Save the Secret Date

by Ellie Cahill

  “Yeah.”

  “I didn’t want to leave you. I really didn’t. And I don’t know what made me say 30, but I thought—yes. Yes, this will make sure I get to keep her with me just little longer. Even if she’s far away. And if I get lucky, and everything works out, I’ll get to keep her forever. It was stupid.”

  “Why do you keep bringing up 30?”

  “Because of the deal?”

  “What deal?”

  “The deal we made,” he said like I was being an idiot. “You know, if we’re single when we’re thirty…do you seriously not remember?”

  “Jake, what are you talking about?”

  “You don’t remember,” he said in awe.

  “Can you please just tell me what you mean? For once?”

  “You said you remembered that night.” He was fishing in his pockets as he talked. “I thought you were just trying to pretend…holy shit.” He produced his phone. “Do you remember making the videos?”

  “Yeah, I remember. So I wouldn’t freak out that you were in my bed in the morning.”

  “And you spilled water all over the place…” Jake prompted.

  “And you gave me your shirt. Yeah, I remember.”

  “Do you remember what happened when you woke up again later?”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t. We fell asleep and the next thing I remember was Emmy pulling the blankets off us in the morning.”

  “You’re gonna want to watch this.” Jake tapped through his phone and started video. It was just as I remembered at first, with my calling him Jake Elizabeth Knight, and swearing it was my idea to have him in bed with me. It was a little jarring to see how utterly blitzed I was. We both were. I couldn’t believe I was able to talk, much less sit up and change my shirt. Which was, yes, caught on video. All these years I’d trusted that Jake had kept his eyes closed while he counted and the whole time I’m on camera taking my top off. Nothing showed other than my bra, but still. How embarrassing.

  The camera ended up facedown on the bed, so it was only audio after a while, but I heard myself say “Tag. You’re it,” and Jake tell me I could get the shirt back to him whenever.

  After a moment, Jake paused the camera. “It goes on for a few more minutes before I realized it was still recording. But you were asleep.”

  “That’s what I remember,” I told him. “I didn’t see any deal.”

  “Hold on.” He swiped ahead to what was obviously another video from the same night. His finger hovered over the Play button. “You woke up a little later and you were super mad at me.”

  “I was?” I had no memory of this. “Because I didn’t remember why you were in my bed?” I guessed.

  “No. You were mad because I was about to move to Chicago and we would never get the chance to be together.”

  My cheeks burst into flames. It was impossible to imagine that I could have been that straight-forward about wanting Jake right to his face. “I can’t believe I said that.”

  “You were crying and saying I should have told you sooner because now you’d never even get to see me naked.”

  I gasped. “There is no way I said that.”

  Jake grinned. “Swear to god. It went on for a while. I finally had to tell you that if we were still single when we were thirty, we’d get married.”

  “Shut up.” I shook my head.

  “Watch.” Jake pressed play and once again a two-year old image of the two of us in my bed began to move.

  “I, Jacob Michael Knight, being of drunk mind and body, do hereby ask Mary Michael O’Brien to marry me when we are both 30 years old if neither of us is already married. What do you say, Mare?’ He turned his head to look at me.

  “I say…you’re gonna need to take your pants off.”

  He laughed. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m half-naked right now and I feel very vulnerable. If you want to ask future me to marry future you, then it’s only fair that present you is dressed the same as present me.”

  Jake handed me the still-recording phone and swiftly removed his jeans. Taking the phone back, he focused on both our faces again.

  “Future Mary O’Brien, will you marry future me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t have a ring for you.”

  “Your t-shirt is fine.”

  “Then it’s a deal.”

  “Well, okay then. We’re conditionally engaged.” Video me nodded. “So, I guess that’s it?”

  “I guess so.” He shivered. “Little cold now that you made me give up all my clothes.”

  “Get under the covers.”

  He pointed a stern finger at me. “No funny business.”

  The video ended abruptly.

  “That’s how you ended up with no pants on?” I asked.

  “That’s your takeaway from this?”

  I shook my head. My feelings were too big to wrap my head around. Finally I swatted him on the shoulder. “How could you keep this a secret for two years?”

  “I thought you knew!”

  “Don’t you think I might have mentioned if I remembered we were conditionally engaged?”

  “I thought you changed your mind. Or that you were just kidding.”

  “Were you just kidding?” I asked.

  “I—” Jake’s mouth opened and closed a few times. “I…don’t know.”

  “That’s your answer for everything.”

  “Because I don’t know! I actually don’t know. It’s okay not to know things.”

  My chin began to quiver. I wasn’t sure why. Was I sad? Angry? For once, I had to agree with Jake: I didn’t know. “So, what do you want? Now, I mean. You must know that.”

  “You.”

  “What about tomorrow? And five years from now. What do you want?”

  Jake shrugged. “Just you. It’s always been you.”

  “But you’re so far away.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “How would we make that work?”

  “I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I really don’t.”

  “Are you ever going to come back to California?”

  “Maybe?” he sounded unsure. “I’m waiting. On everything. I’ve got job applications out there, and I’m not sure if I’m going to go for my Ph.D. And all of that might mean I have to move. I don’t know where yet. But would you come with me? If I don’t come back?”

  “I…” My palms were sweaty and I hated it. “I…maybe?”

  “Just maybe?”

  “I want to say yes, but…what if you find out that you don’t want me once you have me? And I end up alone in…Arkansas, or Alaska, or…or Antarctica?”

  Jake sighed and slid down the bench and leaned close without touching me. “So far, you’ve managed to keep me interested for six years by kissing me three times. It feels very unlikely that I’m going to get sick of you any time soon.”

  I smiled. “It was more than three times.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I know you don’t like uncertainty, and that’s all I have to offer you right now, Mary. But what’s mine is yours. ’Til the end of the world.”

  Tears stung my eyes. “That’s a lot.”

  “So…what do you say? You in?”

  I was officially crying. And laughing. All the feelings at once. “I’m not sure what I’m saying I’m in for, but yes.”

  “Yes?”

  “Yes.”

  “Wait, hold on, I’ve got to get this on record.” Jake took his phone out and flicked open the camera. Switching to video and directing the camera at the two of us, he cleared his throat and announced, “Let it be known that Mary Michael O’Brien said yes.”

  “And let it be known that Jacob Elizabeth Knight didn’t actually ask me anything specific, but I’m in anyway.”

  “I think she likes me,” Jake advised the camera in a stage whisper.

  “I think so too,” I agreed.

  He turned from the camera and kissed me. Another one of those world-stoppers that sti
lled everything inside me and yet set it all buzzing at the same time. And for the second time in two days, the promise of everything was laid out in front of me. I was determined that this time, it wouldn’t be interrupted by Ashley, or anyone else.

  We kissed for a few more minutes, smiling at each other in between, until finally I put my hand on his chest to stop him.

  “I promise you I’m going to work on being more comfortable with uncertainty, but can we maybe not have our first time be in public?”

  Jake’s eyebrows popped up. “Are you saying…am I going to see you naked tonight?”

  The reaction in my panties was immediate. “Um, I think…I mean, if you’re okay with…we can take it slow if you want.”

  “I think two years might be slow enough.”

  I giggled. “Okay then.”

  “Okay.”

  We stared at each other, then broke into nervous laughter.

  “I’m freaking out a little,” I confessed.

  “Me, too.”

  “Oh no, I was hoping you would be the confident one.”

  “For you? I will.” Jake smiled. “So…your room or mine?”

  Nerves lit up in my stomach and a brief dizziness washed over me. “I don’t know.”

  “Whatever we pick, we gotta beat Ashley and Luke there.” Jake glanced at his watch. “They’ll probably be out for a while yet, right?”

  I made a face. “I should probably tell her we’re going back.”

  “She’s gonna have thoughts.”

  “I know.”

  “Maybe you could just send a text…”

  I considered the merits for making a clean getaway from out here in the plaza. No one would need to know we left until we were already long gone. Then I shook my head. “No, I should at least wish Hadley good luck if she’s going to go through with telling Brady tonight.”

  Jake sat bolt upright. “She’s telling him she’s pregnant? Tonight?”

  “I told I thought she should wait until morning, but—”

  “She can’t. You have to tell her she can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Never mind.” He got to his feet and made an impatient gesture for me to follow. “You have to tell her not to say anything.”

  “Wha—why?” But he was already pulling me along, back to the disco. The music absorbed us before the physical building, and then we were back in the dark, sparkling room, searching for one small redhead.

  The search ended when we found her coming out of the ladies room. She was understandably startled to be set upon by both of us.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Don’t tell Brady tonight,” Jake said.

  Her eyes snapped to me. “You told him?”

  “He guessed!” I drew an X over my chest. “Swear to god.”

  “But you can’t tell Brady tonight.”

  “Why not?”

  “Just trust me. Don’t do it tonight.”

  “Why do you…what is going on?” Again, she looked to me for an explanation.

  “I don’t know,” I said in all honesty.

  Hadley crossed her arms. “So, when am I supposed to tell him?”

  “Soon. I promise.”

  “Y’all are weird.” She shook her head. “But fine. I was reconsidering anyway. But not because of you.” She pointed at Jake with a firm finger. “All on my own, got it?”

  “You bet,” Jake said. “Nothing to do with me.”

  “Okay then.” Her hand went to her stomach momentarily. “You haven’t told anyone else have you?”

  “Nobody,” I promised.

  “Not a soul,” Jake added.

  “Good. Don’t.” She looked at us a moment longer. “I’m gonna go back out there.”

  “Be my guest.” Jake stepped back to clear the way for her.

  When she was out of earshot, I asked, “What do you know?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Liar.”

  “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Does he already know?”

  “No.”

  “Then what?”

  He drew a breath like he might be ready to answer, but instead he kissed me. “Weren’t we on our way out of here?”

  I let him get away with the redirection. Because I respect someone who can keep a secret. And because I was very interested in where the kiss might lead if I let him get me back to a hotel room.

  The only other hurdle was Ashley.

  She and Luke were on the dance floor, once again wrapped around each other and moving to the rhythm. However long they lasted, they were a good looking couple, and they clearly liked each other. My inner romantic was pulling for them to outlast Mexico, but my inner realist knew the clock was ticking.

  I decided to go with a direct approach. I tapped her on the shoulder and said, “You can have our room tonight.”

  “What?” she seemed confused.

  “You can have it. For whatever.” I darted my eyes to Luke. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

  She leaned in to shout in my ear over the music. “What is this about?”

  “Just say thanks, okay?”

  “Thanks?”

  I kissed her on the cheek. “Good night, Ash.”

  After that, I said goodnight and congratulations to Beck and Em, told them I was tired and not to worry because Jake was going back to the hotel with me so I’d be safe. Didn’t even register as strange to them.

  And then Jake and I were on our own.

  26

  Not Your Average Wedding Shower

  I was so nervous by the time we got back to Jake’s room, my hands were shaking.

  “Oh god, this is so awkward,” I said.

  “Do you want a drink or something?” he asked. “We could just go sit on my balcony and talk.”

  “Um, sure.”

  But as soon as he opened the minibar, I changed my mind. “No. I don’t want a drink.”

  “O-kay,” he drawled, letting the door close.

  “Sorry, I just—I don’t need another drink tonight.” Or tomorrow. Or maybe for a month after this trip, I thought.

  “Water?” he offered instead.

  I shook my head.

  Jake studied me. “We don’t…there’s no pressure here, Mary. I’m just happy to be with you.”

  “I know. And I love that about you.”

  “I don’t want to make you nervous.”

  “Too late.”

  “Okay.” Jake shrugged and walked over to the closet to take his shoes off.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m gonna take a shower.”

  “What?”

  “Do you have any idea how hot it is to wear a suit in this weather?” He shrugged out of his suit jacket and shook it like he was airing it out. “I’m sweaty. So I’m gonna shower.” He removed his tie, his dress shirt, and then unfastened his dress pants.

  I looked away, which was the most ridiculous thing. Not only had I seen in his swim trunks multiple times in the last few days, I’d seen him in his boxers dozens of times in college, and even slept beside him wearing nothing but underwear. Yet here I was, blushing at the thought of him stripping down in front of me.

  He went into the bathroom before he removed his underwear, but then he tossed it out the door so I’d know it was off. I heard the shower turn on and then just his head poked out the door.

  “There’s room for two in here. You know, if you also have experienced unwanted perspiration in your formal attire.”

  I rolled my eyes at his false formality. “Go wash yourself.”

  “Just saying…” He disappeared from view. He was naked in there, with the door wide open.

  “It’s like pulling off a bandage,” I told myself. “You could just get it over with.”

  Yet all I could manage was taking off my fancy sandals. Barefoot, I walked into the bathroom still wearing my navy blue cocktail dress.

  The showers at the resort were large—he was
right, plenty of room for two. And there were full length glass doors, crystal clear except for any steam that accumulated on them. And there was Jake, silhouetted in the steam. My mouth went dry. He was lovely, with a runner’s body. Strong calves and narrow hips. He raised one hand and wiped away the steam at his face.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hi,” he said. “You’re dressed.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I noticed that, too.” He wiped his palm down the steamy glass to about waist height and every muscle in my body tensed. “Wanna join me?”

  I reached back for my zipper and pulled it slowly open. My hands were shaking. I tried to take a steadying breath, but it did no good. I wanted this so badly, but I was also completely terrified.

  Jake let his hand drift lower on the glass and I stopped breathing altogether. Well. Now I’d seen all of him. I wanted to do the same for him, but I’ve never been very brave about showing off my body.

  So I chickened out. Just a little.

  I flicked the light switch, plunging the main part of the bathroom into darkness. The shower light stayed on, throwing Jake into strong relief. Between the ambient light from the hall, the light from the shower, and the nightlight beneath the vanity, I was hardly in pitch black, but it was enough for me to convince myself.

  My dress fell easily to the floor once I dropped the shoulders. My bra was more architecture than art, but at least I was wearing cute lacy panties.

  “Come closer,” Jake said.

  I obeyed, stopping just outside the glass door. From this distance, the steam hid nothing, and we could look into each other’s eyes.

  “You’re so beautiful, Mary.”

  My mind said, No I’m not, but I wouldn’t let the doubt reach my lips. Not now.

  With hands that trembled harder than ever, I reached back to unhook my bra and let it slide off my arms. On the other side of the glass, Jake swallowed hard. Finally, I pushed my panties over my hips and left them puddled at my feet.