He rubbed a hand down his face, then looked over at me with an apologetic expression. "I'm so sorry. I hope this hasn't changed things between Jenny and you. It's bad enough that I've fucked up my own relationship. I don't want to drag yours down with mine too."
David was a good man. Even though his world was in turmoil right now, he was still worried about how this affected me. It made me feel small and petty for still wanting to be angry at him, especially since he was beating himself up over this. I huffed out a heavy sigh, then walked over to drop down on the sofa next to him.
"I love Jen," I told him vehemently. "I'm not leaving her."
"Good," he breathed out with relief. "At least I didn't ruin your relationship." He shook his head, his eyes haunted and anguished. "Mine, on the other hand, feels like it's in free-fall. After I told her about Jenny and me, she didn't say a word, she just glared at me like I was the biggest piece of shit on earth, then went and locked herself away with my boy." To my shock, actual tears started to well up in David's eyes. "I guess I should get used to being away from them," he said bitterly, and took in a shuddering breath. "Fuck," he whispered then buried his face in his hands again, his body hitching with silent sobs. Shit, now I really didn't know what to do as I watched him fall apart.
"David," Natalie's subdued voice called from behind us. We both whirled around to see my sister standing in the doorway to the hall with Daniel in her arms. Her eyes were red from crying, and riveted on David. "We're not going anywhere," she said as her eyes softened. He flew to his feet and rushed to her, kneeling on the floor in front of her.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he said sincerely as he groveled. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm such a piece of shit, and I- "
"Stop that," she snapped out, interrupting his self-castigation. "You don't need to apologize or beat yourself up. It happened before we met, and it's not your fault that I acted like a petty bitch over it and locked myself in our room." She coaxed him to his feet with a sheepish expression. "I didn't mean to make you think that I'd leave you. I was just shocked and angry. I reacted badly, and I'm sorry, my love."
"I love you both so much," David sighed out as he pulled Natalie into his arms, their son nestled safely between them. "I don't know what I'd do without either of you."
"You'll never find out." The two of them held each other for a long moment until Natie opened her eyes and met my gaze over David's shoulder. She gave me a wan smile, then pulled away from her fiance. "Here," she said as she handed Daniel to his father. "Go put your son to bed, and I'll meet you in our room in a bit."
David glanced back and forth between us, then nodded in understanding before he disappeared down the hall cradling his son against his chest.
"Hey, big brother," she said softly.
"Hey, shrimp," I replied with a subdued smile.
Natie came over to the couch and sat next to me with a quiet sigh. "Well, this is awkward, isn't it?" she said as she leaned her head against my shoulder.
"You're fucking telling me." I shook my head at the ridiculousness of this situation. What were the chances that I'd fall in love for the first time with someone my future brother-in-law slept with?
"Please tell me that you didn't do something stupid and dump Jenny over this," she demanded in an accusing tone.
"Hell no," I rumbled out emphatically. "I love that woman. I'm not going anywhere."
"Good," she replied with a smile. "There's hope for you yet."
"Thanks," I said sarcastically as I grinned at her then continued soberly. "I had no idea that I was a jealous kind of guy, and just the thought of him touching her..." I trailed off into a low growl. "Let's just say that I was a hair's breadth from beating the shit out of him when I got here. I can't stop picturing the two of them together, and it pisses me off."
"You and me both." She laid a comforting hand on my bicep. "It's so stupid. He loves me. He wants to marry me, yet I keep wondering if it was any good, and if I was better."
"I had to stop myself from asking her that." I shook my head. "Like knowing that would help."
We sat in silence for a few minutes before Natalie spoke again. "Do you remember the last guy I dated before David?" she asked.
"It was that tool Lucas, right?" I asked wondering where she was going with this subject.
She nodded with a snorted laugh. "You know, I don't even remember what sex was like with him. When I fell in love with David, and discovered how wonderful sex can be with someone you're in love with, nothing else could compare. Sex is so much better with an emotional connection, don't you think?"
I nodded in agreement, but hoping like hell that she didn't go into any detail about her sex life. That was the last thing I wanted to hear about from my sister.
"David and Jenny didn't have anything like that. David told me that himself, and I bet Jenny agrees, since it's obvious to anyone who looks that she's in love with you. Maybe if we keep that in mind, it'll make getting past this easier."
I nodded yet again, thinking about the last woman I had sex with. It had only been about a month since I ended things with Sarina the same day I met Jen. I honestly couldn't recall much of that relationship at all, let alone the sex. It couldn't touch the intimate connection that I had with Jenny in and out of the bedroom. My sister made a good point. Whether it would help remained to be seen, but it was worth a shot. I sure as hell didn't want to picture David and Jenny together again when I was with her.
"I should get to bed," Natie said as she sat up straight. "Daniel's an early riser like his father. If I had known, I might have second guessed my decision to breast feed him."
"Okay," I blurted out as I stood up abruptly. "We're talking about my sister's boobs. I'm outta here."
"You're a boob," she said with a laugh. "It's natural. That's what breasts are for." She smirked wickedly and winked at me. "Well...mostly anyway."
I made a retching sound as I headed for the door.
Natie hopped up and followed me. "Have I told you about the sore nipples?"
"Holy hell, stop," I grumbled, not wanting anything more to do with this disturbing subject.
She caught up with me as I opened the door. "Sorry, but messing with you is so much fun, and so easy." She smiled up at me, then wrapped her arms around my waist.
I hugged her back, kind of grateful for her levity right now, but I wasn't going to admit it to her though. It was never a good idea to encourage her.
"I love you, Ford," she murmured against my chest.
"Love you too, Natie." I hugged her tighter, lifting her off the ground and enjoying the grunt of air I squeezed out of her.
"Careful," she warned in amusement as I set her back on her feet. "You'll squeeze the milk right out of me."
"And on that note, good-bye," I said with a grimace as I let her go and took off out the door. Her wicked laughter followed me all the way out to my truck.
**********
I was grateful for my ringing phone even though it woke me with a startled jerk the next morning. I'd been dreaming vividly about David fucking my Jenny and taunting me about how good it was while I watched in an impotent jealous rage. Now I was half asleep and pissed off as I snatched up my phone and answered it without seeing who was calling.
"What?" I snarled irritably.
"Well, good morning to you too, irmão," Nick announced in amusement.
"Sorry," I blurted out in apology.
"De nada," Nick answered unperturbed. "I'd be grumpy too if my gigante louco feet hung off the end of the bed every night."
"At least I don't need a step stool to get in my damn bed," I replied playfully.
He laughed. "Sorry to wake you up, irmão, but I wanted to see if you had time for breakfast and a quick ride this morning."
"Definitely," I answered immediately as I sat up and swung my legs off the side of the bed. I could use his advice about this irrational jealous shit I was dealing with right now.
We made plans to meet at a local diner, then I showered and got dressed. I
was on my bike in less than twenty minutes. I arrived at the restaurant first and was just killing the engine as Nick rumbled up on his Harley Fat Boy Lo, the white paint job of the cruiser gleaming in the morning sun. It was in stark contrast to the matte black on my Rocket Roadster III.
I'd never really understood the fascination with Harleys. They were overpriced and everywhere. I preferred Triumph motorcycles. They'd been around longer, and if they were good enough for Steve McQueen and Marlon Brando, they were good enough for me.
"Bom dia, irmão," Nick greeted me with a good morning in Portuguese after pulling off his helmet.
"Morning, Nick." I pulled mine off too and hung it on my handlebar.
We got off our bikes, and headed into the diner, snagging a booth in the back. Nick didn't waste any time getting to the point after we sat down and ordered our food.
"How is the fight for your heart going?" he asked with narrowed eyes.
"You mean, did I pull my head out of my ass and get her back?"
He shrugged with a smug knowing smile.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him with a grin. I was right with my suspicions about what he really meant the other day. When he told me to stand and fight, and not run away because I was afraid of getting hurt, he was referring to my relationship with Jenny. Sometimes I wished that Nick would spell things out clearly, instead of being so damn cryptic and making me figure it out for myself, even if it was good for me.
"I assume you worked it out with her?" Nick asked curiously.
"It worked out like I expected," I answered nonchalantly and lapsed into silence as I sipped my coffee, knowing it would drive him insane. See? I could be cryptic too.
"Meu Deus," he finally blurted out when I didn't elaborate any further. "You're killing me here."
"We're back together," I finally told him with a lopsided grin. "I love that woman, and I'm not letting her get away again."
"Muito bom," Nick said with a nod and a pleased smile. "That is very good, irmão. I am very happy for you."
"It turns out it was mostly a misunderstanding between us," I elaborated. "And I had a couple of people give me a shove in the right direction too. That certainly helped. Thanks Nick, even if I had to work it out for myself."
"De nada," he said with a nod. "Who else do I have to thank for nudging you in the right direction?"
I told him about Jen's brother, Andy, being at the shop when I got back from his, and how it got me back on track. Then I explained my conversation with Jen after that. By the time our breakfast showed up, I'd told him everything. Well, everything but the past that David and Jenny shared. It was a sore subject, especially after that damn nightmare last night, and it pissed me off just thinking about it. Luckily, our food was a good distraction while I worked up the will to tell him about it. If anyone could give me some good advice for how to deal with this shit, it was Nick.
"How are the kids?" I asked him, putting off the inevitable a little longer. It worked like a charm since Nick loved talking about his children.
"Gabriel starts his senior year next week." Nick shook his head in disbelief. "I'm starting to feel old."
"Starting?" I asked with a sly grin.
"You think that's bad? Sophia is engaged," Nick said in an incredulous tone.
"Shit, now I feel old. She was twelve when I started working for you."
"Right?"
"Next thing you know, you'll be a grandpa."
That pulled a soft warm smile out of him. "I could live with that." He leaned toward me with an amused gleam in his eyes. "How about you? Any kids in your future?"
"I've been thinking about it," I admitted with a wry grin, thinking about how the sight of Jen holding my nephew made me long to have a child with her. It scared the shit out of me how much I liked that idea. Then inevitably, thoughts of Daniel led to thoughts of his father, which led me to think about David and Jen's history together again. Holy hell, that sobered me right up, and the smile fell from my face, to be replaced by a scowl. Nick eyed me closely.
"What else is bothering you, irmão?" he asked as one of his brows rose questioningly.
I slumped in my seat with a heavy sigh. "Nick, I'm a jealous asshole."
Nick smirked at me as amusement gleamed in his eyes again. "Oh really?"
"It's not funny," I glared at him. "Let's see how you'd feel if you found out that your future brother-in-law used to fuck your girl."
"Porra!" he interjected as his eyes widened incredulously, using the Portuguese equivalent of fuck. "You mean Natalie's David?"
"Yeah." I scowled some more. "I found out when I took Jen to dinner at Natie's house last night that they were fuck buddies for several months last year. I know it's in the past, and neither felt anything for the other, but..." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "It's really bothering me. Just the thought makes me want to break shit. I wanted to stay with Jen last night, but I couldn't stop thinking about them being together while I was with her. It's eating me up, and I even had a damn dream about it. This shit needs to stop, and I don't know what to do to get past it."
Nick stared at me intently for several moments. "You feel out of control, no?" he finally asked as he cocked his head to the side thoughtfully.
I nodded. "I don't like it."
"You are a Dom. Of course, you don't like it," he said matter-of-factly. "Needing control is the very nature of who you and I are."
"How do I get it back?"
"Get?" He leaned forward with an intent expression. "You don't get it back, irmão," he said fiercely. "You take the control back." His voice came out low and forceful as his accent thickened. "And then you claim what is yours."
I took in a deep breath as I sat up straighter. Nick was right. I couldn't wait for this to fix itself. I had to take care of this myself. Jenny was mine, and I knew exactly how to stake my claim so that there was no doubt in my mind or hers that it was true. I immediately took my phone out of my pocket, pulled up Jenny's contact info, and typed out a text as Nick watched me closely.
Be at my place at seven-thirty. I want you naked and kneeling next to my bed waiting for me. You're mine. Understood?
Jen's answer was almost immediate. Yes, sir. Always, sir.
A low growl rumbled through my chest at her response. Nick met my eyes and nodded in smug satisfaction. I gave him a grateful smile, feeling lucky to have him in my life. In many ways, he was a father to me, especially now that my relationship with my own was strained. I didn't know where I'd be right now if he hadn't given me a chance all those years ago when I stumbled into his tattoo shop acting like a drunk belligerent asshole. I certainly wouldn't be where I am now, and I probably wouldn't have found Jen.
"How about that ride?" Nick asked with a wide grin.
I nodded happily. "Let's go."
We headed out to hit the road, and for the first time since last night, I felt calm and centered. I was going to banish this ugly green demon once and for all. I was determined that by the end of this night, there'd be nothing left between Jenny and me but our love and the irrefutable connection that drew us together in the first place.
**********
I heard a doorknob turn and glanced over to my right through the open doorway at the back of my office. I watched Jen come through the outside door that led up to my apartment. I'd left it unlocked so she could let herself in, and I was pleased that she was here ten minutes early. She paused when she spied me through the doorway and met my gaze. Her eyes lit up and a wide smile spread across her perfect lips.
Holy hell, she looked gorgeous with her brilliant sapphire eyes and the cascade of dark silky hair around her flawless face. The sight of her always took my breath away. She was only wearing a pair of denim shorts and a red tank top, but damn the woman was incredible in anything. Her cleavage was on display, for my benefit I'm sure, and the shorts hugged her ass to perfection and were just shy of too short. I sat at my desk and stared at her like an imbecile.
She winked at me with
an impish smile, wagged her way past my door, and disappeared upstairs without saying a word. My stupid smile widened. She was already taunting me, and it was driving me a little insane, which was probably her intention.
I turned my attention back to my computer monitor, but it was pointless now. My brain was incapable of comprehending anything on the screen as I imagined Jen undressing in my room above me. My heart rate spiked, and my breathing quickened as I pictured her kneeling naked on my bedroom rug waiting for me. I was already growing hard, and I shifted uncomfortably in my desk chair. Tonight I was going to take her places that she'd never been before. I was going to show her that she was mine, that I cherished her and the trust she gave me when she submitted to me. I was going to banish any thought or memory of David and any other man she'd ever been with. All that would be left was me, the only man who loved her. There'd be no room for any other ever again.
I waited until exactly one minute past seven-thirty before my plan to let her wait for a while lost its appeal. There was no way in hell that I could sit here thinking about wrapping my rope around her body for another minute, let alone another ten like I'd planned. I grabbed the phone and called Liz at the reception desk to let her know that I was calling it a night. She assured me she'd lock up after we closed at eight, and hung up. Then I closed my eyes and focused inward.
I began letting all thoughts of anything but Jen fall away, focusing on the here and now. Nothing else mattered tonight, not thoughts of our pasts or anything else. I breathed in and out deeply, the Dom in me coming to the fore and filling me with the power and assertiveness that I needed to take back the control I'd lost last night. I craved this, needed this, needed Jen. I loved her so much, she made me better, stronger. We belonged together, and I wouldn't let anything come between us again.
I stood and walked purposefully out of my office, locked the doors, and went up the stairs to my apartment. It was dim as I entered, since I'd drawn all the blinds earlier, and I couldn't hear a sound. Low golden light spilled out of my bedroom from the bedside lamp I'd left on for Jen. I stalked across the room and halted in the doorway as I caught sight of my Jenny.
An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2 Page 10
