Desire of the Soul

by Alana Topakian

Secrets

  I was floating again, floating through time. Colors twirled past me as I went back in time, creating a rainbow for me to look at. But, instead of going years in the past like last time, I was kicked out of the swirl that was time. I landed roughly on my butt in the middle of a dirty bar, only a couple weeks back from the present. 

  Luke was sitting at the counter sipping at a beer; he definitely used his fake ID to get it, and was chatting with another guy. Duke. My heartbeat sped up as I started at him smiling and laughing as though he had no care in the world. 

  “All right Luke, you seem like a pretty cool guy, but I have to do this. It’s the only way I can get to her. Listen to what I say; we just got into a terrible bar fight and you beat me up pretty bad. You’ll use that as an excuse to have your girlfriend call me, because if she doesn’t then I might sue,” Duke said, his words wrapping around Luke like ribbon.

  Luke’s’ eyes glazed over, and he repeated the words that Duke said to him. “A bar fight, I hurt you, you want to sue,” he mimicked, and walked toward the door that was the exit of the bar.

  Without another word Duke zipped away, my body trailing after him as he took familiar twists and turns that without a doubt led to my house. He jumped into the large acorn tree in front of my bedroom window, and my body instinctively repeated his movements. 

  “I’m coming for you Tammy,” he whispered, looking at my closed window. “Don’t worry.”

  I remember this night perfectly. I had thought there was a noise outside and so I had run to my window and looked out of it. 

  Just as I expected, my face peered out of the window like a ghost. Duke backed against the tree, blending into the dark shadows the branches had created. My face searched for another minute before giving up and moving away from the window, and I exhaled a long breath. I hadn’t been crazy. There really had been someone outside my window! But why Duke? How did he know me? And why did he not just make himself invisible to me? 

  It would’ve been a hell of a lot easier for him, since moving caused rustling of the leaves. It didn’t matter how quiet you could be, one small movement and my acorn tree would rustle loudly. 

  My mind swirled on the possibilities, my eyes closing as they usually did when I thought hard. I felt wind breeze around me, lifting my hair and tickling the back of my neck. PLOP. I rolled onto the ground in my living room. 

  Duke was talking to me, no emotion in his voice as he got ready to kill the humanity in me. No, not the humanity...I still had my humanity. I just-I just wasn’t human anymore. There was a difference. There had to be a difference.

  I focused back on the scene, looking at myself. I looked so innocent, staring at him with wide trusting eyes. Not knowing of the painful transformation that would soon take place. Not knowing about how all the myths in life were true. Not knowing I’d let an Amatores into my house. A vampire.

  I saw my eyes widen in fear as Duke froze me in place, then heard his fangs come out in a gruesome snap and his eyes lock on me with a dark hunger. But something about me looked weird, and I could tell that Duke didn’t notice. It only took me a second to pinpoint what it was. My eyes. They were turning a light pink, and I hadn’t even been bitten yet. 

  I was glad Duke closed his eyes when he bit into me though, because he didn’t have to see what I saw. My eyes burned red like the sun, and my face had turned pasty. I honestly looked like the living dead. A piercing scream emerged from my mouth, and I lashed out with my legs and arms. I hadn’t remembered fighting. All I had remembered was feeling like I was burning from the inside-out. But now as I look back, I see myself kicking and punching Duke. He lifted his face from my neck, and I kicked him across the room. 

  My ears hurt with how loud I shrieked, my eardrums no doubt bursting. Bright red tears streamed down my face, until Duke slit his wrist with a fang. My whole body stilled as the scent of his blood seemed to waft into my nose, and Duke hesitantly put his arm on my lips. I don’t even hesitate, my body taking in his blood gratefully. My body taking my blood back. 

  I stepped away from the scene, my eyes shut in thought. Why was my reaction so terrible when others took my blood? It was supposed to be a pleasurable experience, but it hurt. Just the thought of it made me shudder. Suddenly, it clicked. There was something in my blood, something special. That had to be why I couldn’t give it out, without feeling as though I was getting a part of myself ripped out. 

  I didn’t know what was wrong with my blood, but I knew who would know. Duke. I watched as he picked my body up gently, whispering words of comfort to my still body. There was a whistling sound and I walked willingly into time, having seen enough and wanting to return home. 

  I had questions that needed answers, questions that for some reason Duke would know the answer to. He seemed to know things about me that I didn’t know, and that scared me. But...why? Why was I suddenly scared? Was it Duke who scared me? Or was it the answers he’d give me? But they couldn’t be that bad...could they?

  My image blurred as the world turned into a rainbow of colors, the sight not failing to amaze me even though in the last two days I’d seen it over and over. I watched as familiar faces zoomed by, and with a kick I was back in my time. I landed back in my body, Duke sleeping soundly in a chair beside my bed. My light blue blanket was tucked tightly around me, feeling like velvet against my skin. A gasp escaped my mouth when I fully settled back into my body, and Duke shot up from the wooden chair. 

  “You’re awake,” he said, smiling sweetly as he looked at me. 

  Rage burned inside of me for many reasons, all having to do with Duke. “Yeah, I am,” I answered back coldly and Duke looked at me, confused. “How’s Kallisto? She doing okay?” I knew I wasn’t being fair, I mean I’d pretty much told him he could have her but he was supposed to say no. He was supposed to end back up with me. He was supposed to run after me.

  “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I had to let her go.”

  My mouth dropped as the words dripped out of his mouth like sweet honey, not even a trace of regret in his voice. “Why? Why let go when you’ve been chasing after her for hundreds of years?”

  “Simple. I met someone else. I met you Tammy. And anyway, Kallisto does not love me anymore either. I made her into a monster, and that monster killed thousands of people. Before she can forgive anyone else, she has to learn to forgive herself first. She disappeared without a trace, and I’m not looking for her. I have to let her make the choice of how she will live her life from now on.” Duke’s eyes were focused on the carpeted floors, a small sigh escaping his throat.

  I felt the fire inside me cool to a small burn, but I wasn’t done with Duke yet. I still needed to know what was wrong with my blood. I needed to know why it hurt when I was bitten and, now that I thought of it, why it was more pleasurable for me and my victim when I bit them. I had seen Duke bite Kallisto and, although they seemed to enjoy it, it did not look nearly as physical as it was when I bit Luke.

  “Really Duke? So are you saying that’s why you changed me?” my voice was sharp with tightly held in anger, and Duke nodded slowly.

  “That’s exactly why,” he said, and I felt exhaustion hit me. He was lying, I knew that for certain now, but I didn’t have enough energy to fight him right now. I just had to ask him my more important question, and then worry about why he was lying to me later.

   ”Duke, I have a question. And I want a real answer, I don’t want lies. Okay?” my voice was tentative, my hands shaking slightly. I didn’t want to ask, I was afraid to ask. I felt like if I did ask, then I would get the wrong answer. I knew that if I asked I would get the wrong answer.

  Duke nodded for me to go on, his eyebrows raised, and so I did.

  “Uh-um Duke... okay... here I go...what’swrongwithmyblood?” I said the words in a rush, barely able to understand them myself. But from the way Dukes face suddenly got expressionless, I knew that he knew what was wrong with it. I slouched back into my covers, willing myself not to cr
y. Sometimes being right felt like the worst thing in the world. Especially now.