by Lacey Black
“Cupcakes, huh? Those are my favorite!”
I help Mom and Brooklyn fill the cupcake papers and then stick them in the oven and set the timer. When the task is complete, Brooklyn takes off to go play in the family room, leaving me alone with Mom in the kitchen.
“So, how was your night?”
“Ugh. Good until the tequila.”
She laughs a full belly laugh at me and says, “Oh, I remember those days. It’s always fun until the next morning.”
“Yeah. Jake and Maddox were there after work, and we played pool most of the night. Maddox ended up driving Holly and me home after the tequila shots.”
Mom arches her eyebrow. “Maddox, huh? Such a nice young man.”
Why do I feel like she’s baiting me? I do not want to talk about Maddox or the kiss. The kiss that I can’t stop thinking about. “He is a nice guy, I guess.”
“Someday, someone is going to snatch that one up. He’ll be a great husband and a wonderful father to a very lucky child.” Mom gives me a pointed look and I feel myself start to blush.
“He doesn’t want to get married, Mom. He’s just like Jake. A confirmed bachelor until the day he dies.”
“Oh, that’s hanky. Maddox does want all of that, he just doesn’t know it yet. He’s waiting on the right girl to come along and show him how to love and be loved. He’ll get there. And don’t get me started on Jake. That boy needs someone with a good, firm hand to smack some sense into that thick skull of his. He is the most stubborn man I know. I see things in Jake that even Jake doesn’t see because if he did, he’d turn tail and run the other direction. When he’s ready to find someone, to fall in love and settle down, he’s going to fall hard. Just you wait and see.”
“Don’t let him hear you saying that.”
We continue to chat and catch up about everything we can think of. After lunch, I lay Brooklyn down for her nap in my old room which mom outfitted with a twin sized bed for Brooklyn. I head out into the backyard to watch the wind blow through the trees and listen to the birds sing. It’s so peaceful and soothing to just sit here. I loved sitting in the backyard when I was growing up. It’s a large, spacious yard with plenty of room to run and play. There’s also a large patio with a fire pit which I love. As I sit and listen to the trees move and the birds chirp, the backdoor opens, and my brother Will walks out.
“Want some company?”
“Sure,” I reply.
He sits in the lounge chair next to me. We’re both quiet for awhile, enjoying the serenity of the outside oasis. “So, I heard you went out last night,” Will finally breaks the silence.
“How’d you hear?”
“Oh, you know this town. Everyone knows everything about everyone.” He’s quiet for a few moments. “Heard you and Maddox kicked Jake’s ass in pool,” he adds with a smug smile.
I laugh and fill him in on our evening of shooting pool. I leave out the tequila part and the part where Maddox drives me home. Will may be the brother that I’m the closest too, but he’s still my older brother. I’m wrapping up the story when the back door opens again. Jake steps out in his uniform and sits down in an empty patio chair.
“Heard you guys were out here,” Jake says.
“Heard you let your little sister kick your ass in pool again,” Will smarts off.
“Screw you! She cheated!” Will and I have a good laugh at his tone and instant defensiveness.
Mom pokes her head out the door holding a bag of food for Jake to take on the road, hollering for us to come in for dinner. I help her gather up the food in the kitchen and take it to the dining room where Maddox is standing in the entry way talking to my dad. He looks amazing in his uniform. The way the material conforms to his big body, curving tightly against his toned muscles. I could stand here and drink in the sight of him all night.
Maddox looks up and makes eye contact with me. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I can never tell. Is he remembering last night? Is he embarrassed or feeling guilty? Has he been thinking about the kiss all day like I have? He gives me his lopsided grin; the one I consider his flirty grin. I return his grin with my own flirty one before he turns his attention back to my dad.
Jake comes into the dining room carrying a big bag of food and leans down to kiss Brooklyn. “Who’s your favorite uncle, Bean?”
She doesn’t even have time to reply before Will yells, “Hey!” Brooklyn giggles at her uncle’s back and forth teasing. He leans down and gives her another kiss on the crown of her head. I hear her softly mumble, “You are my favowite, uncle Jake,” followed by a little giggle.
“That’s what I thought. Bye, Bean. I love you.” He turns and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before heading out the front door, Maddox trailing quietly behind. And just like that, he’s gone. Those two minutes I spent looking at him, being with him in the same room, and I’ll be thinking about him for the rest of the night.
Brooklyn dives into her lasagna like she hasn’t eaten all day, and I know that’s not true because I caught my mom sneaking her snacks from the counter all day long when she thought I wasn’t looking. All in all, today was a pretty enjoyable day and evening. It’s a smaller dinner since Jake and Nate are both working and no one brought friends this week. I love spending time with my family and am so glad that we are close so Brooklyn gets to experience this.
Now as I drive home with Brooklyn trying not to fall asleep in the backseat, I wonder what my dreams will bring me tonight. Will they be filled with those chocolate eyes I can’t seem to forget? I have a feeling my dreams will definitely be sweet tonight.
I climb into the squad car with Jake on Tuesday morning, still reeling three days later from the kiss Saturday night with Avery. When Jake wanted to stop by his parents house on Sunday night to grab some food I was conflicted as hell. I wanted to see Avery so badly, yet I didn’t want to risk her being able to see how much that kiss really impacted me and sent my head spinning leaving a wave of confusion and lust in its wake.
“Hey, you never told me how it went with the girl Saturday night,” he asks.
“I didn’t go home with her,” I mumble.
He looks at me, wide eyed and full of surprise. “What? She was hot with big boobs and was ready to show you a good time!”
“I know that. I’ve been there before with her, Jake. I ended up taking your sister home.” The words left my mouth before I considered their meaning to a guy like Jake. I quickly look at him as rage fills his face, turning it an ugly shade of red.
“You better explain ‘taking my sister home’ right now,” he growls through firmly clenched teeth.
I throw my hands up in the air as if waving the surrender flag. “No, no, no. I mean just that. After you left, she and Holly got drunk off tequila shots so I drove them each home. That’s it. End of story.” He didn’t need to know that was, in fact, not the end of the story.
“Oh. Good. For a minute there, I was about to drag you out of this car and beat the living shit out of you.” Well, now I feel like an even bigger pile of shit. I can’t tell him I think his sister is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and that I made out with her in her doorway like a horny teenager. Shit! I’ve done it twice. I am the world’s worst friend.
I change the subject back to the reason we are climbing into the car. Work. Patrol. Safe. Our Tuesday morning is fairly busy with routine traffic stops so the morning passes pretty quickly. As lunchtime rolls around, Jake says he needs to run by the bakery to pick up some goodies that his mom has for him. We pull the squad car into an available spot along the street and head inside the bakery. It smells delicious. But then I smell the one scent I can pick out anywhere. Vanilla. Not just any vanilla, but a very specific vanilla. I turn to see Avery sitting with her mom at one of the small tables in the back, eating a sandwich. She must be on her lunch break.
She looks up and our gazes meet. Jake is already walking over to her to give her a big hug, followed quickly by a hug to his mom. I quietly stroll up behind them, making myself look busy by
checking out the treats in the display case.
Elizabeth walks up to me and gives me a big motherly hug. She kisses me on the cheek and gives me a warm smile. “I’m glad you and Jake could stop by for a few moments on Sunday night,” she says. “I always feel better knowing that you both are eating a good meal every now and then.”
“I appreciate you feeding me every once in awhile, Mrs. S. I’ve never had bad food when it’s come from your place.” I can’t tell her that the whole time I was standing in her house, I was pretending not to be thinking about the one girl who is now sitting in front of me. Avery looks over at me and gives me a small smile. Her cheeks redden a little, and I can tell she’s embarrassed. I wonder what just went through her mind. She goes back to talking with Jake and I turn my attention back to Mrs. Stevens.
Mrs. Stevens gives me a sly smile that makes me feel like she can see inside my soul and read my thoughts. I start to sweat a little, pulling on my collared uniform shirt. She leans in and whispers, “Nothing would make me happier.” She pulls back, gives me another kiss on the cheek and walks away towards the back of the bakery. I don’t know what to say or do. What the hell does she mean? Nothing would make her happier. Me and Avery? My mind is all over the damn place.
Jake slaps me on my back and we head back towards the front door. He hollers a good-bye over his shoulder at his mom and heads out the door. As I’m getting ready to head through the door, I turn back toward Avery. She’s watching me. Our eyes lock for a brief moment and it makes my heart stop. Her eyes are the first thing I think of every morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. And now I’m thinking about that kiss. The most perfectly amazing kiss. I’ve thought of nothing else since it happened Saturday night. As if sensing where my thoughts are, Avery reaches up and lightly touches her lips like she did Saturday night after the kiss. I give her a little smile and head out the door. Oh, yeah, she’s thinking of it too.
*****
I’m heading home after work on Thursday when I remember that my fridge is completely bare. I don’t even have beer which is unacceptable. So I make a quick left at the next stop light and head towards the market. I walk the aisles with my cart, grabbing a few things here and there. I’m not a big cook, but I enjoy using the grill. So I load up on steaks, burgers, dogs, and chops. I make a quick trip down the produce aisle for some potatoes and other items, and then head back towards the bread aisle for buns. As I turn the corner, I come face to face with Drake. He hasn’t noticed me yet, but I can tell he’s in a heated discussion with someone. A girl. Shit, not just any girl. Avery.
She has her back to me so I can’t see her face, but I sense that this can’t be good. Her entire body radiates tension and is as stiff as a board. As far as I know, Drake has wanted nothing to do with his former girlfriend and their daughter since she found out she was pregnant. My need to protect her kicks in and before I know it, I’m abandoning my cart and striding towards her.
I hear Drake say, “She looks just like you.” No reply from Avery. Drake continues, “So, still not seeing anyone? That doesn’t really surprise me, Avery. You’ve always been opinionated and difficult. You should meet Kelsey. She’s great. You’d probably really like her.”
I can hear her gasp in surprise. What an ass! Drake still hasn’t seen me approaching them, so I decide to walk up behind her, throw my arm over her shoulder, and give her a light kiss on the cheek. She tenses at first from the contact and turns to face me. I’ve clearly caught her off guard.
“There you are,” I say. “I was looking for you and Bean.” As if on perfect cue that I couldn’t have planned better myself, Brooklyn sees me and reaches up for me. I gladly take her out of the cart and cuddle her to my chest, kissing her on her pudgy little cheek. She gives me a big happy greeting that honestly melts my heart. I could seriously love this little girl.
I throw my arm back around Avery and turn to scowl at Drake. He’s standing there with his mouth slightly gaped open, eyes flying back and forth between Avery and me.
“Huh. I didn’t see that one coming. I’m sure ol’ Jake loves you doing his baby sister.” I instantly see red. I want to punch this douchebag straight in his running trap. Before I can reply, I hear Avery say, “Well, as long as it’s not YOU I’m doing, he doesn’t seem to mind so much.”
He gives us a cocky little smile and starts to turn his back, but before he walks away, he throws over his shoulder, “Let me know when you want to get together and meet Kelsey.” I stand there with my arm around Avery, holding Brooklyn, and fight the urge to follow him outside and beat him bloody. No one gives a crap about his high maintenance girlfriend that he’s probably already cheating on.
“Did he seriously just ask you if you wanted to meet his girlfriend?”
She’s still staring off at the place he once stood and replies, “Yeah. Can you believe that? He didn’t even ask me about Brooklyn. Just said ‘She looks like you’. That’s it. No ‘how has she been’ or ‘is she a good girl’. Nothing.”
“He doesn’t deserve to know anything about her. He’s too narrow minded to realize what he’s missing.” I lean down and give Brooklyn another kiss on her cheek. She was happily chatting to herself, oblivious to the ordeal that lay before her or the fact that she just met her sperm donor father.
“I know. I just feel bad for her sometimes,” she said as she rubs her hand on Brooklyn’s back. It’s at that moment that we both realize that I still have my arm around her. She clears her throat and steps back. I feel the void immediately when she steps out of my embrace. I ask Brooklyn about the cookies she either ate earlier or is planning on eating. I’m not sure which but she hasn’t stopped babbling about them since I got here. She gives me her best toothy grin and hugs me one more time. I close my eyes and breathe in her little scent. She smells like baby lotion and cookies. That douchebag that just walked away has no idea what he gave up. And if I have my way, he never will.
I put Brooklyn back in the cart and turn to face Avery. She watched the exchange between her daughter and me but has kept quiet. Everything inside me is screaming to ask her out; to take her to dinner. Make her smile. But I can’t do that. Not if I want to live, and I do value my life. Jake will kill me slowly and bury my body somewhere on the family property.
So I give her a quick good-bye and steer my cart towards the checkout after grabbing the first package of buns I find. I can’t help but think that someday, someone is going to be the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet to get to share his life with Avery and Brooklyn. It just sucks that it won’t be me.
After unloading the groceries from the Wrangler and getting Brooklyn settled in the living room with her favorite cartoons, I grab the phone to call Holly. I pace my small kitchen as I tell her all about the exchange in the grocery store with Drake and about Maddox swooping in and saving the day.
“He likes you,” she says. “I see it in the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching.”
“Yeah, well, even if that were true, he still isn’t doing anything about it. You should have seen the look in his eyes after he realized he was kissing me Saturday night. It was just a stupid impulse. He was probably mad he missed out on taking Miss Big Boobs home that night.”
“No, he totally could have taken her home if he wanted to. But, I think he wanted to take you home instead.”
“All the more reason to stay away from him, Holly. He feels obligated to help and protect me. He’s Jake’s friend. Of course he feels that need to help me. That’s all it was Saturday night and that’s all it was tonight in the grocery store.”
“If you say so. But I’m telling you, that boy has feelings for you. One of these days, they will all come to a head and you will both realize you love each other.”
“I don’t love him,” I throw back at her, stumbling a little on the words.
“Riiiiiiight. Avery, you’ve been fantasizing about that man for ten years. When you think about your life five, ten, or even twenty years from now, d
o you see him in it? And not as Jake’s friend.”
I take my time answering her question even though I already knew the answer. I can’t picture my life without Maddox in it. So I give a quiet, “Yes.”
“Well, Avery, go after your happiness. Don’t let Jake and your other brothers scare you away from what you want. And what you want is him, right? You want Maddox.”
“Yes,” I say. “But, Holly, he’s a player. He’s just like Jake. A different girl every weekend. I don’t want that. I want stability. I want respect. I want loyalty. I want trust. Maddox doesn’t even know what those things are in terms of a real relationship. I have a little girl and I need all those things for her as well as myself.”
“So, you’re willing to let him go because you’re scared he won’t be what you need? Without even really finding out and giving him the chance to be the person you are looking for?”
“You have to have him in order to let him go, Holl. I don’t have Maddox. I have a crush. And I’ll get over it.” Someday.
“It all comes down to trust for you,” she says. “You trusted Drake and he cheated. You trusted him to stand by you when you told him you were pregnant and he bolted faster than a cheetah pouncing on his prey. You trusted…what was that other guy’s name?”
“Kevin.”
“Kevin. You trusted Kevin until you found out that he had a girlfriend back home. Do you trust anyone?”
“I trust my parents. My brothers. I trust you.”
“But no other men? See, you don’t open up to anyone else because you’re so afraid of what will happen if it all comes crashing down. You’re so afraid of loving someone because you’re afraid that they’ll take that love back. Not all guys are cheaters or users. And do you know what, Avery? It might all come crashing down with Maddox,” she pauses for dramatic effect. “But what if it doesn’t?”
I’m silent for awhile. Mostly because I know she’s right and I just don’t want to say it. I sigh and finally say, “I’m scared.”
