Desire of the Soul

by Alana Topakian

His Past

  My mouth dropped and a gasp spilled out as I looked at the castle. I’d never seen anything so beautiful, so amazing. The castle was made of gold, glass mosaic windows depicting pictures of intricate battles. Gold colored turrets rose into the blue sky, and a glass bridge stood over a crystal clear lake filled with fish. Oddly I noticed how there wasn’t a door, just an entryway into the castle. I started to pull Dracul forward, but he stayed rooted to his spot.

  “C’mon Dracul, let’s go in!” I said, my voice full of pure joy. I don’t think I’d ever been this happy in my life, but I couldn’t help it. Being here in this place just felt right for some reason. 

  “I cannot go in. You-you have to go in by yourself.” Dracul’s face looked so sad and lost, and I felt terrible feeling this amazing joy when he was feeling so obviously depressed. 

  “Why can’t you go in?” I asked quietly, keeping my hand tightly clasped in Dracul’s.

  “I-You will see soon. When you walk in, look for the path that stays golden. There you will find the answers to the questions that you seek.” I nodded, still confused, and walked forward hesitantly. I felt bad going in by myself when I could almost feel Dracul’s pain, but he said there was a reason so I might as well find out what that reason is.

  I bit my lip as I walked over the bridge, watching the golden fish jump out of the water every minute or so. It felt wrong walking across the bridge by myself, as if it was made for two. I paused at the middle of it and looked back, but Dracul had turned around and was staring out into the distance, his stance rigid. 

  “Go Tammy, I will stay here,” he called back, and I nodded even though I knew he couldn’t see me. I didn’t even know if he was aware of me anymore, his shoulders had dropped and he started to sink to the ground as if something was pushing him down. 

  ‘Listen to him Tammy. You need to know this, you need to see this.’ voice was just as sweet as before, slipping its way into my head. I knew that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t fight her voice, once she started talking I had to listen. I just wanted to know who she was, and why she kept finding a way into my brain. 

  My feet continued down the bridge of their accord, and I felt myself go breathless as I stared at the castle. It was amazing before, but now I was closely enough to experience it all. I felt immediately at peace, and a light happiness filled me and dug itself into my soul.

  A small smile played on my lips as I walked into the castle, feeling as if I belonged in it. Once I walked inside, I was greeted by hallways. Not one, but what looked like thousands, all different colors and all begging me to walk down them. One stood out among the others, although I don’t really know if I could call it a hallway. It stood in the middle of the entryway, just a circular tile that was no more than three feet wide and long. It was beautiful though, shimmering in the light coming through from the open doorway. Every second it changed color, and I felt so enraptured by it. I didn’t understand why though, I mean it was just a colorful tile on the otherwise bright white flooring. What made it so alluring?

  ‘The gold Tammy. You are straying from the path that Dracul has sent you here on. Go to the gold hallway.’ eyes were forced away from the tile, locking on the golden hallway immediately. It also shimmered in the light, but its shimmer was nothing compared to what I’d just seen. 

  I walked forward toward the hallway, feeling the intense desire to turn around and run to the tile. I would have, if only I could control what my feet did. I couldn’t though, and so I just watched, detached, as I entered the dark, golden hallway. As soon as I walked inside it, everything flew into bright focus and I felt dizzy with the pressure thrumming throughout my body. 

  Voices drifted out of the closed doors I passed on my way down the hall, a mixture of voices that made me both nervous and itching to hurry my way forward. 

  “Sloane, my darling. I have called you here today dear, to help change the course of the Earth Plane.” Her voice spun and wove around me, and I stopped in place. A tingling spread throughout my body, and my feet walked me into a bright golden room with high white pillars that went from floor to ceiling, and a large golden chair. Atop that chair sat a woman with beautiful blonde hair that went down to her hips, shining and gleaming in the light, and eyes of pure gold. 

  Her voice was like honey, pouring over me and warming my insides. In front of her on one knee was a man with golden hair like hers, his head bowed down slightly as if scared. 

  “What do I need to do?” A bolt zipped throughout my body and a gasp escaped my mouth. I knew that voice. It was-but I thought-this cannot be right. 

  “Who’s there?” the woman yelled, her golden eyes scanning her room and locking on me in seconds. “Who are you?”

  I tried to form words, but they wouldn’t come out. First, whoever this person was, she was seeing me, which was definitely not supposed to happen. And second, Dracul was standing in front of her, his chest free of clothes and his bottom only covered by a dark pair of slacks. He growled, staring at me as if I was a threat. 

  “Dra-Dra-Dracul?” I whispered, my hand rising to my open mouth. What the hell was happening? How was Dracul standing in front of me, when he was just outside?

  Draculs’ eyebrows came together in confusion, and he looked up at the woman. “Who is Dracul?” Dracul asked her, his voice breathy as if just staring upon the woman was like seeing an angel. Jealousy burned its way into me, and I forced the Red away. Dracul could like who ever he wanted, it didn’t matter because I loved Duke. As before, I repeated Duke’s name as a mantra within my head, but this time it just barely worked. Definitely not good.

  The woman turned away from me, her focus back on Dracul. “That is what I have asked you to come here and talk to me about. Sloane, I have a mission for you.” Dracul smiled, his eyes lighting up when whomever this was talked to him. Why did she have such an effect on him? I mean she was pretty and stuff I guess, but that was all she had going for her. 

  “A mission? What kind of mission?” An ache spread throughout me as Dracul talked, and I felt myself wishing it were me, not the woman atop the chair, who was creating such happiness in him. I wanted to run over and shake some sense into him, but I knew that would do no good. It was as if they’d completely forgotten about me, so I just kept my ground and waited to see what would happen.

  “Atiyana has decided that it is time a new world is created. She is having each Goddess and God contribute something. I would like to contribute you,” the woman said, her smile serene as she looked down at Dracul. What felt like a bolt of lightning flew through me at the name, and I wondered who this Atiyana was. I was close to asking, but then thought better of it because I had a feeling that it would be better for me to stay forgotten.

  “What do you mean? How would you contribute me?” Dracul asked, his voice soft. I had a feeling he would do anything for this women, this women who I assumed was a Goddess. What would that make Dracul? A God? I thought there was only one God though?

  “Simple, I would transform you into a being. No longer would you be a small spirit, no I will send you down there and you will rule the world I have placed you in. You will have power beyond any other creatures dreams, able to bend the will of others to do your bidding, take the life force of those unwilling to follow your way, so many things you could do,” the Goddess trailed off with a sigh, staring off as if imagining what was to be. My body trembled slightly, and I could almost swear that her eyes had turned black for just a moment.

  “But, my Goddess, my beautiful Goddess, why did you choose me?” Dracul’s voice shook as he looked up at the woman, his eyes still full with adoration for her.

  “Because you my child are the strongest and most powerful of my spirits. You are the one I can trust more than any other to make my wish become a reality. I am trusting you, young Sloane, birthed from me, , to fall upon the new world and wreak havoc on the creations of the other Gods and Goddesses. Rule them my dear son.” There it was again, the black was filling not only
her eyes, but coating her body in a thick blanket of darkness.

  My heart leapt to my throat as Dracul stepped forward, ready to fall into Cerridwen’s open arms. “No!” The yell flew from my throat, startling everyone long enough for me to push Dracul away from the Goddess and pull him away with me.

  He started to struggle against my hold, but he wasn’t an Amatores yet and my strength was a hell of a lot more than his. A piercing scream came from within Cerridwen’s room, and I had to fight the urge to cover my ears as I followed the hallway that would hopefully lead me back to the entrance of the castle. 

  “What are you doing?” Dracul asked me, his voice rough as he looked at me with pure hatred. “Take me back to her!” 

  I shook my head, not daring to speak in case Cerridwen heard. I could already feel people trailing all around us, albeit at a much slower pace, and I knew that if I made a sound, then they would be able to pinpoint our exact spot. ’Shut up! I know this seems weird, but trust me. Your Goddess…well something was screwed up about her. There was something dark surrounding her.’ yelled into my head, and forced the thought to break through Draculs’ weak mental barriers. 

  Dracul stumbled, grabbing onto his head as if a migraine had just hit him. Maybe I’d sent the thought a little too hard...but oh well. No time to feel guilty right now! I grabbed back onto Dracul’s arm and continued to drag him along, almost picking him up to make him move faster. Thankfully, no more words fell from his lips.

  Finally we were back in the entryway, and so I let go of Dracul, stepping slightly away to observe him up close. He looked the same as the one standing outside, although his blonde hair was down to his shoulders and shining brightly, instead of sort of shaggy as it was in my time. 

  “You can talk now Dracul, I have a feeling that your Goddess cannot go past her hallway. Is that true?” My voice was soft as I looked into his frightened eyes, and I felt hurt at the thought that he was scared of me. I would never do anything to him...I don’t think I would ever be able to get myself to lift a finger against him.

  “I am not who you are seeking. My name is Sloane, not Dracul. I know no such person by the name Dracul.” I could tell he wasn’t lying, but then why is he called Dracul now? That makes no sense at all.

  My thoughts immediately dissipated once I saw light burst up from the center tile. Dracul, or rather Sloane I guess, grabbed onto my arm with wide eyes, his mouth dropped. I’d bet anyone a thousand dollars that as soon as he realized it was my arm he’d grabbed, he’d drop it just as quickly.

  I felt a pressure similar to the one when I entered the golden hallway, and I felt my feet start toward the tile with Dracul/Sloane in tow. Damn, this name change would definitely take some getting used to.

  “What’s happening uh-Sloane?” I asked him, my voice trembling. The power was enormous, creating a vibration within my body that felt so pleasurable, so right. 

  “It is Atiyana,” he answered back, looking at me with awe. “She is calling for you-for us.” We stepped onto the tile circle, the bright light wrapping around us like rope and causing the breath to leave my mouth. I wanted to answer Sloane, ask him what he was talking about, but my lungs definitely did not have enough air to do so. Thank the Gods that breathing was no longer a necessity, that part of being Amatores definitely could come in handy...like now. 

  My eyes were forced closed as a wind encompassed us, and I was pushed tighter against Sloane. My hand clasped his, and I was surprised to feel him squeeze my hand softly. 

  I hated not knowing what was going on, but my damn eyes wouldn’t listen to me and open! It seemed like lately, none of my body parts were on the listening end. My eyes, my legs, my heart...I shook the thought away immediately, not wanting to go there. I’d have to soon, but not now. 

  “Tammy, you may open your eyes now dear.” The voice filtered in through my thoughts, a voice that was extremely familiar for some reason. My eyes snapped open, and I was surprised to see that I was standing beside Sloane in a room of pure crystals. Everything sparkled and sang for me to go to it, and it was like every color was a part of this room, and yet none was. “Welcome to my realm Tammy, care to have a seat?” My legs walked me toward a small crystal table with two short crystal chairs, and sat me down on it. I obviously still had no control.

  I looked up, wanting to see the face of this voice, but saw nothing but an empty throne made of even more crystals. “Who are you?” I yelled into the emptiness, seeing Sloane stirring uncomfortably beside me. I don’t know how he could be uncomfortable, everything in here just felt perfect! It felt like I was right where I needed to be, and I would easily stay here for years if I could.

  “I am Atiyana, as you well know my dear. Now, I have called you here for many reasons, this boy being the first.” Atiyana’s voice was soft yet stern, alluring yet commanding. 

  Immediately I felt like I’d somehow done wrong by taking Sloane from Cerridwen. “I’m sorry...” I whispered, feeling tears build up in my eyes. “I had to take him though. Cerridwen was surrounded by something dark, something malicious. I had to save him before she gave the darkness to him!” I swiped at the pink tears that had escaped me, angry at myself for showing this kind of weakness.

  “I know, my dear. I never said what you did was wrong, so do not cry. I am actually quite proud of you for reacting so quickly. This boy, well...I guess we could say that he was going to be used as a weapon. Cerridwen was going to use Sloane to bring destruction onto my new world.” 

  Sloane stood up from the chair, a look of horror filling his face. “I had not realized, I was blinded by my love for her. I heard what she had said, but it had not registered and so it meant nothing.” He fell to the ground, pulling at his hair with his hands. “I am sorry Atiyana.”

  A feeling of warmth filled the room, and I felt peace settle within me. “It is okay, dear Sloane. Cerridwen turned on me many centuries ago; I just had not wanted to see it. It is too late now though dear, she has already started the process of your transformation. I have brought you here though, to gift you with one thing.” I felt a slight push at my back, and moved forward to stand beside Sloane. “My gift to you…is the ability to have a soul.” 

  Sloane’s eyebrows went up, his beautiful golden eyes widening slightly. “What is a soul?” 

  “Well my boy, it is what will reside in my creations. They will be called humans, the most wonderful of all creations. They will be shaped to look like the gods and goddesses, but without the powers we possess. They will have a mind, an incredible mind, which will allow them to be greater than any other. They will have a soul, a soul that allows them to feel guilt, pain, love. A soul that I have gifted to every creation. Cerridwen did not want to allow you to have a soul though, she wanted you to be a monster incapable of feelings.”

  My mouth dropped, and I dropped to the ground next to Sloane. “She is the one who gave us the Red. When we’re Red, we’re without our soul. But why does she want you to fail so badly?” 

  “That my darling…is a story for another visit. You must be going. Sloane, I wish for you to stay here for the time being, as I will gift you with your soul. Tammy, I do so think that someone outside the castle is waiting for you.” 

  I nodded slightly, and then turned dejectedly toward where a dark wooden door had appeared. I hadn’t even gotten to see what Atiyana looked like. It seemed like she didn’t care at all though, a small wind pushing me forward that I knew came from her, and sweeping me back down to the original hallway, albeit a lot quicker this time. 

  When I walked out of the castle, Sloane/Dracul/whoever the hell he was, was waiting patiently right where I’d left him.

  As soon as he caught sight of me, he jumped up from the grass and looked at me with a smile. “So, how’d it go?”

  I snorted a laugh, my face twisted with annoyance. “I don’t know Dracul, or sorry I forgot how your name is actually Sloane. So I correct myself, I don’t know Sloane. I mean I met the real you, probably almost got k
illed by a Goddess, and met another Goddess who wouldn’t show herself but seemed to be the one who held all the power.”

  Dracul’s mouth dropped, his eyes widening. “You met Atiyana? She never bothers herself with talking to anyone other than a God or Goddess. She’s always too busy doing one thing or another to control her universe, or at least that’s what I have been told. And Tammy, I am no longer Sloane. I am Dracul now, so please....please call me Dracul.”

  My lips tightened into a thin line, and I nodded at Dracul. “You were with me when I met-you know what? Never mind, just...can we go back to our time? Our real time? I need-I need to find a way home. I need to go home! I miss my family, I miss my friends! This whole Amatores thing is too much pressure! I mean…God! My whole religion just got all screwed up over there! This is just-it’s just too much...” I felt the tears building up, ready to fall out any second. I hated being so weak, so vulnerable, but it was just getting to be too much!

  My whole world had gotten messed up, and I just wanted someone out there to see that I was only a teenager! I could only handle so much before I couldn’t handle anything anymore. Before I finally let go, before I finally gave up.

  “I understand Tammy, I understand exactly what you are saying. Before we go...can I tell you a story? It’s the story of how I came to be the person I am now. The Amatores I am now,” Dracul said, his voice soft as he looked upon me with bright, knowing eyes. I nodded once, still trying to keep the tears from falling, and so he began telling his story.