by Natasha West
Emma moaned. ‘Don’t put words in my mouth.’
I’d had enough. I turned to Jude, the subject of this row. ‘What did she say about this when you told her about that stunt you pulled?’
Jude looked as though he wanted to ejector seat himself out of the room. But I was past caring about his delicate feelings. I was getting shit for the second time today, from a second source, and it all came back to him. He was gonna pay for his crimes, one way or the other. ‘Well?!’
He swallowed like he was trying to eat an apple whole and then said, ‘She said I shouldn’t have done it.’
For fuck’s sake.
I turned to Emma. ‘Why didn’t you just tell me that to start with?’ I demanded. But I knew the answer. Agreeing with me wasn’t something she liked admitting to. On the other hand, I didn’t love it either and that’s why I was still managing to make our accord into yet another dumb row.
‘Look, he made a mistake and he knows it. Let’s leave it there’ Emma said, looking at the ceiling. And I should have left it.
But there’s this slight problem. I’ve never been able to walk away from a fight. Even when I’m wrong. Maybe even especially.
‘It’s not good enough to just say naughty boy, Emma! What if he’d hurt her?’
‘I wasn’t going to hurt her!’ Jude cried.
‘But you relied on the fact that she didn’t know that, didn’t you?’ I said, advancing a step. Jude took one back. That’s when I knew it was time to stop.
But that’s also when Emma decided to take a swing at me. Crack, right around the face. ‘You leave him alone!’ Emma said as her open palm made contact with my cheek. I turned to her shocked. She’d never done that before. It wasn’t hard but it wasn’t soft either. But the strength of the slap wasn’t the point. It was the very fact of it at all. And I found myself bellowing, ‘EMMA, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING-’
‘Err… Hello’ said a nervous voice and we all spun around to see Rachel, peeking around the door. ‘I knocked but I don’t think you heard’ she said, looking around the room, filled floor to ceiling with a level of madness never quite touched before in this claustrophobic environment. Jude’s eyes went wide at the sight of our visitor, Emma looked confused and I was still holding onto my hot cheek. It wasn’t the best moment for a surprise guest.
‘Rachel?’ I eventually said, getting a hold of myself.
‘Who the hell is this?’ Emma asked.
‘Why don’t you ask your son?’ I asked her irritably. My cheek was getting warmer by the second.
‘Look, I don’t know what the hell I’ve walked into here but I’m not stopping. I just came to tell you one thing and then I’m gone. Cool?’ Rachel didn’t wait for an answer to that, following up quickly with, ‘Right, your brother, was he a tall guy with red-ish hair?’
‘Yeah’ I said slowly, confused.
‘And did he have a little scar on his forehead? A bit Harry Potter?’
‘Yes’ I answered tentatively. This was getting weird now. ‘He pushed too hard on the toilet when he was a kid and fainted, caught his head on the bowl. Why?’
‘And how long has he been missing?’ Rachel asked.
‘He’s been gone seven weeks, give or take’ I told her.
‘Yeah, that’s what I thought. I saw him six weeks ago.’
Many emotions occurred over the next few minutes. There was confusion, joy, denial, accusations of outright bullshit (Emma), pleas for details (me) and ugly crying (Jude). Everything you might expect from three people who have lost hope of seeing someone they love ever again, only to have a semi-stranger walk into your home to tell them that all is not lost. But it took longer than it should have to calm everyone down and get to the facts because Emma was being a pill, as ever.
Part of the problem for Emma might have been how resentfully Rachel passed this information on, like she’d rather have been shitting a pineapple. For me, that only made it more believable. She wasn’t here because she wanted to fuck with us, for entertainment. She came unwillingly, to clear her conscience. That was the most believable part. A person struggling so hard against the instinct to do the right thing. It was too fucking human to ignore.
Eventually, everyone calmed down enough to listen to what Rachel had to say about Olly.
‘So, six weeks ago I passed through a town called Gable, three or four days from here. It’s kind of big, about a hundred people live there. They’re famous for their wine. Got a vineyard out there. But they’re very mean with it, it’s only meant for Gable residents. They sell a little but they charge the earth. One time I saw a woman trade a sheep for one bottle.’
‘Get to the point’ Emma said anxiously.
Rachel raised an eyebrow at her and said, ‘It’s relevant if you hang on. So I stopped to trade some stuff. I needed a new tent, was hoping to get a trade. Old one got wrecked in a bad storm, blew up into a tree, ripped to shit.’ Emma opened her mouth to object and Rachel stopped her before she could yell again, ‘So anyway, I get to the shop and it’s busy. That place is filled with a lot of useful stuff that people have traded to get their hands on the wine. So I get my tent but while I’m there, I hear an argument. A guy rowing with the man who runs the shop, Spencer. People don’t usually have the nerve to question his price, so everyone was listening while they got into it. I remember the man clearly because Spencer asked his name to put him on a no-trade list and the guy actually gave it to him. Olly Quinn.’
I gave a little gasp but I kept my trap shut. I wanted to hear the next part.
‘What was he buying?’
‘Not certain. But he didn’t like the cost, that’s for sure.’
‘That sounds like Olly’ I smiled. He was a man who believed in fairness and if someone tried to put a toe over that line, it was the one thing that would bring out his temper.
‘So where the hell is he?’ Emma demanded.
‘That’s the last I saw and that was six weeks ago.’
‘I thought you said he was alright?’ Emma moaned. ‘If he’s alright, why hasn’t he come home?’
‘I wouldn’t know’ Rachel shrugged.
‘But he was arguing with this guy and then what? What happened?’ I demanded.
‘That’s what I’m telling you. I don’t know. I left.’
Then was when Emma finally cracked. She put her head in her hands and I heard sniffly crying come from her. I wondered if I should go to her. We weren’t exactly touchy-feely, me and my sister-in-law. But she was crying for the unknown fate of her husband. So I put out a hand, resting it gently on her shoulder. Her head came up immediately. ‘That’s enough of that’ she said irritably, wiping her tears away.
‘Fine with me’ I said and looked over at Jude. He had a very particular expression on his face, the same look he’d had when he’d heard that last piece of information about his dad, just before he’d set off to talk to the man with the horse. ‘Did you say it was called Gable?’ he asked Rachel, the first direct thing he’d said to her. She nodded.
‘Jude… I know what you’re thinking’ I said to my nephew.
‘Forget it, Auntie Alice. You’re not going to talk me out of it!’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it. But I’m coming with you’ I told him.
‘Then so am I’ added Emma. Jude released a breath. He thought he was getting a fight. But we were in agreement. We had to go and find out what had happened to Olly. And this time, we were going to get a real answer. Because it was an actual lead.
‘Pack your stuff. We’re leaving when the sun comes up’ I told the room.
Everyone stood up and darted in different directions, getting together supplies for the morning, the emotions of the last few minutes tossed aside for something more useful. Action.
I turned to my room to pack and I noticed Rachel, creeping toward the door. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ I asked her.
She turned in surprise. ‘My good deed is done. So I’m done. We’re most certainly square on you saving me fro
m imaginary bear attacks, at any rate’ she added dryly.
I sighed. This was going to be a tough sell. ‘Yeah, you’re right. You did us a massive favour and you needn’t have. You didn’t owe us anything, I shouldn’t have said you did. So I’m not going to ask for another favour. I want to hire you instead.’
‘Hire me’ she asked, bemused. ‘For what? And with what?’
‘We’ve been here for a long time, it’s a family place and we were lucky to hang onto it. So we stayed. We don’t go anywhere unless we need to’ I told her. ‘We’re not prepared for this kind of trip. We need someone like you, someone who knows’, I gestured out of the window, ‘Out there.’
Rachel snorted. ‘You’ll be fine. Just travel north, stay near the old M1 until you hit the turn-off for Gable. But don’t actually get on the M1. It’s a rough place’ she warned.
‘You see, that’s the kind of thing we wouldn’t have known, about the M1. I don’t know that we’ll make it to Gable in one piece. We need your expertise, berry poisoning notwithstanding.’
‘Maybe that’s true. But why should I? So I can get another gun in my back when your nephew gets bored?’
I bit my cheek. ‘Just wait there’ I commanded her, no confidence at all that she’d obey me.
I went to get Jude, finding him stuffing a large backpack with clothes. ‘What’s up?’ he said as he saw the serious look on my face.
‘Same thing that was up this morning’ I explained, grabbing him gently by the arm as he softly protested, ‘What? We’re not still doing that are we?’
I gave him a hard look. ‘Yes. You owe her even more now. You’re gonna do it.’
When we got out to the living room, to my surprise, Rachel was still there. Possibly out of curiosity more than anything. I pulled Jude in front of me and gave him a little shove in Rachel’s direction. ‘Right, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?’ I muttered to him.
He sighed but he didn’t protest. He simply looked to his side and muttered. ‘Sorry about the thing yesterday.’
But Rachel wanted no part in it, turning away from us and opening the door again, ‘You want forgiveness, get your aunt to stop trying to force everyone to act like they’re in a fairy-tale.’
Jude turned to me with an ‘I tried’ expression as Rachel shut the door behind her. I tutted at him and left him, chasing Rachel outside. ‘Rachel, please!’
Nine
Rachel
As I headed through the Quinns’ yard, I was hoping that was that. I’d done my duty. I didn’t want to - putting it mildly - and I’d been arguing with myself the whole way there. So when I’d arrived in the middle of that huge family barney, I almost walked right back out. They were beating on each other, for god’s sakes. If that was the kind of thing that went on in so called families these days, I was gladder than ever to have opted out. They were all nuts! That Emma had some serious rage issues and her son? Well, the less said about him, the better.
As for Alice, what planet was she living on? She needed to take her head out of her arse if she thought she could build a moral utopia at that farm. It looked to me like they were all ten seconds from murdering each other.
And then she wanted me to go with them, travel across country on an errand that had nothing to do with me? Forget it. They’d get me killed. Or just kill me. Either way, no thanks.
But of course, she couldn’t let me leave, could she? She couldn’t let a single thing lie, that woman. Maybe she should have left me passed out. I might be coming to about now, none the bloody wiser about the mess these people were in.
Instead, I was just trying to get off their property, Alice nipping at my heels again. ‘Look, I’m not expecting you to do this for free!’ she yelled at my back.
I turned to her, ‘You can stop right there because you don’t have a single thing that I want.’
‘No?’ she asked, an eyebrow raised. ‘What tent are you rocking?’
I sighed. ‘It’s a two-man and it’s perfectly functional. Why, you gonna offer me a really super-awesome tent?’
‘Nope. Camper van.’
I paused and licked my lips. ‘What good’s that? You can’t find petrol anywhere these days.’
‘That’s true. Which is why Olly was working on a way to have it run on solar power. It’ll run forever. All you’ll ever need to do is keep it fixed up.’
I’ll admit, that made my heart flutter. A perpetual little house on wheels, something I could pick up and take all over, keeping me warm even in the winter, moving as long as there was a sun in the sky? It was a dream I hadn’t even thought to have. I’d never have to stop, not for anything, not for anyone. I’d be more comfortable, safer and most importantly, still free. Maybe even freer.
But then I realised that there was a catch. ‘But you said Olly was working on it, right? Which means he wasn’t finished. Which means it doesn’t actually work.’
‘Nope, but Olly was close. That’s why he left us in the first place. He went for the one last part he needed.’
‘Well, well, isn’t that convenient? The person with the part to the van is the person you want me to help you find? Funny how that works out, isn’t it?’
‘You don’t believe me? Come and take a look.’
The garage was brim full of crap. Old boxes of junk that looked like they’d been there for decades. But in the back, covered in a tarp, was a van shaped object. Still, I didn’t want to hope this was something real, something within my grasp. Hope was a memory and I didn’t really want it to be anything more than that. But then Alice pulled the tarp off and there she was. A VW Campervan, mustard yellow, a little dirty, more than a few dents in her body, rust patches for days. But to me, she was a beauty. And she did indeed have several solar panels affixed to the roof.
‘How do I know it only needs One Last Part?’ I asked Alice, with finger air quotes, which I hated myself for doing.
‘You’ll have to take my word’ Alice said matter-of-factly.
‘What if that’s not good enough?’ I replied.
She just shrugged. I think she knew she had me. I wanted that thing and I wanted it badly. It was a new sensation, to want something. That tantalising feeling of something that could make your whole life mean more? I remembered that from back in the day. It was always the wanting that was the best part, the thing itself never lived up to the hype. So I’d learnt not to want anything anymore and I’d been pleased with that achievement. But here I was, wanting this van, and it was within my grasp.
I couldn’t help myself. I buckled.
‘OK, fine, I’m coming with you. But we’re going to need some ground rules’ I began.
Alice nodded. ‘Whatever you say, fearless leader.’
‘The first rule is that you never call me that again. The second is that gun that your nephew had? I’ll be taking charge of it.’
‘We don’t have any bullets for it’ Alice assured me.
‘Don’t care. It’s still a weapon and I don’t trust any of you lot. So I’m keeping it. You wanna argue? Deal’s off.’
‘Fine’ Alice said, seemingly not that invested in hanging onto the family pistol. ‘Keep that thing. I hate it anyway. But I’ve got a rule too’ she added. ‘You have to have a proper conversation with Jude about what happened. And that’s a deal breaker. You don’t have to do it tonight, but you do have to do it.’
‘He just said sorry, you heard it. Just let it be.’
‘It wasn’t a real sorry. You know it and I know it.’
‘But I don’t care, I told you that. Aren’t my feelings what really matter here? Isn’t that the point of an apology?’ I mocked.
‘We’re way past that, Rachel’ she said, apparently choosing to ignore my sarcasm. ‘I’m sorry, but this thing is bigger than you now. That’s my deal breaker, so make your choice. Because I know you like the camper’ she added smugly.
‘I don’t know what’s up your arse about this and honestly, I don’t care. If that’s what you want, sure, fine. Why t
he fuck not?’
Ten
Alice
At the blue light of an overcast dawn, I was on my feet. I’d been awake for an hour anyway. The sun just gave me permission to get up. If everyone else was getting a good night, I had to let them have it. Who knew when any of us would get access to a bed again?
I didn’t know how Rachel had slept. She wouldn’t take the offered sofa, insisting that she pitched her tent out in the nearby field. I thought it was a little ridiculous, but she insisted. ‘No point letting your back get used to a soft surface if you’re not going to have one tomorrow’ she said and I didn’t argue. Perhaps I should have worried that she’d sneak off, change her mind about this mad business. But I’d seen that glint in her eye when she’d laid eyes on the camper. She wanted that thing. And what did we really need it for? Where was there to go these days? Olly had his ideas about what he was going to do with it but he’d always been vague. I thought maybe he didn’t really have a plan, that he just needed something to focus on to keep his sanity, something that was just his.
Well, his life was more important now. So if he was out there to be found, he’d just have to forgive me for giving away his best toy.
I walked out of my room to see Emma standing in the hall, rapping loudly on Jude’s door. ‘Come on. Up!’
Jude opened his door, fully dressed and offended. ‘I’m up, Mum. Christ!’
‘Don’t say Christ at your mother’ Emma said automatically. ‘Get out and help if you’re so peppy.’
‘Help with what?’ Jude asked. ‘I’ve got my backpack ready.’
Emma looked stumped but I’d no doubt she would have come up with some trivial task to save her pride. But she didn’t need to. We all heard a door bang open and Rachel yell, ‘Oi! You lot!’
We went out to see what she wanted and found her stood at the back door, by the kitchen. But she didn’t walk in. ‘We need to do an equipment check.’
‘I think we should eat first-’
‘Nope. We do this first.’
