by Renee Ryan
Wolf shuddered. But his eyes remained dry. He was still in control.
Logic told him he wasn’t the only one who had missed the signs of the IED. But he’d been the Truck Commander. His sole job had been to hunt for danger.
Fighting back a wave of guilt, he dropped his gaze to the first plaque and read the name aloud. “Staff Sergeant Ronald Matthews.”
He moved to the next tree. “Specialist Demitri Ross.”
And the next. “Private First Class Kevin Ingram.”
At last, he drew alongside the final plaque in the row. “First Lieutenant—” his voice hitched “—Clay O’Brien.”
Clay’s last words rolled through his mind. You gotta keep Hailey out of the Sandpit….
Wolf repeated his response. “I won’t let you down.”
But what if he did? What if he failed his friend?
No. Unacceptable. Hailey’s life depended on Wolf winning their current stalemate.
Desperation made his heartbeat quicken. And then he did something he thought he’d never do again. He lifted up a desperate prayer to God. Lord, help me stop Hailey from going to the Middle East. Give me the tools and the knowledge to keep her out of harm’s way.
He opened his eyes and studied Clay’s tree with an unblinking stare. “Your sister, she’s not what I expected…. I don’t know…I can’t…” His eyes filled with tears.
No. He couldn’t do this. Not now. Not today. His control was slipping. He had to get out of here before it vanished completely.
He headed to his car with ground-eating strides.
The sun’s ruthless midday rays nearly blinded him, but not completely, not enough to shield the familiar figure waiting for him at the edge of the field.
“You have a bad habit of turning up at the worst possible moments,” Wolf growled through clenched teeth.
“What can I say?” J.T. rolled his shoulders. “It’s what I do best.”
All kinds of responses came to mind, but Wolf was too drained to verbally spar with the man. “What do you want this time?”
J.T. cocked his head toward the line of trees behind Wolf. “You find Clay’s tree?”
“Yeah.” Wolf made a sound deep in his throat, half threat, half plea.
“Want to talk about it? It might help to share your burden with someone who’s been where you are.”
The guy was certainly persistent. “You’ll have to excuse me.” Wolf pushed past him. “I have to get back to work.”
J.T. joined him step for step. “Let me buy you lunch first. Off post. There’s a restaurant in Hinesville that serves the best Cuban sandwiches north of Miami.”
Wolf increased his pace. “Can’t. I have to spend the afternoon scaling a mountain of paperwork.”
“One hour won’t make a difference.”
Wolf hesitated. For a fraction of a second.
J.T. took advantage. “Look, soldier, no agenda here. I just want to go over last-minute details for your class tonight.”
Right. Wolf knew what J.T. was doing. The guy was building a relationship with him, instilling trust before he started in with the evangelizing. It’s what Wolf would do if their situations were reversed. The realization only managed to aggravate him more. “I’m not one of your mission fields, Reverend Wagner.”
“Didn’t say you were.”
Even knowing J.T.’s game, even recognizing what time spent with the man would mean, Wolf relented. “All right. I’ll go, but only if you promise me one thing.”
“Name it.”
“No God talk.”
J.T. stopped in front of a black SUV and regarded Wolf with kind, patient eyes. He didn’t look like a pastor anymore, but a man who’d been through his own tragedy and was now on the other side. Wolf couldn’t help but envy him that.
“I’m not here solely as a pastor.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“I figure you need a friend. And maybe—” J.T. drew in a sharp breath “—so do I.”
That got Wolf’s attention. “Aren’t you surrounded by friends all day long at your church?”
“You’d be surprised.” J.T. unlocked the car door, swung it open but didn’t climb in. “People expect a certain…shall we say…behavior out of a pastor. It’s hard to be a spiritual leader and human at the same time. Know what I mean?”
Yeah, Wolf knew. As the leader of an entire unit of soldiers he had to keep a professional distance at all times. Consequently, he’d dealt with his share of loneliness through the years. J.T. might be a pastor, but he was proving to be a man with similar challenges as Wolf.
Maybe they could be friends.
Except…
There was something—or rather, someone—standing between them. Wolf decided to cut to the chase. “Are you interested in Hailey?”
A rush of emotions fled across J.T.’s face before he covered them with a blank stare. “I’ll admit, there was a time when I thought Hailey and I might get together, but it wasn’t in God’s plan for either of us.” He looked expectantly at Wolf, waiting perhaps for him to interrupt.
When he didn’t, J.T. continued. “I’ve long since resigned myself to the fact that she’ll never be more than a friend to me.” He paused. “What about you? Are you interested in her?”
Despite the fact that Wolf had started this thread, he didn’t want to answer the question. What he felt for Hailey was private. Hard to explain. And certainly none of J.T.’s business. But the guy had been candid when he could have hedged. Wolf owed him the same level of honesty. “Yeah. I am.”
J.T. went dead still, but Wolf could see the guy’s mind working through the new information. Eventually, his face relaxed and he said, “Okay. This is good. No, it’s real good. For you both.”
Instant relief flooded through Wolf, as if he’d been waiting for J.T.’s blessing. Looked like they were on the road to becoming friends after all.
Thanks to Savannah’s notoriously bad traffic, Hailey arrived late to the church Wednesday night. Surprised to see so few empty seats, she slipped along the back row of chairs and sat in one of the last ones available.
Glad the class hadn’t started yet, she smiled at several familiar faces. It took her a moment to realize that there was a disproportionate amount of women in the room. Clearly word had spread that a good-looking, single Army officer would be teaching the survival classes.
Even as Hailey argued silently with herself, she couldn’t stop a possessive thought from taking hold. Mine.
Perfect. She was already anxious about seeing Wolf again. Now she had to contend with a new set of emotions.
The man was quite simply turning her well-planned life into one of uncertainty and raw nerves.
Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Hailey gathered her courage and searched for Wolf. She found him standing with J.T. at the front of the room. Heads bent at identical angles, they studied a sheet of paper Wolf held in his hand. So absorbed with the contents on the page, the rest of the room might as well not exist for either man.
Standing shoulder to shoulder, both had an undeniably masculine appeal. Hailey had to admit that J.T. was as good-looking as Wolf. But whenever she thought about pursuing something beyond friendship with the pastor she felt…nothing. Not even a flutter of interest.
But all Wolf had to do was capture her gaze and her stomach performed a somersault.
As though sensing her gaze on him, Wolf lifted his head and scanned the room. When all that intensity leveled onto her, Hailey’s stomach began a series of quivering little flips.
She quickly lowered her head and discovered that her fingers were locked in a choke hold around her pen. This crazy reaction to a man she’d known less than a week was absurd.
Relaxing her grip, Hailey looked back up. But Wolf had returned his attention to the paper in his hand.
He still wore his BDUs, the handsome brute. There was something compelling about a man in uniform, especially when the man had broad shoulders, pale blue eyes and day-old stubble running along hi
s jaw. It made a woman think of happily-ever-after and a house full of black-haired children. Dangerous territory for someone who’d lost all of her loved ones to tragedy. Deep down, Hailey couldn’t really believe there was a happy ending waiting for her.
She cringed at the thought. But before she could give in to her rising concerns, J.T. walked to the center of the small stage with Wolf following closely behind. They turned to face the room as a unit, looking completely in sync with one another.
Wolf looked at her and winked. Again her stomach performed a rolling somersault.
What was she supposed to do with this attraction?
Clay’s sage words instantly popped into her mind. If you’re not sure what to do, give it up to God.
Yes. She would surrender this confusing dilemma to the Lord. Feeling marginally better, Hailey took a calming breath.
J.T. addressed the room. “It’s always advisable to go into a foreign country as equipped as possible. Spiritual preparedness is only one of the necessary steps to effective missionary work.” He scanned the room with an all-consuming glance. “You should also know how to protect yourself should the worst-case scenario occur.”
A few gasps met this remark, but J.T. didn’t seem to notice. He motioned Wolf forward. “This is Captain Ty Wolfson, an active-duty soldier who’s agreed to teach a six-week course on basic survival skills. I know some of you are heading to Haiti in less than three weeks. We’ll make sure you get the bulk of the information you need before you leave. Let’s start with a word of prayer.”
Everyone in the room bowed their heads, Hailey included.
“Heavenly Father,” J.T. began, “I thank you for trusting Your children enough to call us into service. May the world be further evangelized for Your glory, not our own. I pray You open our hearts and minds to what Captain Wolfson has to teach us tonight. We ask all of this in Christ’s name. Amen.”
Hailey barely had time to raise her head before Wolf took over. “I’ve had a chance to review a list of all your upcoming mission trips. Since you will be heading into several different locales, I’ve decided to focus on basic techniques that can be used in any situation or terrain.”
He caught Hailey’s eye and smiled. He looked entirely too smug, as though he had a secret agenda designed solely for her.
She suppressed a shiver.
“The most important element to survival is between your ears.” Wolf pointed to his head to drive home his statement. “If you use your wits and remain calm you’ll have a better chance of survival in any situation.”
Hailey wrote two things in her notebook: Stay calm. Use your head.
Good advice so far, if not a bit obvious.
“Should the worst happen and you end up alone in unknown territory…” Wolf’s voice turned grave. “The key is not to panic.”
Hailey added to her list. DON’T PANIC. She underlined the phrase three times. On the third swipe her hand shook.
“Your priorities should be shelter, water and food, in that order.” Wolf strolled through the room as he launched into a description of each category. He meandered down the aisles until he stopped directly in front of Hailey.
Pen poised over her notebook, she gazed up at him. The look he gave her warned her to brace herself for what was about to come next. She swallowed.
“Make one mistake and you’re in big trouble. Make two—” he held the pause for effect “—and you might not survive at all.”
Hailey shuddered. Not from the obvious subtext in Wolf’s words, but from the intense, almost pleading look in his eyes. He wasn’t merely worried about her. He was afraid for her.
That undisguised emotion held far more weight than mere words ever could. Wolf knew exactly what life was like in the Middle East. He was making a judgment call on firsthand knowledge. Whereas she was going on an inner tug and a handful of e-mails from Clay before he died.
Horrified to feel a strong thread of doubt take root, Hailey white-knuckled her pen.
Looking a little too pleased with himself, Wolf moved away from her.
As if on cue, J.T. lowered into the empty chair beside her. “Don’t let him scare you. He’s just trying to make a point.”
Hailey lowered her eyes to her notebook. The words DON’T PANIC captured her attention. It was an excellent reminder.
“Not to worry,” she whispered with renewed resolve. “I’m made of sterner stuff than either of you know.”
J.T. patted her hand. “I don’t doubt it.”
Smiling at her, he rose from his seat and went to lean against his usual spot on the wall a few feet from the door.
Wolf wove his way back to the front of the room. “Over the next six weeks you’re going to learn how to signal for help, build a fire, find shelter, gather food and water and administer basic first aid. During our last class together I’ll teach you how to protect yourself when attacked, either by a four-legged predator or…” He paused again. “The two-legged kind.”
A chorus of gasps wafted through the room. Seemingly oblivious, Wolf punched a button on a laptop and a PowerPoint presentation blinked across the screen behind him.
As he began a detailed instruction on various ways to use a flashlight to signal for help, Hailey’s mind raced over his troubling remark about two-legged predators.
Insurgents, terrorists, it didn’t matter what name they were called. They were evil men who killed in the name of their god, who cowardly strapped bombs to children and sent them to their deaths.
Am I kidding myself, Lord? Am I trying to change hearts that are unchangeable?
No. She refused to become discouraged. She had a plan, a good one that would involve working directly with Muslim women. Hailey would help educate them and hopefully, in the process, enlighten them to their worth as human beings.
Most of all, she would love them.
It all started with love. Christ’s love. And despite Wolf’s countless arguments otherwise, Hailey’s goal was not unattainable. If that were true, Clay died for nothing.
She closed her eyes and tried to picture her brother in her mind. He’d sacrificed his life for his beliefs. She might be called to do the same. Was she ready for that? Was she—
“Hailey?”
She flicked open her eyes and noticed that a shadow had fallen over her paper.
“Hailey.”
Heart pounding, she looked up. And straight into Wolf’s concerned expression.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“I was… I mean…” She gave him a shaky smile. “Yes, of course. I’m fine.”
The sound of shuffling feet alerted her to a sudden rash of movement coming from all sides of the room. People were getting out of their seats and leaving.
“Where is everyone going?” she asked.
“We’re taking a ten-minute break before we meet outside to practice signaling with flashlights.”
“Oh.” And just like that, her mind went blank. She had nothing else to say. Nada. Zip. Not a single word.
“Come on.” He reached out his hand. “If you’re especially good, I’ll let you be my partner.”
Okay, that comment really deserved a response, or maybe even two, and yet words still escaped her. Feeling foolish, Hailey silently placed her hand in Wolf’s. An immediate sense of well-being filled her.
Right. Now she was tongue-tied for an entirely different set of reasons. Wolf might be a complex, driven, frustrating man, but he was also handsome, charming and appealed to everything female inside her.
Much to Hailey’s dismay, and despite J.T.’s raised eyebrows, it felt perfectly natural holding Wolf’s hand as they walked out of the room together.
She was still struggling to find her voice when he tugged her down the hallway and toward the back of the church.
Chapter Eight
From the corner of his eye, Wolf watched an array of emotions flutter across Hailey’s face. Confusion, sadness, worry, all three were evident in her expression.
“I know wha
t you’re trying to do,” she said, tilting her chin at the stubborn angle he was growing to dread.
Before responding, he opened the door leading to the empty field behind the church and motioned Hailey to exit ahead of him.
“What is it you think I’m trying to do?” he asked.
Nose in the air, she marched several feet forward then spun back to glare at him. “You’re trying to scare me.” She poked him in the chest. Hard. “Aren’t you?”
Denial would be beneath them both. However, there was nothing wrong with a little procrastination. “And if I am?”
“You admit it?”
He took a moment to consider the sky. The night air had turned cold and misty, almost gloomy. Not a single star cut through the thick cloud cover. “Yeah, I admit it.” He leaned in close to her ear. “But is it working? Am I scaring you, Hailey?”
A soft, scoffing breath slid past her lips. “Not in the least.”
Wolf wasn’t fooled by all that false bravado. Like a green soldier on his first deployment, Hailey was scared and riddled with doubts but she didn’t know what to do with either emotion.
“Come on, Hailey. I saw the terror in your eyes when I mentioned predators,” he said. “We both know I’ve got you thinking.”
“Maybe so.” She blinked at him, looking momentarily thrown off guard by the swift admission. “But I am not afraid.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m not.” Her words came out strong enough, but she grabbed his arm as though it had become a lifeline. “I’m just irritated. Yes, that’s the word. And maybe a little annoyed at your not-so-subtle attempt to scare me away from my calling.”
The look in her eyes said otherwise. “Hailey, there’s nothing wrong with being afraid. Fear is good. Fear is healthy. And sometimes—” he looked pointedly at the hand that was now clawing into his biceps “—fear is the only thing that will keep you alive.”
“Stop trying to confuse me.” Her fingers tightened still more. “Fear is not good. It’s the opposite of faith.”
“Tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night. But make no mistake.” He slowly unpeeled her hand from his arm, one finger at a time. “I have no intention of watching you climb on an airplane headed to the Middle East. Ever.”
