Just Julian

by Markus Harwood-Jones

  The nurse looked down at his chart. “Let’s see, it looks like you’ve had a few stitches, and definite bruising. But otherwise you seem to be in perfectly good health.” She let the paper fall back against the clipboard. She said again, almost mechanically, “After forty-eight hours of supervision, the doctors have concluded you’re well enough to go home and rest.” She passed him a prescription slip. “If you’re still in pain, you can take two of these at a time. Just speak with the pharmacist on your way out.”

  “But what about Romeo?” Julian asked again, perturbed.

  The nurse huffed and replied, “I don’t have orders for him. Just you.”

  Julian’s heart sank. He looked to his mother, hoping she might intervene. But Angie just nodded her head. “Julian, he’s got a broken rib and internal damage,” She kissed Julian’s forehead. “Your stitches will heal quickly, my jewel. Romeo will need more time.”

  “If you want to stay,” said the nurse, “you’ll need to do it in the waiting room, like everyone else. We’ve got more people coming in. We need this bed open.”

  Agonized that they were going to be apart, Julian went to his partner’s side. Romeo was awake, and held Julian’s hand, smiling softly. “Go ahead,” Romeo said. “I’ll be out in a day or two, you’ll see.”

  Reluctantly, Julian agreed. He certainly didn’t mind the idea of sleeping in his own bed again. They shared a quick kiss and Julian was on his way.

  Julian and Angie took a taxi home. Halfway there, Julian looked up at his mother to ask, “Wait, what day is it?”

  “It’s Friday, Jules,” Angie replied. Julian’s stomach immediately squeezed itself into a knot. “Something wrong?” she asked, looking Julian over as he nervously nibbled at his nails.

  Julian shook his head, not saying anything. Instead, he pulled out his cell and fired off a text to Paris. He asked if they could meet up and just talk. He didn’t have the energy to go out for dinner, but didn’t want to host her at his house. He asked her to wait for him at the community garden. She agreed, emojis bookending her texts.

  Julian’s stomach got tighter as the cab got closer to home. Angie brought him inside, wrapped him up in bed, and left him water. Then she promptly went back out to a planning meeting for Saturday’s big protest. Once he’d heard the door shut, Julian popped a painkiller, threw on a comfortable outfit, and made his way to the door.

  Outside, the street was chilly, like it had been on that fateful night just a few days ago. Julian felt his fear mounting as he tried to pass through the small broken gate that marked the edge of their yard. The shadows played tricks on him, looking like people out of the corner of his eye. His heart began to beat fiercely. This was a mistake. He couldn’t do this. Julian ran back inside, slamming the door and sliding the lock shut. Paris was probably already on her way to the garden, or even there waiting for him. He couldn’t cancel now. Pulling out his cell, he decided to call for backup.

  “Sami, it’s me,” Julian began.

  There was a shriek on the line and he had to pull the phone back from his ear. Sami began to gush about how scared they’d been, how sorry they were that they hadn’t been able to visit the hospital, and they quickly fell into a diatribe about what a week it had been.

  “It’s fine, it’s fine,” Julian said quickly. “Are you free right now? I need you to come over here as fast as you can.”

  Within minutes, Sami was at the door. “What do you need?” they asked, breathing heavily.

  “Did you run here?” asked Julian.

  “Biked,” Sami replied. They gestured to a rusty pink bicycle locked to the fence out front.

  “I . . . can’t leave the house,” Julian admitted, looking at his feet.

  “Why do you have to leave?”

  “Paris is waiting for me.”

  Sami reached out, offering their arm as support. “I can walk with you, if you want.”

  Julian took Sami’s arm. He felt silly, but thankful. “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Sami replied. “I think this is pretty brave.”

  “I don’t feel very brave,” Julian whimpered. He reached in his pocket and squeezed Romeo’s ring. It gave him the strength to take a deep breath and step outside again.

  “What are you gonna say to her?” Sami asked once they were a few steps from the house.

  “I don’t know,” he admitted.

  Paris was waiting at the entrance to the garden. Her hair was in a long braid down her back and her makeup made her bright eyes look larger than life. When she saw Julian on Sami’s arm, she gave a curious look.

  “Sami, can you maybe . . . leave us alone for a minute?” Julian asked.

  “No problem,” replied Sami. They walked toward the edge of the lot and stood a bit awkwardly, trying not to eavesdrop.

  Julian took Paris into the garden. He studied the little buds that were fighting their way up from the dirt. She looked at him expectantly.

  “About the date,” Julian began, searching for his words.

  “Are you hurt?” Paris asked, looking at his bruises. “Do you need to reschedule?”

  “I . . . I need to cancel,” he admitted.

  “Oh.” Paris looked down at the ground.

  “I’m sorry, Paris, honestly.” The two stood in silence for a while. “You deserve someone who is so excited to be with you.”

  Paris just shrugged.

  The night was oddly quiet. The streetlights behind them made her brilliant eyes sparkle as they welled up with tears. “Why can’t you be excited to be with me?” she asked.

  Julian didn’t know what to say, so he looked away. His gaze moved up into the sky and studied the waning moon.

  “I like you, so much,” she confessed. “And I-I just wanted one chance, to see if maybe you could like me, too.”

  Julian forced himself to look her in the eye. He had to tell the truth. “Paris, I’m really sorry. I just don’t feel that way for you.”

  “Then why did you say yes?!” she demanded.

  Julian winced. “It was . . . a mistake,” he admitted. “I met someone else and he . . . he made me realize what it means to really want to be with someone.” He tried to take her hand. “Honestly, you’re amazing, it’s just —”

  Paris pulled away. “I’m so sick of being everyone’s second choice!”

  Julian was winded, more from surprise than anything else. He felt himself begin to shake. Sami stepped forward, rushing towards them.

  “What do you want?” Paris asked sharply.

  Sami offered an arm to Julian before turning back to Paris. “I’m just here to take care of Julian,” they said calmly.

  “Oh,” moaned Paris. “I just . . .” She sighed. “This just sucks.”

  Julian nodded in agreement.

  “Do you wanna talk about it?” Sami asked Paris. “Julian needs to go home and rest. But how about you and me go grab something to eat?”

  Paris nodded. She wiped her tears, smudging her makeup. “I’d like that.”

  The pair walked Julian home in relative silence. But it was less uncomfortable than he’d feared. Paris even offered him a gentle hug before she left. Taking Sami’s arm, she walked down the street, toward the bright lights of the main road.

  Julian went inside, thankful to be alone again. He clutched Romeo’s ring as he curled up in bed.

  19

  Only the Beginning

  The golden statue atop the legislature building glittered in the bright day. Below, a crowd chanted, “Two, four, six, eight! Schools are made to educate!”

  It was a larger turnout than Julian had expected. People of all ages turned out with signs that read things like, We DO need some Education! Teach the kids on Liberation! and Bullies Beware, the Queers are Here!

  Julian shuffled his feet, waiting on the edge of t
he crowd for Romeo to arrive. His stomach turned with anxiety. He could see Angie, sporting a bright pink shirt and handing out buttons and flyers. “Wanna help?” she called out to him. Julian shook his head and politely refused. Finally, a familiar truck rolled up and Julian ran over to meet it.

  Ty came out first, giving Julian a wave before going to the back of the truck to grab the fold-out wheelchair for Romeo. Harvey came second, going to the passenger side where Romeo sat and offered him a hand.

  “You’re really here!” Julian gasped.

  “And so are you!” Romeo replied with a grin.

  “Little Jules,” Ty smiled. “All grown up and ready for his first real rally.” He opened up his arms. “How does it feel?”

  Julian jumped for a big bear hug from Ty. “Scary! Loud! Exciting!” he answered.

  Ty laughed. “Sounds about right. We brought you something,” he said, motioning to Harvey.

  “Oh?” Julian asked, turning his head.

  Harvey passed him a small, palm-sized bag, giving a gentle smile and a nod.

  “I gave it to Harvey when we started going out. But we agree, you should have it,” Ty explained. “It’s from Uncle C.”

  “Your dad?” Romeo asked.

  Julian nodded. “He gave you a bag?”

  “It’s what’s inside the bag, silly,” Ty teased.

  Julian pulled the string on the soft pouch and reached inside. He felt something small, cold, and metallic. He pulled out a palm-sized pendant on a silver chain. Engraved in the pendant was a deer with a word above it, Amo. The medallion looked positively ancient.

  “It’s from our family,” Ty explained. “It’s our family’s crest, more or less. The word means ‘I love.’ And that’s our animal too — the stag.”

  Julian’s eyes welled up as he thought back to his distant memories of his father. “Little fawn,” he said aloud.

  “Yeah, that’s what he used to call you.” Ty smiled. “He loved you a lot, you know.”

  Ty moved to help Julian put on the necklace. Then Julian took Romeo’s ring from his pocket. “Here,” he said, “I want to wear this one, too.” The ring slid down the silver chain and rested, next to the medallion, close to Julian’s heart.

  “Take care of yourself,” Ty said, hugging Julian again. “You too,” he added over Julian’s shoulder, speaking to Romeo.

  “You’re not staying?” Julian asked.

  Ty and Harvey shared a look. “Just give us a call. We can pick you both up when you’re done,” said Ty. Harvey gave a nod in agreement. The couple then clambered back into their truck and drove away, leaving Romeo and Julian alone with the growing crowd.

  Julian moved alongside Romeo slowly, helping with the chair when asked. They worked their way along the edge of the crowd. Angie came back into view, waving widely and throwing out rainbow lanyards. Joanna Duke was alongside her, looking serious.

  Angie ran over, embracing Julian and kissing his head. “How is my darling jewel?” She pulled back to look him in the eye. “Are you sure you’re up for this? How are you feeling? Are you tired? Do you need anything?”

  Julian laughed. “Mom, I’m all right, really.”

  Angie gave a soft smile, then turned her gaze to Romeo. “And what about you?”

  Romeo blushed and gave a quiet nod. “I’ll live,” he replied.

  “Thank the Goddess for that,” Angie murmured.

  From farther away, Joanna Duke waved them over. “Come to the front of the rally when you’re ready.”

  Julian clenched up and gave a nod in return.

  Romeo seemed to sense his anxiety. He looked up at Julian and asked, “What are you thinking?”

  “Maybe this was a mistake,” Julian replied.

  “Do you want to leave?” asked Romeo.

  Julian’s hands moved to the precious pendants around his neck, and he took a breath. Looking into Romeo’s eyes, he answered, “If you can do this, I can do this.” With a sigh, he added, “I just wish you didn’t have to go back to the hospital.”

  Romeo nodded. “I don’t like it either . . .” He took Julian’s hand. “But we’ve got the rest of our lives together to look forward to.”

  For a while, the couple just watched the crowd go by. Julian caught sight of Paris, with Sami at her side, and the two had their hair styled into matching colourful ponytails. They waved at Julian with big smiles. Then Romeo motioned at another pair of familiar faces — there was Guy, sporting a black tuxedo-style T-shirt, joined by a figure in a masquerade mask and a long summer dress. “I think that’s Marty!” Romeo exclaimed.

  “They look stunning together.” Julian grinned.

  Even Lyla and Rose made it out. They were carrying a large sign together and shouting confidently with the crowd. When they saw Romeo and Julian they came running over. After giving him a careful hug, Lyla put a hand on Julian’s shoulder and told him, “You got this,” before vanishing with Rose into the crowd.

  “Are you ready?” Romeo asked.

  “As I’ll ever be,” Julian replied.

  Julian’s stomach still had butterflies as they went up the ramp, onto the stage. He heard the cameras begin to click with excitement. Joanna Duke stood off to the side, watching everything. Her expression, Julian decided, was one of stoic respect.

  “Um, hi,” Julian said into the microphone. His voice bounced out of the speakers on either side. The crowd continued to mill about, with only a few people turning their heads. Julian saw Angie was already crying.

  He turned to Romeo. “Did you . . . prepare anything?”

  Romeo shrugged. “Not really. You?”

  Julian shrugged back. “Well, one of us should say something, right?”

  Romeo nodded. “Go for it.”

  Julian spoke up again. “Hello, everyone. I’m Julian Capulet. And this is Romeo Montague. We’re here to today to . . . talk to you.”

  There were a few smiles, more turning heads. The crowd began to simmer down. Julian took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and pictured a blank canvas. He was going to paint it with everything he had inside of him. All that anger, fear, sadness, guilt — and maybe even pride, and joy, and hope.

  “I was queer before I was even born,” he began. A few people laughed. “And my best friend, she had her first kiss with a girl before we were ten!” More laughter. “I never had to be ashamed of who I am. Not until I was made to feel that way. They called me names, they chased me home, they even told me to kill myself. And . . . I almost did.” The words seemed to echo endlessly. Romeo squeezed his hand and Julian pressed forward. “But I don’t want to die. I want to live. I want all of us to live!”

  The crowd began to cheer. A rush went through Julian’s whole body. He didn’t dare open his eyes as he went on. “Last week, Romeo and I were attacked. It was . . . almost the end.” The crowd was silent, hanging on his every word. “Now, I don’t know if this cause we’re fighting for is going to be the solution. I don’t know if it’s going to untangle all that messy, complicated, hurtful, and hateful stuff that gets put on us. But I know this.”

  Julian took another deep breath. “We are alive for a purpose — to love each other. To love ourselves, as we are. And if this has even a chance of helping us do that, well, I think it’s something worth fighting for.” Julian paused. The silence was intense. He began to feel dizzy. Squeezing Romeo’s hand, he finished by saying, “Don’t you?”

  The crowd screamed with excitement. Julian opened his eyes in surprise. It was bright and there was noise all around — snapping cameras, chants and shouts, and, somewhere, a voice saying his name. “Julian . . . Julian . . .”

  It was Romeo. “Julian,” Romeo said again, smiling. “That was amazing.”

  Julian nodded and quietly replied, “Let’s get out of here.”

  They made their way off the stage and managed to hide away from
the crowd, under the shade of a large oak tree.

  “Wow.” Romeo looked at Julian in awe.

  Julian just nodded and took a few deep breaths. That had been, by far, the most frightening thing in the last couple of weeks.

  After a moment, Romeo asked, “So what now?”

  Julian gently smiled, unsure if Romeo meant this moment, or the rest of their lives. But it didn’t matter. Leaning down, he answered with a kiss. Julian felt the ring and the amulet around his neck gently chime as they touched. Holding on to a piece of his past and a piece of his future, Julian knew, this was only the beginning.

  Acknowledgements

  So many people made this book possible — including you, the reader! Thanks so much for helping this story come to life!

  I’d like to give special appreciation to Shane Camastro, for supporting the stories of Romeo & Julian, even when they were still just daydreams.

  A big hug for Kat Mototsune — thank you for editing this text. Your support, guidance, and kindness were all essential for my writing process.

  Thank you to Louis Esmé. Your feedback on this story was essential. I will forever be thankful for both your honesty and friendship.

  Bridget Liang, your collaboration and comradeship made writing so much richer! I know you will continue to make amazing things.

  Much love to all the Phoenix Nest — past, present, and future! Thank you for taking care of each other, laughing together, and living out all that real love can be.

  Thanks to all my holos back in the day in Winnipeg. You were the best friends a messed up teen like me could ever ask for. And special shout out to Ariyanna — you’ll always be my big sister.

  Thank you, Iris Robin, for all your comments, questions, ideas, and enthusiasm! You’re a truly fabulous friend.

  Many thanks to Kate Welsh, your brainstorming sessions and helpful ideas are all over this work.

  Sienna Rachelle — many thanks to you, and all your family, for being absolutely weird and wonderful.

  All my love to Andrew McAllister — your companionship means the world to me. And to Hannah Dees — I can’t wait for us to start our family together.