Surrender to an Irish Warrior

by Michelle Willingham

  She rested her bound hand upon his heart, staring into his eyes. ‘I want to become your wife in body, as well as in name. For however long that is.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  Later that night after the feasting was over, the King and Queen had offered them a chamber to themselves. Unlike other weddings Morren had attended, there were no women to laugh and undress her. Thankfully, Aileen had kept the other wives away, allowing them privacy.

  But now Morren stared at the bed in the centre of the room. It was small, leaving no doubt that she and Trahern would touch each other while they slept.

  She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. The fear consumed her so badly, she could hardly move. She didn’t know if she could go through with her promise. At the deepest level, she was afraid of losing her courage, of screaming and trying to push him away. Or, worst of all, lying beneath him while he used her body for his own pleasure.

  A hard knot formed in her throat, for she didn’t want to believe it would be like that. She wanted so badly to let go of the past, to move beyond her fear. But she sensed that she would be nothing but a disappointment to him.

  Trahern reached to loosen the cords that bound their hands. Morren took a breath, willing herself not to cry. To her surprise, he took her in his arms, holding her. His strong arms were like a shield, and she breathed in the welcome scent of a man who cared.

  ‘You’re tired, aren’t you?’ he murmured.

  The words were an offer to escape his touch, to simply sleep beside him. But she found herself saying, ‘No. I’m all right.’

  His hand pressed against her hair, loosening the plaited strands until they fell free around her shoulders. He removed the crown she’d formed of vines and heather. The green fragrance calmed her, reminding her of the hillside where Aileen had helped her find the late-blooming flowers.

  ‘Come and sit,’ he bade her, leading her to a wooden bench. A steaming basin of water rested upon the floor, no doubt placed there by the Queen’s servants. She recognised sprigs of dried lavender floating in the water, no doubt to soothe her anxiety.

  She started to take off her shoes, but Trahern interrupted her. ‘Let me.’

  He removed the shoes, immersing her bare feet in the water. His large hands washed her skin, massaging the soreness from them. Morren closed her eyes, surrendering to the gentleness of his touch. He poured warm water over her calves, his hands caressing her skin as though she were something precious.

  Warmth slid over her, and she looked down into his eyes. He was focused upon her, humbling himself like a servant. When he saw her gaze, his hands grew still.

  ‘Don’t fear me, Morren,’ he said slowly. ‘I’ll make no demands of you.’ He reached for a cloth and dried her feet. ‘As you said last night, nothing’s changed.’ His face ventured a quiet smile.

  She didn’t know what she’d expected, but it wasn’t this. And then it occurred to her that he’d once planned to marry Ciara. Was he thinking of her and what they’d shared together?

  ‘If you don’t want to be with me, I understand,’ she man aged. Shame poured through her, for even asking this of him.

  He was hesitant, choosing his words carefully. ‘It’s not what I had intended.’ He sat down on the bed and took his shoes off. ‘I think it’s better if I leave you alone.’

  An unexpected tangle of frustration balled up in her stomach. She’d steeled herself to do this, to face her greatest fear. The last thing she’d expected was for him to turn her down.

  ‘All right,’ she lied. ‘That’s all right, then.’

  Was it so wrong to hope that he’d give in to the flush of desire both of them had felt last night? Why did he have to suddenly behave with honour?

  This morn, she’d confessed everything to Aileen. She’d released all the painful nightmares she’d held inside, and the healer had hugged her tightly. Then Aileen had said that Trahern could heal the wounds no one else could see. That if Morren asked anything of him, he would not turn her away.

  And yet he had.

  ‘I’ve hurt your feelings, haven’t I?’ His deep voice held pity, and it was beginning to irritate her.

  She stood up and walked towards the bed. ‘No. That’s not it.’ Before he could say anything patronising, she spilled out her thoughts. ‘I wanted to forget about what was done to me. And I thought you could…help me to overcome my fear of…joining with a man.’

  Though she could hardly believe she was telling him all of this, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. ‘You wanted me last night. You told me all the things you wanted to do.’

  Her skin was alive with a blend of fear and desire. Trahern was staring at her, as though he didn’t know what to say or do. Driven by shame, Morren blurted the rest out. ‘I know this isn’t a lasting arrangement, but I thought that, maybe, you could—’

  She stopped speaking, feeling like an utter fool. ‘Forget what I said. It was a bad idea.’

  But Trahern hadn’t taken his eyes from her. There was definite interest there, but she sensed the conflicted feelings. ‘I haven’t been with a woman in a very long time, a chara.’

  ‘Oh.’ It seemed a ridiculous thing to say, but she could think of nothing better.

  ‘I don’t want you to hold regrets,’ he added.

  She let out a sigh, shrugging. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ She tried to convince herself that the words were true. It was just as well, for she probably couldn’t have gone through with it. And yet, unexpected regret spread through her.

  ‘Don’t look at me like that. I’m trying to do what’s right.’ His voice was grim, and she tried to force away her hurt feelings.

  ‘I liked it better when you weren’t thinking,’ she admitted. ‘I liked kissing you. It was nice.’ She sat beside him on the bed, one foot tucked under her.

  ‘Nice?’ There was a dry tone to his voice, as if she’d insulted him.

  ‘Well, yes.’ Was he hoping for another compliment? ‘You’re very good at kissing.’

  Trahern eyed her for a moment before he lifted his tunic away, baring hardened skin. She saw the outline of pectoral muscles and a tight stomach. The startling instinct to touch him came over her without warning, but she held her hands back.

  He’s only undressing because he plans to sleep, she told herself. Not because he wants something else.

  Her pulse beat wildly, like a primitive drum. His grey eyes studied her, and beneath his gaze she grew flushed. Second thoughts collided with her courage, and now she wished she’d never spoken.

  To distract herself from her embarrassment, she removed her overdress, leaving her léine on. The form-fitting gown hid every part of her body, and yet she shivered as Trahern watched her. She supposed she’d get warmer when she was beneath the coverlet.

  But sleep would be impossible now.

  ‘Come here, Morren,’ he murmured, ‘and I’ll kiss you goodnight.’ It was a way of pacifying her and yet setting boundaries.

  Before she could say another word, his mouth touched hers lightly. It was more than the brush of their lips, but neither was it the captivating kiss that had stolen her wits yestereve. She leaned in, her hands resting upon his heartbeat.

  Trahern shuddered, and she pulled her palms away, afraid she’d trespassed.

  ‘No,’ he murmured, putting her hands back. ‘It’s all right.’

  Her hands moved tentatively, unsure of herself. But he fascinated her, with his honed muscles and warm, smooth skin. She trailed her fingers down his chest, over his ribcage to his waist. A breath escaped him, and Trahern’s gaze grew heated. He tempted her in ways she didn’t understand.

  He laid down on his stomach, baring his back to her. ‘Lie down beside me,’ he offered. A small smile lifted his mouth. ‘And if you want to keep touching me, I’ll not complain.’

  She hesitated, but realised that it would be more comfortable to stretch out on the mattress. There seemed to be no haste on his part, and so she laid down beside him while caressing his back with one hand.


  He shivered when she reached his lower spine. Did she truly have that effect upon him? The instinct to taste his skin came over her, and she pressed her lips to the place her hands had just touched. A prickle of gooseflesh rippled over him, and she placed another kiss higher upon his spine.

  She stopped, questioning what she was doing. Trahern rolled onto his side, and the look on his face held her captive.

  ‘There’s no need to stop.’ He placed her hand on his back once again. ‘I’ll endure it if I must.’ The teasing note in his voice made her relax, and this time she massaged his shoulders, growing bolder. With her fingers, she touched the back of his neck, reaching up to the fine hair upon his scalp.

  He groaned, and his fingers clenched into the mattress. Encouraged by his response, she soothed the tension and knots from his neck. But when her lips brushed the nape of his neck, he rolled over.

  Dark grey eyes caught hers in silent invitation. He cupped her nape, and her hair spilled between them. He drew her atop him, his mouth covering hers.

  Like warm rain, his kiss melted through her, sinking down into the secret places of her body. She felt her breasts tighten against her léine, feeling heavier and more sensitive.

  His hand slid beneath the hem of her gown and up her calves. He kissed her again, his thumb pressing lazy circles over her lower leg. Though the gesture was nothing more than what he’d done before when he’d washed her feet, it conjured an echoing sensation in other places. Her skin grew warmer, the underdress constraining her.

  When his touch moved beneath the neckline of the gown to touch her bare shoulders, she couldn’t stop the wave of trembling that came over her.

  ‘I want to take this off,’ he said huskily. ‘And God help me, I know it’s wrong.’

  Her throat closed up with shame, and a heavy silence descended between them. ‘I shouldn’t have asked you.’

  He linked his fingers with hers. For a long time, he studied her, searching for answers, it seemed. ‘You said you wanted to forget what had happened to you.’

  She nodded. Just being near him made her feel desire, and she hadn’t forgotten the way he’d evoked such a strong release. ‘Aileen said…the best way to forget about that night was to replace it with better memories. And you’re the only man I trust.’

  His hand moved to her face, stroking a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Are you certain you want to do this?’

  She gave a nod, trying to mask her fear.

  ‘You hold all the power, a mhuirnín. Any time you want me to stop, speak the word.’ His grey eyes held an irrevocable promise. In them, she saw desire, and something she couldn’t quite understand.

  Though she was terrified of what would happen next, she trusted him. ‘Turn around.’

  He did, rising from the bed and facing the opposite wall. Morren removed her léine, sliding naked beneath the coverlet. The rough wool abraded her bare skin, and she grew cold, both with fear and anticipation. Closing her eyes, she turned to the opposite wall and proclaimed, ‘I’m ready.’

  A moment later, she felt his weight upon the mattress, and he got under the covers with her. His feet touched hers, and when her hand brushed against his knee, she realised that he, too, was naked. Panic froze her in place, and she gritted her teeth when his palm touched her shoulders. ‘Relax, a mhuirnín. Lie on your stomach.’ When she obeyed, he moved the coverlet down to expose her back. His hands caressed her skin, massaging the back of her neck, just as she had done for him. Warmth permeated her, and he trailed a kiss down her spine.

  The softness of his mouth made her think of the other night when he’d promised to kiss every part of her body. Would he? She shivered at the thought. What would it feel like?

  Slowly, she rolled onto her side, revealing her breasts to him. His eyes grew hooded, dark with desire. ‘I want to touch you,’ he whispered. ‘And I want to taste you.’

  His words were heady, and she took a deep breath, bracing herself for what was to come. She gave a slight nod, but it couldn’t have prepared her for the sensation of his thumb and forefinger, teasing the hardened tip of her nipple. Soft and sensual, he caressed the sensitive bud, and she felt an echoing sensation between her thighs. A shudder rocked through her, but it was nothing compared to the delicious warmth of his mouth upon her breast. His sleek tongue darted against the tip, coaxing her to pull him closer. He took her breast into his mouth, suckling one nipple while his hand teased the other. Her breathing quickened, her fingers grasping the softness of his short hair.

  ‘You taste like the sweetest spring berries,’ he said against her flesh, and his mouth moved lower to her stomach.

  It was like fire, licking at each limb, consuming her with heat. She held on to his neck, shuddering as his palm moved over her hip.

  It took the greatest courage of all to lie still when his hand brushed over the mound of curls between her legs. Her knees locked, instinctively trying to remain shut. Trahern didn’t argue, but he lowered his hand to rest upon the triangle.

  ‘I’ve never wanted any woman more than you,’ he admitted. ‘And there’s nothing I want more than to watch you soar with release. I want to see your face and watch you come apart.’

  His finger slid to rest upon the flesh just inside the top of her intimate folds. Though she hadn’t unclenched her legs at all, she was shocked at the arousing sensation of his finger stroking her.

  She found herself leaning into his touch, straining for him to reach the part of her that ached. His mouth covered her nipple once more, tantalising her, and making her shift her thighs together.

  It frustrated her, that she needed him to touch somewhere else, and yet he wasn’t in the right place. The rhythmic touch of his hand became a torment. Morren lifted her hips, opening to him.

  When she did, he lowered his thumb just slightly. Not enough to ease her, but closer.

  She arched again, gripping the back of his head.

  ‘Do you feel it?’ he asked, his voice growing ragged. His face held the intensity of a warrior upon a battlefield, as though he’d fight to the death for her.

  ‘Yes.’ A shiver rocked through her, and she opened her legs a little further. He rewarded her by teasing at the wetness, dipping his hand against her.

  It startled her to realise that she wanted to feel his caress there. It was nothing at all like the night she’d been hurt. Trahern was completely attuned to her, his hand coaxing the same dizzying sensation she’d felt on the night he’d pressed his knee against her centre.

  She gave a cry when he suddenly found the spot she’d been yearning for, and instantly she fragmented. A rush of hot shivers broke through her, with shattering waves of delicious heat. He kissed her again, and she clung hard, her body shivering against the pleasure. Her knee eased over his hip, and she felt the length of him pressed close.

  Instantly, she stopped moving. His mouth moved to her throat, soothing her. ‘It’s all right if you want me to stop now.’

  She did, for what he’d given her was wonderful, intimate and so pleasurable that she wanted to treasure the memory. But he hadn’t experienced the same release. His body was tense, though he tried to mask it.

  Morren faced him and touched his cheek, wondering if she dared allow him to go further. She rested her head against his chest, feeling the warmth of his arms around her. His hand idly rubbed her back, and when her breasts pressed against his chest, an answering warmth seemed to unfold from within her womb.

  Her leg rested upon his hip, but a moment later, he rolled onto his stomach to keep his erection from touching her. He understood her fear, as no other man could. And he’d put her needs above his own.

  If she turned him away now, he would accept it. But she wanted to experience a true marriage with Trahern.

  A year and a day, she reminded herself. Perhaps less. The thought of leaving broke her spirit into a thousand pieces.

  But for tonight, they had each other. She traced her hand over his closely cut hair, down his strong jaw lin
e. ‘Don’t hide yourself from me. It’s all right.’

  The words were a lie, but she was determined to get through this. She would endure what she must, because she wanted him to experience the same thrilling rush.

  Trahern nipped at her palm and rolled onto his side. This time, she felt his manhood nestled against her warmth. He adjusted her leg so that the tip of him rested at her entrance.

  ‘Slowly,’ she pleaded.

  And he listened. Each second seemed to last an eternity, but when his thickness nudged at her, she held herself so tight, it took the greatest control not to cry out.

  ‘Easy,’ he breathed. With his mouth, he kissed her lips, his tongue sliding within her mouth, just as his body pressed against her flesh. He used his manhood to coax another response, conjuring a sleek wetness. Another shiver passed over her, and it became easier to join his flesh within hers.

  The distraction of his kiss helped, and she let herself enjoy the hot pressure of his mouth. His hand moved down her spine to her bottom, where he gave a gentle squeeze.

  To her shock, the motion angled her in such a way that he was fully sheathed. Trahern didn’t move, his eyes locked upon her.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he managed. Perspiration gleamed upon his forehead, and she saw his struggle not to hurt her.

  ‘Yes.’ The intrusion didn’t hurt at all. To her surprise, it felt…good to be joined with him.

  He started to withdraw, and the friction made her gasp with the startling sensation that seemed to caress her from the inside.

  His mouth kissed her nipple once again, and she felt it as surely as if he’d kissed her intimately. Once more, he buried himself in her womb.

  With smooth, long strokes, he filled her. But he was taking nothing from her. Nor was he using her for his own fulfilment.

  Instead, he was using his body to evoke her pleasure. The same sense of building urgency came over her again. Each penetration aroused her, his shaft causing her breath to come in quick gasps.