by Natasha West
Five
Rachel
The nightmare was terrible. It was a continuation of the hallucination that started before I passed out. My dream world picked it right up where the waking world left it with disturbing continuity. I was still running through those woods and the trees had done exactly what I knew they would, come alive with the sole intent of chasing me down so they could eat me. So I ran and ran, never getting away from them and never quite getting caught either. It was an endless hunt and I knew that if I could just break the treeline, I’d have a chance. But I couldn’t find it, only endless dense woods.
And then I felt water on my face and suddenly, I wasn’t running anymore. I was lying on my back, someone leaning over me, splashing water at my face. At first, I was a bit pissed about it. First the trees, now this rudeness? But after a few moments, I began to understand that this person didn’t mean me harm. She was trying to help.
Eventually, I was able to see properly, and I got a look at my helper. She had what you might call a clever face. It was in the eyes, a deep blue with flecks of green. Her laughter lines were deep, she had a sense of humour. Her wavy, walnut coloured hair was very long, it looked as though she hadn’t cut it since the old days. Me, I take the scissors to my hair once a year, whether it needs it or not. But her hair, despite the lack of fancy shampoos these days, it was quite shiny. But it was the shape of her face, heart shaped, that struck me particularly. I may have even commented on it, I wasn’t sure. I was too out of it.
Eventually, she helped me sit up and handed me my water bottle, which I began to suckle on like a thirsty newborn. It wasn’t good manners, but I couldn’t have cared less. I was thirstier than I’d been in a while. I felt as though I hadn’t known liquid for years. From the feel of my forehead, I surmised that I’d probably sweated it all out in whatever fever I’d just awoken from. Because it was obvious to me now that was what had happened. I’d been very sick and passed out, god knows how long for.
I was about to address the stranger, to ask what had happened, when I felt something rise up and then I lost all that good water. As it soaked into the ground, I thought that this lady would probably want to get the hell away from me now. ‘Who are you?’ I asked her. The quicker we made pleasantries, the quicker I could release her. But she didn’t answer my question, instead telling me that I needed water quickly and asking me where to get some. I told her and she pulled me to my feet, apparently intending to escort me back to the stream. I was baffled. Not only was I still quite woozy, but this stranger was acting like she owed me something. I didn’t like it, didn’t trust it. We hadn’t walked far when I decided I needed to tackle this thing head on. ‘Hey, you could have just taken my stuff. Why didn’t you?’
She looked at me as though I’d said something crazy. ‘Why would I do that?’
‘Why wouldn’t you?’ I asked with a shoulder shrug. ‘I could have had some good shit in this bag.’
‘I don’t want your stuff’ she told me irritably.
‘You’re telling me that you never even thought about having a little look for something valuable? I find that hard to believe’ I told her. I wasn’t trying to be an arsehole. I was just trying to find out what her angle was here.
She gave a little huff but she didn’t answer me. I decided to leave it alone. We’d be at the stream soon and we could part ways. I’d passed out in the woods and this lady had stumbled upon me and probably decided that playing Good Samaritan wouldn’t cost her anything. We’d part ways soon enough. I felt weird about that. It was as though I wanted her to go but also, I sort of didn’t. I blamed my fever for the confusion. That led to another thought.
‘Hey, I might have… I don’t know what took me down but I might be contagious-’ I began to tell her.
‘You ate some berries, didn’t you? It was just food poisoning, and it looks like you’re through the worst. I shouldn’t worry. You just need to take it easy for a day or two.’
I knew straight away that she was right. ‘How did you figure that out?’
‘For a start, your hand is purple. And my brother made the same mistake. Maybe the same kind of berry.’
‘But he’s alright?’
She paused. ‘No. But that’s nothing to do with the berries.’
There was clearly a story there. But everyone had a story like that these days. After the virus, life got more dangerous in general and often, those who’d survived the flu died not long after, in a thousand ways we’d never have worried about before. Most people simply weren’t prepared for the new life. They didn’t have medical knowledge or access to antibiotics. Some of us made up that gap later, and I was one of them, picking up medical books where I could and learning a few basic things. Which made it all the more embarrassing that I’d nearly been taken down by a few stupid berries.
‘What’s your name?’ I asked. We’d been through something together, however brief. It felt strange not to know her name.
‘Alice Quinn.’
‘I’m Rachel’ I told her.
‘Rachel’ she repeated with a slight smile. I liked the way she said it. She said it like it was the name of a person that she liked. It had been a good long while since I’d heard it said with such an inflection.
Alice’s eyes suddenly went wide and she cried, ‘There!’
I followed her finger to the stream and I couldn’t help it. I ran for it like a maniac. When I reached the water, I was too impatient to cup the liquid to my mouth and I leant my whole head down to drink, like an animal would. When I’d had enough, I realised I was still dissatisfied somehow and then I knew what would make me feel better. The stream was cold but I needed to get this sweaty film off my skin. I walked into the water and lay down, head just above the water. It was divine.
After I dunked my whole body, I stood back up, the water at mid-calf level. I looked to see Alice watching, smiling. ‘Having fun?’ she asked.
I felt the slightest embarrassment. But Alice wasn’t judging. If anything, she looked envious. ‘You should try it. It feels amazing’ I called to her. I was sure she wouldn’t.
But she was a woman of surprises and she walked right in and sat down, fully clothed. ‘God, you’re right!’ she said and we sat in the slightly chilly water together, cooling off from the heat of the day. After a moment, I began to realise my mistake. My clothes were soaking wet. And the water was rather cold. ‘Shit’ I exclaimed, standing back up. Alice looked up at me. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I can’t afford a cold, how about you?’
But she wasn’t worried. ‘We just need to dry off fast. It’s a warm day, we could find a patch of sun, get a fire going too, dry off.’
She was right. But we couldn’t wait around. I stood and put out my hand, as she had done earlier, and she took it comfortably, letting me hoist her gently to her feet. We stepped out of the stream together and walked until we found it; a clearing, sun dappled, perfect for our purposes. I guess I wasn’t quite done with Alice after all.
Six
Alice
I was having fun if you want to know the truth. Life had become so much about duty these days, broken up only by the occasional spot of worry and grief. It felt good to cut loose.
I knew I was supposed to explain about Jude, but after Rachel jumped into that stream, relaying that particular piece of information - that my nephew was the person who had stuck a gun in her back - fell down my list of priorities. I’d tell her later.
And then we built a fire together and I watched her light it, creating the spark with a piece of flint amongst some dry kindle. She had a good blaze up and going in a few short minutes. I was impressed. At home, we had a decent supply of matches. But it couldn’t last forever and one day I’d have to learn Rachel’s skill.
I began to wonder if she was so good at this because she didn’t have a home like I did. Did she simply live outside? I thought I’d seen a couple of tent poles poking out of her bag, so it was possible.
As the fire grew, we sat eith
er side of it. It was good timing because I was starting to get cold. The sun was setting and its warmth faded rapidly. I was now just wet and freezing.
‘It might be better if we take our clothes off’ Rachel casually remarked as she warmed her hands near the fire.
I looked up sharply. ‘What?’
The corner of her mouth went up subtly. ‘I mean, the clothes will be dry in a couple of minutes and so will we and then we can get dressed again.’
I was glad of the darkness setting in because Rachel couldn’t see me turning pink. ‘Fine, yeah’ I said, trying to cover the brief yet embarrassing misunderstanding. I stood and began to take off my denim shirt and then I stopped. ‘Hey, would you turn around?’ I asked Rachel, who was taking off her own thin, holey t-shirt. She shrugged and turned. I felt like a prude. But I’d never been one to feel comfortable around nudity, mine or other peoples. The end of the world had done little to change that.
I began to take off my clothes, stopping only at undergarments. Then I realised I was going to have to stand like this for some minutes, back to back with Rachel, while our clothes dried. It might start to feel a little ridiculous. But I wasn’t fully naked so maybe it didn’t have to be an issue?
‘Look, I’m going to turn back now but I’m still in my underwear, how about you?’ I called over my shoulder.
‘I’m in mine too’ she replied. She sounded like she was trying not to laugh. I couldn’t have felt any sillier as I turned back to the fire, avoiding looking at Rachel.
And then I did something I swore to myself I wasn’t going to do. I snuck a peek. Rachel had an agreeable shape, I noted, stopping for a closer inspection. She was lean and muscly, but there were still some very nice curves. The peek turned into a stare.
But then Rachel caught me checking her out, yelling, ‘Hey, my eyes are up here!’
‘You wouldn’t know I was looking unless you were looking too!’ I argued. Now we were just two women arguing with each other, semi-naked. It was absurd and we both knew it. I started to laugh. Rachel smiled and looked away. I sat back down on my log, trying to forget my delicate state, and Rachel sat down on hers and we said nothing for a while.
For some reason, I decided this was the perfect moment to bring up The Jude incident.
‘You know, it wasn’t really an accident that I found you passed out in the woods’ I began tentatively. That got her attention. ‘I was looking for you’ I continued. ‘You see, the thing is, I’ve got this… My brother, he has, had a son. His name’s Jude. And I think he did something wrong to you… Very wrong. Yesterday.’
I looked up to see Rachel’s reaction but so far, it was just a raised eyebrow.
‘He confessed to me this morning that he held you up and tried to take your-’
‘That little fucker is your nephew?!’ she exclaimed. I awaited the blast of rage that had to come next. But she went quiet and then she said, ‘So he made it home alright?’
Seven
Rachel
‘What?’ Alice asked, confused. ‘You were worried about him getting home?’
‘I wouldn’t go that far but I guess I just thought he seemed like a bit of a stupid kid and it was a really bad robbery. I mean piss poor. And then he ran off so quick I was worried he’d run straight into more trouble over the hill’ I explained, shaking my head at the memory.
Alice looked into the fire as she adjusted her expectation of this conversation. She thought I was going to be angry at this Jude kid. But all I felt was pity.
‘Since you’re feeling so generous, I wondered… Would you come back to the house?’ she asked. ‘It’s a few hours away. I want him to apologise.’
I laughed. ‘No, no thanks. I’m good. Just tell the little sod that next time, I’ll put him over my knee. His arse will be red for a week.’
‘No, that’s not good enough. He needs to face up to what he did. I want him to look you in the eye’ she told me earnestly.
‘Look, it’s nothing to do with me, alright? I’m over it. You should get over it too’ I told her. There was no chance I was walking up to Alice’s house for some sort of intervention. Jude’s journey was his own, as all our journeys were our own.
‘Fine, you don’t care, that’s great. Then consider it a favour. After all, you do owe me one’ Alice urged.
‘How did you work that one out?’ I snapped.
‘I saved your life’ she told me. It wasn’t the most modest of statements.
‘You flicked water on my face’ I corrected. ‘Let’s not get crazy.’
Her mouth fell open in offence. ‘If I hadn’t woken you up, you might not have come ‘round. And then what if, like, a bear had come along…’
‘Bears aren’t really native to England. You know that, right?’ I told her irritably.
‘Err, do you know that there were a lot of animals from all over the world, big cats, wolves and bears, sat in safari parks throughout the UK before? They weren’t exactly made a priority after the trouble and they’re roaming about freely now, looking for a meal. It’s changed the entire food chain of the country. So it’s actually completely possible that you might have gotten eaten by a bear while you were yelling about someone called Sarah!’ she finished angrily.
I’d been irritated before, but at the mention of Sarah I felt myself go suddenly and deeply cold inside. ‘That’s none of your business’ I told Alice. ‘Maybe it’s time you went home.’
Alice’s face changed, and I think she knew she’d crossed some kind of line. But regrets weren’t my responsibility, hers or her nephew’s. Even to hear Alice say Sarah’s name, like it was nothing, I wanted her out of my sight.
I thought she might argue, might say something else. But she realised that our little moment was over. She took her clothes off the branch and got dressed. I didn’t watch but I could see out of the corner of my eye. Once she was fully dressed, she stood in front of the fire, looking down at me. ‘The farm’s south, down the road you came in on’ she said.
I shrugged. ‘So what?’
‘I’m just telling you in case you need a safe place sometime.’ She paused. ‘There’s a lot of dangerous things out here.’
‘Maybe I’m the dangerous one, you ever think of that?’ I said with a slight sneer. I was being shitty now and I knew it. But I couldn’t help myself.
She began to walk away but then she turned back. ‘I’m sorry to have bothered you. I was just trying to do what I thought my brother would want me to do for his son.’
‘That’s not my problem’ I told her plainly.
‘No, it’s not. It’s mine. Since Olly died a couple of months ago, I’ve been left to wonder what he’d want his son to grow into… Anyway, you don’t need to know’ she said embarrassed and walked briskly off.
I watched her go and when I couldn’t see her, I listened as she walked, crackling through the woods, until I couldn’t hear her anymore.
I sat quietly, thinking about the last few hours, and I reached the conclusion that there was a good reason I stayed on my own. Whenever I thought I might be missing something, felt lonely, felt like I wanted to talk to someone, I could remember this. I’d opened a crack in the door and Alice had crashed in, swinging her problems and her life around like a sock full of pennies, smashing up my peace.
The more I thought about it, the more certain I became. I was right. People were trouble. They always had been and they always would be-
…That line of thought broke off suddenly as I remembered Alice’s final words to me. Did she say her brother was called Olly? Olly Quinn? Couldn’t possibly be that Olly, could it?
Wait… She thought Olly was dead?
Eight
Alice
I was ashamed, I really was. It was obvious the second I repeated that name back to Rachel that I’d gone too far. I didn’t know who Sarah was, but I should have known that anyone whose name was screamed like that during a fever… They were important. Crucial even. I had a long time to think about it on the walk home wit
h the sun setting at my side; to feel bad about it.
I hadn’t wanted to be out this long, but time had gotten away from me. I wondered if Emma had been worried or if she’d just have a go at me when I got back for shirking my duties to go off on a wild goose chase. If I was a betting woman, I’d go with the latter.
As I entered the last stretch, I saw the light on up the hill and I felt relief that I was home without further incident. And I felt sad for Rachel, that she probably never saw a sight as comforting as that. She was a nomad. However much I wanted to choke Emma sometimes, she was my family, as much as Jude was. That was more than a lot of people had these days. I vowed to try and be more grateful for them.
Right up until I opened the door to the kitchen.
‘Where the hell have you been? I needed help with the field today!’ Emma yelled at the sight of me. I sighed and began to take my shoes off. I saw Jude peeping at me from the corner of the room, tentative. I’d almost forgotten why I’d gone out in the first place. ‘Did you find her?’ he asked nervously.
‘Yes, I did’ I told him. ‘But she wasn’t interested in coming up here for an apology, so I guess you’re off the hook.’
‘Yes, about all this bloody nonsense, you shouldn’t have done that!’ Emma went on, clearly hitting her stride. ‘It’s not your business to do things like that.’
‘It’s not my business to see that Jude doesn’t turn into a piece of shit?’ I asked. I saw Jude cringe but I bore it. ‘He’s my brother’s son!’
‘And he’s my actual son!’ Emma declared. ‘It’s not for you to ‘Play Mummy’ to him, alright? I say what’s alright and what isn’t.’
I’d heard this line before and I didn’t have the energy to get into the usual power struggle. But what Jude had done to Rachel? That was fresh. ‘So he told you what he did?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you approve, I suppose?’
