If I Dream

by K. M. Scott

  I couldn’t imagine any other way around doing what her father wanted, and my stomach tightened at the thought of her being forced to marry another man. She was mine, and I was hers. I couldn’t let Robert take her away.

  With a strength that seemed to come out of nowhere, she straightened her shoulders and shook her head. “I love you, but I can’t go with you anymore. At least not now. But I’m going to find a way out of this.”

  She smiled up at me and left as I headed back to Robert’s office. I didn’t know what she planned to do, but I didn’t blame her for whatever she ended up deciding on. He’d backed her into a corner. Now when she came at him fighting, he had it coming.

  But somehow I had to convince her to leave this place.

  After a few more hours at Robert’s beck and call, I returned to my rooms with the singular goal of getting as fucked up as humanly possible. I didn’t want to think about his world and all the ugliness that came with it. Being told to beat the hell out of some guy had never bothered me much, but watching what he was doing to Serena made my stomach turn with rage.

  He acted like he got some perverted pleasure from making her miserable. I wasn’t even sure he saw how desperate she’d become. I saw it, though. I’d seen the look of desperation before in fights. Desperate people did crazy things. They had no reason not to. They had nothing left to lose.

  By the time I’d downed half a bottle of whisky, Serena was all I could think about. I’d been such a fucking coward when she needed me most. She practically begged me to save her with the look in her eyes as she stood in her father’s office, and I did nothing.

  I stood there watching her get tortured by her father and did my best company man act like a good employee should. Would it have changed anything for her if he saw I loved her? Probably not. Robert was hell bent on her marrying this fucking Oliver, but at least it would have shown her she wasn’t alone.

  That she had someone in her corner, and the man she loved would do anything for her.

  Sitting there in the dark, I finished another glass and closed my eyes, praying to God I’d had enough so I could just pass out and forget. The problem was my mind wouldn’t shut off. That look in her eyes—that same look I’d seen the night her father sent her away—was burned into my brain. I’d have given anything to stop remembering how hurt she looked as her father imposed his will on her, but it was no use.

  If only I could have convinced her to leave with me we’d be far away by now and free.

  From the couch, I looked out my window and saw the lights were off in Robert’s office. Maybe if I tried once more to make her go, she’d finally see I was right. I pulled myself up and headed toward the garage to see if he had left for the night. If he had, now was our chance.

  A quick look told me he’d taken the Mercedes, so I hurried up to her room. He’d be gone for at least an hour, assuming his latest girlfriend didn’t give him a hard time about leaving, so the window was small but possible.

  I knocked on Serena’s door but got no answer. Looking left and right down the hallway to make sure I was alone, I tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, so I quietly went in, ready to take her away from this place forever.

  But the room was empty. The lights were on and I saw her purse next to the bed, but she wasn’t there.

  Had she left without me? Had she found her mother somehow and gone to her?

  I hoped more than anything she had found her. I knew how much losing her meant to Serena.

  Taking a deep breath, I choked back my emotions at the thought of life without her again. As I turned to leave, I saw the light under the bathroom door on the far wall and something told me to look in there. Opening the door, I saw she hadn’t left at all.

  There, in the bathtub, she sat with her back to me but said nothing as I walked in. Quietly, I whispered, “Serena, he’s gone. We can leave now and get away before he even realizes we’ve left.”

  She didn’t answer, and then I saw the water had turned a strange color. In a split second, I knew what she’d done.

  Rushing over to the bathtub, I saw the blood streaming from her wrist into the water, making it a horrifying pink color staining the white porcelain. Serena’s eyes were closed and her head rested on the back of the tub. Her left arm lay in the water bleeding out, and I saw the razor blade still in her right hand.

  Terrified I’d gotten there too late, I yanked the white bath towel off the rack nearby and raised her left arm. I wrapped the towel around her wrist and pressed hard in the hope that I could slow the blood flow.

  My mind spun wildly as all I could think to do was save her. Dialing 911, I told a woman with a soft voice what had happened and the address before dropping my phone onto the floor. I lifted Serena out of the water and grabbed the other two towels hanging on the rack to cover her. I didn’t want her lying there all exposed when the EMTs came.

  Her eyes remained closed, but I held her to me and whispered, “Don’t go. Don’t do this. I need you to stay with me, Serena. I love you. Stay with me and I promise I won’t let anything hurt you ever again. I’ll take you away from this place and we’ll find that little house and every night I’ll watch you fall asleep with your head on my shoulder.”

  She lay motionless in my arms as the white towel around her wrist turned red, soaked with her blood. In the distance, I heard the whine of the ambulance siren and squeezed her to me, afraid if I let her go that she’d be lost forever.

  “They’re coming. I need you to hold on until they get here and fix you up.” Pressing my lips to her forehead, I kissed her and whispered against her skin, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything when he did that shit to you. I’m sorry, Serena. I made a mistake. Please don’t die. I promise I’ll protect you from now on. Just stay with me. Stay and I swear I’ll find a way to get you away from here.”

  I heard a commotion downstairs and yelled out to them. “Up here in the second to last bedroom on the right. Hurry! She’s bleeding!”

  The next few minutes were a blur. Two men rushed in and took her from my arms, and I stumbled back in shock as they quickly took her away. I stood with my back pressed hard against the white tile wall staring at the bloody water and red trail of liquid that ran down the side of the tub and onto the white marble floor.

  My mind raced, a jumbled mess of dread and fear and confusion. I couldn’t move from that spot against that cool tile wall. I pushed my shoulders back against it even as my head hung. Looking down at my hands, I saw them covered in blood.

  Her blood.

  I’d seen dozens of people bleed. I’d made dozens of people bleed with my own hands pounding their flesh. Never had I felt as sickened as I did at that moment staring at my blood stained palms and fingers.

  Pushing down the bile that inched up from my stomach, I suddenly realized I had to call Robert and then go to the hospital. I reached into my pants to get my phone and found it wasn’t there. Had I left it back at my rooms?

  No, I must have had it with me because I called 911. I had called, hadn’t I? Or had someone else called the ambulance?

  My eyes darted around the bathroom and I saw my phone lying on the floor near the bathtub. I bent down to pick it up and saw the razor blade she’d used on the side of the tub, the edge covered in Serena’s blood.

  I needed to get the hell out of there. Dialing Robert’s number, I heard him answer and said, “Serena’s at the hospital. She slit her wrist.”

  The words came out of my mouth without the slightest emotion. Flat and monotone, my voice didn’t sound like it ever had. He asked something about how this could have happened, and I stared at the bloody water in the tub in shock that he’d even ask such a fucking question.

  “Who found her?” he asked like it mattered.

  “I did.”

  He said something else that got lost once the words entered my head, and I said, “I have to go.”

  By the time I reached the hospital, Robert had already arrived. His eyes flashed a wildness I’d
never seen in them when he came toward me as I walked through the emergency room doors. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said he looked scared.

  “They think she’s going to survive. From what they say, I have you to thank for that.”

  I didn’t want thanks from him for saving his daughter after what he’d done to push her to attempt suicide. “Is she awake?”

  He frowned and shook his head. “Not yet.”

  “Okay. I’m going to wait around for a while, if you don’t mind.”

  He clapped me on the shoulder and nodded. “I owe you, Ryder. You saved my little girl. That’s a debt I won’t soon be forgetting.”

  A nurse announced that he could go in to see Serena and he hurried away with her as I stood stunned at how much he seemed to actually care that she’d hurt herself. He’d made living unbearable for her, and now he acted like seeing her hurt pained him.

  I followed them to her hospital room and took my place outside, standing guard not for him but for her. As I looked through the narrow window in the door, I saw her lying there in that bed and wondered if he’d give up on making her marry that man now. Maybe he’d needed nearly losing her to see how wrong he was.

  God, I hoped so.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ryder

  A few days later, Robert called me into his office at nearly midnight. I found him sitting behind his desk wearing a deep frown. He told me earlier in the day that Serena’s condition was improving, so I couldn’t imagine why he looked so unhappy. Like with most tyrants, his moods ruled everything around him, and I braced myself for something terrible to come out of his mouth.

  My stomach tense, I sat down in front of him and in my most casual voice asked, “What’s up, boss?”

  “Serena comes home tomorrow, and I want to make sure she’s safe. I’ve had Josephine search her room top to bottom for anything she can use to hurt herself, but I don’t think that will be enough.”

  His concern seemed genuine, so I asked, “Has she said anything about why she did it?”

  I had to believe he knew why she’d tried to kill herself, but all he did was shake his head. “She hasn’t said much of anything. The doctors say she’s angry and depressed. They want me to put her in a mental hospital, but I told them that wasn’t an option. So she’ll be coming home tomorrow, but I’m going to need your help with this.”

  “My help?” I asked, unsure what I could do since he’d decided to ignore the obvious blame he had for what she’d done.

  “Yes.” Standing from his chair, he walked over to the bar and poured himself his usual bourbon drink. Offering me a glass, he said, “My father used to drink bourbon and branch when he had a lot on his mind. I guess I’m like him in that way. Want one?”

  Robert had never mentioned anything about his father or any other family member other than Serena and Janelle. I had no idea what the hell branch was, but at that moment, I didn’t care. All I wanted to know was what he intended me to do to keep Serena safe.

  “No, thanks. Do you think maybe she should have a nurse or someone like that with her for a little while? She did try to…” I let my sentence trail off, unable to say the words.

  He swallowed a gulp of his drink and seemed to consider my idea. Walking back to his chair, he sat down and frowned again. “No, that wouldn’t do. It might make her look sickly. I can’t have anyone thinking she’s not okay. Only you and I know, other than the hospital personnel, and I want to keep it that way. No, we’re going to keep the issue in house.”

  Without thinking, I asked, “Why?”

  Robert took a sip of his drink and stared across the desk at me as I realized what I’d done. No one ever questioned him on anything. He was the boss and everyone else was an underling. To question him meant I didn’t understand my position in his world.

  I waited for the inevitable explosion of his temper, but instead he just sighed and took another drink of bourbon and branch. “Because there’s not a man on this earth that’s going to want to marry a woman with mental problems. Not if he has any sense in his head. Trust me. I know from experience.”

  She doesn’t have mental problems. She wants to be happy and loved. That’s not fucking mental.

  The shock at hearing him refer to Serena’s marriage must have shown on my face because there was no way I could hide it. He really had no fucking idea marrying her off to someone she didn’t love was the very reason she’d tried to kill herself.

  Oblivious to my surprise, he continued. “So I’m going to need you to watch over her. I know I can trust you. You’ve been with me long enough that you’re almost like a son to me, so I need you to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself again before the wedding.”

  Unable to do anything else, I let my curiosity control me and asked, “When is it?”

  “The doctors say it will take a few weeks for her injury to heal, so I think a month will do. I’ll just tell Oliver it needs to be rescheduled due to a business issue.”

  I sat there trying to imagine a worse monster in the world. His daughter had just tried to take her life and all he could think of was getting her married off to this guy no one had ever seen before a month ago.

  “Why the hurry to get her married to him?” I asked, feeling like I had some leeway to talk now.

  So matter of fact was his answer that he didn’t even take a moment to consider the question. “He and his brother own Landon Auction House, and I want to get into that business. The pre-nup will give me that in.”

  So it was all business. Serena’s happiness had played no part in his calculations. That worried father act I’d seen in the hospital that night wasn’t because he feared for his daughter’s life but because he didn’t want his business deal to fall apart.

  There was nothing more to say. Serena’s injury, as he called it, was merely a setback to his plans. Since he wanted me to watch over her, I knew what I had to do.

  I had to convince her to get the hell away from that house and never look back.

  * * *

  Serena passed me as I stood at the bottom of the staircase and said nothing as she began to walk up to her room. Except for the bandages on her wrist, she looked like she always had.

  Gentle and sweet, like that girl who came to my room all those nights. Except now her face was expressionless, a void.

  I followed her as she walked down the hallway to her bedroom, all the while wanting to ask how she was feeling and if she needed anything, and to tell her I loved her, but I didn’t. Her silence felt like a barrier she put up between us. I didn’t understand why, though.

  At her bedroom door, she turned around to face me. The pain in her eyes stopped me dead, and then she spoke for the first time.

  “My father says you’re the one who found me, Ryder,” she said flatly.

  I smiled. “I’m just glad I got there in time.”

  She narrowed her eyes and stepped toward me. “I’m not. I found a way to escape and you took that away from me. I won’t ever forgive you for that.”

  My breath caught in my throat at her words, and I stared down at her knowing she meant what she’d said. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but knowing she didn’t want to be saved made my chest hurt.

  “I couldn’t let you go like that. I love you,” I said, not caring who might hear me.

  “I hate you. I hate that you took that away from me. I hate that you’re the one who gets to babysit me to make sure I don’t try it again so I can be married off to some man I don’t even know. Anything I ever felt for you is gone. I hate you, Ryder.”

  The last thing I saw before she slammed the door in my face was that familiar sad look of pain in her eyes that never failed to make my heart feel like it was being squeezed in a vice.

  I stood staring at her bedroom door wondering what to do next. Robert had insisted that I had to stay in the room with her, but I didn’t need to try the doorknob to know she’d locked me out. Knowing what he’d do if I disobeyed his direct order, I knocked and hoped to God she
wouldn’t look at me in that devastated way anymore.

  She didn’t answer, so I knocked again and quietly said, “Serena, please don’t make this more difficult than it has to be.”

  Flinging the door open, she glared up at me. “For who? You? Why should I make this easy on you, Ryder? You make sure I lose the one chance to do the right thing, and you want me to make your job easier? Fuck you.”

  She began to slam the door in my face again, but I caught it just in time and held it open enough that I could squeeze my face into the space between it and the doorjamb. “I don’t have a lot of choices here, Serena. Your father wants me to make sure you’re safe. So that’s what I have to do.”

  That I said those things for the benefit of anyone in the house listening meant nothing as I saw her fight back tears. She slowly backed away from the door and sat down on the bed while I closed the door behind me. Never before had I seen anyone as defeated as she looked at that moment.

  “So now I’m a prisoner?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper. “And you’re my jailer?”

  “It’s not like that,” I answered weakly, knowing it was exactly as she’d put it.

  And in a month’s time, if I didn’t get her away from here, she’d trade one jailer for another.

  Serena closed her eyes and sighed, making her whole body fold until she sat hunched over. “Why would you, of all people, do this to me? I found a way out, and you took it from me. Why?”

  I pressed my back against the door as the memory of her bleeding to death in that bathtub rushed over me. “I couldn’t let you die. I couldn’t. I love you, Serena.”

  Looking over at me, she began to cry. “I did this because I love you. I couldn’t bear marrying another man, but I couldn’t leave knowing he’d hurt my mother. So now you’ve consigned me to a life no one would want.”

  If I wanted to convince her to leave this place, now was the moment. I walked over to the side of the bed and crouched down in front of her, taking her hands in mine. She didn’t pull away or even move when I touched her, but she avoided my gaze and turned her head as her tears began to stream down her cheeks.