“You’re covered in snow. You were getting whooped in that snowball fight.”
I take the Styrofoam cup from him. “It was five against one!”
The warm chocolate tastes and feels like heaven trickling down my throat. I can’t help the sound of comfort that escapes my lips.
He raises a hand to my face, removing flakes of snow from my cheeks. “I like this.”
That warm feeling shoots to my heart. “Me too.”
***
I check my phone before dinner, seeing a missed call from Kevin and Doris. I decide to call Kevin first, knowing he’s got to be losing it since I didn’t tell him I was leaving for the weekend.
“Darcy?”
“Kev. Hey, sorry I haven’t called.”
“Where are you?” he asks, and something in his voice makes me sit upright on the couch and mute the TV.
“A bed and breakfast upstate with Ben. Why? Is everything okay?”
Benjamin glances up from his work on the computer curiously.
“No. I’ve been trying to call you all fucking day!”
It’s not like Kevin to be actually angry at something. It must be really bad. “Kevin, I’m sorry. Just tell me what happened.”
“Arthur had a seizure last night. He’s in the hospital…it’s bad. He’s in a coma.”
A gust of wind leaves my chest in a rush. My throat is already constricting violently as I relay the news to Benjamin. He’s on his feet within seconds, grabbing his cell from the nightstand.
“When did it happen, Kevin?”
“Last night. We’ve been at the hospital all day.”
“Oh my god. How is he?”
“He’s…it’s not good. Darcy, he’s lost almost all brain activity. You need to get over here.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
Doris gets up from her seat when she spots Benjamin and I approaching. The waiting room is packed, no other available seats to be found. A cold shiver goes through me when I remember the last time I was in a waiting room and the events that happened that night.
All my worries fall away as I embrace my friend. “I’m so sorry, Doris. I’m so sorry. I should have picked up the phone.”
She looks tired and disheveled, a look I’ve never seen on her. “No, sweetheart. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s fine.” Benjamin takes her hand silently. She looks down, obviously surprised, and smiles tiredly.
“How is he?” Benjamin asks.
“He’s-He’s—” she stutters, swallowing, obviously about to break down.
My heart is breaking for her.
I lay my hand on her shoulder. “Can I get you something? A coffee? Anything?”
“No, no.” She raises a tissue to wipe under her eyes. “I’m fine. I’ve been preparing myself for this. Would you like to see him?”
“Yes.”
Kevin comes walking up with coffee.
“Hey guys,” he murmurs, setting the bag down on a chair. “Doris, I ran into the doctor on the way over. He wants to speak with you when you have a chance.”
“Oh. Excuse me.” She heads toward the patient rooms.
“Kev, how bad is it? Is there any way they can do anything to get him back?” I whisper.
“No. His brain activity is practically gone. It’s only really a matter of time now.”
Benjamin shakes his head sadly, laying his hand on my back. Tears are brimming on my eyelids, but I fight to keep them in.
“I thought there was more time,” I whisper, looking up at Benjamin.
He nods. “We all did.”
“Were you upstate all weekend?” Kevin asks.
“Yes.”
“So, you two are together together now?” Kevin looks between us, expecting an answer.
Benjamin raises his hand to my face, pushing back the loose strands of hair. “Yes, we are.”
My cheeks are heating up by the minute, even in this unromantic atmosphere.
“Good. I’m honestly glad, but I will kill you if you hurt her again, Scott,” Kevin warns.
Benjamin smiles slightly, nodding once. “I understand.”
Kevin huffs, his face transforming back to the loveable man I know. “All right, I hate to go, but I have to get some hours in at work.”
I nod, touching his arm. “I’ll stay with her.”
“Okay. Tell her I’ll be back in the morning.” He plants a kiss on my cheek and picks up his jacket. “See you, Benjamin.”
“Good night.”
I hear a vibration and Benjamin reaches into his pocket. He checks the number and then says to me, “I have to get this.”
He leaves through the sliding doors and all I can do is wait for one of them to get back.
***
After about ten minutes, Doris returns, her shawl wrapped around her hunched body. I stand immediately, scared. God no…
I run up to her. “What is it? Is he okay?”
Her red-rimmed eyes are glazed. “They’re taking him off life support tomorrow.”
“What?” I gasp, covering my mouth. “No! They can’t. There’s still a chance. Kevin said—”
She takes my arms gently. “Things have changed. He has no brain activity. The doctors can do nothing else…and Arthur wrote a statement that he wouldn’t want to be put on life support if something like this were to happen.”
“There has to be some way.” She shakes her head and all I can do is stare at her, paling by the second as the truth of the matter sinks in. “I’m so sorry, Doris.” I crush her to me tightly and hold her even tighter as her body starts to shake. Her soft sobs echo through the room. “I’m so sorry.”
I hold her for a long while, breathing deeply to calm myself. I swipe under my eyes as I see Benjamin reapproaching. His face, already upset, falls even more upon looking at us.
“Is it?” He lets out a sigh of relief when I shake my head.
“You two go in and see him. Room 815. I think I’m going to sit here for a moment,” Doris says, sitting down on a chair. Benjamin grasps my hand and leads me away into the cold hallway.
“They’re taking him off life support tomorrow, Benjamin,” I whisper as we pass room 801.
“What? No. He’s barely been here. Maybe he’ll wake up.”
“He doesn’t want that.”
“He said so?”
“Yes, Doris just told me. The doctors told her there was barely a slim chance he could come back, and considering he didn’t want to be on life support…she’s going to respect his wishes.”
We’re standing outside the room now.
Benjamin runs his large hand over his face. “Jesus.”
He opens the door gently as if Arthur’s merely sleeping.
My heart sinks as I look upon his still frame connected to machines. The dull beep that rings through the room is the harsh reality of the state he is in. If it weren’t for that beep, I wouldn’t be able to believe it. I wouldn’t be able to believe that he’s helpless here.
Benjamin is like a statue at the door, unmoving. I walk slowly over the side of the bed and take Arthur’s warm hand in mine. “Hey, Art. It’s Darcy and Benjamin,” I say softly, looking over his sickly features. I sit down gently on the corner of the bed. “Sorry we haven’t been here sooner.”
My brain is working double time, trying to come up with something to say. The only thing that comes to mind is rehashing old memories of our visits. I quickly fumble through sentences, trying to contain my emotions.
I’m startled when I hear the door click and look over to find Benjamin gone.
What?
I wait a moment to see if he reenters, but he doesn’t. A phone call?
I turn back to Arthur and rub his hand. “Where was I?”
***
After about fifteen more minutes, I stand, kissing Arthur’s forehead before I walk out. I close the door gently, letting out the breath I didn’t know I had been holding. I’m heading for the waiting room when I see Doris and a doctor coming my way.
The doctor continues down the hall when Doris stops in front of me.
“Have you seen Benjamin?” I ask.
“I saw him go outside. Is he okay?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m gonna go find him. I’ll be right back.”
I pass the now-empty waiting room and head straight out the doors without my coat. My heart rate picks up when I don’t see him outside. I keep walking. Snowflakes land on my face as I walk the grounds in search for him.
I exhale when I finally spot him. “Benjamin?”
He’s sitting on a bench without his coat, his head down.
I bend down in front of him, resting my hands on his knees. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
It takes me a split second to realize his shoulders are shaking.
Holy shit.
I let my knees touch the ground. I lay a hand on his face and push back his hair, trying to get a good look at his face. “Benjamin?”
“Please.” He pierces me with glimmering green eyes, drowning in emotion. “Just go.”
“No. No, Benjamin, what’s wrong?”
He moves his head from my grasp and looks the other way. “Darcy—”
“Please, Ben. Just let me help you.” I press my cold hand to his chest. “I’m here for you.”
“I don’t want your help right now, Darcy. Just go back inside.”
I sit in shocked silence. Is he upset because of Arthur? Why won’t he talk to me? I knew he and Arthur were pretty close, but I had no idea it would affect him this much.
“Arthur has had a good life, Ben. He—”
He turns his head to face me and it shuts me up quick. His look is lethal. “I’m not thinking about Arthur, Darcy.”
I realize immediately. No, he isn’t thinking about Arthur. He’s thinking about his brother.
I hate that I didn’t see it sooner. I should have realized he would be thinking of his brother right now.
“I’ll be inside in a bit, Darcy.” He wipes his nose on his sleeve, a gesture very unlike him.
“I’m not leaving you out here like this.” I plop down next to him. “We can sit here together.”
He sighs loudly, but I don’t care. There is no way I’m leaving him like this. I’ve never seen this man even close to crying, let alone a mess like he is now.
I completely understand what he’s feeling. I lost both my parents in one catastrophic moment. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. I didn’t get to tell them I loved them. Grief hits when you least expect it, and at the most inopportune times.
About ten minutes later, just as my toes are about to break off, he stands. I stare up at him and I too get up. We’re walking back to the hospital entrance when he takes my hand silently.
A thank you.
We enter Arthur’s room together. Benjamin steps up to Arthur’s bedside.
“Hey, Arthur. It’s Benjamin.”
***
“You two should go home.” Doris’s voice wakes me. I open my eyes and take my head off Benjamin’s shoulder. “It’s doing you no good to stay here all night.”
“We’re fine, Doris,” Benjamin reassures her.
I glance up at the clock. It’s three a.m.
“No, you’re not fine. You both look exhausted.”
“Doris—” I open my mouth to argue, but she holds up her hand, silencing me.
“I’ll call you in the morning.”
Benjamin frowns. “You’re sure you’re okay here? We don’t mind staying.”
“Bless you both. I’m fine.” She presses a kiss to Benjamin’s cheek and then mine. “You two are angels. You can come see him in the morning if you’d like.”
“Okay.” I stand, my body aching, and pick up my coat off the seat next to me. “I’ll call you in the morning.”
“All right, darling.”
We begin to make our way toward the exit. A few seconds before we are through the doors, Doris calls out for Benjamin and we both stop.
“Benjamin, thank you for paying the expenses for everything, really. You don’t know what it means to me.”
He nods, smiling sadly. “Arthur deserves the best.”
***
Although I was surprised when Benjamin asked if he could stay over at my place, I was comforted as well.
I pull my nightgown over my head.
“Thank you…for earlier,” he says.
“I did nothing,” I state, glancing at him curiously.
“You were there for me.” He stuffs his large hands into his pockets. “That was enough.”
I give him a small smile. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Whether it’s Arthur’s condition, Doris’s grief, or seeing Benjamin lose it for once in his life, it’s thrown me off my equilibrium. I get into bed and curl under the covers while Benjamin gets undressed.
The mattress lowers slightly when he gets in next to me, and he loops his arm around my waist. He turns me toward him, pressing soft kisses to my temple. I have a hunch that he’s thanking me. That this is his way to show his gratitude when words fail.
I kiss his throat, thanking him back.
***
“Hello?”
I open my eyes sleepily. Benjamin is sitting in the dark with his cell phone to his ear. The sky is still starry but lightening by the second. It must be close to dawn. My heart sinks as my mind comprehends the fact that Benjamin is getting a call in the middle of the night.
I sit up and turn on the lamp by my bed.
“Doris. Doris, please…I’m on my way. Stay where you are.”
Benjamin waits a moment before he hangs up. “He died an hour ago,” he tells me quietly. “He woke from the coma and she said within seconds, he passed.”
Tears spring to my eyes.
“Doris is hysterical. I’m going to get her. She can stay at my place in the guest room until…until she’s ready to go back home.”
“I’ll come with you.” I move the covers off me.
“No, baby. Stay here and get some sleep. You’ve only slept two hours.”
I stand up anyway. “I’m not going to be able to sleep, Benjamin.”
“Darce—”
“Don’t ‘Darce’ me, Benjamin Scott. I’m going with you.”
***
I close the door to Benjamin’s guest room quietly, surprised Doris fell asleep as soon as her head settled onto the pillow. I find Benjamin in the living room on the phone in the corner, hissing angrily. His hair is turned every which way, indicating the phone call has been sour for a while.
I twist my bedhead hair and pull it over one of my shoulders. Benjamin senses me standing in the room and turns to the window again.
“We will talk about this later, Jack,” he utters coldly, hanging up.
“She’s asleep,” I tell him.
He nods. “Good. She needs rest.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask hesitantly when he runs his hand through his hair again.
“Yes. It’s going to be fine.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“You can talk to me about it, Ben. About anything. You know that, right?”
He downs the rest of his drink. “Yes, I know that.”
I wait but he remains silent. “Tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.”
“Darcy, just because you were there for me in a fleeting moment of emotion doesn’t mean you know me or my problems. There are things I can’t say.”
I do a double take, livid at his tone. “You don’t think I know that, Benjamin?”
He grimaces. “Fuck, Darcy. It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? I thought we got past it.”
I don’t even answer him, not wanting to get into that mess again. It’s there. It’s always hanging over our heads.
“Starting a fight with me is not going to solve whatever is going on in your brain.”
He sets the glass down hard. “I know.”
“Do you want me to go?”
His head snaps up fast, his eyes hard on my face. �
�No.”
“Then what do you want me to do?”
“You’re free to do what you want, Darcy.”
“What does that even mean?” I exclaim, my voice raised defensively.
“Look, Darcy, I don’t want to talk about Arthur, I don’t want to talk about my company, and I do not want to talk about my brother. If you have another topic of conversation, I’d love for you to stay with me tonight.”
I look down to hide my flash of anger. I’m angry that he’s hurting. Angry that he’s trying to push me away. Angry that he won’t talk to me.
“I’m trying to be there for you, dammit!”
“Be there for me a little less, Darcy.” I suck in a breath and he tenses. “Just for tonight,” he adds. “I really can’t take it tonight.”
After all that’s happened today, this is the last thing I want to be doing with him. “I’m just gonna go home.” I walk fast to the couch, picking up my coat and purse. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Or you call me.”
He doesn’t look up, doesn’t respond.
“Good night.” I rush to the elevator and press the button to go down.
My heart is beating rapidly, my emotions wild. I’m scared…scared to lose him.
“Darcy, don’t go, I’m sorry.”
His voice is full of regret, which makes it easy for me to turn to him. He’s standing by the table in the foyer, shoulders slumped. The elevator dings and the doors open.
“I’ve just never felt what I’m feeling, and it’s messing with my emotions…emotions I didn’t know I had.” He pins me again with those emerald eyes. “But I don’t want you to leave.”
“You don’t?”
He walks up to me, cradling my jaw with both hands. “No. No, I don’t.” He presses his lips on mine and I drop my possessions on the floor and circle his neck. His hands drop to my waist and he pulls me closer.
Still breathless when his lips part from mine, I wait while he picks up my belongings and leads me back into his apartment.
Consumed By You Page 23
