Desire of the Soul

by Alana Topakian

Finding Him

  Dracul lifted his head as if he just noticed the light, and looked at me with anger deep within his eyes. Dracul, the man who had killed Duke’s mother, the man who had obviously hurt Duke too much for him to want to admit.

  “How do you know who I am?” he demanded, his voice rough and filled with fury. “You have never met me other than when I saw you in your dreams. How do you know who I am?” 

  Tears threatened to escape my eyes as fear gripped tightly at my heart. This man, he was capable of anything. He was the First after all, and didn’t that automatically mean he was like extremely powerful? “Duke told me about you,” I whispered, biting my lip nervously. Dracul’s eyes were starting to glow Red again. “But how did you know who I was? You’re supposed to be dead!”

  Dracul’s head snapped toward me, a feral snarl erupting from his mouth. “That is the lie they are feeding him? I am not dead. They are keeping me captive; if I even try to escape I am shot. It is easy to recover from the shots, but it takes blood that they barely supply me with. I don’t have the energy to leave now. And you-well you know how I know you. Is it not obvious? Think of the prophecies.”

  The revelation was quick to come, and a gasp escaped my mouth. “You wrote the prophecies, didn’t you? That’s how you know all about what the Lucis and Ater Council are planning.” I exclaimed, the fear turning into wonder. “You can see into the future?”

  Dracul looked at me with guarded eyes, his lips pursed as if debating in his mind about something. Apparently he deemed me good enough to share whatever was going on in his mind, because he nodded. “That is one way of putting it. But I would rather call it by its true name. I am a tempus viator, as are you.”

  “Uh sorry, but latin isn’t a language I speak. What does tempus viator mean?” I asked, the words sending a spark throughout my body. I wonder why I had such an effect to latin words, I mean really they weren’t that special. At least as far as I knew they weren’t that special.

  “Tempus viator means time traveler. We are both travelers in time. Actually, you and I are the only time travelers ever to be,” Dracul said, his voice matter of fact. My mouth dropped, my eyes no doubt open as wide as they can be.

  “What do you mean we’re the only time travelers? There has to be more out there! And-” I stopped short, feeling a warmth radiating throughout my body. No that couldn’t be good. Guilt flooded me, attacking from all sides until I felt on the verge of exploding. I shouldn’t be here talking to Dracul. He ruined Duke’s life, Duke whom I loved more than anyone else. “I have to go.” My voice was emotionless as I got up from the dirty cement ground. 

  “What do you mean you have to go? Yes, this is not how I planned on you learning my identity, but now that you have I have much to tell you. Although I admit that it would be much easier if I was no longer trapped. The things I could tell you, the things I could show you...” Dracul’s voice sounded wistful as he talked, his golden eyes faraway. 

  I felt myself falling into his spell, lightness taking up my whole being. “I know you are afraid of me, as you should be. I did many things I now regret. But in my time trapped here, I recovered important parts of myself. I need you to see them so that you believe me when I say that you have to rescue me from this prison. When you awake, I need you to ask Time to take you to me, take you to me right before I became this,” Dracul said, and it sounded almost like he was pleading.

  Men like him, leaders, they aren’t supposed to plead. They’re supposed to just get what they want without having to work for it. But he was pleading, and damn he even said that he regrets the things he did. Does that mean that maybe...just maybe he’s no longer the monster who had hurt Duke so badly? The guilt pulled at me again, rooting me to the ground with painful swipes. I wasn’t supposed to be thinking thoughts like these. I was supposed to despise this man, but yet I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t force myself to despise him. 

  I don’t know why, but I felt connected to him. Maybe it was because he turned Duke, so technically his blood was in me right now, but I felt...warm around him. Once more the guilty claws hit, and I winced inwardly. I wasn’t supposed to be thinking these thoughts about anyone but Duke. 

  “Time doesn’t listen to me,” I blurted out, then sighed. Okay, obviously my body was not going to listen to me today. 

  Dracul chuckled, a deep and full chuckle that sent prickles up my legs. “You have to listen to Time, only then will Time listen to you,” he answered back, and I rubbed at my head with annoyance.

  “More cryptic shit? Why can’t you people ever give me anything straight!” I raked my fingers through my hair in frustration, fighting the urge to punch the thick wall that I was leaning on. Dracul’s eyes turned a bright red, and he grabbed me tightly by the wrist. I squeaked, feeling the fear that had evaporated before come back full swing. My body tensed up, my arm aching from how tight he was holding it. 

  As if sensing my fear, the Red faded from Dracul’s eyes and he stepped away looking ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry, I cannot seem to control the Red when you are around. I thought I had tamed it completely, but I guess not.” I could tell his body was tight, even if I couldn’t see much of it with all the rags he wore as clothing, and I wanted so badly to just massage away the pain. But then I looked down at the bruises on my wrist, and thought better of that idea. 

  “I wish-Tammy I wish that I could help you more, but I honestly cannot. Time works in it’s own ways, and just when you think you have it all figured out...it turns around and bites you. I feel the dream fading Tammy, I just need to tell you one thing. Do not ever Travel more than twice a day. Promise me you won’t.” Dracul was begging again, and I wondered why he seemed to care so much for me.

  “I promise.” I heard myself say. “But why?”

  “Because it is said that when you Travel the third time in one day without rest, you will forever be stuck in Time,” he answered back, then he disappeared from the dream without so much as a goodbye.

  ---

  I woke up with a gasp, my heart racing. Duke was still sleeping soundly beside me, and so I made sure when I got up that I was quiet. My eyes immediately went to my wrist, and I felt no surprise as I saw two purple bruises on my arm, shaped like fingers. Dracul’s fingers. They healed within seconds though, neglecting to take with them the warm feeling I got in my stomach when I thought of Dracul. I looked around the room to try and get my mind off him, noticing that we were in a lavish bedroom full of obvious delicates. Everything looked so fragile, I was afraid to touch anything in fear of breaking it. 

  Two female humans were asleep on separate cots beside Duke and my bed; their eyes glazed and mouth slack. Both had plain faces with blonde hair, obviously twins, and wore white nightdresses. They looked like druggies, all though I assumed they were. But instead of being addicted to Cocaine, Meth, or other drugs, they were addicted to Amatores Sanguinis bites. If I was a human I’d probably be addicted too, I mean even for us it was like heaven in a person. So yummy. 

  Duke groaned, and I ran over to his bedside. “Are you alright? Are you awake? Are you thirsty?” The questions tumbled out, my fear for him outweighing the guilt I felt for feeling...things about Dracul.

  “Thirsty...” he whispered, his eyes changing from grey to red, to grey and then back to red. I picked up a human, glad that my energy had returned, and then ran back beside Duke. 

  “Here. And there’s another one over there.” I chewed my lip, my stomach turning as I listened to myself. God, I talked like humans were nothing! What happened to me? Disgust at myself weaved itself into me, and I frowned. I really was turning into a monster, wasn’t I? I couldn’t even try to deny it, because what I just said proved it. 

  I didn’t even notice how Duke had started feeding until the moans of pleasure got loud enough to disturb my thinking. That’s also when I noticed that Duke feeding on another girl, it made me jealous. And pissed off too. I was supposed to be the one feeding on him, and him well...He couldn’t feed o
n me cause that wouldn’t turn out so well. 

  The moans grew louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore and stormed out of the room, straight into an obviously pissed off Aness. 

  “What do you mean you can’t deliver? Of course you can!” she yelled into the phone, her wings tinged with black. “You better deliver or I swear to-” Aness cut off when she saw me, her eyes wide as saucers.

  “No uh-go ahead. I’m just moving past, sorry.” I stammered, and then rushed away so Aness could continue her yelling in private. I ran past halls that shimmered with color, begging me to stop and stare. But I didn’t have time to stop because I needed to get out of the castle, and now. 

  I felt like the walls were closing in on me, making it impossible to breathe. So many things happening, I just needed a break! I needed to stop and just let go of all my fears, let go of everything that was causing me so much stress! But I knew before I did that, I had to get someone to tell me why the hell Dracul was locked up. That thought made me skid to a stop, and turn around to run back to Aness. She would have the answers, she had to! And if she didn’t, well then hopefully she would know someone who would. If not-no I wouldn’t think of the if not’s, only the wills. 

  I ran back where I’d just came from, still wanting to get out of the castle and breathe but ignoring the feeling. 

  When I arrived back where Aness had just moments ago been screaming into her phone, I noticed that Aness’s wings were back to their pure gold, no black marring the edges. That must mean she was no longer angry, and thank God cause her angry was a little scary.

  “Aness, I have a question.” I blurted out before I could think about what I was doing. She nodded, and so I told her everything about the dream I’d just had from figuring out that the man was Dracul to the feelings she felt with him. 

  “Please, I need to know, do you know what he’s talking about? I have to listen to Time before it will listen to me. What does that mean?” I felt tears forming, and hated myself for being weak. Wasn’t being an Amatores supposed to make me stronger? Cause it seems the only thing it’s making me is weaker than a pile of hay. 

  “I don’t, I’m sorry Tammy. But, before you say anything, I think I know someone who will know something. Follow me.” Aness moved quickly, not even looking back to make sure I was actually following her. 

  We went through the same halls I’d gone through before, and down stairs I hadn’t noticed on my run to find a way outside. Deeper and deeper we went down, until my teeth were chattering hard enough to break from the coldness of the air. 

  To distract myself of the cold, I looked around at my surroundings. All I saw though was dirt. Dirt stairs and dirt walls. That’s all that made up the area that seemed to never stop going down. “Uh Aness are we almost there?” I asked between the chattering of my teeth. I rubbed my arms up and down my arms to try and get the goosebumps to leave, although it did nothing. 

  “Yes, in fact we are there right now!” she exclaimed, staring at a wall with pride. A dirt wall. With nothing on it.

  “Aness...I’m sorry to break it to you, but there’s nothing here.” My voice was soft as if I was afraid of breaking her, but she just laughed.

  “Oh Tammy, I’ve forgotten how young you are. Here let me help you, you have to look with your mind not your eyes. Close your eyes alright, and just let go of everything that holds you to this world. Let go of all your worry, your pain, your stress, let it all go.” I did what Aness said, her words soothing me and making the letting go easier. When I opened my eyes again a bronze door appeared on the wall, inscribed with foreign lettering. It glowed with the same light as Aness, and felt warm and comforting. 

  “Good job Tammy, now come with me,” she said, and opened the door. My heart stopped, and my whole body dropped to the ground. Damn, this would definitely hurt later on that much was for sure, I thought before feeling blackness take over my vision.

  ---

  I was floating through blackness, my sense of time completely gone. It felt like hours, day, even years were passing by. Memories tangled within me, though they were nothing more than blurs of the past. I wondered where I was, and what happened that stuck me in this place. Was I dead? My thoughts floated lazily around me, and I giggled. If this was heaven, I liked it. It was so calm, so warm. The blackness wrapped around me, setting me into a cocoon of comfort.

  I continued to float, worrying about nothing, wondering about nothing. That is, until his voice pushed through. ’Tammy, you have to wake up. If you do not you will be stuck in this limbo forever. It may be comfortable now, but it will not stay like this forever. Your memories and senses will soon come back, and you will see this area for what it truly is. You have to wake yourself up. Now!’ The voice sent a warm tingle throughout my body, and another giggle popped from my mouth. 

  ‘I don’t want to leave,’ I thought back, and smiled. I never wanted to leave. 

  ‘I know you do not, but you soon will. Listen to me Tammy, you have to wake yourself up. If you do not, you will never be able to get back.’ My smile quickly turned into a frown and I felt my annoyance build. Whoever this was, he was ruining the comfort, the warmth I’d just been feeling. His voice was still sending tingles up and down my body, but I was starting to feel things come alive around me. 

  Fear started to crawl up my spine, and nausea blossomed. Suddenly I felt the need to get out, I had to get out. The darkness didn’t look so peaceful anymore; in fact it was starting to take on a really scary quality. Shapes were starting to appear, shadows that danced at the edges of my vision. Each one had a different face, each one looked so lost, so terrified, so sad, it shook me to my core. 

  I felt myself sucking in their emotions more and more as I stared into their bottomless grey eyes. Sadness, terror, pain, all their feelings soaked up into me and creating a tornado inside my body. 

  ‘Tammy! Stop, please stop! Do not look into their eyes alright? That will worsen their effect, and then you will become as they are. Just-just listen to my voice. Listen to my voice, listen to me damn it, and-and pull yourself out of this place!’ 

  The voice pushed through all the feelings swirling inside of me, holding me in place so I didn’t follow the urge to speed towards the shadows. I needed to be by them, I had to be by them. 

  “Yes, come to us Tammy. Join us, and you will never again have to return to the filthy human world,” one of the shadows said, his voice like sharp metal against a chalkboard. I flinched, my hands involuntarily going to my ears. 

  The hold that the shadows seemed to have grabbed on me wavered, and I looked away. What I saw made a gasp fly out of my mouth, and pure, complete terror build up again. 

  Grey and black were the only visible colors, but that wasn’t what had scared me. No, what I was seeing was much worse. I had landed in what could only be described as another world, and everything was twisted, seeming to be almost leaning towards me. The trees looked as if close to grabbing me with their branches, the grass looked as if going to impale me, and even the flowers looked deadly. Whatever the shadows had done to me before was completely gone now, and I knew without a doubt in my mind I was done with distractions. I was leaving, now. 

  ‘How do I pull myself out?’ I yelled desperately in my mind, hoping and praying that whoever had been speaking in my head was listening. 

  I saw everything creeping closer to me, including the shadows, and felt tears build up in my eyes. If my question wasn’t answered soon, I sure as hell wasn’t coming out here ever again. I hugged my legs to my chest, rocking back and forth with my eyes shut tight. If I was going to die, I definitely didn’t want to see it happen.

  ‘Close your eyes, and seek out with your minds eye for where ever your body was supposed to land. Then imagine waking up in that exact area.’ The voice finally answered back, a mere whisper in my head.

  I did what he said, although my eyes were already closed, and looked out with my mind. I saw myself standing in the tunnel as Ane
ss opened the door, and saw myself drop to the floor and then get sucked into the blackness. Aness smiled, her wings turning black, and ran into the open door, landing in a beautiful ethereal landscape. It looked almost fairy-tale like, with a huge white castle and rich green lands. 

  Fey were flying above the greens, laughing and talking amongst one another, their faces just as ethereal as the landscape. I imagined myself in the green land, lying there as if sleeping soundly and then slowly opening my eyes.  

  A rush filled my ears, and then laughter. The same laughter I’d just heard seconds ago in the land Aness had popped into. My eyes snapped open, and I looked around. Yep, whoever was in my head and told me what to do was right. A laugh bubbled out my mouth, sounding slightly crazy, and I felt lightheaded. I wasn’t in that horrible place anymore, thank god. 

  “There you are!” Aness said, her eyes showing the relief she felt at finding me. “I’ve been looking all over for you! You just fell and then got sucked into the door! I wasn’t sure if that was what always happened when someone other than a Fey used the Doors.” Aness continued to ramble on, but I ignored her so I could look among the much more interesting place I’d landed in.

  “Where are we Aness?” I asked, interrupting her ongoing talking. My gaze was fixed on the Fey that flew above me in beautiful twists and turns, and I felt a longing to be beside them as they flew. 

  “We’re in the Seelie Court!” Her voice was proud as she helped me up, her smile wide. “I’m taking you to meet...someone, because well-well she’ll know how to help you.” Aness grabbed my hand tightly in hers, making me notice how her hands had no temperature to them. It was like they were just there, nothing more, nothing less.

  She then proceeded to rise, me rising right beside her. “Holy shit!” The words popped out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I saw many Fey give me a dirty look. Oops. 

  But that was quickly forgotten as we flew, my eyes glued to the colors and forms that passed below us. Trees thick with fruits of all different colors, lakes a sparkling clear blue, and Fey with their wings that hypnotized me with their beauty.

  We flew and flew, until our destination was clear. The castle, Aness was taking me to the castle. There weren’t any doors in the castle, just wide, open windows the same color white as the bricks. We flew into one of the windows, landing in a room holding just one thing. Or technically three. A throne made entirely of diamonds that sparkled and shone with each turn of the head, a male Fey that was built like a linebacker and looked at me as if I was a threat, and a woman sitting atop the throne. She had thick blonde hair piled delicately atop her head, and her whole face looked sharp. Her eyes were a dark green, and her wings golden. She looked extremely familiar, and it took me only a second to figure out why.

  “Hello Aness,” the woman said, her tone slightly humorous as she said Aness’s name. 

  Aness started to fidget, pulling at her green dress as if it wasn’t already perfect. Finally she looked up and into the woman’s eyes with a face devoid of any emotion. “Hello...hello mother.”