by Lacey Black
“I know, sweetie. But you have to put yourself out there and believe that someone is worth the risk. Some guys are going to let you down. Some are going to hurt you and make you cry. But, I promise you, someone out there won’t. Someone is worth that risk.”
We finish up our conversation and hang up with the promise to grab dinner soon. As always, she’s giving me so much to think about. I glance down at my little girl as she plays with her dolls and watches cartoons. I don’t want to do this alone forever. I want to share my life, my love, and my daughter with someone. It’s time to figure out how to trust again.
*****
I place Brooklyn in the stroller, load up the travel bag and sandwiches in the compartment in the bottom of the stroller, and head towards the park. This could very well be the last beautiful Saturday before fall officially settles in and the temperatures drop. The leaves are turning beautiful shades of red, orange and yellow, and I can’t help but smile at the simplicity of the great day.
I push the stroller towards the swings, lock the brakes, and release the toddler from her restraints. As I set her down on the ground, she doesn’t take off towards the swings like she normally does, she bolts towards the walking path. She’s heading towards Maddox. He has a big smile on his face and his arms stretched out towards her. She runs straight into his open arms. He picks her up and spins her around, making her giggle with joy. I smile at their exchange.
“What are you doing here?” I ask with a smile on my face.
Maddox is brushing the blond hair from Brooklyn’s face as he replies, “I was just going for a run when I saw you.”
“Push me, push me,” Brooklyn yells to Maddox as he places her back down on the ground.
“Well, I haven’t had an offer that good in forever,” he quips with a sly smile on his face. He places Brooklyn in the swing and gives her a gentle push. She’s all smiles as she asks to go higher and higher. I give her a little wave as I watch from the sidelines. I walk over toward Maddox to make sure he’s okay with pushing her.
“You don’t have to stay if you have things to do. You said you were going for a run,” I say.
“I have nothing important to do. I wanted to get out of the house and enjoy the weather so I decided to go for a run. I’d love to stay and push Bean, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind.”
It’s quiet for a few minutes as he continues to push Brooklyn in the swing. The silence doesn’t feel uncomfortable, it feels comfortable and right. I watch the falling leaves and listen to all the children running around the park, playing on the swing sets and slides, climbing on the monkey bars. I listen to my own daughter’s happy giggles as she swings higher and higher.
I finally decide to break the quiet. “So…big plans tonight?”
He glances at me and gives me that smile that wets my panties. “Nope, I’m just hanging out at home tonight.”
“No big date?” Shut up, stupid. I don’t want to know if Maddox is dating.
“Uhh, no. I’ve been avoiding the Pub lately.”
“Why? You were there last Saturday night after work when I was there.”
“I know. When I was on my run and ran into you on your porch, you mentioned to me that you were going out with Holly on Saturday night. I wanted to be there to keep any eye on you. So when Jake and I got off work, we met uptown.”
“Keep an eye on me?” I knew it. He’s just like my brothers. He only wants to protect me.
“Yeah, I wanted to make sure no one was hitting on you and trying to take you home,” he says with a glance over at me.
I think about that for a few moments. “Well, nothing to worry about. No one even talks to me when Jake is around.”
“Gabe did,” he replies.
“Gabe. Gabe hits on everything with legs and a skirt. He’s harmless.”
“I still wanted to kill him,” he replies almost absently and without looking at me. I’m now turned towards him, watching him push my daughter on the swing, wondering if I just heard him correctly.
“What?” It’s all I can get out of my suddenly dry mouth.
He stops pushing the swing and steps toward me. He gets right in front of me, removing practically all the empty space between us. “I. Wanted. To. Kill. Him. He wanted to take you home and all I kept thinking of was that I would beat the living shit out of him if he even touched you.” Following an intense, pointed look, he turns back towards Brooklyn and begins to push her.
I have no idea what to say. My brain literally stopped working. I stare at this man. The man I’ve been lusting after for the better part of a decade, and now I can’t even form a sentence.
He bends down to get Brooklyn from the swing, throws her up on his shoulders, and smiles at me. “Lunch?” he says as he turns and walks back towards the abandoned stroller.
And there I stand; staring at his very fine retreating ass, in loose running shorts no less, still trying to find my voice.
I grab the blanket I spot stuffed under the stroller and start to spread it out. Avery joins us moments later and starts to pull the sandwiches and other goodies out, but I can tell she’s flustered. Brooklyn is still perched up on my shoulders, enjoying the up and down while giggling and holding on for dear life.
Avery tries to make a grab for her but she throws a fit and doesn’t want down. “Come on, Bean. Its lunchtime,” I say and pluck her down from my shoulders, depositing her on the blanket. I sit next to her and she instantly climbs up on my lap. Avery stands there by the blanket and just watches us. I realize I’m perfectly content with holding Brooklyn on a blanket in the park. When in the fuck did that happen?
Avery sits down across from us and starts to hand Brooklyn pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that she had pre-cut. “I wasn’t planning on another person so I only have this one other sandwich. Split it?”
I look up at her, into her crystal blue eyes, and smile. She’s so damn sexy, even when she’s offering me half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “Is it strawberry jelly or grape?” I ask.
“Stawbewy,” Brooklyn says as she stuffs another chunk of sandwich in her already full mouth.
“Don’t talk with food in your mouth, Brooklyn, and chew that up before you stuff more in there,” she tells her daughter in her stern ‘mom’ voice. “Are you a jelly snob, Maddox?” I glance up, and she has a big smile on her face. I’d say anything - do anything - to keep that smile there.
“Not so much a snob as I am not a fan of grape jelly.”
“Well, you’re in luck then,” she replies and hands me half the sandwich. I take the half she’s offering me and hand her a bottle of water. She opens the bag of potato chips and places them in between us. Brooklyn dives in with both hands, and I’m pretty sure she’s left half her sandwich smeared all over the bag of chips.
Once lunch is finished - and yes I’m still starving - we head back over to the swings. Brooklyn is in heaven on the swings, and Avery and I have taken turns over the last hour pushing her. Avery must notice her daughter’s eyes getting heavy. “I think its nap time.”
“No nap! No nap,” she exclaims.
“Ah, come on, Bean. It’s time for my nap, too. Let’s head home and lay down for a bit,” I say as I pull her from her swing.
Avery starts gathering up the remains of our picnic and dumps all the trash in the trashcan. We load up the stuff we’re keeping and head back towards their house. Brooklyn is perched back up on my shoulders again, talking a mile a minute about the birds and butterflies and kids she played with at the park. Avery’s pushing the stroller behind us and remains quiet, appearing to be lost in her own thoughts.
We get back to their house and park the stroller around back by the small garage. Her home phone is ringing as we slip in the back door. She answers it quickly before the caller can hang up, sounding genuinely happy to hear whoever the caller is on the other end. I walk back towards the back of the house to Brooklyn’s bedroom. It’s a pretty small house. An older 2 bedroom, 1
bath home with an eat-in kitchen and living room. Just right for Avery and Brooklyn. It’s probably pretty affordable too which I’m sure is part of the attraction Avery has for the house as a single mother. I know that when she got pregnant and Drake booted her from their apartment she had just moved into, she moved back home with her parents where she stayed for awhile after Brooklyn was born. Jake helped secure this place for her and his niece. He’s not that far from her, and I’m practically right around the corner about three blocks away.
I help Brooklyn into the bathroom to clean up the remains of her PB & J sandwich face. After I get her cleaned up, she tells me she has to potty. ‘Well, shit,’ I mumble quietly to myself as I rub the back of my neck. Um…now what do I do? I’ve never changed a diaper before. Does she wear a diaper? Hell, I’ve definitely never helped a toddler use the restroom. But without me even needing to help her, she pulls her pants down and sits on the potty chair across from the toilet. I look away because it feels like I’m violating something here. I feel the urge to whistle so that I don’t have to listen to her go to the bathroom. When she’s done, I hand her a little wad of toilet paper, all while keeping my back to her. She gives me a happy and enthusiastic, “all done,” and I help her get her pants up straight without really looking down or making eye contact. She places her little hand inside of mine and pulls me towards her bedroom.
Her room looks like a damn toy store exploded. It’s not messy by any means, but there is at least one of everything in this room. Pink and purple everywhere. I feel like I should leave my balls at the door just to step foot in here.
She heads straight to the bookshelf and grabs a worn book from the shelf. She walks over to me, hands it over, and climbs into her little bed with Miss Sparkles. Okay, so I’m gonna read a story apparently.
I sit on the floor next to her bed and open up “Do Princesses Really Kiss Frogs?” I glance at the little blond lying on her bed, watching me with her curious blue eyes and waiting for me to start.
“Daddy, what do princesses wear on a hike? As long as it’s sensible, they wear what they like,” I start. I glance back down and see her watching me intently. I continue on with the next page and the next. Finally, I read the last page, “Oh Daddy, look at the view! There’s something about it that reminds me of you!” I look back at Brooklyn and see she’s sound asleep. I can’t help but watch her little chest rise and fall, her even breathing so content in sleep.
I look up at the doorway and notice Avery for the first time. “I usually get the ‘Why don’t I have a daddy’ question when I read that.”
I lean over and kiss Brooklyn’s sleeping face and get up off the floor. After returning the book to the bookshelf, I head out into the hall as Avery closes the door behind us. “Well, I’m honestly glad she didn’t ask me that. I would have had no clue what to say.”
She shrugs her head and said, “I just tell her that someday she will have the best daddy in the world. Until then, she gets to spend all her time with me.” She’s smiling again, but not the happy, full of life smile I love to see. This one’s a little sad.
She shakes it off and heads into the kitchen. “Beer?”
“Sure,” I reply. I sit down at her little kitchenette as she slides a beer in front of me. We start chatting about my work, her work, and everything else we can think of. My beer’s been empty for an hour, but I don’t care. I’m content with sitting here in her kitchen and talking with her all afternoon. We usually don’t talk too much. I usually avoid it since every time I get too close I start to get a hard on. And she always seems a little shy around me. But right now, in her kitchen, this is probably the most fun I’ve had talking with another person in a long time. Jake and I always talk about football or sex. And as that word creeps into my mind, I start to imagine Avery sitting on the edge of that counter, legs wrapped firmly around my waist, while I bury myself deep inside her.
As if a gift straight from the heavens, Brooklyn chooses that moment to wake up. When Avery heads to her room to help get her up and ready for the rest of the day, I take the opportunity to think about my grandma. My co-workers swimming at the pool. Anything to help relieve the wood I’m sporting under the table.
Brooklyn comes running into the kitchen, and I realize it’s getting close to dinner time. Avery probably wants to get something going for supper, and honestly I’m still starving since I only ate half a PB & J sandwich and a handful of chips. I get up and start to head towards the door. Brooklyn realizes I’m probably heading out and starts to whine. “Don’t go. I want you to eat pizza wiff me,” she says, throwing her little arms around my thigh.
Avery comes into the room and tries to remove her daughter from my left leg. “Honey, Maddox is probably ready to go. He didn’t do any of the things he had planned for today. You’ll see him again very soon.”
Brooklyn starts to cry and my heart jumps in my tight chest. “But I want Maddox to eat pizza wiff me.” Damn, I can’t handle the tears. I can take a punch straight in the face. I can take down a drugged out teenager running from the police to avoid arrest. I can take a 240 pound grown man and throw him on the ground like he weighs nothing. But the sight of this three year old crying against my leg is my undoing. I realize at that moment I would do anything for her, include having pizza with her.
I look up at Avery who is beside herself at Brooklyn’s behavior. I give her a lopsided grin and say, “Well, looks like I have a date with a beautiful little blond tonight. Pizza it is.”
Avery just stands there in the middle of her living room and stares at me. After a moment, she breaks out in a shy little grin, too. And I realize I would do anything for her too. Fuck. I know at this moment that I’m not strong enough to walk away. All I can do is sit back and enjoy the ride. And hope that Jake doesn’t find out.
Maddox and Brooklyn are playing in the living room while I get the table set for the pizza. Saturday nights are usually our night to order in. On the rare occasion I want to deal with taking a toddler out, we’ll go out for dinner at a local restaurant. Originally, Holly was going to join us this evening for dinner but was asked on a date. She was vague on the phone about who she was going out with, so I can’t wait to interrogate her a little more tomorrow morning.
The doorbell rings but before I can grab my purse and head towards the front door, Maddox is standing there, pizza in hand, and handing the delivery guy some cash. “You didn’t have to do that. We invited you for dinner,” I say as he shuts and relocks the front door.
“You may have invited me, but there is no way in hell you are buying my pizza. I’m an old fashioned guy. It ain’t happening, sweetheart,” he answers with another of those award winning, panty dropping grins. My lady parts tingle from his term of endearment.
He grabs my daughter on his way into the kitchen, and we all start to settle in for pizza. I cut Brooklyn’s slice up into bite sized pieces while Maddox throws a slice of cheese and sausage on my plate and gets two for himself. I fill up Brooklyn’s cup with apple juice and grab two beers before sitting down for dinner.
Brooklyn has already smeared pizza sauce all over her face and is trying to feed Maddox some of her pizza. He’s a good sport about it, even takes a pieces straight from her messy hand and eats it like he’s never had anything better. Brooklyn laughs which makes both of us laugh. He looks adorable with pizza sauce smeared over his bottom lip. It makes me want to lick it off.
After the entire pizza is devoured, mostly by the man sitting across from me, I start to steer Brooklyn towards the bathroom for her evening bath. Maddox is in my kitchen cleaning up our dinner remnants. I’m not used to having someone in my kitchen helping me out with the cleaning. Every time my brothers are here, they have no problem leaving the mess in the kitchen and taking over the television in the living room. I try to tell him to leave it and that I will do it later, but he’s not having it. “No way. You go give Bean a bath, and I’ll wash up these dishes.”
I mumble a quiet thanks and head towards the bathroom. I
turn on the water to start filling the tub and start to strip down my messy three-year old. Brooklyn is chucking a handful of bath toys into the tub while I take a few moments to try to catch my breath. Once I get her naked and inside the tub, she’s content with talking and playing like always. I grab a washcloth and start to lather her up. I love the smell of her baby shampoo, and I can’t help but give her head a little sniff as I rinse it clean of all the suds. Once the water is all soapy and her hands are starting to get wrinkly, I release the drain and help her out. I wrap her Disney Princesses bath towel around her wet little body and carry her into her bedroom. There, she picks out her favorite kitty cat pajamas and sits down while I brush her hair.
“Mommy, I wike Maddox. Can he stay and pway wiff me more?” she said as I pick up her wet towel and throw it into the hamper.
“Well, we’ll just have to see, sweetie.” This isn’t exactly a conversation I can have with my three year old. While I’d love for Maddox to stay for as long as I can keep him here, I’m sure he has plans. Maybe even a date.
Brooklyn heads back out to the living room and jumps on the couch with him. She’s sitting on his lap happily watching Sports Center with him. My daughter. Watching Sports Center. Go figure. I guess I should be more surprised but honestly, I’ve always wondered if she likes watching sports. Every time she comes home from hanging out with Jake or Nate, she ends up yelling at the TV and saying someone is blind as a bat to miss that call. I’m pretty sure she even used to the phrase ‘what a shitty call’ at a high school baseball game over the summer.
As the evening rolls on and night falls, my little princess starts to doze off on Maddox’s lap. I realize it’s a little past her bedtime and start to reach for her. He focuses those chocolate brown eyes on me and says, “I’ve got her.” We walk together back towards her bedroom, Maddox gently laying her down in bed. She barely opens her eyes as I cover up her sleepy little body with the warn princess blanket. As I lean down to give her a kiss on her forehead, she whispers, “I wove you, Mommy.”
