Broken Barriers (Barriers Series Book 4)

by Shirley, Sara

  My balls throbbed from the feeling that flowed through my veins just before my release. Without any hesitation, I pushed back into her—this time harder—and she let out a couple of moans before I felt her tighten and pulse around me. I couldn’t move, even if I tried. My eyes squeezed shut as my body finally felt everything in the heat of the moment. That feeling of her coming apart all around me had my heart racing and my release flowing through my body.

  With just a few more soft thrusts, we both began to come down from something that could ultimately end up being more than just a summer at the lake.

  This could be my life.

  She could be my future.

  She could heal my heart and soul. I knew that now.

  I pulled into my driveway and saw my sister’s car parked there. That could only mean one thing, and I really wasn’t in the mood for a lecture from Sam after I just had the kind of day I had. Sure, it ended well.

  It ended very well.

  I recalled the vision of Cole sleeping there with her head pressed into her pillow. Her tan, naked body peeked out in all the right places under the lavender satin sheets. I had watched her sleep for a few minutes before, brushing a few errant tendrils of hair off her face. I kissed her forehead before leaving her a note next to her books.

  She knew what tomorrow was going to be like for me. I told her I wouldn’t be able to stay just before her eyes went heavy and her soft snores seeped from her lips. We were completely spent from having sex for nearly two hours. There wasn’t any way to truly describe what it felt like. To be in the arms of this woman. To feel the earth shatter beneath me and she was the one holding me up in the end.

  I didn’t want to leave her, but I knew I’d never get up in the morning and force myself to head to the Center with Marty. It was the first step to a brighter place. As much as I hated to say it, Cole would have been a distraction for me. My other fear was staying and having another flashback happen in her bed. I couldn’t risk it. I might not have had one in quite some time, but it was still too soon to take a chance. Not with Cole.

  The living room lights were shining through the front windows, casting their glow upon the evergreen trees in the backyard. Sam must have found the spare key and let herself in since the front door was unlocked. I pushed open the door and quietly stepped through, thinking about crashing in bed before she saw me. I heard the sound of Supernatural on the living room television, and I knew she was definitely here and awake.

  “They can’t kill Dean again!” The sound of her sharp voice vibrated through the first floor. As much as I knew Sam driving up here to see me unannounced was not a good thing, I had to laugh. She loved that television series way too much.

  I tossed my keys, wallet, and phone onto the kitchen counter. Sam sat there biting her nails with her eyes glued to the television. “You still obsessed with that show?” I asked. She didn’t turn around on the sofa to acknowledge me. Instead, she flipped her middle finger at me.

  “And how would you know? Not like you’ve checked in with family recently.” She threw out the first eye-opening jab at me. I ran my fingers through my hair and mentally prepared myself for the conversation that was probably going to go down.

  I spotted a half-empty bottle of Chardonnay on the counter. Sam turned toward me only after pausing the episode. I pointed to the bottle, and she waved her hand at me, silently giving me permission to pour a glass. I pulled a glass from the cabinet and poured a glass for myself.

  I didn’t normally drink wine—damn stuff hit me harder than a shot of tequila. I already had to be up early to meet Marty, so one glass would be it for me. As I saw the hour hand on the clock at nearly ten, I was holding out a glimmer of hope that Sam’s unexpected arrival and pep talk wouldn’t take too long or could at least wait until tomorrow.

  With three long, heavy strides, I grabbed a seat next to her on the sofa, careful not to spill any of the wine in my glass. I leaned back before bringing my arm up to rest on the back of the sofa. The wine glass hovered at my lips before I tilted my head back and took a few gulps just to piss her off. Sam shook her head before she sipped her own wine. A true wine guru, she prided herself in the art of sampling different wines. The nose and the flavors and all that stuff. Me, on the other hand, couldn’t care less. I was a beer guy. Always had been and always would be.

  She leaned forward and placed her empty wine glass onto the coffee table. Sam angled her body in my direction and pulled her capris-covered leg underneath her. Her cheeks were suddenly rosy with color barely seen through the soft lighting, and her eyes were wide, rounded, and hardly blinking. She was ready to give me an earful.

  “All right, Sam…let’s hear it. What do I owe this unexpected visit?” My body tensed, even though I appeared relaxed.

  “You have a phone, yes?”

  I nodded, silently admitting that I did.

  “That phone works, yes?”

  “Mmmhmm, yup.”

  “Then can you please explain why I’m getting calls from Mom and Dad asking me why you refuse to call them back? Better yet, why you don’t feel the need to even call or text me? After everything we’ve been through, Drew, I thought I would at least earn the right to hear from you more than once.” She straightened her back and squared off a little more in her seat.

  I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, awaiting her next accusation.

  “You haven’t been in touch with anyone in nearly a week. We don’t know what’s going on with you or if anything has happened to you. Mom called me in tears yesterday because she thinks you don’t care anymore. I finally gave up waiting for you to text me back since all my calls seem to go straight to voicemail.” My eyes zoomed in on the home phone on the counter. I held up a finger, stopping her from her onslaught of scolding.

  “Sam, stop right there for a minute. What’s that right there?” I pointed to the cordless phone on the charging dock next to the wireless router. I watched her eyes roam to where I was pointing. Her head fell, and suddenly she was quiet. “Exactly. You or Mom or even Dad could have called that phone, too, if everyone was sooo worried about me.”

  “Drew…it’s just…”

  “I get it. Trust me, I get it. I should have called. I’m sorry. But, you have to understand. I needed time to get my shit together for once in my life.” I leaned forward, focusing my eyes on the wine glass before taking the last gulp. I slid the glass onto the table in front of me but never stopped staring.

  Sam shuffled in her seat as if preparing herself for a battle with me. “Drew, being alone up here, shutting yourself away from the world… How is this any way for you to get your so-called shit together? I’m sorry, okay. I understood when you said you wanted to get away, but in all honesty, I thought you would tire of this place after a few days. Then you met that woman, and I figured you’d take care of business and get over the whole Courtney thing by now.”

  I rose to my feet and stormed off into the kitchen. I was not about to be given the “big sister” talk at this point—not after the day I’d already had and especially when it involved her. Opening the fridge, I grabbed a water bottle and then slammed the door behind me. Stopping in the center of the room, I drank a few gulps and then stood facing my sister.

  “Sam, I love you. You’re my sister; I kind of have to, but do not even go there right now. I’ve had an extremely long day, and I’ve got to be up early in the morning. Can we please have this conversation after I get back tomorrow?” I assumed she was staying the night since I caught a glimpse of an overnight bag by the door when I waked inside the house.

  Sam sighed as she got to her feet. She threw her arms up in defeat. “Fine.” She walked calmly and coolly over to stand in front of me. “We will talk tomorrow, and I’m not leaving here until we do.” I stared down into her forfeiting brown eyes, seeing the hurt in them that I hadn’t seen in years. I used to be the one she looked up to. I was the one that guided her in the right direction.

  Funny how times had changed. I didn’t
think I could guide myself in any direction, until I arrived here and everything started to fall into place.

  Sam had already turned off all the lights and the TV in the living room and was heading upstairs with her bag when I saw my phone light up on the counter, alerting me of an incoming text message.

  Cole: Just wanted to say good luck in the morning.

  Me: Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?

  Cole: Of course. Maybe I’ll bring you some goodies from the shop.

  Me: I’d be happy with just you as the goody from the shop.

  Cole: Sweet. But totally lame comeback line. Lol

  Me: Can’t knock a guy for trying.

  Cole: No need to try too hard. Think you already got me tonight.

  Me: Yes…yes, I did. ;)

  Cole: Goodnight, Drew

  Me: Sweet dreams, Cole

  I shut my phone down with a smile plastered on my face. I turned to head to bed, but not before calling upstairs to wish Sam a good night. I laughed at how very Waltons the whole thing sounded.

  The moment my body hit the bed, I felt as though I’d grown leaps and bounds in just one day. Once my alarm was set on the nightstand clock, I rolled over and wondered what the future held here if I were to stay.

  What if I stayed?

  Sam and I sat out on the docks in the Adirondack chairs for nearly an hour after I returned from the Veterans Center. We laughed and shed some tears that had accumulated from years of keeping my feelings bottled up.

  God, some of the shit I opened up to Sam about, I didn’t see coming. Courtney…my time in Afghanistan…what happened with Katie—it all just spilled from my lips without a moment of hesitation.

  I didn’t know if it had to do with spending so much time with the guys at the Center and Marty today or what, but something in my mind said it was time to let it all go. I needed to put that proverbial best foot forward and start my new life. A life I was happy with after all was said and done.

  As part of my first steps to a new me, I promised Sam I’d spend more time with her since we’d barely spent any time together the last few years. She thought it would be good for me to be around Dean as well, despite my being a bad influence with the ‘boobies’ thing. I had to chuckle. It was funny. Plus, now I saw what else I could teach him and be the cool uncle he eventually bragged about to all his friends when he got older. I wanted to be that guy. I would be that uncle for him.

  The moment Sam pulled out of the driveway, I called Josh about the police test, and we talked about everything, including Courtney.

  After I finished my phone call with him, Cole appeared in the open doorway to the back porch. My phone slid out of my hand and onto the countertop as I saw despair on her face.

  “Cole!” I shouted as I watched her turn and slowly shuffle her sandals toward the stairs. I didn’t need to ask how much of that phone call she heard. Her expression said everything before I asked the question.

  I had called Josh to tell him about my day at the Veterans Center, and that turned into talking about Courtney. Cole approached the doorway just as I had finished saying that Courtney would always be the one I had let get away and how much I loved and lost by never acting on my emotions. The words that put nail in the coffin were “If I could do it all over, I wouldn’t be here single and alone at the moment.” Yeah, that was what Cole heard not even twenty-four hours after I made love to her.

  I pushed the screen door open; the hinges squeaked as if they hurt as much as I did. The sound was possibly as excruciating to my ears as it was for Cole to hear my phone call.

  I held the door as the springs tried to slam it back against the frame of the house. I caught the handle just in time to prevent it from startling Cole any more than she already was.

  She sat on the top step, hugging her knees against her chest. She stared off into the distance at nothing in particular, taking in the surroundings of the lake.

  I ran the pads of my fingers over my forehead, wondering how to approach her. There was nothing I could say to defend anything she had heard.

  “Do you miss her?” Cole’s voice was free of any emotion. She didn’t even turn her head to talk to me. I had never been the one to deliberately hurt someone else, yet I felt like I had done that to Cole.

  I still hadn’t given her an answer. “Cole, it’s complicated,” I said, sitting next to her. I laced my fingers together, resting my elbows on my knees as my head tilted to only look at her face. The natural beauty that emanated from within her heart had been her strongest asset, and as I stared at her, I couldn’t see that light behind her eyes or the firecracker she usually had lit and ready for everyone to be mesmerized by.

  I’d taken all of that away. I was to blame.

  “Do you love her? Be honest for once in your life, Drew.” Cole’s typically strong voice wavered. I rubbed my hands over my face and back up and over my head before tugging on my neck in frustration.

  I couldn’t lie.

  “There is a part of me that has always loved her, Cole. I’d spent years thinking she was the only one for me, but never had the strength to say the words when it mattered. She was the one love I let go, and for that I’m not sure I ever truly let it all go. I don’t know if I could ever let her go for good.”

  A single tear streaked down her cheek, but she didn’t make any effort to wipe it away. She only released a breath that seemed to say it all for us.

  “If you truly love her, then you need to go to her.”

  There was too much running through my head. So much had happened in the short time I’d been here at the lake. I just wished I had the right answer to put it all together.

  I planned to head into town this morning and talk to Cole. There was nothing that I could have said to her yesterday to keep her from leaving after she told me to leave. I needed to explain just what happened before I went overseas, but when I got to her café, Marty flagged me down and said she and Morgan were off shopping for dresses for the day.

  Evidently, that was another reason for Cole stopping by my house yesterday. She had some great news. News she wanted to share with me first, and I fucked it all up.

  From what Marty told me, a number of recent photographs Cole took were to be exhibited at a huge Boston gallery. Had my head not been up my ass the last few weeks, I would have probably figured out that Morgan’s family owned the gallery where Cole’s pieces were to be displayed.

  I wanted to scream the minute I heard the news. I basically ruined one of the best moments in her life. I could barely stand. My legs gave out beneath me as I collapsed onto the sofa in the café.

  Marty sensed something was wrong, and before I had the chance to tell him, he had three large coffees to go, and I was being led down the docks of Wolfeboro Bay to his rusty old boat. Everett was loading some fishing gear on board, and I was given orders to roll the cooler from the truck with Cocoa in tow.

  I was going fishing on the lake with the guys. That was it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Everett was also given no other option and was told he was going on this trip as well.

  The ride out to the fishing spot was mainly chatter-free, most likely due to the fact that the slow groan of the motor on Marty’s boat was too loud to carry a conversation over. The mid-morning fog had burned off, and the sun was shining brightly off the glassy surface of the lake. After we anchored and killed the engine, we baited the hooks with chum and dropped them into the water. The fishing rods dangled off the back of the boat as Marty, Everett, and I sat there surrounded by water. Cocoa chewed on a bone in the other corner of the boat until a flock of geese flew overhead, instantly distracting her. Her ears twitched, and her head followed the sounds before she went back to her bone.

  The three of us sat in our seats, waiting for the lake trout to bite. The waiting game was upon us. Who would be the first to get a bite on the line? I casually sipped at the last of my cold coffee before tossing the empty cup into the trashcan.

  “You boys have to be some of the dumbest so
ns-a-bitches I’ve ever encountered.” Marty laughed as he leaned back in his seat. His old, weathered veterans hat blocked the sun from his eyes as he rested his laced fingers over his rounded stomach.

  I tugged at the length of my khaki cargo shorts and rolled my neck, waiting for the crack to release the stress. After Everett and I exchanged glances, we both knew we were about to be taught a lesson from the Book of Marty. Only then did I realize my only option out was to jump overboard. It was a lost cause since I was wearing sandals. The harbor was nowhere in my line of sight. I was stuck on the boat.

  Using a worn handkerchief from his pocket, Marty wiped off his nose and scruffy mustache. As he reached around his seat, he pulled out an old transistor radio and turned the dial until the classic sounds of Creedence Clearwater Revival crackled through the speakers. With a simple twist of a knob, he lowered the volume before placing the radio back in its spot. He settled back again in his seat and chuckled. “I’ve got this one over here who can’t stay away from trouble with that girl Morgan. Then over here, I’ve got the one who can’t get his head out of the sand to see just how much that girl, Cole, cares about him.” Marty dropped his head and sighed.

  As Everett opened his mouth to say something, Marty pointed a finger at him. “Sit.” One word was all it took before he peered in my direction. “That goes for you, too.” Marty gave me a stern look, and I swallowed the fear of being ambushed with Everett. Worse than any Marine Corps training operation gone wrong, that was a life lesson from someone who had seen and been through it all.

  “You boys think I don’t see what goes on around me? I’m just this old croak who putters around town not paying attention to shit. Is that what you think? Well, I’ve got news for you two. I’ve been trained by the military, too. I see shit I don’t want to, but I keep quiet.” Marty moved forward to pull on the fishing rod before setting it back onto the stand. “Let me tell you two something. Women are precious creatures.” Everett guffawed, but Marty’s harsh squint of an eye and deliberate twist of his mouth said this was not a time for games. His back straightened immediately, and I continued to sit and listen in silence so I was not put in my place like Everett was.