by Amy Marie
Copyright © 2018 by Amy Marie
Self publishing
[email protected]
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written permission of the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.
This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is entirely coincidental. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
Cover Design: Maria Vickers
Editing by Maria Vickers
Formatting by Maria Vickers
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Epilogue
Unexpected Excerpt
Unexpected
Follow Amy Marie
Chapter 1
Time can be an evil bitch. It can go by so rapidly that you beg it to slow down just so you can catch your breath, or in my case, enjoy the last few months you have with your husband and the father of your two young children. From the time we found out Jeremy had cancer, essentially shattering our world into millions of tiny pieces, until the day he took his last breath was only four months. One hundred twenty-two days, to be exact. One minute, you’re asking him to grab milk on his way home from work, and the next, you’re holding your two daughters tightly as the three of you watch the foundation of your family being lowered into the ground.
But the hands on the clock can also move so slowly, forcing you to cover your ears as each and every tick rings through your head like a sledgehammer. That’s what I’m doing when Dr. Moretti enters with my chart in her hand. I watch the pale yellow colored folder as though it has already sealed my death warrant…with scrutiny and a shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, my children won’t lose both their parents to the wickedness that is cancer.
“Mrs. Jensen,” she starts, taking a seat across from me at her desk, and sets the folder down. I want to snatch it up and see what it says, but I twist my hands nervously in my lap instead. “I’m glad you came to see me today. Finding a lump in your breast is a scary thing, and although it may be nothing at all, I would like to do an ultrasound.”
I try to nod my head, but I’m unsure if it’s actually moving. “Okay.”
Her hands furiously write on a piece of paper before handing it over to me. My fingers tremble as I take it from her.
“This is the number you need to call and set it up. Once they do that, I’ll get the results and have you come back in to discuss them with me.”
My legs shake as I rise to my feet and move toward the door. Dr. Moretti catches me right before I reach it and pulls me in for a hug. My head helplessly falls to her shoulders, and despite the tears that are beginning to form, I won’t let them fall in here. I have to be strong. I have no other choice. “Thank you, Dr. Moretti.”
She pulls away, looking at me from an arm’s length away. “Of course, Faith. Anything for you. See you in a few weeks.”
Walking back through the waiting room, I am greeted with dozens of mothers to be waiting for their own appointments, happily caressing their swollen bellies and holding the hands of their significant other. They have the whole world ahead of them. A child on the way and the man they love by their side. I wish I could go back in time and make every moment count with Jeremy, show him how much I loved him and needed him. Tell him to get checked out sooner. Then maybe, I wouldn’t be widowed with two kids who are now fatherless. Unfortunately, I can’t get the thought out of my head that, perhaps soon, they’ll be orphaned.
Chapter 2
The house is quiet when I enter twenty minutes after leaving my OB/GYN office. Dropping my purse onto the antique table just inside the front door, I go and seek out everyone else.
“Henry?” I call out into the dead air, getting shushed as a response.
Turning the corner into the living room, I find the sender of the shush lying on his back across the length of the microfiber khaki colored couch. His work boots are hanging over the arm, and he holds in his embrace the sleeping bodies of a three and four-year-old. I watch as he raises a finger up to his lips, ordering me to keep quiet, and I lean into the wall, taking in the sight before me.
It’s been a long time since the girls have fallen asleep on someone. They used to do that with their dad. Me? I could never get them to calm down enough to lay on me and close their eyes. They were definitely daddy’s girls. He always was their security, and right now, I wish I could curl up next to the three of them and pray this day away.
The thought brings a tear to my eye, and Henry notices. He frowns before attempting to rustle the girls. Knowing they really need a nap, I glide over and gently grab Chloe, my three-year-old, who is across Henry’s legs. She doesn’t wake as I take her upstairs to her room for her afternoon nap. When I walk back into the hallway, I spot Henry carrying Chelsea to lay her down in her own room. We both close the door at the same time before he gestures for me to move down the stairs ahead of him.
My skin prickles with each step we descend, knowing he is going to ask me how my appointment went. I know I can’t keep the truth from him. Even when Jeremy was alive, I think Henry was more in tune with me and my moods and needs than my husband. Always hugging me when I truly craved the contact, making me laugh when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He’s always been there, and today is no exception.
“Thank you for taking the afternoon off so you could watch the girls,” I say, pulling the fridge open. “It meant a lot.”
As he leans over the edge of the counter, I try not to let his stare penetrate right through me. The trepidation of the day begins to slowly evaporate, and feelings I don’t want to admit to are taking its place. It seems wrong to feel the way I do when Henry is around lately. He was Jeremy’s best friend, and even though my husband has been gone over two years, I can’t keep from chastising myself when those thoughts pop into my head. Right now, I shouldn’t even be thinking about my ever-growing feelings for Henry. He’s been here for us over the past twenty-four months, and I can only chalk up my infatuation to Henry stepping in and helping when I needed him most.
But I can’t help but wonder. He’s always been a truly genuine, nice, sweet, responsible guy and won the lottery of good looks. Almost a foot taller than my five-foot-four stature, his dirty blond hair and penetrating green eyes always earned a double-take from me. His muscles from working as a landscaper encase every inch of his body. The owner of his own company, he never allows his employees to do all the work. He gets right in there and helps them out, which is why he is tanned all the time. Hours in the sun produce a masculine glow.
Those things have always prevalent, but in the past six months, he’s spent hours on the phone letting me cry over my new life of a single income, single-mother family, with the stress of having to leave my girls every day to keep us afloat in the house that Jeremy bought us six years ago. I’m starting to view him as less of a friend and more of the object of my wants and desires. These feelings seep their way into my thoughts and heart, causing me to try and keep my distance, but today, I just needed him, and he didn’t bat an eye to watch the girls.
“Of course, Faith.” His baritone timbre skims over my skin like a cold breeze, creating goosebumps up and down my arms, but it’s his words that have my hands trembling as I set the sweet tea down on the counter. “Anything for you and my goddaughters.”
Goddaughters. That word is like ice water. Yes, Jeremy and I asked both of our best friends to be the godparents to Chloe and Chelsea, never thinking that we’d actually have to use them. Who does that? We c
hose them because we wished for them to be a positive impact on the girls’ lives. Someone else they could go to if they felt like they couldn’t come to us. Sure, you put the godparents in your will and pray to God that they will never have to take them in, but after today, with Jeremy already passed, my intense fear that I’ll be gone soon is overwhelming. My chest begins to constrict to the point I feel as though I can no longer breathe. The impact of the day is creeping up on me.
What if it’s cancer?
What if I die, too, and leave my girls?
It’s been in the back of my mind since Jeremy left us. This overpowering terror that every time I get into the car, I’ll be in an accident. If I slip on the floor, I’ll hit my head and fall into a coma. If I go on a date, he’ll kidnap and murder me. I can’t help it. The hurt I saw in the girls when they couldn’t understand why their daddy wasn’t there anymore is heartbreaking. I can’t get over this irrational fear. I don’t know how.
“I guess that may come into play sooner rather than later,” I announce, pulling two glasses out of the cabinet and filling them with ice.
Henry, who suddenly appears at my side, places his hand on top of mine. “What is that supposed to mean?”
My chin falls to my chest in defeat. I’ve hidden the lump I found in my right breast for over two weeks now, and the weight of that secret is taking its toll.
Leaving the glasses on top of the granite, I slink to the floor, putting my head in my hands. The tears begin to fall down my cheeks and onto my jeans. Henry says nothing as he drops down beside me and entraps me between his arms, one hand caressing the deep chocolate-colored locks of my hair. It’s exactly what I need.
“Talk to me, Faith,” he whispers before kissing my temple. “Tell me what’s going on.”
I mumble into the soft cotton of his dark blue t-shirt, “I’m a mess.”
His lips graze my temple once again, causing my body to involuntarily squeeze him tighter, holding on for dear life. “That wasn’t an answer, Faith. I’ve asked you to tell me what’s going on.”
Henry has never been one to sugar coat anything or allow anyone else to either. There is no tiptoeing around the truth when he is around.
Shaking my head back and forth, I sniffle. “I don’t know where to start.”
“I want you to just blurt it out. Whatever comes to mind, just say it, and then we can dissect it later.”
I take a deep breath and keep my head pressed firmly against his chest. I know what’s about to come out of my mouth, and I don’t want to see his reaction. So, I just vent. I release it all like I never have before.
“I miss Jeremy,” I sob, “and I feel so mad at him for leaving us. I understand it wasn’t his fault. I mean, how could he have known he would get cancer? How can I be mad at that, Henry?”
“That’s normal,” he interrupts, caressing my hair gently.
Hiccupping, I continue, “I know, but there are other things. I still love Jeremy, but here lately I’ve been feeling more disconnected from him. Like instead of longing for him to be back here with me, I find myself wanting to fall in love again. Find someone to share my life with, to hold and touch and love, because I want that connection. I want my girls to have the father figure they deserve, but I think it’s too late.”
He pulls me away from his arms. The deep emerald color of his eyes penetrates the dark blue of my own. “Why do you think it’s too late?”
I stand up, grabbing a paper towel from the roll and wipe my face and eyes free from tears. He rises to his feet and watches me. The atmosphere of the room slowly turns, electrifying.
“Do you think you can’t find that kind of love again?” he asks, stepping closer. “That you’ll never be able to have feelings for someone again?”
“That’s not it at all,” I scoff, but can’t keep myself from saying what I was trying to hold back, “I already have feelings for someone else, but besides feeling like I’d betray Jeremy, there is something else that may keep me from pursuing those feelings. More than just the taboo of falling for someone this quickly after he died.”
Henry invades my personal space, coming within a foot of me. “I’m trying to understand here, Faith. You’re going to have to just spell it out for me because I don’t know what would keep you from trying to move on. Does it have to do with your appointment today?”
I nod, take a deep breath, and rush the words out that I’ve only shared with Dr. Moretti. “I found a lump in my breast. The doctor wants to do an ultrasound. I have to call tomorrow to set up the test.”
He doesn’t drop my gaze, continuing to stare so deeply into my eyes that I can’t look away even if I tired. With a shaky exhale, he states, “One step at a time.”
My breath hitches. “What did you say?” I’m chilled by the words Jeremy said to me when we found out he had less than six months to live.
“I said one step at a time,” he repeats more confidently. “Let’s take this one step at a time.”
“Let’s?” I snap, testing that word out. I shake my head as I walk over the counter and finish pouring the tea before handing him a glass. “Let’s? This isn’t your problem, Henry.”
The flesh of his cheeks reddens with anger. “That’s where you’re wrong. I told Jeremy I’d take care of you and the girls. You need me. You obviously don’t want to share this with anyone else, even though I think you should, so you’re stuck with me helping you. End of discussion.”
The authority in his tone does something to me. My feelings and reactions are all over the place. I’m faced with the possibility of yet another cancer scare, and here I am trying to tone down the physical responses I have for Henry. I know better than to argue, so I don’t.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” I ask, trying to thin out the thickness of the air in the room. “I know the girls would love some of your famous burgers.”
Henry is a bachelor, and he’s never really had a steady girlfriend. The man has had to cook for himself since both of his parents passed away ten years ago when he was only eighteen. Jeremy’s parents became Henry’s mom and dad after that.
Propping himself on the counter with one palm, his other hand brings the glass to his lips. “Only if you tell me who this guy is, Faith.”
My body tenses up. “What guy?”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “Don’t pretend like you’re dumb. The guy you have feelings for.”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. I’m destined to live my life alone no matter how I feel about someone else, and with all that is going on with me now, I don’t have time to even think about him. And look at me,” I gesture to my body. “I’ve let myself go. Long lost are the days of me attracting someone.”
It’s true. I’ve let other priorities take over, and therefore, keeping up with my hair, nails, and gym time was put on the backburner. My girls are the most important thing to me, and everything else is secondary.
Henry steps closer, his fingers grasping my chin. “You need to stop thinking like that. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You could wear a paper bag and make it look great.”
Neither of us can turn away. It’s like some unseen force is making us zero in on just each other. Henry leans in, and I break the eye contact to look as he licks his lips. He’s mere inches from kissing me. “Tell me, Faith. Who is it?”
My lashes flutter as I will myself to say his name. To tell Henry it’s him I have come to know and desire to be with above all others. My mouth opens, and the words begin to slip out. “It’s—”
“Mama!” Chelsea screams, running into the kitchen, essentially pushing Henry and me apart.
He doesn’t look away as I lean down and pick her up, engulfing her in my arms. A moment later, she turns to Henry. “Are you leaving?” she pouts.
His arms reach for her, and she goes without hesitation. “Do you want me to?” he questions in a soothing voice.
Blonde hair, like her father’s, flies everywhere when she shakes her head in the negative.
“No! Never!”
Henry laughs. “Okay! I’ll stay for dinner.”
“Burgers?” she squeals.
“Burgers,” he confirms, glancing at me with raised eyebrows.
Wiggling out of his arms, she takes off, screaming Chloe’s name. I try to run after her so she doesn’t wake the youngest child, but Henry steps in my way.
He kisses my forehead and promises, “This isn’t over. You’ll give me your answer before I leave tonight.”
Chapter 3
My fingers haphazardly tap on top of the table I have secured while waiting for my best friend, Natalie. Regardless of her not having any children and I having two, she is always late, and I’ve learned to love her and accept her for who she is. The fresh spring air flows around me on the outside patio of Barrs Restaurant and Grill, making it the perfect time to be outdoors and have a few drinks before grabbing the kids at Jeremy’s mom’s house. His mom loves those kids more than anything in the world, and I couldn’t decline the free childcare offer now that I am the breadwinner of the family.
Sure, Jeremy had a life insurance policy; It wasn’t much, though. Once I got a job, I took the remaining payout and used it for the girls, putting it toward their college funds and savings accounts. Henry helped me set up everything for them. He really has been my rock during all of this. Jeremy was like a brother to him, and I know they spoke about a lot of things before my husband passed. I’m sure Jeremy tasked him with keeping an eye out for us. I bet Jeremy didn’t think his widow would fall for his best friend, but somewhere in the past twenty-four months, it happened…even though I wasn’t looking for it, it happened.
I never got to chat with Henry the other night. After dinner and clean up, Chelsea started running a fever, so he left me after helping put Chloe to sleep. I don’t know why he sticks around. Sometimes, I feel as though the chat with Jeremy made Henry believe he is obligated to come around and be here for us. I’ve asked Henry before about it, and he continually maintains he actually wants to be here.
