Cohen

by Emilia Hartley

  She shrugged. “I promised Jo I’d have some color matches tested out and ready for her review in the morning, but it took a bit longer than I’d expected. So I told her to make a night of it and pick me up when she was finished.”

  Dan nodded his understanding. “That was nice of you. Between pack stuff, job stuff, and building house stuff, I can’t imagine everyone has had much time to relax.” He smiled. “I’m sure Jo appreciated the mini vacation.”

  “Also, we finally get some alone time together after planning it days ago, so I consider the time I gave up well worth it,” Lucy replied with a smile of her own.

  Dan’s gaze glimmered wickedly in the dusk that surrounded them, and it made Lucy’s stomach do a little flip as a shock of excitement sizzled through her. Her attraction for him raged on in full force, never once weakening as she’d gotten to know him a little more each day. It would make her questions all the harder to ask, but if she got the answers she sought, she knew without a shadow of doubt that this could only lead to great things.

  “So, I’m guessing you’re enjoying your time here?” Dan asked, looking back out into the trees as they walked.

  Lucy nodded. “Oh yes, of course. It’s amazing here, unlike anything I’ve ever known before. Everyone is so kind and welcoming…” Her smile faded as she worked up the courage to get to business. “It’s just—well, I do have a few concerns.”

  Dan let the silence fill between them for a few moments. “Has the pack not been accommodating enough for you?” He didn’t sound accusatory, merely curious, but Lucy mentally kicked herself. She hadn’t realized how selfish her words had sounded until she said them out loud.

  “Of course they have!” she backpedaled. “This has nothing to do with the way I’ve been treated. You all have all been very generous, all things considered.”

  “Oh, okay,” he replied, a confused smile tugging at his lips. “You know, if you have any confusion about pack things, it’s probably best to take them up with Nick. He won’t bite, and I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help you understand us better.”

  “I know that,” she said quietly, casting her gaze ahead to keep from feeling too uneasy. “And it’s not that I don’t trust Nick; he’s gone above and beyond to make me feel welcome when I’m a million percent sure I’d never be able to do the same for a stranger. But…” She sighed as she collected her thoughts, working out the best way to finish speaking them aloud.

  “But there’s just something about you,” she continued with a rueful smile, working hard to ignore the way Dan’s gaze snapped to her as the words left her mouth. “I know we don’t know each other well,” she continued, “but there’s just something about you that makes me feel… safe.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure if it’s some primal bear instinct, or women’s intuition, or maybe the way you took that punch from Dom like a trooper, but it’s true.”

  She finally worked up the urge to smile directly at him, but only for a moment. “I get a tightness of nerves and maybe a little fear in my chest when I have to talk to new shifters, and it takes a while for it to go away. But with your pack, that feeling is fading faster than ever before. And with you, that feeling doesn’t exist.” She shook her head softly. “It never has.”

  She fell silent for a bit to let her words settle in his mind before chuckling. “I don’t expect you to understand, or anything, sailor. I imagine I sound pretty silly right now.”

  “It doesn’t sound silly at all,” Dan replied, warmly. “In fact, I feel the same way.” He grinned over at her. “The feeling safe around you part, anyway. So please,” he begged mildly, sparks of heat and electricity shooting up her arm as he slid his fingers through hers for the first time, “Tell me what’s bothering you. If you feel I’m the best person to talk to, I won’t question it. I’m all ears.”

  Lucy’s breath was coming a bit too quickly as he waited for her to speak. Did he not feel what she did when they touched, or was he just really good at hiding it? She wasn’t sure, but now wasn’t the time to question it. She had more important matters to address.

  Without further preamble, she spoke. “I guess I’m just wondering about all of you,” she began. “Dom didn’t tell me much; I only know what little information I could pick up in broken bits of conversation between him and Lucas. So, naturally, there’s still a fair bit I have to learn.” She looked up at him, sheepishly. “I know, I said I’d ask a few questions. That’s not really a question.”

  He flashed her a grin, but his easygoing manner only made her more worried. “Just tell me where you want to start,” he prompted.

  “Okay,” she replied, refortifying her resolve before continuing. “A few days back, Savannah told me that along with her, you were also a part of this Northern Wind pack. Is that true?”

  He nodded easily, unfazed by the sterner tone of her voice. “Yeah, I was, but that’s all behind me now. I’m much better off because of it.”

  “I heard once that in my cousin’s pack, he forces his members to stay in bear almost all the time,” she continued. “Is that true?”

  He nodded again. “It is.” A shudder ran up her spine at the answer. The very thought of being forced into that form and forced to stay in it as it drained your very humanity away made her shudder… How could someone of her own blood be so cruel?

  “How does that make you feel?” she asked quietly.

  Dan paused his walk to ponder the question. “Me personally? I didn’t mind. I’ve always enjoyed my bear form. In the Northern Wind, strict obedience was all I knew—that’s all anyone in that pack knows—so at the time, I didn’t even know there was another choice to be denied, so to be, it didn’t feel like Lucas was forcing us to do anything. It was… just the way things were.”

  He looked up at her. “But now? I can see what he’s doing is completely unacceptable. Not everyone’s like me, and just because I enjoy my bear enough to be one every day, it should be a choice, not a dictation. What Lucas is doing is wrong, full stop.”

  Lucy nodded, satisfied enough with his response. “If you didn’t know any better, how did you find this pack?” she asked.

  “Well,” he began, rubbing the back of his neck. The expression on his face was eerily similar to how Savannah and Jo looked when they’d brought up this topic. “I almost… died?” he finished with an embarrassed smile.

  “What?” Lucy exclaimed, a gasp catching in her throat.

  Dan laughed at her reaction. “That’s not even the worst part. The person who nearly did it was someone in this pack. Wanna guess who?”

  Lucy’s mind drew a blank. They all seemed to get along so well. The thought of one of them nearly killing him simply did not compute in her head. “Who?”

  “Jo!” he revealed with a huge grin on his face, like he’d just presented the biggest punch line of the century. Lucy didn’t speak, her brain working fast to see if this was all actually just some silly joke he’d decided to tell. From the look on his face, he was completely serious, if a little silly in the delivery.

  She didn’t know what expression was on her face, but it made Dan bark a boisterous laugh as he gazed at her. “I know, right? Rammed me right in the gut with her car. Not that I could blame her, I was under orders to kill her mate, but still. Of all people, the human almost takes out the enemy pack’s second in command. I learned the definition of irony that night.”

  He chuckled to himself. “But yeah, that’s how it all went down. Lucas left me there in the dirt to rot, and Jo just can’t help but take in anyone that needs help, even if the ‘anyone’ in this case happened to be an enemy.” He grinned, eyes lost in the memories. “Even though they were under no obligation, they nursed me back to health, and slowly I learned what a good pack was and how much the Northern Wind wasn’t.”

  His smile wilted around the edges of his mouth as he finally looked back at her. “It’s funny to remember now, but back then it really sucked. The pain was excruciating, for weeks long. The Northern Wind was all I knew, and thi
s new pack that was once my enemy likely hated my guts too much to ever see me as anything more than a monster. I struggled with loyalties and doing the right thing, and even now some days I don’t feel like I’m completely free of Lucas’s shadow. But I’m working on it. And it seems to be working out for me.”

  There were several parallels to be drawn between how they both had ended up in this pack. They both escaped the toxic loyalties they’d once clung to and found safety in this new pack’s kind practices. She felt all the closer to him for it.

  “Thank you for telling me,” she finally said.

  “It’s an easy story to tell when I’m alone with you,” he replied, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “I feel like I could tell you just about anything, and it’ll be okay.”

  Lucy squeezed his hand, clutching fingers that had long since grown warm in her own. “Maybe you can tell me more someday. Unless you have any more wild tales to share with me tonight?”

  He smirked. “The only other one I can think of is Savannah’s story about how she joined the pack.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah,” he confirmed. “She tells the story better than I ever could, so I won’t get into the grisly details, but she was basically a double agent for the Northern Wind, sent here to collect data from the inside for Lucas to exploit. Keep in mind, neither of us know the other’s here. She thinks I’m dead, I’m busted up and healing in the back room that they’ve got locked to all hell, and no one else in the pack even knows that Savannah and I knew each other! The look on her face when we were finally ‘introduced’ to each other was priceless, though I probably didn’t look any better.” His laughter echoed through the trees and lifted Lucy’s spirits.

  “But yeah, long story, short, she fell for Tom and kissed the Northern Wind pack goodbye forever.”

  Lucy nodded. “So after all of that, Lucas lost two bears. He couldn’t have been happy about that.”

  A bit of the mirth drained from Dan’s eyes. “Not in the slightest. If I had to guess what Lucas cared about most in his pack, it’s keeping numbers high and then pushing them higher. Losing a pack member for any reason hit him hard.”

  He rubbed his chin in deep thought. “I was one of his best fighters. It’s not something I’m proud to admit, but it’s true. And now I’ve hopped sides and he’s still alphaless. He’s likely scrambling for more fighters to combat how thoroughly outmatched his currently is.”

  “But now they have Dominic,” Lucy sighed. “He’s not an alpha, but he plays the part well. He won’t be easy to beat, and I’m saying this as someone who knows more about him than anyone else.” She hated to say it aloud, but it was the truth.

  “That may be so,” Dan agreed, rubbing his cheek as if he could still feel the pain of that night in the alley. “Or it may not be. I’d wait to see Nick and Tom in action before passing judgment, though. Alphas, true alphas… man, they’re in a class of their own.” The words would have sounded jealous were it not for the blatant reverence in Dan’s voice.

  “I was in the Northern Wind a long time, so I’ve seen and been in my fair share of tussles with the alpha pack long before they became Forest Haven. They could take three or four of us each, no problem. I’d put my bets on them any day of the week.” Lucy could tell he completely admired their power. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that, and secretly hoped she’d never have to ‘see Nick and Tom in action’ for any reason in the near or distant future.

  Dan looked down at her with a glow of warmth in his eyes, like a little boy that just got to meet his favorite super hero. “Any more questions?” he asked, stepping a little closer to her. “Or do you finally feel a bit better now?”

  “I do feel better, thanks to you,” she answered softly. Acting on instinct alone, she slipped her arm lightly around Dan’s waist, and the lighting shock of sensation that she was already starting to eagerly anticipate sizzled all the way up to her shoulder. Dan jerked suddenly, and she knew he definitely felt something this time. “Sorry,” she muttered, beginning to pull away, but Dan shook his head.

  “No please, don’t back away now,” he breathed hoarsely. “I think it’s obvious how attracted I am to you, and I have neither the patience nor the finesse for coy back and forth.” He looked deeply into her eyes as they held each other. “I like you, Lucy. A lot. So let’s just see where this goes.”

  She chuckled, remembering the clumsy bear that knocked her on her ass nearly a week ago and tried to compare him to the man declaring his attraction with no shame tonight. They were almost two different people, and she honestly couldn’t tell which one she liked more. Her heartbeats came faster as she gazed up at him, the steely boldness in his eyes showing her without words that he meant every word he’d just spoken. “You’re not so bad yourself, sailor” she whispered, her own breathy voice matching his.

  Dan laughed, chest rumbling deeply against hers. “That’s good to know.” Something clouded over his vision and he stood back a moment before clasping both of her hands in his own. “But before anything else,” he began, taking a deep breath. “Lucy, I want… I need to be able to shift with you.”

  There it was.

  Shaking her head almost immediately, Lucy felt every ounce of her excitement disappear all at once. “I can’t.”

  “You can,” he pleaded, gently. “Not everyone’s like Dominic. Not everyone’s like Lucas. You can be a better bear than that. Forest Haven will guide you, and so will I.”

  “I don’t doubt you will,” Lucy admitted. “And I know I play a somewhat integral role in this feud between your packs, but war has never been something I’ve ever been interested in. I don’t want any part of it.”

  “All that we’re doing is preventing war,” Dan rebutted, voice as gentle as Lucy had ever heard it. “We don’t want to fight any more than you do, and I don’t want you to embrace your bear just so you can fight for us.”

  Dan squeezed her hands lightly. “There’s so much more to being a shifter than fighting, Lucy. So much more. It’s freedom. It’s power. It’s knowing yourself in your truest form and knowing nature like an old friend. It’s amazing. Why won’t you let me show you the best side of yourself?”

  Lucy’s heart ached. She saw the hope in his eyes and the excitement in his heart. She wanted so badly to say yes, to see that smile she’d begun to love so much light up his face, to finally begin the long journey to loving all of herself.

  Yet she was going to say no to all of it.

  Her bear growled from within, the desperation of how she felt and how close she was to giving in making it restless. It began to stomp and roar in agitation as she struggled to tame it, gritting her teeth against its angry protests as she pushed it back down. Her skin ripped with the beginning of a shift, the bear pressing against her eagerly as the urge to change washed over her like a warm high tide.

  “Let me see your bear, Lucy,” Dan breathed, fervently. “Please. Trust me.”

  “No!” she shouted, tearing her hands from his hard enough to stumble a few feet back. “This is who I am, Dan. Take it or leave it. If you don’t like me as I am, that’s fine, but let me know so I can move on.” She could see the hurt in his eyes, but she didn’t know how to fix it. She’d meant every word she’d spoken to him.

  She sighed, trying to calm her rampaging heart, the beast finally receding back deep within her. “Look, Jo will be back any moment for me,” she muttered, her anger already fading away as she turned back in the direction of the shop. “Thanks for the talk.” Without another word or glance Dan’s way, she stalked off back to the mechanics, alone.

  Chapter Eleven

  Dan threw back his large head and roared, the trees shaking and rustling as the wildlife scrambled to flee the agitated beast. It was long and raging, letting out the frustrations that he just couldn’t seem to expend in his human form.

  “Feel better?”

  He turned to see Tom’s bear approach from wherever he’d been patrolling, his discerning eyes fixed on
Dan.

  “Not in the slightest,” Dan harrumphed, toppling a small pile of old leaves in rebellion.

  Tom snorted. “Wanna chat about it?” He turned away, beckoning Dan to follow him as he finished the patrol.

  Dan paused a moment before falling in step beside Tom. It was a beautiful day, warmer than most at this time of year, but not even a romp through the woods to bask in the weather was enough to lift Dan’s spirits. It had been a week since that talk with Lucy, and she’d actively avoided spending more time alone with him since. He hated the way their conversation had ended, but he understood her reaction, even if he didn’t fully understand her reasoning for not shifting in the first place. He wanted so badly for her to see the good in him, in her, and all he’d managed to do was scare her away with his overbearing pushiness.

  I’m such an idiot.

  He sighed. “It’s Lucy.”

  Tom bobbed his head. “I figured. This about that shifting thing?” Dan tossed him a look of mild surprise and he snorted smugly. “Didn’t think anyone noticed, huh? It was obvious from the moment she said it. You’ve been acting pretty down ever since.” He faced forward as they walked, eyes scanning the forest for any signs of movement. “I know your bear form is a big part of you, way bigger than your human half, so finding out that she didn’t want to share that part of your world with you must’ve been tough to swallow.”

  Dan sighed. “Yeah, kinda.” He didn’t deny that he wanted something more between them, it was pretty obvious with how much they’d chatted over the past couple of weeks, but he didn’t think he’d been so easy to read. Hearing it said directly to him hit home in a way that ached his heart.

  Tom flit his gaze over to Dan, taking in his lamented state. “Dan, you need to be careful.”