by Amy Marie
My eyes flutter shut as his hands meticulously rub each and every tight muscle in my shoulders. I’m putty beneath his touch. With my eyelids feeling heavy, I know if I don’t open them, there is a good chance I’ll fall back to sleep and miss being the most relaxed I have been in a long time. I open my eyes, set on enjoying every push and pull of his fingers, only to tense the second my gaze falls upon my nightstand. There, staring back at me in a crystal frame, is Jeremy and I laughing happily as he twirls me around the dance floor at our wedding.
I immediately feel the tears piling together in the corner of my eyes. My attempt to keep them at bay is no match for the flood that is starting. How did I not see that last night?
“Let me up,” I beg, wiping my eyes and pushing back gently on Henry.
He must sense why my mood has shifted because he slowly rises and gives me enough room to get up and slide from the bed.
“Faith,” Henry’s husky voice warns, breaking through the silence. “Don’t let that photo freak you out. If this was going anywhere, then we have to work through this.”
My shoulders slump as I turn back toward him. “What if it wasn’t going anywhere, Henry?”
“Don’t do that. Don’t act like last night meant nothing when it meant so much to me.” I hear him sigh and can imagine him shaking his head back and forth. “You can’t do that to me.”
So many thoughts run through my head: Jeremy, my kids, the lump, what people will think. “I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry. I’ve got so much on my plate, Henry. That’s why I was never going to tell you. It’s too complicated. Everything is so messed up.”
He pulls me in for a hug, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “But you did, and I told you how I felt. You can’t discount that just because you saw the picture of you and Jeremy. It’s not a sign, Faith.”
Breaking away from his embrace, I step away and slip my pajama bottoms up and over my hips. “Please go. I need some time.”
“Faith, look at me.”
“I can’t.” I sniffle a cry. “Please. Just go. We’ll talk later.”
Chapter 5
The kitchen feels empty without the girls’ presence this morning. Right about now, there would be the aromas of bacon, eggs, and waffles being made like we do every Sunday. Their giggles would permeate the air, reminding me of the reasons why I need to live my best life and give them all of me. There is no time for anything else, especially when I could possibly be dealing with health issues. What I did last night was selfish, and I only hope that after Henry gets dressed, he leaves without putting up a fight.
“Faith?”
I guess not.
My eyes gaze up to the ceiling. I need to be strong; however, I begin to weaken when his hands slide around me from behind again, and his chin comes to rest atop my shoulder. The shaking in my knees begins as he whispers into my ear.
“Do you feel this?” he asks breathlessly. “Do you feel the pull between the two of us because I do, Faith. I feel it so strongly that I immediately gravitate toward you. I’m desperate for you. Desperate to touch you. Desperate to hear your voice. I’m desperate to take all of your worries and make them mine. God, Faith. Please turn around because I’m so desperate to kiss you.”
His words pierce through me, and I understand exactly how he feels because everything he is saying, everything he feels, I feel it, too. Without thinking, I spin around in his unrelenting arms and stare up into his eyes. I see it. I see the adoration, and I can’t help except to smile. His tongue wets his lips as they begin to descend onto mine. Just a brief second more, and everything changes. Every. Single. Thing.
“Faith!” a woman calls from the entryway. Henry jumps up back quickly while my hand flies to my chest, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Lida!” I whisper yell. Henry and I both freeze. “Oh my God.”
“Jeremy’s mom?” he asks, creating more space between us.
I wrap my robe around me tighter, waiting for the pitter-patter of my girls’ feet to start heading this way. “Yes, Jeremy’s mom! You need to go. Sneak out the back.”
Hurt. It’s written all over his face. I can sympathize. Less than thirty seconds ago, I was about to give everything to him, and now…now, I’m pushing him away once again.
He stops me in my tracks and grips my shoulders with his strong hands. “Faith, stay with me here. She was going to have to find out anyways.”
“Please go, Hen—” I begin.
“Henry!” Lida’s gentle voice fills the kitchen.
A half-hearted smile plasters itself atop of his disappointed face. “Mrs. Jensen.” He meets her halfway, bringing her into an embrace. “It’s nice to see you.”
Leaning back, she slaps Henry in the chest. “I’ve asked you to call me mom for years!” she corrects. “Or at least Lida like Faith calls me.”
Uncomfortable, I turn toward the fridge to grab the ingredients needed to make breakfast. I didn’t think she would bring the girls back before lunch. “You’re early.”
She takes a seat at my kitchen table and watches me as I prepare to cook. Her short brown hair is pulled back into a low ponytail, and one leg is crossed one over the other. “I figured you’d miss the girls. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”
The quietness alerts me, and I look around, searching for my daughters, slightly afraid the two little minions will pop up at any moment. “Where are the girls?’” I ask, avoiding Henry’s piercing gaze. I can feel it on me, attempting to root me in place, but I push back and glance at Lida.
She’s looking at Henry, and I risk a peek.
My nerves shatter when I see he’s staring at me.
“Outside with grandpa.” She eyes me suspiciously. “And why are you here, Henry?”
His hip leans into my island, muscular arms crossing one over the other, and he asks while cocking his head to the side. “Yes, Faith, why am I here?”
Immediately defensive, my shoulders come up in a shrug as I turn the burner on to make scrambled eggs. “My sink was spewing water. Henry was nice enough to come over and fix my pipes.”
Lida giggles. She can take anything anyone says and turn it into something inappropriate. Jeremy was like that. But Henry, he isn’t laughing. I watch him glide over to Lida, kiss her on the cheek, and say, “That’s it. Just here to fix the issue in the bathroom. Nothing more. Right, Faith?”
When I don’t respond, Henry marches out of the kitchen and out of the house. The slam of the door is loud, and the loss of his presence instantly makes the house feel so cold that I shiver.
I ignore Lida’s curious gaze. I don’t want to give anything away. I fear she can see the flush of my cheeks or the morning afterglow. I can’t even fathom the response I would get if she knew I slept with her son’s best friend. The one who stood up at our wedding and gave a speech. The one who carried Jeremy’s casket alongside five other friends. The one who gets my children should something happen to the only remaining parent left for them.
My God! What the hell was I thinking?
“Stop that, Faith Jensen, right this minute!” Lida scolds, taking the spatula from my hands. It’s only then that I notice I’m starting to burn the eggs.
I fall back against the counter and watch her split them up into five equal plates she pulled out.
“Stop what?” I ask, my voice tight.
Placing some bread into the toaster, she gives me the “don’t be stupid” expression.
“Did something happen between you two?”
I immediately go on the defense. “Why would you think that?”
With a wave of a hand, Lida pulls the top off the butter dish. “Please, I can tell I walked into something more serious than him cleaning your pipes.”
“He fixed them,” I correct.
She laughs. “Same thing, Faith.”
“I’m serious. I had water gushing into my bathroom last night!”
A knowing smile crosses her face. “So, he was here all night?”
I give up and ta
ke a seat at the table. She follows, not caring that the toast has popped up. “Why do you seem so calm with the idea that Henry may have been here all night, Lida? That’s Jeremy’s best friend!”
Her soft hand covers mine. “Faith, let me tell you something. When Jeremy was diagnosed and subsequently succumbed to that horrible disease, I was devastated. I lost my son. My only son. My only child. He was smart, loving, and took great pride in the family he created.”
I grin. “He was such a great man.”
“He was,” she agrees. “But do you think that a great man wouldn’t choose another great man to be his best man? To be the godfather of his beautiful daughters? No.”
I say nothing as I take in each and every word she is saying. “You’re not mad?” I finally hedge.
I jump when her hand slaps down on the table. “I knew it! Something did happen!”
The heat creeps up through my cheeks, taking over my entire face. “It did, but I think I ruined it. God, it’s weird discussing this with you.”
“Well, sweetie, you don’t have to. But understand that I am behind you one hundred percent. I consider Henry a son, even if he has yet to call me mom,” she snickers. “I will say that I know Jeremy would want you to be happy and for his girls to have such a great male figure in their life. I also believe he wouldn’t have wanted anyone else for his girls.”
Tears begin to form, and my fingers sweep them away just as the girls come running in, making a beeline for me. “I just hate that he’s gone.”
“He’s not gone. He’s here, and he wants you to be happy.”
“Mama!” Chelsea and Chloe scream in unison, rushing through the kitchen. I hug them tightly before kissing them both on their heads.
“Thank you,” I mouth over the top of them to Lida. She simply nods.
Chapter 6
I can’t walk into my bedroom without thinking about Henry. It used to be that reminders of Jeremy were everywhere, but now all that left is a picture of us on my dresser and next to it my wedding ring that I finally took off last week, three days after Henry stayed the night. I’ve tried to get him out of my head, but every time I turn around, there is something that reminds me of him. The bathroom where he fixed the pipe in the middle of the night after our three a.m. session. My bed where he made me feel cherished in every way. The kitchen where he made the girls his famous burgers. And the girls…they ask about him all the time. It’s only been ten days, but they are used to having him around a lot more. I guess it’s my fault for letting my guard down and ruining what we had in a friendship, but I want more. So much more. After our night together, I know my feelings for him are true because I’m falling for him and not because he’s stepped in and helped me after Jeremy passed. I miss the compliments. The looks. The way he laughs. The past week and a half have been lonely, and to make matters worse, my ultrasound is in two days, and no one knows.
I want to call him, to reach out and tell him I was wrong for making him feel like it was nothing. He means so much to me now, and even though I didn’t need Lida’s blessing, I’m glad I have it. She’s been calling every day to see if I made any attempt to fix this. I just need to get through my ultrasound and make sure it’s nothing before I even attempt to start anything with him. If he’ll even take me back. This is the longest we’ve gone not speaking to one another since Jeremy passed.
I’m pulling the last bit of hair out of my face before I leave to pick up the girls at their grandparents’ house when my doorbell rings not once, not twice, but four times in as many seconds.
I rush down the stairs in an attempt to keep the jerk who is bombarding me with incessant noise from hitting the button anymore.
Swinging the door open, I’m brought face to face with Henry. My hormones immediately go into overdrive. He’s just come from work. His clothes are covered in dirt, and there is a streak of brown on his cheek. Sweat is pouring down his face, and he has a light blue hat on top of his head. He looks fierce and on a mission. Sexy.
“Henry, what are you—”
But I can’t finish my sentence because he’s already walking past me and into the house. He looks around and then back at me. “Are you ok?”
My eyebrows furrow in bewilderment.”Yes.” I elongate the word because I’m very confused.
He braces his hands on his hips. “Lida said…” His head shakes from side to side before he laughs. “Lida said you heard someone banging on the house, but I’m guessing that was a lie.”
I sit on top of the second step leading upstairs and giggle. “She did, huh?”
His body feels warm when he sits alongside me. “She did.”
“She’s pretty pushy.”
He nods. “Yeah, she really is, and I can tell how much she wants us to work if she lied about someone trying to break in.”
“She got to you, too, huh?” I ask.
“That she did.”
We sit in silence for a moment, neither of us wanting to make a move. All I want is to crawl into him, tell him I’m sorry, and admit I’m scared about the test. I wish I could ask him to forgive me for pushing him away, place my lips upon his, and have him show me the adoration he did last week. But I can’t.
“I can see the wheels turning in your head, Faith. Why are you so hesitant to give this a chance?”
He makes no move to touch me, and I feel desperate for the contact. “I can’t have you tied down to someone who may have cancer. Who may need constant attention, trips to the hospital, and deal with the heartache that I did with Jeremy.”
“That must have been the worst for you. Taking care of him. You must have hated him.”
Offended, my head snaps to the side to glare at him. “How can you say that? I loved him! I would have done anything for him, Henry! Anything!”
I feel the rage consume me, and now, I want to toss him out of my house. How could he think that I would have wanted to do anything else except take care of Jeremy in his time of need? To comfort him when he required it the most?
“As I would you,” Henry states plainly. His soft voice low but loud enough so I can hear the sincerity in it. “Do you think for a moment I wouldn’t treasure every last minute to be with you like you did with him? I want to be there for you, Faith. You deserve that, and when it’s all over, and you come home, I want to be the one to spoil you, comfort you, and make love to you each and every night.”
I crumble. His words hit me like a brick. I wouldn’t trade anything to be anywhere except next to Jeremy during his trials and tribulations, and I know if I have to go through the same thing, that Henry is who I want by my side.
“And after this is all over,” he continues. “I want to help you raise those girls. I will never take Jeremy’s place. They will know how amazing their father was, but they’ll also know, as I do, how strong their mother is and how much she loves them. I want to make you happy, Faith. Please, give me the chance to do that. I’m begging you.”
I can’t hold back the faucet of tears as they slide down my cheeks and onto my jeans. I don’t understand what is holding me back, but I can’t let it control me anymore. I want to live my life, and I know I want to live it with Henry.
“I’m scared,” I confess.
He shakes his head. “I know. So am I, but I know everything will be okay, Faith. I promise.”
Epilogue
Henry’s large form causes the bed to move as he falls flat on his back.
“Man,” he breathes out. “Children’s birthday parties are exhausting!”
I laugh. “Well, you didn’t have to get into the bouncy house with all of them. You could have broken it.”
Turning to his side, he begins to stroke my arm with his finger. The sensation brings goosebumps to the surface. “It was worth it. I love my girls.”
I still.
It’s been three months since Henry and I made it official and told everyone we were together. We, of course, waited until I found out that the lump was noncancerous before we made it official. Despite
him saying he wanted to be there if it was cancer, I didn’t want to add the stress of a relationship into the mix as I fought it.
He’s been there through everything. Every appointment, my tests, when I got the flu, and when Chelsea broke her arm. Henry has all except moved into my house, but we have yet to say “I love you” even though I’ve wanted to for the last month. He tells the girls all the time, and I can’t imagine my life without him. Sometimes I feel like its too fast, but I think my heart has known it belongs to him much longer than I’ve realized.
“Faaaaith.” He elongates my name sweetly. “Did you hear me?”
My eyebrows raise in question as I turn to him. “I’m sorry, what?”
His hand comes up and gently cups my face. “I said, I love my girls.”
“I know you do.” I smile. “They love you, too.”
Serious eyes peer down at my mouth. “And what about this girl? Does she love me?”
Taking a minute to gather my strength, I nod. “She does.”
He pulls his hand away from my cheek and brings into view a beautiful solitaire diamond on top of a platinum band. “Enough to become my wife?”
My breath hitches in my throat, and tears immediately break the barrier of my lids.
“Shh, shh, shh. Don’t cry, Faith.” He kisses my lips. “I love you so much, and all I want is to make you mine. I could never replace Jeremy. Ever. But I want you to be mine. I want to grow old with you. Raise the girls. Threaten boys that come to the house for them. Help you with the dishes. Make love to you every night. I know it’s so soon, but I also feel like it’s been a long time coming.”
“Yes,” I breathe out. “I’d love to grow old with you and have you raise my girls with me and maybe have more children someday.”
He sits up quickly. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. That would mean more birthday parties a year. I’m not sure I can handle that,” he jokes.
I pull him to me as he slides the ring on. “Okay, then.” I decide to compromise. “We can just practice the art of making more.”
