an hour ringing people who were on the genuine ‘passed muster’ file, only to find that all of them had jobs now – some in the cleaning trade, some out of it.

  Della wasn’t fooled by Jimmy’s lightning exit from the office. He’d been a bag of nerves that morning whereas Ivanka was a glacial walking smirk. Della read from that that they had worked out that she was responsible for most things, if not everything, for which they had blamed Roy Frog, and that her dismissal – at the hands of Ivanka – was imminent. But she played along with their charade of a normal day in the office – for now.

  ‘I think this is all very odd,’ said Ivanka, feigning confusion. ‘So much has gone wrong in such a short time. How can this be?’

  ‘I have no idea,’ Della said, returning Ivanka’s sloe-eyed stare with a mirrored amount of barely covered hostility. ‘Maybe it’s what you call hubris.’

  ‘Oobis? What is that?’ asked Ivanka. ‘Fat people?’

  ‘Not obese, hubris,’ replied Della. ‘You should look it up.’

  Ivanka didn’t like the knowing tone in Della’s voice, but it didn’t matter because Ivanka was a wrecking ball and for the duration of the morning she had been pulling herself back to the optimum angle to cause most damage. Now, she was only a few delicious seconds away from smashing into Della and witnessing all that self-importance, superiority and condescension gush out of her like blood.

  Ivanka smiled sweetly. ‘There’s something I have to tell you, Della. I hope you don’t mind but I’m making you redundant.’

  Della’s head swung around in a smooth cool arc of perfect composure.

  ‘Are you now?’ she said.

  Damn. The wrecking ball missed the target. She pulled it back again and prepared to let it swing at her a second time.

  ‘It is okay though because you will get a nice payout for working here so long.’ She lifted her finger thoughtfully to her lip. ‘Actually, no, you won’t, because I think it was you who put dye in the supplies, it was you who left a false trail of everything that went wrong directly to Roy Frog, so you will be sacked for gross misconduct and you won’t get a penny. Oh what a shame. I am so upset.’

  Della smiled calmly and saw the annoyance register on Ivanka’s face that she was taking this all so impassively. She picked up her bag and her coat and stood to go.

  ‘You are a very stupid little girl,’ she said as Ivanka leapt to the door and opened it widely to shoo her out. ‘No doubt Jimmy uses his money to keep you interested and you use sex to keep him interested. That isn’t love, it’s power. I wish you luck at the helm of a ship which is manned by a crew of degenerates.’

  ‘When we buy out Cleancheap you will be laughing at the other side of your face, Lady Muck,’ smirked Ivanka.

  Della stood squarely in front of Ivanka, matching her for malice, but far surpassing her in poise.

  ‘One, I’m not Lady Muck,’ said Della. ‘Two, when Jimmy calls you “his best girl” just bear in mind that he’s called every woman that from here to Kingdom Come. I’m his best girl and his wife is also his best girl. Oh, and talking of Connie, this is for her.’

  ‘What is?’ said Ivanka.

  Della drew back her hand and slapped Ivanka as hard as she could and her palm cracked on target against her spotty cheek.

  ‘That is,’ she said, then walked out through the door of Diamond Shine for the very last time.

  Chapter 95

  Jimmy relaxed into his corner seat in Sizzles. He felt all his cares slide off his shoulders as a proper filter coffee hit the taste receptors in his throat. He ordered back bacon, poached eggs and mushrooms and knew it would be as superb as always. He checked his watch and reckoned that Ivanka would be getting ready to do the dirty deed by now. He hoped that she had managed to strike a deal with Della that wouldn’t cost him too much. She seemed very confident that she would be able to handle it adequately.

  He tried not to think how much of a mess Diamond Shine was in at the moment because as soon as he acquired Cleancheap, everything would even out again. He had to stop fannying about on the golf course for a bit though and make sure the only ball his eye was on was in the office. He’d suss out Lady Muck later on; maybe there was a chance of a possible merger. If not, he’d flatten her – he had no choice. He wanted no more rivals on the scene.

  His breakfast arrived and he sighed with joy. A Sizzles grill, a cup of dark roast and a couple of newspapers and all was good. At least it was until he picked up the local rag and saw the picture on page three of a very large woman on a stretcher being carried into an ambulance, holding the hand of his wife Connie and a caption underneath which read: Savant’s prisoner Isabel Harper being comforted by fellow victim Marilyn Smith.

  *

  Ivanka was in tears. The slap stung but it
wasn’t that which was causing her the most pain, it was that Jimmy called other women ‘his best girl’. That was their special phrase but if he’d used it for that old bat Della – and anyone else with a cleavage – then he’d ruined it for ever. He could go to hell, she was going out shopping to spend some money and take the hurt away. She would lock up the office and buy things and for good measure she would turn off her mobile so he wouldn’t know where she was, what she was doing or who with if he tried to ring her. That would teach him. The bastard.

  *

  In Lady Muck’s office, Connie reached into the ballotin which Brandon had insisted she take yesterday and lifted out the last chocolate. He’d made them with real affection, she knew. The piped M on the top looked like a heart. She put it whole into her mouth and heard the soft crack of the inner dark chocolate shell break against her teeth, allowing the creamy, berry flavours to rush towards her taste buds. It was as yummy as he was.

  She thought that Cheryl might like the job of cleaning for him. And he’d like her too. She would miss him, but it was best to cut off contact now before she became any more involved with him. She had no choice – she must blinker herself and concentrate on her business because there were rough times ahead and she’d need to give Della and the girls all that she had. Maybe life would be kind to her and guide Brandon back onto her path when the timing was better – she could but hope. The summer pudding chocolate conjured him up in her head like a magic picture. She closed her eyes and thought of his lovely house, his gorgeous sisters, his smile, his eyes, his crazy-mix-of-grey hair, his fingers against her cheek. As she swallowed the last of it, she placed all her memories of him into a box in her head, closed the lid and tied a ribbon around it. A rich dark brown one, the colour of Brandon Locke’s chocolate eyes.

  The sound of a key turning in the lock downstairs jolted her back into the real world.

  ‘Only me,’ called Della, treading up the stairs. ‘I’ve been sacked.’